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JinJer and Felicity 43: No Homebirth, No Problem


Georgiana

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1 hour ago, singsingsing said:

I also see people I know making their kids' names into hashtags on their photos. I've always assumed it's so they can just click the hashtag and easily find all the photos they've posted of the kid.

Exactly why I did it. Except I didn't use his full legal name- i made up a cute hash tag :fire-nanner:

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27 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

It is very much, all babies are different. 

We can't say this often enough! Ultimately, your own child is his/her own self, with his/her own personality, etc.

My little monkey was a thumb sucker from the get-go (and in uterus, looking at his ultrasound pics!) and liked to sleep with his arms up, so covering his hands with mittens or swaddling his arms in, despite what we were told is "typically done", was a no-no from the start.

Our otherwise happy-go-lucky baby would scream at the top of his little lungs when we swaddled his arms in or put on the mittens, so that ended pretty quickly for us!

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@Shouldabeenacowboy I think many parents don't understand this until they actually live it. It isn't something I would have though of our talked about before I had kids but when #2 came long it was a hole new ball game. She was very different from her brother, he was a very easy going laid back baby, he had a very sweet disposition and just loved to love other people he still does, friendliest damn guy you will meet, almost to the point we worry someone will come along and take advantage of his kind hearted nature.  Our daughter on the other hand was always moody, from birth, she wanted what she wanted and she mad his dislike of something known until she was happy. Now that they are both young adults (almost 21 & 18) we always wonder how two children from the exact same parents raised in the same house at the same time could be 2 such different people. 

Many people would say my daughter is rude, bitchy and bossy, but that is because she is a girl, she not rude bitchy or bossy, she is frank, honest and knows how to take charge, just like her momma. I have a T-shirt that says "I'm not bossy I have leadership skills" because so many people look down on girls who are aggressive go getters,  while praising boys for being aggressive go getters and its time that shit stopped.  She is headstrong and determined and she goes after what she wants and doesn't let people walk all over her. Our son on the other hand is a keep the peace make everyone happy wiling to take charge when no one else wants to but would let someone (like his sister) take charge if it meant a lot to them, where as my daughter is just in charge.

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The Rude bitchy and bossy or frank honest and take charge however you term it person also needs to Learn tact, kindness and understanding and to know the time and place when and when not to be that way and when to shut up or they become harsh, counterproductive, disruptive  and will have a lot of hurt in life. 

Edit: I forgot to add that goes for boys and girls. 

Edited by tabitha2
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2 minutes ago, tabitha2 said:

The Rude bitchy and bossy or frank honest and take charge however you term it person also needs to Learn tact, kindness and understanding and to know the time and place when and when not to be that way and when to shut up or they become harsh, counterproductive, disruptive  and will have a lot of hurt in life. 

The problem is that only girls need to learn this, because its not thought to be bad for boys.  Of course everything is good in balance, but being bossy isn't bad in and of itself, its bad if your also a jerk.  But being bossy at all for a girl is thought of as bad.  

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That’s the thing: without tact, wisdom or understanding being bossy almost always leads to being a hard ass jerk. That’s not looked for or needed  in a person of authority male or female. 

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16 minutes ago, Greendoor said:

I think, at least where I live, being bossy, my way, aggressive and rude is not acceptable in men either.

I can't agree enough.  There's this default I've found in a lot of tactless, rude women that they feel they're only being "called out" because they're women.  I don't think it's that common, from my experience.  It's just that the adjectives used are different - rude, jerk, asshole for men, and bitchy, bossy for women.  OTOH, men who are described that way IMO tend to think they're just "decisive leaders" (ahem Derick Dillard).  

I've had many, many female bosses in high-responsibility jobs who have my eternal respect.  I wouldn't describe a single one of them as bossy or bitchy.  They're decisive, calm, logical, intelligent, confident and articulate.  Like any leader, when they make a decision, they ask pertinent questions from appropriate stakeholders, and break down their decision so everyone involved understands.  When their decisions affect others, they are understanding and compassionate.  Good male leaders have the same skills.  

I do think that women are often judged more harshly than men, but when it comes down to it, if you're repeatedly being told that you're tactless, bossy, or aggressive, it may be time for some self-reflection - no matter your sex.  

Edited by acheronbeach
imprecise wording
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1 hour ago, tabitha2 said:

The Rude bitchy and bossy or frank honest and take charge however you term it person also needs to Learn tact, kindness and understanding and to know the time and place when and when not to be that way and when to shut up or they become harsh, counterproductive, disruptive  and will have a lot of hurt in life. 

Edit: I forgot to add that goes for boys and girls. 

That goes with out saying, she does have tact, I just assumed it people would realize this because, as I said women who are assertive and take charge kind of people are called bitchy, rude and aggressive, while men with those same traits are called leaders. What I'm saying is, you just feel into the girls are bitches, because they have to be reminded to be tactful, trap. No we don't, most of us know how to be tactful, yet when we act like men, we get called nasty names. As I've said, several times, that shit needs to stop.

I'm not a bitch, I'm aggressive I don't back down and I do have tact, no, I don't need to be reminded of that, and neither does my daughter.

Edited by allthegoodnamesrgone
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1 hour ago, Greendoor said:

I think, at least where I live, being bossy, my way, aggressive and rude is not acceptable in men either.

This is what I'm trying to say (very badly obviously, sorry about that) aggressive and bossy is just another way of saying assertive and decisive, but when I'm being assertive and decisive, I get called aggressive and bossy, or a bitch, but men don't, those traits in men are praised but in women they are demonized. I'm not sure I'm saying this how I'm meaning  it, because you can't read my mind you're not getting what I'm saying and since I can't seem to articulate via computer what I'm trying to say with out going on some rambling diatribe.  So Hopefully this makes more sense.   

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9 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

This is what I'm trying to say (very badly obviously, sorry about that) aggressive and bossy is just another way of saying assertive and decisive, but when I'm being assertive and decisive, I get called aggressive and bossy, or a bitch, but men don't, those traits in men are praised but in women they are demonized. I'm not sure I'm saying this how I'm meaning  it, because you can't read my mind you're not getting what I'm saying and since I can't seem to articulate via computer what I'm trying to say with out going on some rambling diatribe.  So Hopefully this makes more sense.   

This is said very well.  The exact same action done by a man is assertive, for a women its bossy.  Women must be kind and sandwich corrections, men don't.  Is there a level when men are jerks, sure, but its a very different one than for women.

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I took a baby class at Babies R Us when pregnant with DS1 and the nurse leading the class said that those mittens are unsafe because they can come off and go in their mouths. That seemed kind of wild to me that something that size could go in their tiny mouth and choke them but her saying that has stayed in my head since. IDK if that's a her thing or something that is well known. I have heard it put that their little hands are kind of like their best friends in the beginning and to leave them alone. AFM when I've wanted to cover up hands I favor the onesies that have the fold over sleeves over the mittens because of the above mentioned (and they aren't constantly wiggled off). I've done a little covering up with those sharp little nails myself, but not a whole lot. I agree it's better to file and clip them, but it's also intimidating when they're tiny and not holding still. I'm still forgiving myself for nicking a finger tip or two with my first. 

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20 hours ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

New Felicity pic and damn that is a bright bow. 

 

Is there someone here that used those kind of bows on their baby? Can you explain why to me? I’m trying so hard not to judge, but is it really that important that your daughter is never ever mistaken for a boy? 

It looks so uncomfortable to me and has no purpose at all, except gendering. The little beanie she had with a bow on it looked cute and comfy. This is so bright it draws the attention away from her face.

Miniway is four and is mistaken for a girl all the time. I couldn’t care less. So I guess I don’t really understand the point. But even if it is important to you I’m sure pink clothes will do the trick. In my experience anything remotly ”girly” when it comes to clothes will make everyone assume your kid is a girl, no bows needed.

I can maybe understand a pretty bow for a nice photo op or a dressy occasion if you like bows, but while taking a nap? In the car?

:dontgetit:

Edited by Iamtheway
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36 minutes ago, Iamtheway said:

I can maybe understand a pretty bow for a nice photo op or a dressy occasion if you like bows, but while taking a nap? In the car?

My cousin used bows and tutus on her daughter all the time because she thought it looked cute. I feel like some people on this website judge the bows too much. It's literally just a piece of clothing, and wearing a bow on their forehead isn't harming the baby. I know my cousin's daughter has no lasting damage from her mom's wardrobe choices. If you want to use a bow, use it, if not, don't. It's not like their bows have "IF YOU DON'T LOVE JESUS YOU'RE GOING TO HELL" written on them. 

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3 minutes ago, Gillyweed said:

My cousin used bows and tutus on her daughter all the time because she thought it looked cute. I feel like some people on this website judge the bows too much. It's literally just a piece of clothing, and wearing a bow on their forehead isn't harming the baby. I know my cousin's daughter has no lasting damage from her mom's wardrobe choices. If you want to use a bow, use it, if not, don't. It's not like their bows have "IF YOU DON'T LOVE JESUS YOU'RE GOING TO HELL" written on them. 

I don't mind bows with that picture I was just so drawn to how very bright that one happened to be. hey it least it's not the weird fake pig tails Michelle put on her babies :laughing-rollingyellow:

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46 minutes ago, Iamtheway said:

Is there someone here that used those kind of bows on their baby? Can you explain why to me? I’m trying so hard not to judge, but is it really that important that your daughter is never ever mistaken for a boy? 

It looks so uncomfortable to me and has no purpose at all, except gendering. The little beanie she had with a bow on it looked cute and comfy. This is so bright it draws the attention away from her face.

Miniway is four and is mistaken for a girl all the time. I couldn’t care less. So I guess I don’t really understand the point. But even if it is important to you I’m sure pink clothes will do the trick. In my experience anything remotly ”girly” when it comes to clothes will make everyone assume your kid is a girl, no bows needed.

I can maybe understand a pretty bow for a nice photo op or a dressy occasion if you like bows, but while taking a nap? In the car?

:dontgetit:

I honestly don’t think it’s meant to be a flashing “girl” sign. Some people just think they’re cute. I’m not much for giant bow/flower headbands, but I did occasionally use small ones (that were soft and stretchy because I worry about babies be comfortable), but I often dress baby girls in feminine and floral clothing. I couldn’t care less if someone thinks the baby is a boy, my boys wore long curls well into toddlerhood, I just like the old-fashioned/feminine/floral stuff. 

 

As as far as napping in the car, they’re probably on their way “out”, when some people tend to dress the babies up compared to at-home outfits. 

Edited by JemimaPuddle-Duck
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My daughter always had her hand near her face during ultrasounds and then was born with her hand by her face. It was that moment that I was like forget the mittens. She scratched her face a few times during the first two weeks but the scratches went away quickly (not without some passive aggressive advice from my mom and mother in law, though!). She would get so mad when her hands were swaddled and she’s 12 weeks now and her hands are still by her face all the time. Finger nail trimming was terrifying at first but we’ve gotten better. 

I was told by a nurse lactation specialist that it is important for milk production for your baby to be able to knead your breasts while they feed- so another reason to leave the mittens off. In the end though you just do what’s best for your baby since they all have their own personalities. 

And bows. I like them. A lot. I’ve even been known to wear them. I got some (small ones!) that are super stretchy and she doesn’t seem to know they’re there. I figure I have a short window of time till she rips them off so I’m enjoying them for now. 

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I'll weigh in that we've seen Felicity bow free frequently, especially in their published spread. We'll see more bow pictures and I imagine quite a few of them are probably bows given as a gift that they'd like to recognize. Jinger doesn't obviously grift and may prefer to thank people privately without hash tagging it as Jill does.

I know the last baby shower I went to for a little girl had a bow tree and I was asked to bring one. It was a surprise for her parents, who specifically requested lots of neutral since they'll have more kids. Still, she cried at the sentimentality of it, at the little bows with with tags of sweet wishes and who they were from.

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1 hour ago, Iamtheway said:

Is there someone here that used those kind of bows on their baby? Can you explain why to me? I’m trying so hard not to judge, but is it really that important that your daughter is never ever mistaken for a boy? 

It looks so uncomfortable to me and has no purpose at all, except gendering. The little beanie she had with a bow on it looked cute and comfy. This is so bright it draws the attention away from her face.

Miniway is four and is mistaken for a girl all the time. I couldn’t care less. So I guess I don’t really understand the point. But even if it is important to you I’m sure pink clothes will do the trick. In my experience anything remotly ”girly” when it comes to clothes will make everyone assume your kid is a girl, no bows needed.

I can maybe understand a pretty bow for a nice photo op or a dressy occasion if you like bows, but while taking a nap? In the car?

:dontgetit:

For me, those HUGE bows that people use (lots of moms in the South from what I understand) are just odd. A cute little bow on a baby is fine, but those gigantic monstrosities (almost the size of the baby's head) on infants? Now that I do not get.

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On 8/13/2018 at 12:17 PM, justoneoftwo said:

I'm sorry things were so hard for your sister, but PPD is NOT PTSD from childbirth.  I had an easy birth and was maybe overwhelmed at one point but in no way was I traumatized.  I also had PPD.  Its dangerous to act like one is a requirement for the other.  For some people they may have PTSD and it may be similar to PPD, but its not the same.

Agreed. Birth for me was either boring, annoying, or painful over the course of it, but it was definitely not traumatizing, and I still had PPD. @BernRul, it's possible your sister had PPD because of issues with her childbirth (and it does sound like she had an awful experience), but it's not the rule for everyone.

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17 hours ago, finnlassie said:

Her face looks like: "These damn bows, givin' me a headache!"

OMG yes. I have super-thin hair due to alopecia, and wear a topper (like a hair piece) to cover my scalp. Well it is so damn hot today I couldn't bear to put it on because it's so hot. I wore a big headband with my hair in a messy bun. That head band was just tight enough to give me a huge headache by afternoon. 

Edited by fluffernutter
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@fluffernutter I get headaches from head bands too. I cringe seeing them on babies but I think that's largely me projecting based on how I'd feel. 

Lucky me also gets headaches when my hair gets too long. Hair like Jessa's would have me in a constant migraine. 

I don't go for putting headbands on babies all the time but I don't think it does any harm. My only worry would be leaving one on while baby is sleeping and/or unsupervised, in case it slips down over their mouth/nose or around their neck. 

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My sister used bows on her daughter.  It was cute, mind you the ones that were worn were not huge.

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Because we have seen pictures of Felicity without a bow and with pants I do not worry that much, at least they do not think it is mandatory for her because she is a girl.

I do hope they are sensitive enough that they keep an eye out that she is not uncomfortable. But that goes for all baby clothes, not just bows.

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