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VaSportsMom

Lori Alexander 53: Mourning Mom ... Maybe

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AuntKrazy

Mr. Krazy and I have spent most of this summer in mourning.  We began the summer with my MIL passing away, soon after lost a dear friend within a few days of being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and just this past week my great uncle (who was really a 2nd grandfather to me) passed away; although he was nearing 100.

I'm inclined to agree with the person on 2.0 who said the piece about her mother is the nicest thing Lori has written in a long time. I wish Lori, her mother, her father, her siblings, and the whole family comfort during this time. 

But for goodness sake, Lori should take a break, and be fully present with her mom.  Eternity with someone does not replace being there now.  

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wallysmommy

My mom would have never given me a book about being subservient. She stood up for herself and taught me how to be independent. And I thank her every day for that, even though she’s been gone for 14 months now.

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Hisey

People grieve in different ways, so I'll cut Lori some slack with whatever she writes or doesn't write, says or doesn't say, at this difficult time.

With that said. . . if I were dying and my daughter went on a ten-week vacation away from me, it would break my heart. Absolutely break my heart.

I also have to say that I am quite jealous of Lori. What devoted parents she had. Wow, a dad who would massage her feet, and a mom who would comb her hair when she was "sick"? That's the sort of thing I'd do for my own (far more deserving) kids.

That's also the sort of thing I never had. My own father was so violent and terrifying that even mentioning his name triggers me today. My own mother gaslit the violence, but also loved me, so our relationship was more complicated.  But she was not able to provide the kind of love and care that Lori says her mother gave her. Lori seems so privileged in so many ways. It's odd that this privilege would create such an unfeeling person.

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SongRed7

Lori says (bolding is mine for emphasis) : "I’ve been writing my thoughts about her in my head since that day and decided I would do it now, when my dad could read it to her instead of waiting until she passes away into the arms of Jesus (which may be too late by the time I publish this since the hospice nurse said she only has a few days left to live)."

She's worried that she "may be too late by the time (she) publishes this.."   because it was more important to publish/repost a "guest post" by a white nationalist supporting her debt-free virgins without tattoos stance (because SHE CAN NOT LET THAT GO),  another post about how children are weapons, and another rant against women bible-teachers among other recent posts. 

Those were in line ahead of a (mostly nice...for Lori) post about her mother.  Priorities. 

Edited by SongRed7
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Loveday

It's also more important to publish another notebook doodle. 

Quote

"From the time I began blogging 7 1/2 years ago, my message hasn't changed. I don't have to wonder if I've contradicted myself or try to keep my stories straight. "

Funny, that. :laughing-rolling:   @Koala has written dozens of posts here over the past few years thoroughly disproving the above statement. And by thoroughly, I mean using Lori's own contradictory words. Lori couldn't keep her stories straight with all the horizontally-lined notebook paper in the world.:roll:

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Hisey
1 hour ago, SongRed7 said:

Lori says (bolding is mine for emphasis) : "I’ve been writing my thoughts about her in my head since that day and decided I would do it now, when my dad could read it to her instead of waiting until she passes away into the arms of Jesus (which may be too late by the time I publish this since the hospice nurse said she only has a few days left to live)."

She's worried that she "may be too late by the time (she) publishes this.."   because it was more important to publish/repost a "guest post" by a white nationalist supporting her debt-free virgins without tattoos stance (because SHE CAN NOT LET THAT GO),  another post about how children are weapons, and another rant against women bible-teachers among other recent posts. 

Those were in line ahead of a (mostly nice...for Lori) post about her mother.  Priorities. 

Lori could read it to her herself. If she were there.

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AlwaysDiscerning

Her general public readers, not her chatroom, has absolutely no idea she is on vacation do they??

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SilverBeach
1 hour ago, Hisey said:

With that said. . . if I were dying and my daughter went on a ten-week vacation away from me, it would break my heart. Absolutely break my heart.

When my mom was 90, my sister moved to Hawaii (we live in Illinois). Mom had been declining for sometime, so it was clear that she had no intention of being here when mom passed, which she did eight months later. She was the firstborn, and my mother was so loving, kind, and patient.

I was with mom all the time, there is no way I could have been far away, but then again I started caring for her when my two brothers passed away seventeen years ago. My closeness with my mom was one of the biggest blessings of my life, and people like Lori and my sister, who had good mothers, I don't understand at all. I too would be hurt if my child couldn't be arsed to be with me at the end of my life.

It may not be easy (and when mom finally died I was relieved that her pain and suffering was over, watching her endure that was harder than the actual death), but I couldn't imagine it any other way. I'm sure me and my daughter's presence comforted her greatly.

Yes, I'm judging Lori and my sister. They are so selfish. This isn't about grieving differently, its about abandoning the woman who brought you into the world and did everything for you when you could do nothing for yourself, who loved, nurtured, and supported you through good times and bad.

My sister has no children to treat her like this, and I can hear Lori now condemning her kids if they weren't right their catering to her every need if she was terminally ill. 

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Loveday
21 minutes ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

Her general public readers, not her chatroom, has absolutely no idea she is on vacation do they??

I follow her public page pretty closely, and I don't think she's mentioned anything about it there.

 

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Pink Muffin

The people who comment on her FB think her mum has already passed, they are commenting her loss.

People comment that her writing is so nice and loving but I´m sorry, I´m not buying it. I just can´t feel sorry for Lori, she is so vile. In her old blog she has shared the same things said in this blog post, there is nothing new.

She has been writing less nicer things about her mother previously, to the extent that her aunts stepped in and told her to stop. She has been writing about her parents bad marriage and I think that´s not for her to reveal those things.
She has said that her mother never teached her how to be submisseve and how to love your spouse, and Lori think this is a bad thing.

I belive this is a distraction so people will forget about that awful blog post she shared from the racist. I guess Ken told her to do some damage control by pretending to be a loving daughter. 

Maybe Lori is grieving - I couldn´t care less. I´m sorry for her mother who is ill, and hope that she will find comfort, that she can rest peacefully and feel the love from her family.

On an other note: is there some discussion in the super special, super holy chat group about the now deleted "guest post" about the shrews? Or about the men who are commenting with such misogynistic views of women?

 

 

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ladyicantxplain

Lori removed her public comment revealing her whereabouts in WI.

She must be reading here or someone else tipped her off, because she has taken down the comment that she would be at the cabin on August 24.

Many of the women in the chat room are facebook friends with Lori; many of those same women follow the public blog.  I just do not think they connect the dots, or perhaps they don't care to look at her individual facebook page.

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Briefly
5 hours ago, wallysmommy said:

My mom would have never given me a book about being subservient. She stood up for herself and taught me how to be independent. And I thank her every day for that, even though she’s been gone for 14 months now.

My mom was the same way.  One of the earliest things I remember about her is hearing how girls could be anything and that there was no such thing as "girls toys or boys toys."   I'm sorry for your loss, your mom sounds like she was very special.

2 hours ago, Hisey said:

Lori could read it to her herself. If she were there.

And if she were actually trying to get there but knew she wouldn't make it, she could read it to her over the phone. Someone could hold the phone up to her mom's ear or see about a speaker phone.  I wasn't able to get there in time for my mom, but my last talk with her was over the phone and I was able to tell her I loved her. Same thing with my dad.  Those moments matter and Lori is going to miss it because she is so damn arrogant.

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usmcmom

I think the thing that bothers me the most about Lori's post for her mom is the part where she shared about her mother's confusion. I think that is a huge breach of privacy and theft of dignity. 

Lori's mother seems like a very proud and dignified woman - one who might not want the whole blogosphere to "see" her at her weakest. For Lori to exploit that frightening event for attention is just vile. 

Maybe it's just my own hang up but I have always hated it when people post pictures of themselves on Facebook with an elderly and/or sick relative when it appears the relative was in no state to approve it. This is basically the same thing; Lori is waving her virtual hands in the air screaming "Look at us! My mother is so sick she can't recognize her husband."  

Her mother is on hospice and those workers are AMAZING. Their goal is comfort and dignity for their patient. Even from halfway across the country, Lori has managed to undermine her mother's comfort measures. 

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Lgirlrocks

When my dad went into a coma and they thought he had maybe two weeks to live I called into work. My mom told me to wait until they were sure he was passing but I couldn’t. I tried to go to work but it was too much. My mind was at home. He passed away 5 days later. I regret nothing. When my mom thought my grandma was dying I drove home, 3.5 hours, to spend a few hours with her. When I found out my aunt was dying I didn’t go to work but instead I went to the hospital. Lori, you sorry excuse for a human being, go be with your mother! I don’t fucking care how hard it is. It’s the right thing to do. Your mother deserved better than you! 

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EowynW

Alyssa is there with her grandmother. Cannot believe Lori is enjoying her vacay while her own mother is dying. 

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farmerannie

My mom died very suddenly, she was still very young, only 59, I regret every day that I didn't get to talk to or see her one last time.

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Emilycharlotte
29 minutes ago, EowynW said:

Alyssa is there with her grandmother. Cannot believe Lori is enjoying her vacay while her own mother is dying. 

How do you know Alyssa is there?

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usmcmom
2 minutes ago, Emilycharlotte said:

How do you know Alyssa is there?

Sorry to butt in, but Alyssa posted photos of her Grandmother on her IG story - photos of her in her hospital bed, clearly near the end of life.  

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Hane

When I had a mini-stroke about ten years ago, the FIRST thing I told my sisters is “DON’T TELL DAD!” I knew that my illness sounded a lot worse than it was, and didn’t want to upset him.

When Dad was in the hospital during his final illness, I stopped to see him one day early in the morning before work and asked him how he felt. He told me, “I’m scared.” That did it. I stayed with him.

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wallysmommy

My mom passed in her sleep on June 3, 2017.  I spoke with her at least twice a day, on  my way to work and on my way home.  I spoke with her a couple of times the day before she passed.  When she didn't call me on Saturday morning, I was worried, and my bestie and I went to her house where the Sheriff had to shoulder the door open because she'd started locking it after my dad died in April, 2016.  She passed peacefully in her sleep at 6 a.m.  My last memory is having lunch with her on Memorial Day. She had no real health problems, so we were all shocked.  My dad suffered for over a year with cancer and CHF.  He died the next morning after he went into inpatient hospice.  The hospice team was amazing, and such a great support for my mom as the primary caretaker.  They were married for almost 57 years when he passed.  

If my mom had shown any indication of being ill, I would have been at her house in a heartbeat.  I still "talk" to her all the time, knowing both of their presence surrounds me constantly.

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fluffy

Something occurred to me which is why wouldn't Lori and Ken go back to CA as soon as they knew it was the end? Surely they plan to attend the funeral so why not return now? They're going to wait until she dies and then return. Bonkers. 

Edited by fluffy

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AliceInFundyland

This is in strong contention with any of the vile shit Jill’s been doing this summer. I wonder when/if they will come up with a name for the social media addiction/narcissism that seems to really becoming an illness for some people.

She’s so fucking weird. (And awful...etc.) But, it’s the compulsion to paint this picture. She really thinks she’s doing the right thing, still? How is this possible? 

I swear to God. I will never tarnish my family on the internet, no matter what I feel about them. These people think it’s the most valuable, important thing you can do in the world...and then they go out and behave like complete jackasses. And it’s permanent! All you cute little fundie offspring have been shilled in videos and blogs where your moronic parents have told us jackshit about parenting and homeschooling, and often embarassed or endangered you in the process.

Social media addiction is a thing. I don’t think Lori knows who or what she is. I bet she is fuck all terrified of actually confronting this death. (Just an educated guess from someone with a seriously dysfunctional parental relationship that doesn’t particularly want to think about it. Not great with death in general)  Get off the internet woman! Get there! Going on what I know - you’re more functional (with your parent) than me.

Edited by AliceInFundyland
I realized I said Lori was more functional than I was. Ack.

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MarblesMom
7 hours ago, SilverBeach said:

My closeness with my mom was one of the biggest blessings of my life

I am so glad you had this sort of relationship. I am a little jealous.  OK, a lot jealous.

My mom was dying, and allowed one of my sisters to be "in" on it.  The other 3 of us were shut out.  Why, we still do not know.  It has been 18 years now.

I got a call from the attending sister after Mom passed.  

The rest of us arrived, dealt with all the details, after having no knowledge of an impending demise.  The attending sister, of course, was not part of the pick up the pieces part of the situation.  Sister had gone home.  The hospice nurse's notes said she acted inappropriately once Mom passed, going thru drawers.  So odd.

I wish we had known, and were included, in the final days of Mom's life.

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