Lori Alexander 53: Mourning Mom ... Maybe

[louisa05]

How does women not working make for stronger marriages? Seriously, please explain, Ken & Lori. 

If I didn't work at all, Mr 05 would need a second job to cover our basic expenses. His current job is 48-60 hours a week as it is. He is gone before I wake up to be at work at 6 a.m. and isn't usually home until between 4:15 and 5 p.m. So let's say I quit working. He would need to bring home a minimum of $500 a month more. That's $125 a week each month. Minimum wage is $9 here. So he would need to work around 20 hours more at a second job which would likely be some sort of minimum wage work (because he needs to bring home that much after taxes). We could just find him a job for Saturdays and Sundays--10 hours or close to it each day. Once he starts that, he will not be home on the weekends. We will no longer go to church together or be able to spend time with each other or with family on weekends. When he is home, he will likely be exhausted and sleeping a lot since he is working 9-10 hours a day 7 days a week. Plus, I will now have to take care of all the needs of the household by myself, including tasks I hate to do and that aggravate my allergies like mowing and other lawn care. I will also have no help from him in dealing with assisting our now aging parents.  So he will be exhausted and I will be resentful and feeling unwell. Plus he will need to work more than previously stated as due to his increased work hours, we will need to pay others to do tasks that he currently does himself but won't be home to do (examples: home improvement projects, changing oil and other minor maintenance on vehicles, minor home maintenance, etc...). 

So we have option 1--I quit work and he gets a second job resulting in difficulties making the household function, spending more money paying others for tasks he will no longer be home to do, physical exhaustion for him, and difficulties for me filling his former role in our home. Plus, we can never really spend any time together. OR option 2--I work 3-4 days a week so he can work one job, is not exhausted and we have plenty of time together and can save money by him doing stuff himself to maintain our home and vehicles, etc...Plus, my work is flexible, allowing me to stay home when I need to for some reason. And my work hours are shorter than his which means, depending on work location, I am either home before him or at the same time. Flexible work also allows me to cook from scratch, raise a garden, etc...

Forgive me if I fail to understand how option 1 makes for a stronger marriage. 

 

[TeddyBonkers]

^^^ YES to all of this. 

I haven't worked since we moved out of state, but I am researching a small business license for my jellies and jams. (VA is pretty chill with cottage laws, but I don't want to run afoul of the IRS.) We are lucky that I don't HAVE to work, but it would be nice not to have to dip into savings for my tuition or maybe we could put the little Bonkers in dance or soccer. 

Mr. Bonkers leaves the house at 5 AM and gets home at 7 PM, Monday through Friday. He's working on training schedules at home sometimes on Saturdays. When would he have time to work another job if his income wasn't  enough for us? 

And Lori can fuck all the way off with her $14 a week for groceries bullshit. Even with Aldi and the commissary, I'm spending $125-150 per week. Of course, the cats eat a lot too...

[Alisamer]

27 minutes ago, TeddyBonkers said:

And Lori can fuck all the way off with her $14 a week for groceries bullshit. Even with Aldi and the commissary, I'm spending $125-150 per week. Of course, the cats eat a lot too...

Wait, what? $14 a week for groceries? She pays that for one pack of butter!

I suppose if it was all nothing but cup noodles all the time drinking only water you might be able to pay that little for groceries for a family, but it's not healthy or likely. Or sustainable. I've got just me in the house and groceries are more than $2 a day. And I'm not eating fancy organic butter either.

[louisa05]

17 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

Wait, what? $14 a week for groceries? She pays that for one pack of butter!

I suppose if it was all nothing but cup noodles all the time drinking only water you might be able to pay that little for groceries for a family, but it's not healthy or likely. Or sustainable. I've got just me in the house and groceries are more than $2 a day. And I'm not eating fancy organic butter either.

We eat pretty cheap. But not that cheap. Just stuff for breakfasts and lunches is more than that for a week. 

She is so ridiculous. 

[Sarah92]

He can get out of here with psychology being an easy degree. I did a fucking research thesis in undergrad and the classes are far from easy. And counseling is even harder because the classes make you face all your trauma and you have to manage classes, jobs and internships. 

[TeddyBonkers]

$14 a week for groceries was a reference to a comment on a FB post of hers. I believe her response was "read Laines letters and with God all things are possible" when someone commented that $14 was all they had to buy groceries. 

 

[louisa05]

 

2 minutes ago, TeddyBonkers said:

$14 a week for groceries was a reference to a comment on a FB post of hers. I believe her response was "read Laines letters and with God all things are possible" when someone commented that $14 was all they had to biy groceries. 

 

Unless God sends them to the nearest food bank or provides an application for food stamps, that isn't happening. 

WTF is wrong with her? 

[pamplemousse]

16 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

I don't want to draw attention away from the current topic because it is so important and I love the information and encouragement being shared but I need y'all to send thoughts and prayers my family's way.

 My brother had been sober for about a year this August and it looks like he broke that sobriety this past week. It's never good when he drinks because he tends to be verbally aggressive and he's already had a few close calls with alcohol poisoning.  We were all so hopeful that he was going to beat this but now what little hope I was feeling is shattered to pieces again.  It just hurts. 

I'm sorry about your brother.  You and your family are in my good thoughts and prayers.  I hope he can stop his drinking once and for all and get back on track.

[feministxtian]

6 hours ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

You can't make this up.

If it ain't fun, you ain't doing it right. I had enough of that no-fun sex when I was married to my x. 

[ladyicantxplain]

Well, then, Beau needs to get to Jimmy Jackin' in that little specimen cup he lifted from the Docs office whenever he wants a baby, keeping that Turkey Baster handy, while the little woman lies back and knits the baby booties, or something...

Good LORD in Heaven, WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE DOING?

Maybe they should try...PREACHING THE GOSPEL?  If they claim to "be right with God"...

 

[Briefly]

6 hours ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

You can't make this up.

Sam Moore, you are a genius!!  Maybe.  But at any rate, this quote is pure gold.

[quiversR4hunting]

1 hour ago, Sarah92 said:

He can get out of here with psychology being an easy degree. I did a fucking research thesis in undergrad and the classes are far from easy. And counseling is even harder because the classes make you face all your trauma and you have to manage classes, jobs and internships. 

What the hell? Psy is easy? My friend is a department chair and a wonderful researcher and has opened counseling clinics for autism. She also has done lectures all over the world about autism. She has mentored many students to become PhDs 

 

[Lgirlrocks]

[Sarah92]

2 minutes ago, quiversR4hunting said:

What the hell? Psy is easy? My friend is a department chair and a wonderful researcher and has opened counseling clinics for autism. She also has done lectures all over the world about autism. She has mentored many students to become PhDs 

 

People think it's just talking about feelings and not an actual science. It's either something the super rich go to so they can talk about about petty things or something ebil people go to because they don't want to face their sin nature and read the Bible. 

They don't see the blood, sweat, and tears that mental health counselors sometimes literally put into their profession. 

Your friend sounds like an amazing person, a true hero. 

[FullOfGravy]

2 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

He can get out of here with psychology being an easy degree. I did a fucking research thesis in undergrad and the classes are far from easy. And counseling is even harder because the classes make you face all your trauma and you have to manage classes, jobs and internships. 

That guy has never taken even Intro Psych.  His idea of psychology probably begins and ends with Freud and penis obsession; he has no idea that psych these days is a huge, varied, and complex field.  A lot of my grad school classmates were coming from psych majors, and every one of them had done serious experimental work in undergrad - I was at a bit of a disadvantage because I'd done more descriptive linguistic research and had to catch up on the lab-based stuff.  Yes, Greg.  Lab-based.

And by the way, Greggo, staring at an Excel sheet isn't the only thing you can do with a university degree.  Some of us also get to stare at Matlab and R code! 

And I feel so bad for Beau's current or future wife.  Insert Tab A into Slot B, repeat until baby.  Yikes.

 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

If Beau isn't having any orgasms, he isn't having all the bay-beez either.  Forget psychology, Beau needs a quick course in basic biology.

Of course, maybe Beau doesn't want all the bay-beez?  He doesn't seem to like adult women all that much, I can't imagine him dealing with children.

[feministxtian]

@FullOfGravy Matlab? I had to use it way back when and God I hated it! Hat's off to you. 

Fortunately these days I don't have to do any calculations on anything, it's all plug and chug. Boring AF but it pays the bills. 

[Sarah92]

Given how often they talk about the sinfulness of sex but not how it works I.e sex ed, I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't really know how sex is supposed to work. One lady even suggested that women are supposed to bleed on their wedding night uhhhh no. 

But I think this guy probably believes women just decided to grow a devil's doorbell (clitoris) to be sinful and have sex just for pleasure and not to grow babies

[FullOfGravy]

@feministxtian  I avoid Matlab as much as I can, but sometimes I need it to run things that other people have written.  Just about all the calculations I do are statistical analyses, so I'll use R whenever possible - it's free, and I'm more comfortable using it.

[wallysmommy]

Yes, Lori, I was really bored touring the underground of the Colosseum or visiting Sagrada Familia.  That's why I travel -- I'm bored and lonely -- NOT!  I travel because I love it and I was blessed with parents who encouraged my education and my career.  Never married, don't plan to be married, especially now that I'm an "older woman" (the same age she is).  I'll give you a little wave from the top of the Eiffel Tower the next time I go to Paris.  My favorite picture is one of the last with my mom on a balcony overlooking the Colosseum.  You can stay home and eat Einkorn bread and week old big salads.  You're one less obnoxious tourist that give us a bad name.

Too bad I'm banned or I would post the above on her page.  

[Free Jana Duggar]

Have mercy. Lori is back on sex again.

I'm all for people waiting until marriage. I believe God designed it that way for our good. If one waits until marriage and is faithful to his/her spouse, there is no risk of disease. If a pregnancy happens, the child will have both parents together.  

However, virginity is not the end all be all. A prostitute is no less important than a virgin. 

I also think there are bigger issues to worry about in our society today. I'd much rather find out my teen daughter had protected sex with her boyfriend than find out she was doing drugs or was cutting (of course I pray she does none of those).

[Frog99]

So I wonder if she’s boosting her posts again: 

Spoiler

Spoiler

@Sarah92 and @EowynW- saying prayers for both of you and your circumstances. May you both find peace. 

[Curious]

On 8/16/2018 at 9:37 AM, Loveday said:

Amazing, innit, how she miraculously recovered enough to enjoy the evening just after everyone else had done all the work to get things ready and the guests had all arrived! I picture her making a grand, Norma Desmond-esque descent down the staircase, gracefully wafting her delicate arms about in greeting, as her guests all gaze up at her in awe and admiration. Bride and groom? Rehearsal dinner? Oh, there's a wedding tomorrow? Pfft. Of little consequence. It's LORI's night, don't you forget it! 

I can't imagine doing this kind of thing to someone that I claimed to love and definitely not to my children.  About 8-10 years ago, I had a really bad gallbladder attack.  It was excruciating and I have an abnormally high tolerance for pain.  It also happened to fall on the first day of a softball tournament that my husband was playing in.

I smiled my way through his leaving because there was no way I was telling him I was in even minor pain and have him miss his games.   As soon as he left, I called my BFF and was like OMG I'm dying.  We talked for a while and that kept my mind mostly off the pain. 

A few hours later my husband called to tell me the games had been rained out and they were rescheduling to the next day and pushing those games to the next week.   I said great, come home and take me to the ER please!!!   He came home and we went straight to the ER where they immediately admitted me and scheduled me for surgery.

I was still in the hospital the next game day he had so I said just leave me here and pick me up after your game, no problem.   So he came to pick me up about 9pm.  The nurses were all over him for leaving me in the hospital and going to play a ball game.  I said "it was MY idea!  He takes good care of me and only has a few social things.  I'm not so selfish that I can't lay in a bed at the hospital for a few extra hours while he does his thing."   They were all in awe of that attitude, which I honestly found a little surprising.

Over the years he's gotten better at telling when I'm trying to hide pain (or maybe I'm slipping some) and will ask me if he thinks I'm trying to hide something so he will go out.  I will usually answer honestly that I am, but I want him to go to his event. 

I've had a couple incidents that I felt were truly emergent and those times I've just said come home and take me to the ER, but fortunately, those have never fallen on the few days he might have something else going on. 

[mango_fandango]

Who on Earth thinks that jobs purely consist of staring at Excel spreadsheets?? Teachers? Doctors? Chefs? Checkout people?? WTF???

And WTF is Vlad on about... don’t bother with education till you’re 35, ok, you still have 30 years to work. Except you’ll be more like 40 when you finish a four year degree. If you ONLY start working at 40 with NO experience, you’re gonna be screwed. The job market is super competitive these days. Even basic junior admin jobs seem want a year or twos’ experience nowadays. 

[SongRed7]

17 hours ago, TeddyBonkers said:

And Lori can fuck all the way off with her $14 a week for groceries bullshit

I think the reader said $14 a MONTH left for groceries.  So it's even worse. Everyone gets one saltine and one grape per day. Make it last!