Seewalds 35: Silence is Golden

[kiwi]

I've always put it down to the way the parents relate to the children, at least from what I've seen. Benessa seems to understand that kids are kids; DerJill seems to think they're "mini adults and should behave as such."
I feel that Benessa's kids are allowed to BE kids and Israel and Sam are expected to BEHAVE in certain ways.
I prefer the Benessa approach.

Agree. Israel comes across... slow? Monotoned voice, takes a while to string a sentence together - but I guess he probably doesnt get a chance to express HIS OWN feelings and thoughts - he’s spent so long parroting what he’s been told to say.

Maybe its cos derdick is so intolerable but those boys arent cute like Jessa’s boys - Jessa’s boys seem to have personalities outside of their parents, they seem cheeky and bursting with personality! Hard to fathom those four boys are being raised by sisters, yet polar opposites!

[nastyhobbitses]

On 9/15/2018 at 5:49 PM, Four is Enough said:

I've always put it down to the way the parents relate to the children, at least from what I've seen. Benessa seems to understand that kids are kids; DerJill seems to think they're "mini adults and should behave as such."

I feel that Benessa's kids are allowed to BE kids and Israel and Sam are expected to BEHAVE in certain ways.

I feel like the differences can be summed up by saying that Ben and Jessa appear to make childrearing decisions based on what's good for the kids, whereas Derick and Jill appear to make childrearing decisions based on what's convenient for them. 

[Tatar-tot]

Have they announced baby number 3 yet? 

[Carm_88]

9 hours ago, Tatar-tot said:

Have they announced baby number 3 yet? 

Not yet. Though Jessa has admitted to having baby fever after seeing Felicity.

[Snarkasarus Rex]

18 hours ago, kiwi said:

Agree. Israel comes across... slow? Monotoned voice, takes a while to string a sentence together - but I guess he probably doesnt get a chance to express HIS OWN feelings and thoughts - he’s spent so long parroting what he’s been told to say.

Maybe its cos derdick is so intolerable but those boys arent cute like Jessa’s boys - Jessa’s boys seem to have personalities outside of their parents, they seem cheeky and bursting with personality! Hard to fathom those four boys are being raised by sisters, yet polar opposites!

 

Israel isn't 'slow'.  In the other videos/pics they've posted, he seems quite articulate, playful, and affectionate toward Sam in the brief moments he's allowed to be himself.  Jill doesn't show their spontaneous moments because her posts have a particular purpose vs. just posting something that turned out cute.  If he seems hesitant to speak it's probably because he's probably been scolded for saying something 'wrong' at home, and at 3 years old he couldn't possibly know all of the 'right' things to say to keep mami and papi happy.

[HermioneSparrow]

Izzy is a sweet, adorable little boy... Sam is a super cute munchkin... they're not the problem, it's their parents who absolutely suck. It's disgusting to say there's anything wrong with those two angels.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

21 hours ago, kiwi said:

Agree. Israel comes across... slow? Monotoned voice, takes a while to string a sentence together - but I guess he probably doesnt get a chance to express HIS OWN feelings and thoughts - he’s spent so long parroting what he’s been told to say.

No.  It's unconscionable to diagnose, however vague, children you've never met based on some clips on social media.  

Children are people...he isn't putting himself out there for public consumption and unqualified opinions about him.

https://www.freejinger.org/faq/8-guidelines/#elQuestion-118

 

[SCROW10]

Jessa posted this to her IG stories. Another date night at the Blu Fin.

[Sky with diamonds]

I think Izzy and Sam are loving, sweet boys. 

[Glasgowghirl]

I don't think Izzy is slow, he is just not as outgoing as Spurgeon and both boys have had different starts in life.

Isreal has moved around a lot and Derick has been an accountant at Walmart, a missionary and enrolled in two separate college courses. Spurgeon has lived in the same home and while we don't fully know for sure where Ben works, he has not changed career every five minutes and chose an internship that works around his family.

Jill being away from her family for most of Israel's first year meant she was away from the people she could always turn to if she needed help with Izzy or even just someone to talk to, Facetime and Skype is not the same and while she did have people around her in Central America, she never fully settled. Jessa lived near her parents and Spurgeon was always around his aunts, uncles and cousin's, him and Merredith are close. 

Jill and Derick don't seem to have a great marriage either, while Jessa and Ben are a great match and look happy from what we see.

[HarleyQuinn]

I wouldn't call Israel "slow" but I do think he has parents that probably beat him for stepping out of line so he's more muted with his emotions where as Jessa and Ben seem to let their kids be kids. 

[Four is Enough]

Whatever the reason, Izzy seems stilted. Call it Jill's anxiety, the many moves, Dewreck's insufferability, blanket training, whatever.. I feel for him and Sam. Their lives seem more regimented than their cousins'

[Calypso]

On 9/17/2018 at 7:57 PM, SCROW10 said:

Jessa posted this to her IG stories. Another date night at the Blu Fin.

If I didn't know that this was the Duggars I would have assumed Ben was stoned in this pic 

[melon]

When Ben speaks,to me,he sounds like he stoned,sometimes.He reminds me of Beavis and Butthead...lol.

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

5 hours ago, melon said:

When Ben speaks,to me,he sounds like he stoned,sometimes.He reminds me of Beavis and Butthead...lol.

Uhhhhuhuhuh.... When I get married to that chick, we're gonna do it.

Yeah! Yeah! We're finally gonna score!

No way Beavis, you're just gonna spank your monkey.... Uhhhh... Wait a sec.... uhhhh, Beavis, you're going to hell.

FIRE! FIIIRE!!! 

[AtlanticTug]

On 9/17/2018 at 7:10 PM, Snarkasarus Rex said:

Israel isn't 'slow'.  In the other videos/pics they've posted, he seems quite articulate, playful, and affectionate toward Sam in the brief moments he's allowed to be himself.  Jill doesn't show their spontaneous moments because her posts have a particular purpose vs. just posting something that turned out cute.  If he seems hesitant to speak it's probably because he's probably been scolded for saying something 'wrong' at home, and at 3 years old he couldn't possibly know all of the 'right' things to say to keep mami and papi happy.

I was going to say that I think Israel is actually very bright. He always had very good vocabulary for his age, he shows good fine and gross motor skills. His behaviour is being shaped by two awful adults but I see no evidence at all that he isn't intrinsically smart and quite capable.

[mstee]

Whenever I watch the Duggars my husband will walk by and be like “is it that stoned kid on again?” - referring to Ben. He’s said it since the courtship. I told him it’s allergies and he told me I’m naive  It’s become a running joke. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

On ‎9‎/‎16‎/‎2018 at 11:22 PM, kiwi said:

Agree. Israel comes across... slow? Monotoned voice, takes a while to string a sentence together - but I guess he probably doesnt get a chance to express HIS OWN feelings and thoughts - he’s spent so long parroting what he’s been told to say.

Maybe its cos derdick is so intolerable but those boys arent cute like Jessa’s boys - Jessa’s boys seem to have personalities outside of their parents, they seem cheeky and bursting with personality! Hard to fathom those four boys are being raised by sisters, yet polar opposites!

 

I'm going to tell you what a friend (who was sticking up for me) said to another woman who made a remark like this about a child she didn't know. "FFS He's not retarded he's TALL" (forgive the R word, this was 18 years ago and she said it not me). Izzy is ONLY 6 months older than Spurgeon, but he is very tall for his age and a lot of people think tall means older, and they forget how young someone is. Izzy is a later talker with much stricter parents (I'm not defending dumb and dumber by ANY MEANS I'm defending Izzy) it may just be taking him longer to reach the same milestones that his smaller younger cousin is hitting with ease.  My 2 kids were like this DS was slow at everything. Was hell he still is, he's a very methodical person he takes his time and does things in his own way at his own pace. He's not a slow learner just different, he breezed through all of his HS AP classes with out a problem he just seems a little weird in how he does stuff, kind of like his mom. 

[AtlanticTug]

Also keep in mind that bilingual children are slower to speak BUT actually much better off in terms of brain development in the long term. As a baby and toddler Israel spent many months around native Spanish speakers and although Jill and Derrick appear to have been useless at picking up Spanish, if Izzy spent a lot of time playing with other local kids or watched by their Moms, etc he would have been exposed to Spanish in a way that Spurgeon never was.

[Carm_88]

It has to be hard to be a kid in the Dillard household, Derick seems overly strict and Jill so anxious and such a people pleaser. It can't be easy, add in the moves, and general dysfunction. I think Israel is doing great, in spite of who his parents are.

[Rachel333]

3 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I'm going to tell you what a friend (who was sticking up for me) said to another woman who made a remark like this about a child she didn't know. "FFS He's not retarded he's TALL" (forgive the R word, this was 18 years ago and she said it not me). Izzy is ONLY 6 months older than Spurgeon, but he is very tall for his age and a lot of people think tall means older, and they forget how young someone is.

Yes! Tall kids are often judged really harshly because people perceive them as older, and it's really unfair.

[NachosFlandersStyle]

On 9/4/2018 at 7:55 AM, fluffernutter said:

https://garlandsofgrace.com/about-us/

I ordered one of the thinner headbands- I think some of them are so cute.

Their stuff pops up on my pinterest feed all the time and I hate to admit that it's SO cute. I think they were discussed on FJ before-- iirc they are friends with Sarah Maxwell, and they also caused some controversy when they found out that a bunch of their customers were trad Catholics and got pissy about dirty Papists using their products.

[Hisey]

If you have an overly anxious, dim mother, a strict and erratic father, many moves, likely corporal punishment, and an obviously unhappy marriage. .. . it is going to have an effect on a three-year old child. That is the difference you are seeing between Israel and Spurgeon. Spurgeon is being raised in a home with a decent marriage and stable parents who have developmentally appropriate expectations. Israel is not. Of course there is a difference.

This is not a criticism of Israel. It is recognition that Israel is not being raised in a healthy environment, and that is obviously affecting the child. Of course he seems different! It would be a miracle if he were as happy, mischievous and relaxed as his cousin is.

[Iamtheway]

4 hours ago, AtlanticTug said:

Also keep in mind that bilingual children are slower to speak BUT actually much better off in terms of brain development in the long term. As a baby and toddler Israel spent many months around native Spanish speakers and although Jill and Derrick appear to have been useless at picking up Spanish, if Izzy spent a lot of time playing with other local kids or watched by their Moms, etc he would have been exposed to Spanish in a way that Spurgeon never was.

Miniway is bilingual and he started speaking pretty early. In the beginning he mixed languages a lot and it was sometimes hard for others to understand him. 

Now he switches pretty easily depending on if he’s talking to me or his dad. He also translates between us even though it should be obvious to him that we both know both Swedish and English. I kind of wish we could be teaching him more languages now when he’s little and just soaks it up. 

58 minutes ago, NachosFlandersStyle said:

Their stuff pops up on my pinterest feed all the time and I hate to admit that it's SO cute. I think they were discussed on FJ before-- iirc they are friends with Sarah Maxwell, and they also caused some controversy when they found out that a bunch of their customers were trad Catholics and got pissy about dirty Papists using their products.

Sounds like an excellent way to run a business. Get angry when your customers, your paying customers, don’t believe in Jesus in the exact same way you do. 

[LawsonBatesEgo]

On 9/17/2018 at 2:38 PM, nastyhobbitses said:

I feel like the differences can be summed up by saying that Ben and Jessa appear to make childrearing decisions based on what's good for the kids, whereas Derick and Jill appear to make childrearing decisions based on what's convenient for them. 

I don't have children and while I like them, I don't want them because Mr LBE and I know we are too selfish to be good parents and we would love our kids but resent all the sacrifices needed to raise them right. Plus we are spoiled to have several nieces and nephews, so we basically get to "have our cake and eat it too" when it comes to having kids in our lives.

But out of our friends with kids, I have noticed this trend too. The parents who seem genuinely happy with their decision to become parents, make major decisions in what is in the best interest of the child. The parents who do not enjoy parenthood and are basically "putting on their big boy/girl panties and getting on with it because there are no returns on kids" make major decisions on what is most convenient for them or doesn't mean "yet another" sacrifice they "have" to make.