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Lori Alexander 52: Looking for Debt-free Virgins Without Tatoos


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4 hours ago, fluffy said:

Lori is going to town right now in the chatroom about why women don't need college. She is vehemently anti-education. She wrote that "Because I went to college and had my teaching credential I missed my oldest daughter's first two years. It is my greatest regret." Logic is not her strong suit. She also has decreed yet again that college was boring and she didn't learn anything. She has also recently written that her mother knew nothing of how to be a Biblical woman. ???? 

She has been beating the drum over the debt-college-women conundrum. Here's my take: It seems to have really revved up since Steven married Emily. I don't know why this didn't occur to me earlier, but I bet these debts posts are directed in part at her daughter-in-law. Emily attended a Christian College, which Lori is always bemoaning are so expensive. Wheaton's tuition and board is roughly $45,000 a year and then we know that Emily did one year of law school at University of Houston, which is tons cheaper than highly ranked law schools but is still about $30,000 per year. Maybe Emily has some debt and Lori is mad her son is helping pay it off? I could be wrong and perhaps Emily's family paid the tuition, but I have a strong feeling this is the source of Lori's latest ire. Her family does not deserve her treatment. 

Thanks for sharing, Fluffy! Did it occur to Lori that if they needed money they needed money, and (without college) she might have had to go to work anyway? Like as a cashier or a waitress or something? It's not college that is the terrible boogyman, it's Ken's failure to be instantaneously wealthy.

3 minutes ago, onekidanddone said:

Was it a legitimate decapataton?

Did he try to stop the bullets from entering his body? Sounds like maybe he enjoyed being shot or decapitated.

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3 hours ago, wild little fox said:

I wonder if DIL Emily has a tattoo?

Lori always has to lay blame and judgement on anything she doesn't like. What a control freak. Her children are adults and the choices they make are not for her to broadcast in passive aggressive internet rants. She doesn't have to like their choices but it's their life. She's so fucking petty. 

My mother doesn't mince words either but it has cost her a lot. When my friends, who are ten years older than me, started saying their children were adults now, time to close their mouths and sit on their hands (hands were not meant as punishing! But as interfering, is what they meant) It gave me so much insight to my relationship with my own mother. It errodes trust at the least and it stunts children at the worst (see the kid-adult Arnts!) Still, one conversation with her and I'm emotionally debilitated and second guessing myself for weeks. 

I think a HUGE part of Lori's "ministry" is a platform to get fans to adore her and agree to why she has to be such a conniving cow to her adult children. See! She has all of these people saying she's right! So, she must be! 

Amen. I wish someone would tell my mother that. She still thinks it's her job to "guide and correct" her adult children. 

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Honey,  I think maybe that someone is you,  Nicely, politely, firmly tell her you are a grown woman living in your own home, and you make your own decisions, without guidance and correction. 

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9 minutes ago, EowynW said:

Amen. I wish someone would tell my mother that. She still thinks it's her job to "guide and correct" her adult children. 

Just look at her and ask her if SHE is paying y'alls bills. The correct answer is "no". Then politely (or not) tell her to mind her own fucking business and leave you alone. Or, you can use the line that damn near got most of us kids killed..."I'm free and over 21, leave me the fuck alone". Yeah, the mother didn't like that one much but...I left when she started yelling. 

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The line I used with my mother was I'm informing you not asking permission.

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I watched this documentary this evening and it came to my mind how Lori is either completely unaware or is purposely ignorant the history of working women and wives. It's a really good documentary,

 

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I also agree that Lori’s college debt posts are aimed at DIL Emily, who went to the private Christian college, Wheaton. Lori ramped up and got more obsessive on these issues after Steven married Emily. Lori aims yoga pants, modesty, and fertility posts at poor Alyssa IMO and now she’s finding ways to attack her DILs.

 

I want to see the look on Lori’s face when one of her kids announces they are setting up a savings account and sending their daughter(s) to college. 

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2 hours ago, feministxtian said:

I DID miss 2 years of #2 son's life pretty much...because I was working full time and going to school full time. BUT, Mr. Xtian and the mother were there to pretty much pick up the slack. 

As most of you know, my former marriage was a clusterfuck, abusive, disaster. it didn't matter how much I kissed that man's ass, it wasn't enough. Now, with Mr. Xtian, things are MUCH different. First of all, I'm a whole lot more assertive than I was then. He had to get used to someone who was assertive without being bitchy...I don't play games (frankly I have no idea how to), I just say what I mean and mean what I say. I don't need to be a mewling doormat for Mr. Xtian (he has no interest in that anyway), I can be ME. The whole idea behind "biblical womanhood" is don't be a bitch. Treat your husband with respect. Don't run over him like a fucking steamroller either. Same goes for husbands...that whole "husbands LOVE your wives" thing. Mutual respect and the ability to compromise goes a helluva lot further than all their bullshit. They make it sound so hard. I mean, there are times when you're seriously weighing homicide vs. divorce, driving off into the sunset (but that's usually with the kids :) ) or taking off to some tropical beach where a cabana boy will bring you fruity drinks and give you a massage...but...on the whole, if you're a reasonably grown adult, you can learn to deal with life's bullshit without losing your shit (gee, I'm one to talk, I lose my shit so often I have to go buy more). 

You have to remember that these people see men as nothing much more than knuckle-dragging hormone slaves who are "required" to bring home the bacon. That's horribly disrespectful and sets that expectation bar really low. Sorry, I expect more. Not just from my husband but from my sons too. Then again, the family motto is "don't fuck with mama unless you want to die a horrible, painful death". 

I worked full time when I went to grad school-full time course load (and did an internship as well). I’m amazed at those who work full time, go to school, and raise children. I genuinely mean that- I don’t know that I could have done it, and I have a high tolerance for stress and multiple demands. 

And you’re right- the expectations are what sets people up for so many challenges and creates the need for teaching on loving your husband/biblical womanhood. I certainly had expectations- that we would respect one another, work as a team, communicate, and treat one another with love and kindness. I didn’t have some fanciful expectation that life after marriage would be a fairy tale. I knew it would take work and compromise. 

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2 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Honey,  I think maybe that someone is you,  Nicely, politely, firmly tell her you are a grown woman living in your own home, and you make your own decisions, without guidance and correction. 

I was just about to type about the exact same thing.  Set firm boundaries, and don't give her an inch (lest she take a mile).  

 

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Confession: I was accepted into Wheaton for my Masters. It was my dream school for a long time but it was too expensive for me. I chose a different school that turned out to be an utterly fantastic experience. But from everything I've heard Wheaton is a great school and has high standards. One of my grad professors graduated from there and she is an amazing counseling professional and teacher. If Lori had any decency she'd be proud to have a DIL graduate from there and encourage her to use her degree. But she doesn't because she's more focused on the money aspect rather than the richness of experience that a college can give you. 

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6 hours ago, wild little fox said:

Lori always has to lay blame and judgement on anything she doesn't like.

 

I know someone like this. I’ve just recognised the similarity.

It’s a complete terror of owning one’s preferences. Rather than saying “I prefer” about her own thoughts and leaving room for others to have their own thoughts, she has to frame everything as morally RIGHT or WRONG.

That way her expressed feelings aren’t coming from her personal self, but are instead, in her point of view, radiating from the thing discussed. It’s not that she, based on her experiences and inclinations, has a thought; it’s that the topic under discussion has ONE POSSIBLE WAY TO FEEL ABOUT IT. It takes responsibility for her opinions off of her self and puts them onto the world instead. It’s a deflection of responsibility.

I guess it can be kind of scary to step out and say what you personally feel about things knowing that other people can feel differently. It’s an important part of growing up to get over that.

 

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Honest question alert!  Reasonable, not hateful, no profanity, points out the contrast between what Lori says and what she does...that cannot be allowed to stand!  

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Lori, today:

Quote

I know there are many reasons women have for getting tattoos and I’m not going to judge those who have them or think any less of them. 

Also, today:

Quote

we knew that tattoos weren’t for godly women

She's not judging!  You just aren't a godly woman if you have one.

 

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16 hours ago, fluffy said:

She has been beating the drum over the debt-college-women conundrum. Here's my take: It seems to have really revved up since Steven married Emily. I don't know why this didn't occur to me earlier, but I bet these debts posts are directed in part at her daughter-in-law. Emily attended a Christian College, which Lori is always bemoaning are so expensive.

I don't typically like to speculate, but I think you could be right.  Also, remember the recent post about how MIL's shouldn't be critical of DILs and some nonsense about  finding something nice to say even if you have to dig deep.  

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10 hours ago, Frog99 said:

I worked full time when I went to grad school-full time course load (and did an internship as well). I’m amazed at those who work full time, go to school, and raise children. I genuinely mean that- I don’t know that I could have done it, and I have a high tolerance for stress and multiple demands. 

I would sit on the bed and cry from exhaustion. BUT...I knew I had to do it to give our family a better future. So, I did. 

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9 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

Confession: I was accepted into Wheaton for my Masters. It was my dream school for a long time but it was too expensive for me. I chose a different school that turned out to be an utterly fantastic experience. But from everything I've heard Wheaton is a great school and has high standards. One of my grad professors graduated from there and she is an amazing counseling professional and teacher. If Lori had any decency she'd be proud to have a DIL graduate from there and encourage her to use her degree. But she doesn't because she's more focused on the money aspect rather than the richness of experience that a college can give you. 

And Lori is probably secretly jealous of DIL because she has something Lori doesn't, and never will.  Therefore she must post away how evil and bad it is.  She went the same route with big busted women (they're evil harlots because I'm flat and my husband looks at them),  to career women (they weren't afraid of hurling themselves out into the real world unlike me who sabotaged my diaphragm to stay home),  to happy marriages (God doesn't want you to be happy because my husband and I aren't happy.  My marriage survived because I had four kids and a brain tumor and Ken knows its cheaper to stay married than to divorce me ).  

Yuck.

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I really feel like Lori either has some cognitive issues going on, or a personality disorder. She's coming off as more and more unhinged every day.

And counseling women that education is a bad thing is unconscionable. It's bad enough that college is so expensive that not everyone who wants to go can go, but to try to convince half the population that college is worthless for them? Despite the fact that she and her daughters had plenty of post-secondary education (ballet counts, IMO, as pre-professional training is practically a full time job on it's own). I'd think she is trying to get the next generation to be stupid enough to follow her drivel without question, but I don't think she thinks that far ahead.

I know several people who went straight from living at home with mom and/or dad, to married and living with a husband, without ever being on their own at all. Most of them would have REALLY benefited from living out on their own, whether at college or just getting their own apartment. Some people are fine going straight from home to marriage, but some people who do that never grow up. I am super glad I went to school 3 hours from home. And one of the guys who married (and later divorced) someone who went straight from mom to husband has told me often that he really admires how independent my sisters and I are. Especially after spending nearly 10 years with a wife who was basically playing house like a child, and couldn't do anything at all without her hand being held.

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The college thing grates on me more than anything else Lazy Lori spouts aside from her endorsement of child abuse. I’ve said before that we are about the same age.  While her doctor daddy “forced” her to attend college (where she learned nothing of value and hated the experience), my blue collar daddy put every roadblock he could in my way so I wouldn’t attend. But I overcame every single one of them and got my degree from the local university (he didn’t attend my graduation; I think he saw my education as a judgment on him). It wasn’t a great school, but it did get me an good job. Then, four years later, I took my work experience and smarts and talked my way  into a full tuition scholarship to one of the best graduate schools in the country.  And got an even better job after that, where I used my tuition benefits to get yet another masters degree at their expense a few years later. 

I can easily say that my life would be dramatically different without my education. My family members are still working low paying jobs in the city in which I was born (which always appears on the list of the worst cities to live in the US). I certainly don’t fault or judge them for that (it’s what we were raised to expect, after all), but some of them definitely resent my lifestyle. While my life has certainly not been an easy one, I am now enjoying the happiest years I’ve ever lived in a beautiful part of the country. Yes, I worked three jobs and paid room and board to live at home while going to college, and drove over an hour each way six days a week in all kinds of weather for two years to go to graduate school and sat in classrooms for four hours a night after working all day to go to graduate school again.  It was hard work, something Lazy Lori avoids even more than junk food, but sooo worth it  

So get fucked Lori.  Education for women around the world is a life changing thing, and promoting it -not denigrating it- is a far more worthy use of your energy. Stop tearing women down.  Just because something was too much for you to handle doesn’t mean most of the rest of the world couldn’t have made it work. Stop bringing all women down to your bitchy, lazy, selfish level. 

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14 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

She says her ministry was born out of regret that she did not have anyone teach her about biblical womanhood. She still doesn't know what biblical womanhood is.

I think she just needed a scapegoat for being such a raging C U Next Tuesday when they were younger.  She can't just say it wasn't what she expected or that she didn't really love her husband or that maybe she was so internally miserable that she had to make those around her miserable too.  She's got to have a cover because she can't look in a mirror.  She's never wrong and she never apologizes.  In both of her blogs it's just line after line about how the kids were difficult, her parents didn't do her right, the women around her aren't good enough, her husband wasn't good enough...and her own issues weren't even her fault.  Her nasty attitude and behavior is blamed on her "parasites" and her neck issues.  

 

Things you'll never hear from Lori Alexander:

*Thank you dad for providing me with an education and a stable life.  *Thanks mom for being a supportive mom.  *Thanks husband for not leaving me after I betrayed the hell out of you and lied to you for my own selfish gains.  *Thank you children for being patient with your mother and putting up with my horridness.  

This woman's selfishness knows no bounds.

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Wow, @Imrlgoddess, reading your comment stirred something in my brain (a minor miracle in itself at this point in my first cup of coffee for the day).

I suddenly wondered how many of Lori’s fangirls are driven by the need to please a strict and demanding authority figure from their past (who seldom if ever had a good word to say), and so Lori naturally fits the role in these women’s comfort zone?

My parents weren’t fundy—far from it—but my childhood certainly primed me to fit into fundiedom’s endless running on a treadmill set just a notch too high. If I’m making sense this early in the morning. It might just be one of those “brilliant” insights that’s not so much.

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I think Lori's preffered lifestyle would be 19th century upper middle class or above housewife. A little bit of education so that she would be able to have a halfway decent conversation, but not to much, since to much work. Lot's of cheap stuff to run the household, wait on her hand and foot and care for the children. And of course beeing a member of a charity where you can look down on poor people and berate them for their "wrong" choices and you can feel good about it, because you are "helping" them. But sadly for her, wrong century.

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13 hours ago, EowynW said:

Amen. I wish someone would tell my mother that. She still thinks it's her job to "guide and correct" her adult children. 

It can be effective to come up with a standard phrase and repeat it -- verbatim--each time she offers advice. Something like, "Thank you, that's my business." Or simply don't respond at all.

33 minutes ago, HoneyBunny said:

The college thing grates on me more than anything else Lazy Lori spouts aside from her endorsement of child abuse. I’ve said before that we are about the same age.  While her doctor daddy “forced” her to attend college (where she learned nothing of value and hated the experience), my blue collar daddy put every roadblock he could in my way so I wouldn’t attend. But I overcame every single one of them and got my degree from the local university (he didn’t attend my graduation; I think he saw my education as a judgment on him). It wasn’t a great school, but it did get me an good job. Then, four years later, I took my work experience and smarts and talked my way  into a full tuition scholarship to one of the best graduate schools in the country.  And got an even better job after that, where I used my tuition benefits to get yet another masters degree at their expense a few years later. 

I can easily say that my life would be dramatically different without my education. My family members are still working low paying jobs in the city in which I was born (which always appears on the list of the worst cities to live in the US). I certainly don’t fault or judge them for that (it’s what we were raised to expect, after all), but some of them definitely resent my lifestyle. While my life has certainly not been an easy one, I am now enjoying the happiest years I’ve ever lived in a beautiful part of the country. Yes, I worked three jobs and paid room and board to live at home while going to college, and drove over an hour each way six days a week in all kinds of weather for two years to go to graduate school and sat in classrooms for four hours a night after working all day to go to graduate school again.  It was hard work, something Lazy Lori avoids even more than junk food, but sooo worth it  

So get fucked Lori.  Education for women around the world is a life changing thing, and promoting it -not denigrating it- is a far more worthy use of your energy. Stop tearing women down.  Just because something was too much for you to handle doesn’t mean most of the rest of the world couldn’t have made it work. Stop bringing all women down to your bitchy, lazy, selfish level. 

wow! Good for you. Your work ethic stands in really sharp contrast to Lori's laziness.

It kills me that she regrets college because it led to Ken making her work for two years. She's basically telling women that it's better to be helpless and unemployable, so your husband won't expect you to help out financially. It doesn't seem to occur to her that she could still get a job, even without a college degree. Or that some couples want to work together to get to a place of financial stability.

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26 minutes ago, refugee said:

Wow, @Imrlgoddess, reading your comment stirred something in my brain (a minor miracle in itself at this point in my first cup of coffee for the day).

I suddenly wondered how many of Lori’s fangirls are driven by the need to please a strict and demanding authority figure from their past (who seldom if ever had a good word to say), and so Lori naturally fits the role in these women’s comfort zone?

My parents weren’t fundy—far from it—but my childhood certainly primed me to fit into fundiedom’s endless running on a treadmill set just a notch too high. If I’m making sense this early in the morning. It might just be one of those “brilliant” insights that’s not so much.

That may very well be the case-it makes total sense.  I discovered after the first few months lurking here that my parents and community would have been what is described as fundy.  I'd never heard the term before so I just assumed our lifestyle was a southern backwoods thing.  

I get the notch set too high, like no matter how great you do, there's always criticism..and not the constructive kind.  After a while you start to feed off the negative and believe that's normal.  

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48 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

I know several people who went straight from living at home with mom and/or dad, to married and living with a husband, without ever being on their own at all. Most of them would have REALLY benefited from living out on their own, whether at college or just getting their own apartment. Some people are fine going straight from home to marriage, but some people who do that never grow up. I am super glad I went to school 3 hours from home. And one of the guys who married (and later divorced) someone who went straight from mom to husband has told me often that he really admires how independent my sisters and I are. Especially after spending nearly 10 years with a wife who was basically playing house like a child, and couldn't do anything at all without her hand being held.

A friend of a friend was like that. I was with the two of them once and somehow that came up. The woman was bragging that she had never written a check* or paid a bill and would have no idea how to do either. She told us she didn't actually know what bills you had to pay for a household other than buying groceries and the kids's stuff and her husband gave her cash for that. She was over 30 years old and had two kids.

*This was in the 1990s before widespread use of online billpay or automatic withdrawals. Everyone still needed to write checks to pay most bills. This woman was married in the 80s. 

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56 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

I really feel like Lori either has some cognitive issues going on, or a personality disorder.

Or both. I've said the same. Something is seriously wrong with her.

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