Jinjer 41: Felicity Nicole 8 lb 3 oz

[scoutsadie]

3 hours ago, louisa05 said:

Family leave is fucked up for anything in this country. When my dad was in a hospice house dying, my brother's employer at one point ordered him to come back to work. He had had to go through hell including submitting forms from the oncologist to get FMLA while dad was sick. He had to put on those forms what he would actively "do" for dad when he took a day off using FMLA. So once dad was in a hospice house and dying, they determined that my brother wasn't "doing" anything as the staff was caring for dad so he couldn't have the time off. They threatened to suspend him after he went back from his bereavement leave, but our hospice nurse did a great job with the letter she sent on his behalf before the hearing and it all got dismissed. This is a major national railroad. 

I am so very sorry for your and your family's loss and for the shit your brother had to go through to be able to help care for your dad; that is horrendous.

Things at my office suck in a lot of ways right now, but I am grateful at how everyone (including management, which has made some pretty awful decisions lately) supported me when my mom recently died in hospice care. It is heartbreaking to know that so many people have to bear the extra burden of worrying about their job/livelihood at such a difficult time.

Hugs.

[mango_fandango]

My mum was working when she had me. She said she was going to go back... and never did 

The whole issue of maternity leave in the US sounds horrendous! I couldn't imagine leaving a tiny baby behind. Even if they're going to a wonderful nursery/nanny/whichever, it must be heartbreaking. 

[louisa05]

28 minutes ago, scoutsadie said:

I am so very sorry for your and your family's loss and for the shit your brother had to go through to be able to help care for your dad; that is horrendous.

Things at my office suck in a lot of ways right now, but I am grateful at how everyone (including management, which has made some pretty awful decisions lately) supported me when my mom recently died in hospice care. It is heartbreaking to know that so many people have to bear the extra burden of worrying about their job/livelihood at such a difficult time.

Hugs.

Thank you. It's been three years in September. But it was three years of caregiving prior to that. My mother is legally blind (for real, with her glasses--my biggest pet peeve is this oft thrown around phrase: "I'm legally blind without my glasses/contacts"--no, you're not. That is the exact opposite of the definition). So they needed a lot of extra assistance while he was ill and she still needs assistance now. Again, I've met so many women--it's always women--who have lost or left jobs due to that kind of caregiving. There are no real protections for it, either. And certainly no real options for paid leave in most workplaces. As an example, my mother's workplace prior to her retirement allows employees to use sick leave for the illness of a minor child--even one day for a minor illness-- but not for a spouse or other family member. My last full time job was the same. 

[MarblesMom]

3 hours ago, louisa05 said:

The Family Medical Leave Act left way too much room for companies to apply burdensome restrictions and requirements on leave.

Depends on the state, I guess.  In CA, FMLA was universally applied and THEN some.

Dr's note for the situation, and the employee was off.  Sometimes longer than than FMLA offered.  Rufus bless, some people were "off" for two years.  

How is it in other states?

[JordynDarby5]

I'm someone who needs to have caretaker. I'm lucky enough that my dad is able to do that for me. I don't know what I'd do with out him. People under estimate how much they do. They under estimate how much the person being taken care of can not do. Some just won't get it no matter how many times you tell them. They won't or can't understand how very little I can do for myself (I can never really tell which). My dad cooks all the meals, all the grocery shopping, he drives me, pushes me in the wheelchair when I can't walk, he does all the laundry, he picks up my prescriptions and drives me to and from the doctor and really helps me through the bad days. He can't go to far away which a lot of people don't understand. He can't just take off for a day to go fishing or go get job. We've worked up to him going off fishing for a few hours with my brother and nephew. Anything longer then six and I can't guarantee because I have no control over good days or bad days. Its not easy to know he can't do very much because of me. To hear him turning down camping trips and other things because he can't leave me that long.    

[Blueruin]

I was a professional caregiver in Canada and it was probably my favorite job, I was well paid with lots of benefits. I went on to work with the public school board before moving to the US to marry my husband. The differences I see are so stark to me I don’t understand how the US can actually continue this way. 

Im 35 and we’re having our first child and it is petrifying that we’ll be going down to one income for a while. I do plan to take considerably longer off after giving birth but we also have a lot of factors at play as we plan to move to Canada next year for him to go back to university. We have a lot of family helping and supporting us on both sides (my retired mother is coming for a month to help when I deliver). I can’t even imagine working right up to it and going back so quickly. Both my sisters in law took a year off when they had their babies, and yes they had jobs to go back to. 

[Mama Mia]

2 hours ago, MarblesMom said:

Depends on the state, I guess.  In CA, FMLA was universally applied and THEN some.

Dr's note for the situation, and the employee was off.  Sometimes longer than than FMLA offered.  Rufus bless, some people were "off" for two years.  

How is it in other states?

California also pays 6 weeks of FMLA, in addition to having a state paid temporary disability program ( often the two are combined , to give  a longer paid leave ) 

5 states have some form of paid FMLA.

10 States mandate some form of paid sick leave. 

There are of course exceptions and loopholes, and some companies will make it difficult to use the legal mandate - while others go far beyond. I, personally, never had a hard time with the benefits being used for the family care portion. And in my family it came up a few times ( after care for surgery,sick parent, etc ) 

[Chewing Gum]

In the Netherlands it’s 16 weeks with 70% pay. You can divide those weeks between before and after birth however you want but with a minimum of 4 weeks before birth. So most take 4 weeks before and 12 after. If you’re unable to work during pregnancy for whatever reason you enter this paid leave at 34 weeks (6 weeks before birth); most take vacation time after thise 16 weeks too. I still think it’s not enough for most moms but at least it’s a hell of a lot better than the US. 

Dad’s get 2 days paid leave, which is going to be 5 days soon or it already is, not sure. Still nothing much. 

[WiseGirl]

I was able to get 5 days if FMLA last year to help my mom out why she underwent chemotherapy.  By some miracle, I did not have  to take them consecutively and could be there when really needed.

Last  year I had two tutors with health problems.  One would get chemotherapy on Fridays and be back to work on Mondays. She had to save all days off for the surgery and recovery.  The other tutor had complications recovering from knee surgery and ran through all her days off and ultimately had to take unpaid time off to go to her sister-in-law's funeral. 

And now my dad has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's.  Don't even start me on how much caring that will eventually take. US healthcare and family leave sucks.

[Meeka]

In Canada, maternity leave is for 15 weeks and can be used only by the biological mother. In addition, there is 35 weeks of parental leave that can either be taken by the mother or father, biological or adopted, and it can be split between the parents.

However, the pay is only 55% of your pay and there is a maximum payout so if you make over $51,000, your percentage of pay will be lower. This is not very helpful for high income women. There was also a new law that allows the parental leave to be extended to 61 weeks but at a long rate of pay. 

[SamiKatz]

If I was Jinger I'd try to be Kate Middleton level put together when I left the hospital/had first photos taken as well.  She (Jinjer) will be scrutinized and criticized not matter what she looks like though - she'll have either done too much or not enough regardless.

I live in Canada and my mother developed cognitive issues from a drug she was put on for epilepsy.  I almost had to leave my job to take care of her, and via our Employment Insurance policy, I could have taken 26 weeks off (at I think 60% of my regular pay) to take care of her.  (Also, the company I worked for at the time would have topped up my pay and I think would have let me take a whole year off at a reduced pay as well)

 

 

[helenprev]

I've thought all along this baby will be born on 23rd, which is my birthday. Time will tell!

[Carm_88]

I think that there have been a slight delay in birth announcements. Joy definitely did, the first picture of Kendra and Joseph with Garrett looked to have given her time to get herself together. Compared to Jill's first picture with Israel, it's a world of difference. Of course, the Duggars have fallen quickly in that time period. 

I hope that Jinger has pictures of her looking not so put together to have for herself and if she wants to put the perfect image in the media, I hope she gets it!  

*I'm also on the prediction of a lot of Duggar babies in 2019! Time will tell of course, but that seems to be the way the tide is going! 

[VBOY9977]

So Michelle wasn’t in any of these pics from JB’s birthday. It could mean that she’s already with Jinger in Laredo. If so the baby will probably be here within the next few days.

Spoiler

 

[SapphireSlytherin]

OK. Pretty sure those ARE NOT party decorations hanging from the ceiling. They appear to be FLY PAPER... Hanging above the food. OMG. Ugh.

 

[spatulahandeddancer]

18 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

OK. Pretty sure those ARE NOT party decorations hanging from the ceiling. They appear to be FLY PAPER... Hanging above the food. OMG. Ugh.

 

Eh, I'm not gonna snark too hard on that.  I haven't spent too much time in Arkansas but some places are just buggier than others/more difficult to keep the flies out.  I've had plenty of friends' families who have fly paper out, including over the dining room table. Better to have the fly paper over the table than the flies in the food?

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

17 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

OK. Pretty sure those ARE NOT party decorations hanging from the ceiling. They appear to be FLY PAPER... Hanging above the food. OMG. Ugh.

 

I just threw up in my mouth!

Just now, spatulahandeddancer said:

Eh, I'm not gonna snark too hard on that.  I haven't spent too much time in Arkansas but I know there are some places that are just buggier than others/more difficult to keep the flies out.  I've had plenty of friends' families who have fly paper out, including over the dining room table. Better to have the fly paper over the table than the flies in the food?

Me too but they always took them down for company. because flys do fall off of them sometimes. 

[tabitha2]

The summer had been particularly brutal and the flies are atrocious. Seems very practical to me.

[spatulahandeddancer]

2 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

Me too but they always took them down for company. because flys do fall off of them sometimes. 

Fair enough! I've never lived anywhere where I needed fly paper, just visited friends with it, so I wouldn't have thought of that piece. Maybe they just switched them out for new ones?

[louisa05]

14 hours ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

Advice I always heard:  if you wait until you can afford a child, you'll never have a child. I'm sorry you're struggling with decisions and choices.

Seven and eight years ago, we and any child we brought into the world would have gone hungry. We were literally living on $11 an hour minus insurance premiums and other withholding. 

I also don't think it is ethical to bring a child into the world that you cannot afford to feed. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

22 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

Seven and eight years ago, we and any child we brought into the world would have gone hungry. We were literally living on $11 an hour minus insurance premiums and other withholding. 

I also don't think it is ethical to bring a child into the world that you cannot afford to feed. 

My personal experience (from being dirt-poor when my daughter was born) is that things generally work themselves out, somehow, so that everyone survives and thrives. We never went hungry, and neither did she.

And your closing line is amazingly similar to the "if you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em" battle cry against people who are on public assistance (WIC, food stamps, etc.) to feed their kids. 

 

[louisa05]

11 hours ago, MarblesMom said:

Depends on the state, I guess.  In CA, FMLA was universally applied and THEN some.

Dr's note for the situation, and the employee was off.  Sometimes longer than than FMLA offered.  Rufus bless, some people were "off" for two years.  

How is it in other states?

"Dr's note" for my brother to get "intermittent FMLA" to assist my parents when I could not was four pages of paperwork in which the oncologist had to certify that they needed assistance. He also had to provide detailed descriptions of what assistance he would actually provide. Then none of that was deemed enough because our mother was still alive and married to our father, so he then had to have paperwork submitted by her ophthalmologist to prove that she was not legally able to drive (someone in HR actually suggested to him that getting my mother a license would be a better solution). Once it was approved, the amount of time he could take it was limited and could typically not be consecutive days. If dad was hospitalized, his leave was usually turned down because he did not need to actively do anything for him. Even though, my mother could not get to the hospital without someone and, of course, when your father with stage iv cancer is in the hospital with sepsis, you sort of want to be there in case he doesn't survive it. (My mother was not yet classified as legally blind at the time so transportation services were not available to her and there is no reliable public transportation in her city. There is a gap between the point of vision loss that a person cannot legally drive and when they are classified legally blind and can access services).

He could not take the leave to assist my mother with errand running or anything as he had applied for it based on dad's illness. If he wanted to use it to assist mom with things dad could no longer do or take her to her own  appointments, he would have had to submit another set of paperwork based on her disability that likely would not have been approved according to his HR rep. He literally had to fill out paperwork describing exactly what he was doing each day that he took.  Since dad's death, he has not pursued getting it approved for her because of that--leaving all the heavy lifting to me. She had some dental issues recently plus we try to get her main eye appointments done in summer when I'm off work. So I've taken her to five appointments in the last week and put over 400 miles on my 17 year old car in the process.  She can get transportation services now, but using it is dependent on her being able to function on her own once she arrives. A new office that requires filling out initial paperwork would be an obstacle (especially as a lot of people in our culture do not understand vision loss--you are either totally blind or your vision can be corrected in most people's minds). And, as I'm sure many people with aging parents would tell you, there are times that it is better if one of us is there regardless. 

And, for the record, my brother works for a large national railroad. So what he encountered is not a policy being operated by some small company. 

 

 

[tabitha2]

Just because you can do something does not mean you should or it’s fair to the child. 

My mother had one child because she was feeding her one child boiled chicken she had to pawn our TV for. I had huge holes in my shoes and too small clothes. She had to write hot checks out of desperation .But oh well, I guess she could have thought it’ll all be fine because common sense - Who needs it right? 

[Alisamer]

Everything in the US is messed up, IMO. I work for a small company, so my understanding is we are excepted from most FMLA requirements because we have so few employees. 2 weeks vacation is the max here, even if you've been here 30 years. We have NO sick leave. We do have paid holidays, but not ALL of them... we either get paid for Good Friday OR Memorial Day, never both. If I'm too sick to work, I don't get paid. If I have a doctor appointment, I don't get paid. Funeral? No pay. And there have been times where I really needed to stay home sick, and had to come in anyway, or risk losing my job. We have often had kids who were off school or sick come to work with their parents, rather than the parents miss a day of work to care for them.

Luckily the company's owners are generally pretty understanding - a couple years ago I was out a full week with the flu and the owner's wife gave me a little pay anyway to help out - but still. Babies are not a possibility for me realistically, but if I did find myself pregnant I'd end up back at work within a week or two with the baby in a sling. It'd be my only choice.

And at a previous company I worked for, also a small place, I took a day off when my dad was having surgery for cancer. He wanted me there, and I was freaked out enough that work was a bad idea. The boss (crazy woman) told me her dad had had the same surgery and she didn't even visit him, called me multiple times trying to get me to come in that day (no, there was no emergency work to be done), and then screamed at me for taking a half-hour lunch the next day! She said I had all day the day before to take lunch. 

[KelseyAnn]

8 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

My personal experience (from being dirt-poor when my daughter was born) is that things generally work themselves out, somehow, so that everyone survives and thrives. We never went hungry, and neither did she.

And your closing line is amazingly similar to the "if you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em" battle cry against people who are on public assistance (WIC, food stamps, etc.) to feed their kids. 

 

I don't think she was saying that to be cruel, she was just commenting on how waiting might be better in some cases. I remember being half-starved throughout my childhood because both parents wouldn't work and it was a miserable existence squabbling over food with 4 older siblings and sharing meager portions with my younger one.