Lori Alexander 51: Looking for the Transformed Husband

[Momto2Princesses]

I mean really it's soup. It's not a complicated process .   Lori just can not or does not know how to say anything nice without being a flat out bitch. I bet her sisters soup is more "complicated" since there are probably real spices and seasoning. More than likely it tastes a whole lot better too. 

[Koala]

From today's post:

Quote

 Ladies, you should seek not just to be adequately covered but should also avoid clothing that accentuates the shape of your body.

Is that so?

Would this be a good example?  Asking for a friend...

[Imrlgoddess]

9 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

Also apparently when I said that I had no time for gender roles I was being "negative" ( I was using firm language not negative). He also felt like I gave off the impression that I knew what I didn't want but not enough of what I do want. I gave a list of traits I found important and stated I wanted an equal partnership with someone who didn't leave me doing all the emotional work. How is that not stating what I want? When I asked him what he's looking for in a relationship me reply was along the lines of "it's not so much of a list, I'll be able to tell you when we meet" what? What? What?

JMHO:  This all sounds like clever gaslighting from what I call a gentle misogynist.  I use the word "gentle" because it's not the typical, blatant disregard.  He may have an appreciation for women but still deep down believe something loathsome.  As to the bolded...it feels like bait.  "If she meets the 7-10 on the physical beauty scale she gets X response, anything lower and she gets my  joy of my company and maybe friend zoned if she's interesting enough."

I sincerely hope I'm being unnecessarily negative.   I think it was the whole "who hurt you" bit that just sent me.  My brain goes immediately toward:  mf'er, even IF someone did leave some hurt, it's my damn prerogative to be as cautious as I want to be!

  Good luck, I'm sorry if I'm coming across grouchy and bitchy this morning.

[Sobeknofret]

23 hours ago, feministxtian said:

Hub is retired Navy...he cusses more than I do. Kids are grown and suitably foul mouthed. Work, I mumble under my breath.

My dad was first Marines then Army. I used to teach at a university with many students who were in the Navy working on a engineering degree. One day, I was in my office with the door open and something happened, I don't even remember what, and I cut loose. Turned around to find two of my Navy students standing the door of the office looking at me with astonishment and hilarity. One of them said admiringly, "Boy Ms. Sobeknofret, you really *can* swear like a sailor!"  

Best compliment ever.

[Petronella]

1 hour ago, Koala said:

From today's post:

Is that so?

Would this be a good example?  Asking for a friend...

Her message makes no sense. "Dress sexy to please your husband!" and "Wear a potato sack so no one thinks you're sexy!" The only way these are remotely compatible is if you separate them as some cultures do: modest outside the home, sexy in the home. But that's not what Lori says or does. She says women should always look sexy to their husbands and never look sexy to anyone else and that IS VERY CONFUSING.

(My opinion, for clarity: anyone's level of modesty or sexiness is generally no one else's business)

[Free Jana Duggar]

Raise your hand if you dress like a hoochie to attract men.  Anyone? Anyone?  Didn't think so.

I've been married 26 years, so I'm certainly not going to dress for attention from other men. If I wear a dress or shirt that shows some of my shape, it's because I used to watch Clinton and Stacy and don't want to look like a boat in a moo moo. 

I style my hair and wear make up because i want to be presentable to everyone and feel good.  I'm not trying to pick up a man if I fix my hair and  put on make up to go to the grocery store. I do it so I don't scare people.

When you clean up for a job interview, you're not trying to hook up with the boss intervewing you.

It's normal to want to be presentable.

[SuperNova]

Lori's post today opens with,

"God hates unlawful nakedness."

Does that mean that there's lawful nakedness? Asking for a friend...

And then we have, 

"...a woman’s greatest carnal desire is to be desired by men. Thus, apart from grace, the moment that a girl enters puberty the opposite sex dominates her thoughts.

From that point on almost everything she does is, in some way, directed to entice men."

Do christian men really believe that every provocatively dressed woman is plotting and scheming to create a distraction just for him? These posts make christian men out to be a bunch of swinging d*cks and nothing more. As for my "greatest carnal desire" it sure as hell isn't wanting every man to desire me. Far from it. 

[Koala]

Well, either way, you're ALL doing it wrong.  Only Godly Lori does things God's ways.

Advice from 2014:

Today:

Quote

STOP ENTICING MEN!

 

[louisa05]

11 hours ago, SuperNova said:

We're facing about 10 days straight of 100 degree weather and it's never stopped me from making soup. I don't usually make heavy cream soups at this time of year but as long as the a.c. is running I have no problem with a nice bowl of vegetable soup for dinner. My soup doesn't look like stagnant pond water, though. It also has the added bonus of leftovers to freeze for another day. No matter what the weather, I can't stand vichyssoise or gazpacho. I despise cold soup almost as much as I despise the word Einkorn.

Husband works outside for a good portion of the day and the warehouse is not air conditioned. He only gets air conditioning for breaks, lunch and the very limited amount of time he actually sees their offices during his typically ten hour summer workdays. He might literally kill me if I served a bowl of hot soup when he got home. On days like this week, he doesn't feel like eating much at all by the time he makes it through the day. We eat a lot of salads with chicken (and sometimes ham for him but I don't like that and neither does my stomach) or taco meat or chicken salad or egg salad sandwiches with cold veggies on the side and that sort of thing during the summer. 

[Koala]

5 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

Lori's post today opens with,

"God hates unlawful nakedness."

Does that mean that there's lawful nakedness? Asking for a friend...

Lori 2013:

Quote

Naked With A Smile

This is all most husbands want...a naked wife who smiles a lot.  

 

So this is weird, when you go to the Always Learning blog, ALL of the comments are gone.  Like all of them.  It shows that they were there, but when you click on the post, there's nothing there.

[refugee]

3 hours ago, polecat said:

Just popping in to say:

LORI, BUTTER IS NOT A SEASONING.

Seasoned with butter, my ass.

 

What was that Julia Child quote? Something like if you’re trying to cut down on butter, just use cream instead?

[refugee]

1 hour ago, Imrlgoddess said:

think it was the whole "who hurt you" bit that just sent me.  My brain goes immediately toward:  mf'er, even IF someone did leave some hurt, it's my damn prerogative to be as cautious as I want to be!

Yes! This!

Red flag time. It’s an attempt to put you in the wrong, to throw you off balance, to make you question your gut. The message is “Comp is GOOD! You just ran into someone who was doing it wrong.” Or maybe “You were just doing it wrong.” Accompanied by a show of sympathy to disarm you and get your guard down.

The unspoken corollary is that you just need someone who knows how to “do it right” to take you under his wing and lead you gently in the way you should go, so that you can joyfully submit yourself.

And *he* just happens to know how to do it right!

Just lay down those feminist ideas and your selfhood and dignity. He and his ilk have a different kind of dignity to offer you.

They hold women in high esteem. Oh, yes indeed. Just so long as the women know their place.

p.s. IMO this guy is a manipulator with a veneer of “niceness”.

(@sarah92 but then, on second thought, I think you said you were trained in psychology? If I’m remembering right? So I’m not telling you anything new)

[delphinium65]

Dear Lori:

For your information, I have more important things to worry about than what some random man might think of what I wear, or what other women wear.  I'm going to wear whatever the hell I want, and I suggest you do the same.  

PS:  I would also suggest that you get a life, find some hobby or activity to keep you busy, or maybe-radical thought coming up here-actually do something USEFUL for a change.  Who knows, you might like it!  

[TeddyBonkers]

There are certain instances when I pick out my attire based on men. For example, I wear my 4 inch heels when I will be around the battalion xo. He's a short man and also a raging douchelord. So I make myself EVEN TALLER. Because he is a sad, small man.

[louisa05]

2 minutes ago, TeddyBonkers said:

There are certain instances when I pick out my attire based on men. For example, I wear my 4 inch heels when I will be around the battalion xo. He's a short man and also a raging douchelord. So I make myself EVEN TALLER. Because he is a sad, small man.

I used to wear high heels that had particularly pointy heels to Mr. 05's work parties at his previous job. There was a guy he worked with that would come up to the women from behind and rub our shoulders or some such thing. I intentionally stepped backwards on his toes one time with boots that had a stiletto heel. He never came near me again when I had heels on. 

He was a piece of work. He was told more than once by more than one woman, both co-workers and wives of co-workers, to keep his fucking hands to himself and still didn't stop that crap. The supervisors would tell his female co-workers that he "wasn't really being sexual" and let it go. Two women finally filed an EEOC complaint then he finally got fired. 

I wear clothes Lori would not approve of sometimes. It is date night tonight and I'm finally feeling well. Lori would not like the length of the skirt I plan on wearing. And, yes, I am trying to get a man's attention--not that it's hard to get this one's attention. If some other ones look, that's their problem to deal with. 

[Koala]

This reader sounds like loads of fun:

Quote

Ava says:

July 11, 2018 at 8:48 pm

My pastor has often said that Christian marriage should be the goal – not romantic love because romantic love can make an idol of your husband or wife. A marriage of likeminded Christians whose focus is on God and God alone provides for all our true needs. Being a godly wife who lives for Jesus is enough. When we vow to foresake all others we vow to close the door to the idolatry of romantic love. Our vows are to God and God will not be mocked.

Reply

[refugee]

@Koala I’m confused. Doesn’t einkorn count as a heavy starch?

@Sarah92 I keep thinking about that conversation you recounted. In part, because I’m still learning to recognize boundary violations.

The whole “list” topic was an invitation to a deeper level of intimacy and trust. Great way to deepen a friendship... except in this case, the playing field is uneven, he gets to play by a different set of rules, and there’s a clear double standard.

IOW, it sounds like he was setting you up to make yourself vulnerable, “let down your shields” in Star Trek terminology (how I loved the original and TNG!), without risking anything on his part. 

He could be a nice guy, raised in a culture where this stuff is so common that he doesn’t know any better. Or this could be the very early stages of grooming.

Your “what, what, what?” reaction was right on. It sounds like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders.

I was thinking how different my reaction to “who hurt you?” would be so different these days from what it would have been in my 20s—or even a few years ago. Time was, it would have thrown me off balance (and did, actually, in the conversations I’m recalling, one with a potential date-rapist in college and another with well-meaning comp couples many years later) made me question myself, just as the technique is designed to do.

Now, I think my reaction would be instead to laugh and answer, “It’s just common sense!”

I don’t know if that’s the right answer, either, but it’s better than when I had no idea that I could define and enforce boundaries for myself.

49 minutes ago, delphinium65 said:

Dear Lori:

For your information, I have more important things to worry about than what some random man might think of what I wear, or what other women wear.  I'm going to wear whatever the hell I want, and I suggest you do the same.  

PS:  I would also suggest that you get a life, find some hobby or activity to keep you busy, or maybe-radical thought coming up here-actually do something USEFUL for a change.  Who knows, you might like it!  

I think she’s too busy policing ALL women EVERYWHERE, just so that Ken doesn’t have any potential targets for his wandering eye.

But that’s just the impression I get from her writings. If that’s not her message, then I don’t know what is.

[feministxtian]

If I have clothes on and my shoes on the right feet, it's a good day. My husband loves my saggy, baggy, fat, little self just as I am. If I went home, crawled into bed and told him to get busy...well, he'd be on the job in seconds.

I don't need to impress anyone anymore, and after 20+ years, the hub still turns into a drooling moron when I'm nekkid.

[louisa05]

Chelsea's going to get deleted and blocked. 

Spoiler

 

[AuntKrazy]

12 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

. And then he asked why egalitarianism was so important to me.

*bangs head against desk* Why can't guys just not invalidate or belittle what women are saying? What's so hard about this?

Also I might still go out with him because he's an "intellectual" and it could be interesting to talk about this further. He comes across as a bit arrogant and that brings out the INTJ in me which makes me want to challenge and poke (and reck a bit of havoc). So it would be entertainment to frustrate him. Never mess with an INTJ *evil grin* Am I a bad person for this? 

 

How about "I take do not be unequally yoked seriously.  As in, marry someone who considers me equal. If I don't make sure of this beforehand, then I'm basically missionary dating." ;-)

-another evil INTJ here

 

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

I wonder if Lori's psychiatrist will allow her to continue her blog after she's locked up?  Evil Bitch. Or maybe she needs an exorcist.

Ken is an ass and his head is buried in a cess pool.

 

 

j

[louisa05]

Okay, I can't stop laughing at her newest doodle. 

Women "tend to share our opinions too quickly" and need to learn to be quiet. Okay then, Lori. 

I couldn't find a laughing gif that expressed my reaction well enough.

 

 

[Carol]

4 hours ago, freealljs said:

There doesn't seem to be a lot of protein in Lori's diet.  Lots of einkhorn bread, vegetables, but no protein.  If she gets injured or has surgery, her recovery could be compromised. 

Well, then, let's not tell her.

Damn that Satan!  He took over my keyboard again.  Next thing you know my tires will be flat.

[Sarah92]

Thank all of you who replied and offered your thoughts. It's one of those things that I can recognize it in other people but when it comes to myself sometimes it's easier to let things slide. Y'all have given me some things to think and reflect on. The "who hurt you" response was what got me. It implies that I wouldn't think that way if I wasn't hurt. It's invalidating and dismissing of my thought processing and reasoning. And if I had been hurt, I'd have all the more reason to be egal.  And frankly, I don't need to be hurt to stay away from something I see as harmful (i.e. comp and strict gender roles). My response was, its practical to want equality and it prevents abuse. I wanted to add a "duh" but didn't.

I do have a background in psychology so I was picking up on some of the behaviors but its nice that others are seeing the same thing. Another thing that annoyed me was the oh what's your list but when asked I'm not going to give you mine. Let's just see if you meet my criteria when I meet you. What he doesn't know if I don't give a flying fuck about his criteria nor really any guys for that matter. 

He also asked why I didn't mention children.  Why would I talk about children before a first date? Why does it matter now, like geez this isn't marriage. I refused to answer that question. Boundaries are important to me, I'm willing to be vulnerable and answer questions to an extent but it will be at  my own pace and how will not be pushed. 

On the subject of Lori: Goodness gracious woman can you just not? When I looked up why God gave them coverings after they sinned, someone suggested it was because God wanted to show them the cost of their sin. In order for them to get those clothes, an animal died. Depending on your beliefs, that's the first death in creation. Sin brought death. Adam and Eve made their own loincloths first:  " Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves." Genesis 3:7. So they were the first tailors in a technical sense. Read the whole thing, Lori, I promise reading entire passages will help you a lot. 

Don't even bring Bathsheba into this Lori, She didn't have a choice and historians suggest that she was ritual bathing after her period as was dedicated in the Bible. So she was being godly, David was just being a creep from his roof.  She couldn't say no to the king. The rest of her writing was utter nonsense that I don't think has any biblical foundation. The term shamefaced could be translated to reverence, modesty, respect from the original Greek word. In other words, Church was not a time for a fashion show, nor was it a time to lord your gems and precious clothing over those who were poor. It's about the heart, not the body. 

[zeebaneighba]

6 hours ago, Momto2Princesses said:

I mean really it's soup. It's not a complicated process .   Lori just can not or does not know how to say anything nice without being a flat out bitch. I bet her sisters soup is more "complicated" since there are probably real spices and seasoning. More than likely it tastes a whole lot better too. 

I'm planning on making white bean soup on Sunday.  We're going out to a show, so I will just be throwing everything in the crock pot and it will be done when we get home.  It takes about 10 minutes.  You don't even have to soak the beans. Soup is not hard, Lori!

4 hours ago, refugee said:

What was that Julia Child quote? Something like if you’re trying to cut down on butter, just use cream instead?

Cream is just deconstructed butter, after all.