Lori Alexander 51: Looking for the Transformed Husband

[Hane]

2 hours ago, Free Jana Duggar said:

I think Ken may have encouraged Lori's online nonsense because it keeps her from bothering him.

 

Yes times a zillion! As folks have mentioned above, Ken and Lori don’t seem to do anything fun together except for going out to dinner. With Lori glued to her computer, Ken can get some peace and quiet or go play basketball or whatevs. He’s a fucking slave to her passive-aggressiveness.

[Curious]

26 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

@feministxtian No, that is the way you and your spouse express love. It is not the definition of love. 

My spouse and I do not express ourselves through PDA (there is plenty of A between us but as two introverts, the PD part is not our cup of tea) nor do I think that I have to get up at 4:45 when he gets up for work to prove I love him and he doesn't think I need to either. For me, love is the fact that he knows I need more sleep to function and is as quiet as possible so that he doesn't wake me up. 

I have spent the majority of my professional life working with teens. When we define love by external actions, especially things like PDA and constant presence, we actually are doing a disservice to what kids expect from relationships. If those things are expressions of love for you, that is fine. But please understand that it is not the definition of what love or a healthy relationship is or must be. 

You know not everything posted here is directed at you, right?  You are always such a downer and just like to pick at people, I swear.  She never said that it was THE "definition of love" for other people. It is, quite obviously, an expression of love which is clear reading her entire post, however.

 

1 hour ago, Hisey said:

Ken has tried really hard to cover this up. He clearly regrets writing it. However, he pissed me off by saying the affects of sexual assault can be eliminated immediately, with a "decision." So here it is again. Incest is commonplace, and not really a big deal unless you make it one! It's just a matter of perception.

Thanks for posting this again.  I'm going to try and update the Alexander post in the "whos who" section and am gathering up these types of things to add to it.

[louisa05]

@Curious I think the "That is LOVE LOVE LOVE" is pretty clear that she was defining love. 

And go ahead and ignore my second paragraph. We need to not teach kids, especially girls, that things like PDA are the definition of love. The boy who never lets go is not necessarily the one they can have a healthy relationship with--often quite the opposite. But our culture constantly teaches that PDA = real love. Go read comments on pictures of Meghan Markle clinging to Prince Harry for 10,000 people telling you they are "really in love" based on that alone and 5000 of them throwing in that his brother and sister-in-law don't love each other because they have kept the typical restraint of the royal family in that area.

I didn't think anything was directed at me at all. I gave an example to show that some couples can express love in the complete opposite way. My example happened to be personal because I don't presume to speak for other people in that particular area. I can tell you that for my parents, my mom packing a lunch for my dad to take to work every day was an expression of love. I don't pack Mr. 05's lunch. And that's okay. 

[Beermeet]

51 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

@feministxtian No, that is the way you and your spouse express love. It is not the definition of love. 

My spouse and I do not express ourselves through PDA (there is plenty of A between us but as two introverts, the PD part is not our cup of tea) nor do I think that I have to get up at 4:45 when he gets up for work to prove I love him and he doesn't think I need to either. For me, love is the fact that he knows I need more sleep to function and is as quiet as possible so that he doesn't wake me up. 

I have spent the majority of my professional life working with teens. When we define love by external actions, especially things like PDA and constant presence, we actually are doing a disservice to what kids expect from relationships. If those things are expressions of love for you, that is fine. But please understand that it is not the definition of what love or a healthy relationship is or must be. 

I think you missed the whole point.  That is how they show love and it's sweet.  She's proud of her relationship and rightfully so.  There is no one model for a healthy relationship but you will know an unhealthy one when you see one or at some point if you are in one.  

 

[polecat]

3 hours ago, delphinium65 said:

Hell, these two wouldn't even know simple enjoyment of each other, things like being together, doing things together, touching that may not be particularly sexual, but reaching for a hand, or putting an arm around the other, just because they matter to you.  Or how about spending time with that other not out of obligation, but because you WANT to?  A partner who is also your best friend?  

Super good points. Sex is a fantastic side benefit of a relationship, but it's definitely not the only benefit. I know we've had this discussion in previous threads, but I truly cannot imagine a world in which my husband isn't by my side. He is truly my best friend. 

But as you said, these people don't even like each other. I'd bet they don't even really KNOW each other, even after all these years. 

[squiddysquid]

2 hours ago, Hisey said:

Ken has tried really hard to cover this up. He clearly regrets writing it. However, he pissed me off by saying the affects of sexual assault can be eliminated immediately, with a "decision." So here it is again. Incest is commonplace, and not really a big deal unless you make it one! It's just a matter of perception.

I knew Ken was vile, but what the everloving fuck??

Just because domestic violence is common doesn't make it OK.

Thank you for that screenshot, it should be plastered all over Lori's social media accounts.

Reminds me of Jim Bob Duggar: "Yes my turd son is a sexual predator, but I've talked to people in my church and it happens quite often in our group."

That doesn't make it any less horrible you asshole!

But it says a lot about your "godly" fundie community.

[Curious]

12 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

@Curious I think the "That is LOVE LOVE LOVE" is pretty clear that she was defining love. 

And go ahead and ignore my second paragraph. We need to not teach kids, especially girls, that things like PDA are the definition of love. The boy who never lets go is not necessarily the one they can have a healthy relationship with--often quite the opposite. But our culture constantly teaches that PDA = real love. Go read comments on pictures of Meghan Markle clinging to Prince Harry for 10,000 people telling you they are "really in love" based on that alone and 5000 of them throwing in that his brother and sister-in-law don't love each other because they have kept the typical restraint of the royal family in that area.

I didn't think anything was directed at me at all. I gave an example to show that some couples can express love in the complete opposite way. My example happened to be personal because I don't presume to speak for other people in that particular area. I can tell you that for my parents, my mom packing a lunch for my dad to take to work every day was an expression of love. I don't pack Mr. 05's lunch. And that's okay. 

Cool story, bro.  Except none of that has anything to do with the post you got offended by.  She wasn't speaking for other people either.  She was speaking for herself and her husband.  Again, she never said it was THE definition of love, but reading the post it's clearly A definition of love.  There was a lot more in that post than the PDA bit, as well.

You like to be offended and know it all, I get it.  However, it's fucking insufferable.  If you ever posted something positive, I'm not sure how I would even react.  Maybe that you had hit your head really hard or something.   It would be truly shocking.

You post stuff ALL THE TIME that could be taken as you "speaking for everyone," but you might notice people don't do that.

Further, this is an adult site and afaik, @feministxtian's children are all grown, so talking about PDA in ONE freaking post out of thousands we get every day is not going to bring about the downfall of society.

[feministxtian]

15 minutes ago, Curious said:

urther, this is an adult site and afaik, @feministxtian's children are all grown, so talking about PDA in ONE freaking post out of thousands we get every day is not going to bring about the downfall of society.

My "baby" is pushing 30. All three kids are seriously PDA types too. I don't give a shit what anyone thinks including @louisa05 I'm 54 years old, been thru hell in a handbasket, been violated and abused. My husband thinks I hung the moon. You don't like PDA, fine...that's all on you. We're very touchy/feely. Maybe that's because 5 years ago I was told that I had a 1/3 chance of the doctors finding cancer, closing him back up and sending him home to die, 1/3 chance of him dying on the table and 1/3 chance of him surviving with or without complications. I got the happy ending. 

So...the miracle of my husband STILL being here, being relatively healthy and loving me is INCREDIBLE. 

You haven't walked a mile in my shoes so SHUT THE FUCK UP. 

[Palimpsest]

Time for a musical interlude, and not a parody. 

Laurey:

Don't throw bouquets at me
Don't please my folks too much
Don't laugh at my jokes too much.
People will say we're in love.

Curly: 
Laughs at your jokes-

Laurey: 
Don't sigh and gaze at me.
Your sighs are so like mine.
Your eyes mustn't glow like mine
People will say we're in love!
Don't start collecting things
Give me my rose and my glove.
Sweetheart, they're suspecting things
People will say we're in love.

Curly:
Some people claim that you are to blame as much as I
Why do you take the trouble to bake my fav'rite pie?
Grantin' your wish I carved our initials on that tree,
Just keep a slice of all the advice you give so free.
Don't praise my charm too much
Don't look so vain with me
Don't stand in the rain with me
People will say we're in love.

Don't take my arm to much
Don't keep your hand in mine
Your hand feels so grand in mine
People will say we're in love!
Don't dance all night with me
'till the stars fade from above
They'll see it's alright with me
People will say we're in love!

 

[fluffy]

4 hours ago, Free Jana Duggar said:

I think Ken may have encouraged Lori's online nonsense because it keeps her from bothering him.

I completely agree with you. My take is that when they were raising/beating children, they had that joint effort in common and that was their bond. As we know, when they looked ahead to the future, it was a big question mark for Ken because the marriage had been so bleak for over twenty years. That's when Lori changed her tune to keep her man, and now she's further manipulated him by creating a common enemy for them: the feminists, or so they say. Of course, they don't seem to have a handle on what feminism actually means, which is that men and women have equal worth and value.

Anyway, in their minds, they share a common foe and that is the tie that binds. For now, Ken escapes the withering glare of his wife. Their lives are limited and sad, but it's what they've chosen to do with their education, wealth, and beautiful family. They profess to love Christ, but they seem to lack a basic understanding of his life too. If Lori and Ken were to invest a tenth of their time into alleviating an actual misery in life, they would achieve something. She loves soup so damn much I don't know why she isn't volunteering at a soup kitchen. (Not that I wish her soup on anyone!) She's like Don Quixote tilting at windmills. 

[Petronella]

6 hours ago, feministxtian said:

Duuuuuuude! I remember those days...up against a tree in a public park!

Yikes! I’m very pro-passion, but not when it potentially involves unwitting strangers.

[Free Jana Duggar]

7 hours ago, feministxtian said:

Duuuuuuude! I remember those days...up against a tree in a public park!

Lol, We've never done it in public, but I remember going for it right inside the front door and not making it up the stairs when he came back from a four month deployment in the Air Force

[Briefly]

6 hours ago, Hisey said:

Ken has tried really hard to cover this up. He clearly regrets writing it. However, he pissed me off by saying the affects of sexual assault can be eliminated immediately, with a "decision." So here it is again. Incest is commonplace, and not really a big deal unless you make it one! It's just a matter of perception.

Hisey, my Angry reaction is not aimed at you.  It's entirely at Ken, he makes me very angry with this.  Very Angry.

[usmcmom]

1 hour ago, Free Jana Duggar said:

Lol, We've never done it in public, but I remember going for it right inside the front door and not making it up the stairs when he came back from a four month deployment in the Air Force

All this "gotta have it now" talk reminds me of a great story. 

I was at an evil women's retreat for my church and we were doing the "ice breaker" activity. One woman had drawn the question "What is one really crazy thing you've done?" Now this woman was hilarious anyway; so she says "Well, my husband and I...um...well we...OKAY! WE HAD MARITAL RELATIONS ON A PCINIC TABLE AT THE LOCAL PARK!"  

We all are laughing and asking her which table, things like that. This very sweet and well-loved eighty-year-old woman who had difficulty hearing says "WHAT? What did she say?"  Then we all got really quiet as we tried to decide who was going to have to practically yell into her ear about sex on a park table.  Someone finally did so and this woman says "Ooooooh! Well, that's just wonderful!!"

Gosh I love that  "wise older" woman so much. Lori needs to sit at her feet and learn something. 

[Beermeet]

@usmcmom  love that story!  It's so funny because we tend to think our elders have not been there.  They have!  

I have a story I just love.  It doesn't involve me but my cousin who was my bff at the time ( early 20's). She came over so I could help her get ready for date #2 with a handsome rich fellow.  We did curls and used a dryer with the bonnet like in the 50's and drank a couple beers, discussed how she was planning on just kissing if things went well, maybe a boob feel.  Well, the next day she reports back that they did make out hot and heavy, she told him no sex and so they kept making out.  Well, she decides to feel his crotchal area and apparently it was very um....impressive.   she stops, looks at him while her hand is still on IT and says "um, can I change my mind?" And she did and they did.  We still laugh at that!  

[Koala]

#1.  Is Lori suggesting you "free" someone from expectations the Bible put on them?  Because that's a biblical command she's brushing off, there.

#2.  Lori is always saying that the Lord's commands aren't burdensome, but this implies that the Lord commands something of your husband that he can never do.

#3.  Lori cares nothing about the Bible.  She cares about making sure other women are miserable...just like she is.

 

[ladyicantxplain]

After months of curiosity, y'all inspired me to finally read "The Handmaid's Tale", which I consumed in less than 24 hours.

I thought y'all were joking about the similarities.  

You were not.

I don't think Ken really understands how dangerous it is to continue agreeing with Lori, encouraging Lori, and participating in this nonsense.  I really think these people think they are right, which means they are deceived, and therefore unable to SEE when others are telling them they are wrong.

Someone within the family needs to stop all this.

 

 

5 minutes ago, Koala said:

#1.  Is Lori suggesting you "free" someone from expectations the Bible put on them?  Because that's a biblical command she's brushing off, there.

#2.  Lori is always saying that the Lord's commands aren't burdensome, but this implies that the Lord commands something of your husband that he can never do.

#3.  Lori cares nothing about the Bible.  She cares about making sure other women are miserable...just like she is.

 

Yes, your point #2 nailed it: Lori's writings imply that men are "created" to be "Command Men" who are "bossy" even though we do not see bossy listed as a fruit of the Spirit anywhere in the bible.  Lori implies that is "just the way God made him" and everyone around him, first and foremost his WIFE (who is ONE with him), should excuse his bossiness based upon this false assumption.

With women, she is to be "Always Learning" and always improving, not for God first and foremost, but for her "lord" - her husband.

This wrong thinking comes from a wrong understanding of the husband as Jesus, and the wife as the church.  This is NOT the context of the scriptures, but rather a filter through which Ken and Lori have seen the scriptures, and taught them.

BOTH spouses are representative of Jesus Christ on this earth, and BOTH are representative of His church.

 

[Hisey]

38 minutes ago, Briefly said:

Hisey, my Angry reaction is not aimed at you.  It's entirely at Ken, he makes me very angry with this.  Very Angry.

I think this should be posted on the 2.0 page, and perhaps her Amazon review page as well. Ken might very well respond by shutting everything down. Once, on the 2.0 page, someone mentioned his views on incest, and he demanded they retract their statement (which basically was what you read in the comment).

[Koala]

Ken knows, because at times, he tries to hide/deny/cover up the things he and Lori get up to.  Ken is every bit as bad as Lori, he just cares what people think.  Lori on the other hand, wants to rub your face in it.  She doesn't give a shit how she comes across.

The Emma story is a perfect example.  When Lori wrote about it, she went into detail about Ryan making a hungry Emma sit on the floor and watch them eat dinner.  Then she bragged that he'd forced her to eat 20 bites of food as she cried that she wasn't hungry.  She was practically gleeful over it, calling the post, "Emma Isn't Boss!"

Ken, when describing the incident, neatly avoided all of the details, instead painting his son as a loving father who wanted to make sure his children ate healthy meals.  Of course he tacked on at the end, that he'd like to compare his grandchildren to other people's children.  In the end, he just can't hide what a nasty human being he is.

[refugee]

6 minutes ago, Koala said:

#1.  Is Lori suggesting you "free" someone from expectations the Bible put on them?  Because that's a biblical command she's brushing off, there.

#2.  Lori is always saying that the Lord's commands aren't burdensome, but this implies that the Lord commands something of your husband that he can never do.

#3.  Lori cares nothing about the Bible.  She cares about making sure other women are miserable...just like she is.

 

#4. What’s good for the gander is good for the goose. All you women out there that Lori is mentoring? Sounds like Lori is advocating freeing people from the “biblical” expectations she’s laying on them. This also means you. Take it and run with it.

Far, far away from the sound of Lori’s voice.

[Koala]

1 minute ago, Hisey said:

I think this should be posted on the 2.0 page, and perhaps her Amazon review page as well. 

That and Lori's admission that she hit Ken, and believes that a good spouse can hit.  

The pictures of Lori dressed immodestly are funny- the quotes are the real deal.  

On that note, this little viral stunt put her reviews even further in the toilet than they already are.  

[ladyicantxplain]

@Koala, yes, you're right, the posts about child training are the real Tell on both of them.

[Curious]

2 hours ago, Hisey said:

I think this should be posted on the 2.0 page, and perhaps her Amazon review page as well. Ken might very well respond by shutting everything down. Once, on the 2.0 page, someone mentioned his views on incest, and he demanded they retract their statement (which basically was what you read in the comment).

I posted it on our facebook today along with a link to Carol's post with the other screenshot.

[feministxtian]

3 hours ago, Koala said:

#1.  Is Lori suggesting you "free" someone from expectations the Bible put on them?  Because that's a biblical command she's brushing off, there.

#2.  Lori is always saying that the Lord's commands aren't burdensome, but this implies that the Lord commands something of your husband that he can never do.

#3.  Lori cares nothing about the Bible.  She cares about making sure other women are miserable...just like she is.

 

Say what? What is this bullshit. The "husband love your wives" thing comes right after the whole "wives submit to your husband" thing. So, according to the Ungodly mentor, the first one is a command but the second isn't. Can't have it both ways here. 

As I've said before, if Lori (Alexander is a monster) and Ken (Alexander who thinks abuse and molestation is normal) want to hold their marriage up as an example, NO THANKS!

Not all men are "command man" types. The way I see it, if a man needs to throw around that he has a penis, he suffers from shortdickitis and feels inferior to any woman, especially one who is independent and doesn't "need" a man for anything. It must suck to be that insecure.

[Loveday]

Hey, I know it's early, but did anyone catch Lori's first post this morning? The original one, I should say--it was a comic strip about debt-free virgins without tattoos. The comments were just getting good when I tried to click on some replies and couldn't get them to show up. I refreshed the page and the entire post disappeared! She replaced it with yet another re-run of her old post about Lainey who paid off her home and raised five kids on less than $30k a year. Wish I'd saved that post before it got zapped.