Lori Alexander 51: Looking for the Transformed Husband

[Sarah92]

Here's my experience, as a virgin with little dating experience a lot of guys question it like what's wrong with you? Why don't you have experience? Are you a crazy person? It's not always easy for them to understand that I had other things to do besides dating or getting married. 

As a 25 year old I can cook (made corn chowder from scratch last night), bake, do some sewing, and clean. Those things definitely don't take years to learn. With the invention of Pinterest many young people are learning not only how to cook but make homemade cleaning products. Gardening and whole foods are a major thing for young people.

I'm positive many of her oldest daughter's friends are probably pretty healthy athletic people given what she does.  It's like she's totally disconnected from reality and refuses to talk to young people. 

Well Lori, let me give you a small reality check. I spent most of my adolescent (12 and up) in a small Midwestern town. There is not a single guy that I can think of that I would want to marry from there for various, perfectly valid reasons. My parents don't have much money at all, so me continuously leeching off them when I could go to school, live on my own, and get a better job is unacceptable. In my small town you're looking at part-time minimum wage jobs that frankly aren't great. Working at Aldis is highly sought after because everything else is fast food or Walmart. Many people have similar experiences. I took a chance, put faith in God, and went to college so I could have a better life. I was tired of not having health, dental, or vision insurance and seeing my family struggle to make ends meet. If you don't know what that's truly like you don't get to criticize people for making the choice to reach for something better.

My work place physical that I just got was the first one in, dearest goodness, 8-9 years? I hadn't counted the years until now. How's that healthy? You got to selfishly  use your privilege to endanger your children and not take them to the doctor. My parents and myself simply couldn't go despite desperately wanting the chance to do so. 

[klein_roeschen]

1 hour ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

Yay for Lori!! She gets to live in a climate where she can open her windows all the time. I guess everyone else gets to die. I don't believe what she posted, but look at the absolute snobbery again.

 

Formaldehyde is only a thing in new furniture, since it's volatile and it's used to prevent mold, since most furniture these days are made out of pressboard instead of carefully dried wood. But after a short time it's gassed out and they usually come with the advise to air it out for the first few days. And about airing rooms, I prefer my windows open to let fresh air in, but I also live in a first floor apartment at a street that can get pretty buisy with traffic during the day. So open windows where closed during that time when I'm home due to noise and car pollution. And airing in the cold winter is 5 to 10 minutes to get the moist air out, to prevent mold. And even my bedroom window will be closed when the temps are going below zero celsius in winter and I usually prefer my bedroom to be cool. She should try a winter in Door County to get a feel for open windows in cold weather.

[Koala]

The windows-  Sweetheart, this is Alabama, and I am having hot-flashes night and day.  I have my thermostat set at 68, in hopes that I won't melt into a giant puddle on my living-room rug.  Our house is small, and our power bill is running over $300 a month. 

Approx. 15 times a day, I call out, "Shut the back door!  We can't afford to air condition the back yard!"  I would stroke right out if someone left the windows open, because as I mentioned above, I can't afford to air condition the whole neighborhood.  Close the windows, close the doors, forget about the cupboards being toxic, and try not to melt.  That's my motto right now.

[delphinium65]

14 minutes ago, Sarah92 said:

There is not a single guy that I can think of that I would want to marry from there for various, perfectly valid reasons. 

Not wanting to marry someone IS a perfectly valid reason, no better reason is needed.  Anyone who doesn't like that...well, that's their problem!  

[squiddysquid]

I don't think guys are that obsessed with virgins, except for conservative religious circles.

If I met a guy who was a virgin and still living at home... Meh. I prefer a little experience.

I did date a guy who was a 23 year old virgin though, very considerate. (He did the whole dinner and champagne, rose petals and candles thing. A bit too much for my taste, but I admired all the effort he put into it.)

And a guy who definitly wasn't a virgin and some people just.never.learn. Honestly, I was thinking about sending him to the Neurologist to test his motor skills...

I was glad I had pervious experience, otherwise I'd have given up on the whole sex thing altogether!

Guess in the end, it doesn't matter that much as long as you respect and appreciate the other person.

[AuntKrazy]

@Sarah92  - I had that question about my virginity come up.  It wasn't something I normally brought up myself, though.  And I usually responded that I believed that sex should be in the context of love without saying I was a virgin; and that when there was mutual love, then it would be appropriate to discuss sex again. 

I'm sure it put some men off because I was not as casual as they would have wished, but it was the right decision for me.

[squiddysquid]

3 minutes ago, AuntKrazy said:

@Sarah92  - I had that question about my virginity come up.  It wasn't something I normally brought up myself, though.  And I usually responded that I believed that sex should be in the context of love without saying I was a virgin; and that when there was mutual love, then it would be appropriate to discuss sex again. 

I'm sure it put some men off because I was not as casual as they would have wished, but it was the right decision for me.

True "I didn't feel like it" or "I don't want to right now" are perfectly fine answers and if he keeps nagging, dump him! Major red flag right there.

It takes me a while to be comfortable being physically close to a person, wether that's sleeping with a partner or hugging a friend.

That's the way I'm wired and the people who really cared, had no problem with that.

[delphinium65]

10 minutes ago, squiddysquid said:

If I met a guy who was a virgin and still living at home... Meh. I prefer a little experience.

My first husband and I were both virgins when we married...let's just say it could have gone much better.  My husband now had much more experience, with more women than I had been with men (only my now ex at that time), and things are much better in that department!  Years ago the disparity in our experience levels would have been very disturbing to me, but now?  I don't think I could have found a man better suited to me if I had been trying (at that time I certainly wasn't looking), and any change in his previous life might mean he wouldn't be the person he is now, so it's all good to me.    

[Florita]

Her claws are off the delete key and her minions aren't stepping in. I think her debt-free non-tattoo'd virgins only post is yet another attempt to go viral. 600+ comments and 700+ shares (and climbing fast, it was 619 when I started typing this a couple of minutes ago). She gave a really lame article a click-bait title this time.

Did you hear that one time one of her posts went viral?!!?! VIRAL!!!

And unfortunately it might happen again.

[Lgirlrocks]

When I was planning on saving myself for marriage, 19 or so, and I told guys that they always thought I was a prude. I wasn’t doing it to be prude. I was taught you save yourself for marriage. My dad always said to save myself not just because the Bible said but because I’m worth it. 

I wasn’t a virgin when I met my boyfriend and I had one tattoo. I got another one while we were talking. Guess what? He didn’t care. Still doesn’t. 

If you truly love a person it won’t matter.

[Koala]

Totally agree that Lori is trying to go viral.  

Hey Lori?  I'll tell you what men really prefer:  A kind woman, who marries for love instead of money, and then DOESN'T  sabotage her birth control in order to trick him into letting her stay home.

Hell, they'd probably even put up with a bit of debt before they put up with a shrew of a woman, with a princess mentality, and a penchant for being served.

For those of you who have been driven here by today's post:

[Sarah92]

1 hour ago, squiddysquid said:

True "I didn't feel like it" or "I don't want to right now" are perfectly fine answers and if he keeps nagging, dump him! Major red flag right there.

It takes me a while to be comfortable being physically close to a person, wether that's sleeping with a partner or hugging a friend.

That's the way I'm wired and the people who really cared, had no problem with that.

That's how I am. It's pretty special when I hug a person. I'm just not a super physical person and prefer my space. I have to really trust someone and know them before getting physical. If they have a problem with that they can go away.  

I've had guys say "I just want a friend and someone to make out with". When I offer just my friendship they're gone in a heart beat. Like I couldn't see through their lame ass attempt at getting a sex friend. So no I don't think a majority of guys are into the stay-at-home virgin thing. 

On Christian dating sites guys say "I want someone to cuddle" which translates, I want a girl to mess around with without actually coming out and saying sex. Also had a Christian guy bring up his foot fetish within minutes of talking. So yeah sorry if I'm not buying what Lori is throwing down (or up because it certainly seems like she's regurgitating some foul stuff)

p.s I'm sure she boosted her article again. But I'm here for all the transformer jokes and those that awesome she's an incel man 

[EowynW]

We were virgins and made out fine. But we read a lot of books and did a lot of online research. Something I don't think many of the leghumper would do since they're against sex Ed.  We didn't marry each other because we were virgins though, despite what our fundie parents think.  

[delphinium65]

That post on FB is currently up over 1500 comments.  Has anyone seen sensible comments being deleted?  You know, the ones that aren't hateful, that make sense, the ones Lori can't refute, can't argue, and probably can't even understand?  

[teachergirl]

Oh wow, Jasmine Holmes has gotten ahold of Lori and Debi Pearl's book and is tearing it apart....Out of all the fundies we talk about, she has changed so much.  She watched The Handmaid's Tale for starters.....

[Imrlgoddess]

Ya know...with reference to all this "women shouldn't have debt" bs...what about him?  So OK, she's not supposed to walk into it all with a load of bills to pay, but what if he's got shit credit or high loan balances?  The first red flag with my ex (which should have sent me running) was that he had just been hit with a charge for bounced checks.  He couldn't open a bank account for a year when I met him.  (he blamed the ex-girlfriend) 

I guess she's supposed to overlook that and what...deal with living in squalor or drive children in an unreliable car so he can pay off his debt with the money he makes "for the family"?  I guess the answer would be she shouldn't pick a guy who's not financially sound.  So basically this is what I'm gathering with her collective bs:  

Be a baby producing trophy wife, marry a man with money or at least earning potential, and only the beautiful and wealthy deserve to have a family or companionship...  And of course as long as she does her part of being quiet and submissive, the man has no reason to be an ass-personality and mental state play no factor.  

[HoneyBunny]

3 hours ago, Florita said:

Her claws are off the delete key and her minions aren't stepping in. I think her debt-free non-tattoo'd virgins only post is yet another attempt to go viral. 600+ comments and 700+ shares (and climbing fast, it was 619 when I started typing this a couple of minutes ago). She gave a really lame article a click-bait title this time.

Did you hear that one time one of her posts went viral?!!?! VIRAL!!!

And unfortunately it might happen again.

Yep, that was my very first thought too: bitch is looking to go viral. Because spending time with a sick mother or new grandchild or any of the other grandchildren ain’t nearly as much fun as going viral. 

Lazy Lori, the Lord made you to work. Get off your skinny ass and do something for someone else for a change. Quit trying to stir up trouble. You must sure hate God and His ways. 

[Frog99]

3 hours ago, Koala said:

Ken married a debt free virgin, with no tattoos. 

The result? 

24 years of (admitted) "misery".

I guess marrying a debt free virgin, with no tattoos isn't a cure-all, is it?

Reading all of her comments, I almost feel sorry for Ken. And then I remember he’s not innocent in all of this, and I’m thankful they somehow found each other as opposed to someone genuinely kind, loving, considerate, and innocent. She reminds me of the spoiled and overindulged children from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I envision Veruca Salt throwing a fit over those squirrels/nuts. 

2 hours ago, Florita said:

Her claws are off the delete key and her minions aren't stepping in. I think her debt-free non-tattoo'd virgins only post is yet another attempt to go viral. 600+ comments and 700+ shares (and climbing fast, it was 619 when I started typing this a couple of minutes ago). She gave a really lame article a click-bait title this time.

Did you hear that one time one of her posts went viral?!!?! VIRAL!!!

And unfortunately it might happen again.

So my FB app update worked this time and yesterday I was actually able to read through her posts along with 2.0 and TGWS. On one of Lori’s posts, one of her leghumpers said one of her doodles had been shared on the dating life of an Asian guy page. I’m not sure how he found it, but he has quite a following of people who are having a hay day. If she did boost her post, I’m not sure she can keep up and stay in the good graces of her leghumpers. Surely they can see that she thrives on the attention and that most similar pages don’t get this much attention. 

Its almost epic to watch the impending crash and burn. 

1 hour ago, Koala said:

For those of you who have been driven here by today's post:

Do you think she really wanted to be home with Alyssa? Or is it a sign of privilege for her? She’s not at all nurturing and is lazy. 

[mango_fandango]

I’m a virgin. But I’m not debt-free. I’m not saving myself for marriage. I just have self-esteem ishoos and find it difficult to befriend people, so as you can imagine romance is a non-starter (I have done literally NOTHING in that regard). I’m not going into all the details here as it isn’t relevant.

Yes it may be unusual for someone my age to have no experience whatsoever, but that shouldn’t matter. Everyone has to start off somewhere. The right guy will take the time to make me feel comfortable. If they’re put off by my virginity, then that’s their problem, not mine. 

[TeddyBonkers]

I've been alternately lying on the couch and the bed with a heating pad on my stomach (THANKS MOTHER NATURE I HATE YOU WITH THE FIRE OF ONE THOUSAND SUNS). Lori has inspired me to get up off my lazy ass- assisted by the power of wine and Motrin and respond to her bullshit.

For every man who wants a non-tattooed, virgin woman without debt, there's a man who is perfectly happy with an inked up, experienced woman with a car loan or college loans. Sweeping generalizations are no way to characterize an entire gender.

Lori was a technical virgin, had no tattoos, and no debt. She's had a fucking miserable marriage for 20 plus years. No offense, but I'd take a hard pass on that. When you have to sabotage your birth control in order to stay home from your job, girl, you got problems.

I have a tattoo, boned a couple of guys before meeting Mr. Bonkers, and had a car loan when we married (please, contain your shock). Now it hasn't been all sunshine and unicorn farts, but the good times have far outpaced the bad. We only have 2 kids, thanks to un-sabotaged birth control. We communicate like grown ups. We trust each other, but most importantly, we LOVE each other.

@Ken-Tell Lori she's a sad excuse for a wife.

[Briefly]

7 hours ago, Hisey said:

Who the hell cares what men prefer? Why should I re-arrange myself to try to please "men"? Even if I were single, I'd want to be loved for who I am. I'm certainly not going to *forego a college education* because some hypothetical man might not like it. And if I ever felt the need for a tattoo, I'd get one. And I"d explain to my true love why it was meaningful to me. And if he didn't like it, he could go.

And what's with all this talk about debt? My daughter just graduated from high school and received multiple offers of merit aid. She could have attended college scot-free, if she had chosen our local university. Good grades can take you far. Many of her friends are attending the local university--which is very highly rated--at a pretty low cost. I think Lori is thinking of private universities, where you can accumulate substantial debt if you don't have parents who can pay. It would make sense that, in the circles she moves in, that this would be her idea of college.

I think her talk about debt is just one more reason she is using as to why women should not pursue higher education.

By the way, by age 18 my daughter knew how to cook for just a couple of people or for several.  As well as how to do her laundry, clean house and do a lot of other stuff like home repair.  Because we taught her to take care of herself so she would not have to be dependent on anyone else!  She didn't move at at age 18, because of repeating a grade she was actually 19 when she graduated.  She was 22 when she moved out, she had 1 1/2 years at community college and then worked to be able to support herself so that she was able to move out and be a responsible adult.  I guess by Lori's standards, we must be bad parents.  Also, she is now living with her boyfriend and nobody cares!  Because she is an adult and can make her own choices.

[crawfishgirl]

I was in my 30's when I met my husband.  I didn't have credit card debt, but I did have a mortgage, and I earned the down payment through the use of my education.  He also owned a house, so we sold mine because it was smaller.  I didn't lose any money on it, so the debt counted for nothing.  I wasn't a virgin when I married, but didn't lose my virginity until a later-than-average age - I am very shy and was not confident around men.  My husband wasn't a virgin either - shock and horror!!  And he had more debt than I did. Since she only exists to judge and criticize women, I'm sure that means nothing to her.

[Briefly]

1 hour ago, mango_fandango said:

I’m a virgin. But I’m not debt-free. I’m not saving myself for marriage. I just have self-esteem ishoos and find it difficult to befriend people, so as you can imagine romance is a non-starter (I have done literally NOTHING in that regard). I’m not going into all the details here as it isn’t relevant.

Yes it may be unusual for someone my age to have no experience whatsoever, but that shouldn’t matter. Everyone has to start off somewhere. The right guy will take the time to make me feel comfortable. If they’re put off by my virginity, then that’s their problem, not mine. 

It's a personal decision, if or when.  As long as you are happy, then that's what matters.  But, as this is speaking as a mother, do the research about birth control.

[Loveday]

Okay, so she's had 5.3k shares on this morning's post. Does that qualify as 'viral?' I hope not, or we will NEVER hear the end of it. "Since my 2nd post went viral/Did you know I had another post go viral?/I'm so popular on teh interwebz because I've had TWO posts go viral!" 

[TeddyBonkers]

I know she can see who shares her posts. She knows that a lot of those who share it are mocking her.