Josiah and Lauren Part 9: Where Are They Honeymooning?

[karen77]

Actually, to go to Canada with a small kiddo, you only need their birth cert, and obviously, your passports.

[Jug Band Baby]

22 hours ago, Rachel333 said:

This is actually a myth, and one that I too believed unquestioningly for a long time. Fathers just don't ask for custody as often (and unfortunately some of the ones who do are just using it as a pawn in the divorce) but if they do they're very likely to get it.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/myths-about-custody-litigation/2017/12/15/61951bc4-e0e6-11e7-b2e9-8c636f076c76_story.html?utm_term=.e2ce3db4bd01

I also think that while the stereotype of women being better parents is unfair to men, in reality it ends up hurting women more and benefiting men. It's used to justify placing the majority of the burden of childcare on women while men can do the bare minimum as fathers and be lauded as wonderful parents.

The first is definitely true now, but when I was growing up, courts usually defaulted to every other weekend with dad, and the rest of the time with mom.  My husband's parents divorced in a state where custody has to be worked out and approved by a judge as part of the divorce.  So they requested joint 50/50 custody, and the judge went to every other weekend with dad.  That was with even his mom wanting 50/50.  They ignored the order and gave him free reign to stay with whichever parent he wanted, and he wasn't pressured.  If he wanted a couple weeks with dad, he had it.  If he wanted a couple weeks with mom, he got it.  If he wanted to alternate nights, he got it.  Neither of them wanted either of them to be demoted from parent to just being a visitor.

It doesn't help that there was a presumption that dads who wanted custody must have something wrong with them since taking care of the children is a mom's job, dammit.  So a dad doing the "mom's job" simply must be up to not good at worst, and competent at best.

Comedies reflect what the society of the time things is funny, which means that people have to share a lot of the same views.  If you try to make a comedy where the focus is a woman who is a CEO, it's probably going to bomb because that's not something most of us would see as funny because she's not a fish out of water.  So any "funny" things wouldn't be funny.  We expect to see women in the workplace.

In 2003, a comedy was released called Daddy Daycare, and it was seen as pretty funny because what was accepted as the norm was day working outside the home, mom taking care of the kids, and dads being inept.  The movie got laughs because of the fish out of water, the dad doing what society didn't see as normal for dads.  

Even now, there are still comedies where dads not knowing how to take care of their kids gets laughs because enough of society still sees dads going the childcare as being at least a little out of water.

I think custody should ALWAYS start at 50/50, then be modified from there is or as necessary.  When we've got "dads are more likely to get it if they ask" situation, that still means the default is more to the side of moms.

[Jug Band Baby]

17 hours ago, IntrinsicallyDisordered said:

I've talked about this elsewhere in detail but I married my "beard" after being religiously brainwashed into thinking that was the only option.  That I was broken, and this would fix it.  It didn't, and I had a nervous breakdown.

I am still married to him, because he is also my best friend.  He knows everything.  We make things work.  We are happy.  He is satisfied and loves me far more than I think I deserve.  I love him so much it scares me sometimes.  I do think sometimes think about what could have been if not for my upbringing, but I don't want to lose this, or him.  

I don't know if Josiah is like me or not, but if he is I worry for him not so much because he is married in general, but because he married a virtual stranger.  I married a man who had been my best friend for ten years at that point and it was still devastating to who I was as a person, because I had denied and shamed and buried that part of myself for so long.  I only survived it because of my partner, and because he already saw me more clearly than I saw myself. 

I think it's a good sign that Josiah can at least acknowledge that he doesn't know her well instead of all the usual talk about knowing each other so well because of shared religious view.  Joy and Austin did know each other.  But I question the others, and I'm still creeped out by Ben getting his parents to drive him several hours away so he could to find a girl in person that he saw on TV and started crushing on.  By Si acknowledging they need to get to know each other, they might make an active effort to.  But that could also be bad.  If they only focus on the religion aspect, then any differences may not matter.  If they start getting to know each other, they might find out they're incompatible.

No matter what, these marriages between people who are intentionally kept from getting to know each other are horrid.

I'm glad you have a good man.  Despite marrying him because of religion, it sounds like the two of you have an extremely tight bond and are free to be yourselves with each other.  Whatever he saw in you that you didn't see must have been really good.  It sounds like he willingly chose without being brainwashed, and he still loved you for you.  By marrying him, you were likely spared marrying a beard who would have treated you horribly upon finding out.  It's sad that you felt you had no choice but to marry a man, but beautiful that there is still so much love there that you absolutely don't want to lose him.

[Sky with diamonds]

7 hours ago, tabitha2 said:

He looks happy enough in that rehearsal photo.

agreed. I'm glad to see him happy there, to me it's a genuine smile.

[BunnyBee]

20 hours ago, Nodaknorskie said:

I think custody is easier to get for men in some places but not in the south.  In fact, where I live the law just changed three days ago to encourage judges to think joint custody first.

I live in Texas and my sweet, worlds best dad, brother is fighting tooth and nail to get custody of his daughter. It hasnt been easy, even though his ex-wife has had police reports filed against her for completely withholding his daughter during his court ordered custody time, CPS called, and the elementary school has called my brother several times saying she was left at school. 

Her argument for not wanting to give him full custody and withholding access to his daughter? He moved in with his new fiancee and didnt legally change the address on their original child custody agreement 

It isnt easy for men to get custody, even when its very obvious who the better parent is. 

[Sky with diamonds]

1 hour ago, Greendoor said:

There are thousands of cities in Canada, we don't live igloos and we understand American as well as English.

You might like to spend some time in Halifax, Niagra is lovely especially in summer.  If you have a hankering for a really mulit-cultural experience, google the events this summer in Winnipeg.  Calgary has the Stampede if you like cowboys and the Rocky Mountains lead  you to the cites in the western province, British Columbia.   Truly we're a huge and diverse country.  Come North and see lots of different cities, wildlife and scenery. 

I'm surprised that none of them have honeymooned n Canada yet. I think if they gave it a chance they would enjoy it. 

Maybe they won't come to Alberta since an appearance was cancelled after an an outcry.

[Jug Band Baby]

15 hours ago, Million Children For Jesus said:

Iceland seems to be very popular right now. (In my area.)

It is everywhere right now thanks to WOW and Iceland Air allowing layover as long as a week so that you can visit the country while you're already there on a layover.  But even if you want it to be the only stop, it's still so cheap!  In a time of increasing financial strain, it's a place that's affordable for many to get to, though you do have to be careful about costs when you get there and be very smart about how you choose to eat.  Skip eating out except maybe a special meal, or take some protein bars to sub for a meal a day.  It's expeeeeeeeensive.  I literally said "Holy fuck!" pretty loudly at the price of a salad.  Next time, I'm tossing jars of peanut butter and jelly and some bread in my suitcase.  I was NOT prepared for it to be as expensive as it was.

[InTheNameofRufus]

38 minutes ago, karen77 said:

Actually, to go to Canada with a small kiddo, you only need their birth cert, and obviously, your passports.

Yep, I hope the good border relations continue! 

In my experience, Canadian customs officials are very nice, welcoming, and helpful. I have never had a bad experience going to Canada. (I cross the border every now & then to go to Swiss Chalet, since they are no longer in my area, or to get to the Falls, or casino!)

However, have fun getting back into the US. The customs agents (the ones I have encountered) are generally crabby and ask stupid questions. I always feel like they are analyzing every aspect of our passports.

When my oldest was about a year old, my MIL and SIL took him over the border to Toronto for a shopping trip while I was working. Long story short, I got a phone call from US customs to verify that my in laws had permission to take him out of the country. They were detained getting back into the country, after they had already left, because customs realized that my SILs name was not the one on the birth certificate. This was in 2002, not long after all of the new regulations were put in place. 

We invested 5 years ago, and again this year, to get passports for the kiddos. Worth every penny. Have fun in Canada, it’s an amazing place! Heading to Toronto for a Jays game Sunday, can’t wait!!

[Gillyweed]

1 minute ago, InTheNameofRufus said:

When my oldest was about a year old, my MIL and SIL took him over the border to Toronto for a shopping trip while I was working. Long story short, I got a phone call from US customs to verify that my in laws had permission to take him out of the country. They were detained getting back into the country, after they had already left, because customs realized that my SILs name was not the one on the birth certificate. This was in 2002, not long after all of the new regulations were put in place. 

Just a couple of weeks ago, my aunt was required to have a letter from her exhusband stating she had permission to enter Canada with their daughter. No one at the border actually asked for it, but legally they could have. 

[justoneoftwo]

When I was little and we went to Canada the border agents asked my sister and I a lot of questions about our parents.  Oddly, my sister (who likes to make up stories) had convinced me that our parents weren't our real parents and that our birth parents were after us which is why we had to go to Canada (I was 5, she was 11, I was super gullible).  This was a really stressful interaction, but the agents were great and really nice.

[InTheNameofRufus]

2 minutes ago, Gillyweed said:

Just a couple of weeks ago, my aunt was required to have a letter from her exhusband stating she had permission to enter Canada with their daughter. No one at the border actually asked for it, but legally they could have. 

Yep, the regulations can be a little nuts. My BIL has joint custody of his daughter, yet still needs a letter from his ex wife to take his daughter over the border. She won’t give him one (she has some issues). They actually asked last time he tried to take her to the Canadian Falls and wouldn’t let him over the border even though he had his joint custody documents. 

Just google US Canada border crossing if you have any questions about crossing. 

I recommend crossing at the Rainbow Bridge into the Falls. It’s a beautiful view! 

[xlurker]

3 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

Sesame Place.

Haven't been in years, but it was a cool day trip for us (from Jersey)  If you want to do G-burg too its a bit of a drive from there-but worth it in my opinion.  Lurkerling 1 went to college there, so I've been a few times--do the battlefield.  They have both guided and unguided, and do a ghost tour when you are there!

[PennySycamore]

@WiseGirl,  I'll have to tell my daughter about Sesame Place.  My grandson is on the spectrum.  They don't live at all close, but they do travel some and they could keep this in mind,  

@VelociRapture, I was ready to go back to WDW pretty much as soon as I got back,  As the bumpersticker on the back of another's daughter's van says "The Mountains are calling and I must go!' and its's got a drawing of Space Mountain, Expedition Everest, and Splash Mountain.  What I really want to do though it to do the new Sling Dog Dash at Toy Story Land which just opened in Hollywood Studios.  It looks like it would be great first 'coaster for a kid. 

Actually there are few places I'd not like to visit.  I've wanted to go to Antarctica ever since I read Alone by Admiral Richard Byrd in 9th grade and wanted to visit northern Canada or someplace like that ever since I studied Earth Science and learned about glaciation.  Yeah, I know that sounds weird, but there is not glacial terrain in South Carolina.

@InTheNameofRufus,  I have to wonder if anyone ever tries to sprinkle their pet's ashes at the Rainbow Bridge.

@xlurker, I haven't been to Gettysburg in years, but we went once with my Army officer uncle and once in high school on a band trip.  We saw more of the battlefield with my uncle though.  I'd love to go back.

[xenobia]

4 hours ago, tabitha2 said:

The older Duggars have been to Central America a couple of times. That’s probably not seen as a honeymoon destination for them. 

They have been to Japan so I guess that was enough Asia for them. 

No has gone to Scandinavia or Eastern Europe though. Has anyone gone to Germany?

 

They are very welcome to Scandinavia. I can personally show them the midnight sun (it's 1 am here, and the sun is up). We could also discuss paternity leave, same-sex marriages and other sinful scandinavian virtues. 

[SamiKatz]

I always tell people (even Canadians who haven't been there), that the Icefields Parkway between Banff and Jasper is a must see drive.  

If I was going to honeymoon somewhere, I'd be torn between some place in Europe (i.e Paris), or Hawaii, just because I love Hawaii so much.  I've been to Oahu and Hawaii (the Big Island), but not to Maui or Kauai (and I'd love to go to the canyon n Kauai).  I'd also liked to drive Route 66 as well, so that would be an options.

Icefields Parkway:

[HarryPotterFan]

I saw this thread was hot and thought they were pregnant already and that Lauren took one of those super advanced home pregnancy tests that tell you you’re pregnant the second the egg is fertilized.

[Illmarryyoujana]

13 minutes ago, InTheNameofRufus said:

Yep, the regulations can be a little nuts. My BIL has joint custody of his daughter, yet still needs a letter from his ex wife to take his daughter over the border. She won’t give him one (she has some issues). They actually asked last time he tried to take her to the Canadian Falls and wouldn’t let him over the border even though he had his joint custody documents. 

Just google US Canada border crossing if you have any questions about crossing. 

I recommend crossing at the Rainbow Bridge into the Falls. It’s a beautiful view! 

I don’t think it’s at all crazy to require a letter from the other parent. They don’t know why you’re taking your child across the border and it makes sense they want to make sure both parents are aware and okay with it.  

[xlurker]

@PennySycamore  There is so much to see on the fields that are not on a tour!  Beautiful and peaceful now, but historically so sad.  The village is small and touristy, but a nice walk around.  Kinda miss it since she has graduated, went from being there 2-4 times a year to not at all.  Must say, for anyone in the north east college hunting--G-burg is the tops!  As freshmen they all walk to the site of the Gettysburg address and someone notable recites it, and graduation is beautifully done. And in between a great education.

 

listen to me, I sound like I am on their payroll! 

[SapphireSlytherin]

8 minutes ago, Illmarryyoujana said:

I don’t think it’s at all crazy to require a letter from the other parent. They don’t know why you’re taking your child across the border and it makes sense they want to make sure both parents are aware and okay with it.  

When I renewed GryffindorDisappointment's passport when she was 12, I had to have a form filled out by her father to allow issuance of it, even though I had sole custody.

[Illmarryyoujana]

4 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

When I renewed GryffindorDisappointment's passport when she was 12, I had to have a form filled out by her father to allow issuance of it, even though I had sole custody.

Ah see that’s extreme. I feel that everyone should have  the right to a passport. Parents who share custody should have permission before taking the child out of the country, or  even give a heads up when traveling cross country in continental nations. However— if one parent has sole custody they should also have the sole ability to make such decisions. 

[Rachel333]

1 hour ago, BunnyBee said:

It isnt easy for men to get custody, even when its very obvious who the better parent is. 

It simply is not true that men are at a disadvantage in custody battles just because they're men. That said, custody battles can be nasty for anyone and it's unfortunate to hear of those situations.

[Snarkasarus Rex]

11 minutes ago, Illmarryyoujana said:

Ah see that’s extreme. I feel that everyone should have  the right to a passport. Parents who share custody should have permission before taking the child out of the country, or  even give a heads up when traveling cross country in continental nations. However— if one parent has sole custody they should also have the sole ability to make such decisions. 

Permission to apply for a minor child's passport is required from all the child's legal parents, not just those with court-ordered custody arrangements.  Both my husband and I had to be present when we got Sporty and Baby passports, or one of us would have to present a notarized affidavit that the other grants permission for them to get passports.  Since the US is a Hague Convention signatory, permission from all legal parents, regardless of parental relationship or custody arrangement, is required.  Yes, it's a pain in the ass, but it is one protection against international child abduction.

[Rachel333]

2 minutes ago, Snarkasarus Rex said:

Yes, it's a pain in the ass, but it is one protection against international child abduction.

Exactly. That's a very real concern, unfortunately.

[InTheNameofRufus]

@PennySycamore I would guess a lot of pet ashes have been scattered over the Rainbpw Bridge since you are allowed to walk over it to cross (still have to go through customs). I wanted to do this a few years ago but hubby was against it. 

@Illmarryyoujana I am so not against regs to have permission from both parents to cross he border with a child. I should have clarified! I totally think my BIL is an ass every time he takes her over. If he doesn’t show custody paperwork, they don’t ask for the letter. Unfortunately, it seems to depend on who the customs agent is, if they  strictly follow regs and ask why she isn’t traveling with both parents. If it was me I just would either not cross the border or keep trying to get the permission letter. Honestly, it’s a necessary regulation to prevent non custodial kidnapping, but it’s not too hard to get around. Border security around here can be.....interesting. 

[SassyPants]

My daughter has to have a notarized copy of her husband’s permission to take their daughter anywhere outside of EC- each and every time. She and her husband are married, and she has residency in EC, but still must go through this costly and time consuming process each time she travels without her husband. My GD is a dual citizen, but still can not leave EC, even to come to the US, without her father’s notarized permission.