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Maxwell 22: Maxhell University Coursework


Coconut Flan

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I almost don't believe the whole story about the cherry pitter. Then I wondered if they had special cherry pitters in Europe. Then I thought about Googling "Austrian cherry pitter"...just as I was trying to take a huge swallow of Gatorade. I was stuck trying not to laugh and spit all over my laptop.

Eta: I checked online and found a cherry pitter that looks the same as theirs. On Ebay. For $7.25, direct from China. Who the hell would mail that from Austria?

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5 hours ago, HereticHick said:

Why are the Maxwells accepting gifts from foreign ladies who obviously went to a heathen university and now work outside the home????

Shouldn't they be lecturing her for not staying home and being a proper helpmeet?

 

PS Just stumbled on these Maxwell pics from last May on the Google Plus page of Bethany Xiques, whose brother Joe just joined the Bontrager Family Band: https://plus.google.com/+BethanyXiques

The hussy! She goes to c-o-l-l-e-g-e! And she calls herself a Daughter of the King?? lol

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1 hour ago, Lisafer said:

I almost don't believe the whole story about the cherry pitter. Then I wondered if they had special cherry pitters in Europe. Then I thought about Googling "Austrian cherry pitter"...

I am afraid to Google that for finding some sort of oddball genre of porn

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2 hours ago, HereticHick said:

I am afraid to Google that for finding some sort of oddball genre of porn

“Cherry Stoner” - I thought of weed, I don’t use it at this time but I read the other day there is a Cherry Pie strain that is excellent for menstrual issues.

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Ok which one of you wonderful FJers is from Austria?  You deserve a standing ovation for trolling Griselda Teri for sending her a cherry stoner and pretending to be a doctor.

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11 hours ago, HereticHick said:

Why are the Maxwells accepting gifts from foreign ladies who obviously went to a heathen university and now work outside the home????

Shouldn't they be lecturing her for not staying home and being a proper helpmeet?

 

PS Just stumbled on these Maxwell pics from last May on the Google Plus page of Bethany Xiques, whose brother Joe just joined the Bontrager Family Band: https://plus.google.com/+BethanyXiques

It doesn’t surprise me that they know the Xiques family. I think the Maxwells know a shit ton of fundie families across the US. That’s why I think it will be hard to predict Jesse’s future bride. There are so many fundie families not on the FJ radar. And Steve would most likely prefer a girl whose family is unknown. 

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15 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

3FE17B7E-84A9-4977-99AF-654E4A3AF645.jpeg

Anyone else feel like Jesse's about to start blathering about how much he saved by switching from Verizon to Sprint?

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We had a new ceiling fan installed in our bedroom today.

A couple of weeks ago, one of the blades on the old one (and I mean old, like probably early 80's) snapped off and flew across the room in the middle of the night.  It did not hit me, my husband, the dog or any of the 3 cats in bed with us at the time.

If I were a Maxwell, I'd turn this into a long blog post about GOD'S PROTECTION AND WE COULD HAVE BEEN SERIOUSLY INJURED AND ISN'T IT JUST AMAZING THAT THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE TOOK THE TIME TO DIRECT THE BLADE AWAY FROM US?

But I'm not a Maxwell (thank the LORD JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY), so I'll just stay thankful we were lucky.

And never dust the blades of the new one, because why would I start now?  :dance:

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You guys, I want you to know that this morning I wanted to cut a chunk of lettuce off a leftover lettuce head to feed the rabbit. Rufus directed my fingers to seize a bread knife with a serrated edge. Cut right through that lettuce like butter. I feel Rufus is prompting me to write a blog post about this wonderful happening!

And if one of you could mail me a cherry pitter with a letter and family photo, I'd be happy to include that as another tender mercy from Rufus. 

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Today I'm preparing for a Fourth of July (on the 7th) party. I could genuinely write a long blog post about making a giant chipwich cake, but the lord is laying it on my heart to write a several thousand word long instructional guide to making watermelon and feta salad. And as a Godly Little Girlfriend, I should not ask my boyfriend to pick up another six pack of beer, and instead hope that the lord will whisper "grab some Coronas while you're at Sainsbury's" in his ear. 

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I never ate cherries with stones in them until I went to Germany. Mr. Nomoxian taught me how to destone the cherries that grow in his parents yard - Spit; don't swallow.

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31 minutes ago, nomoxian said:

I never ate cherries with stones in them until I went to Germany. Mr. Nomoxian taught me how to destone the cherries that grow in his parents yard - Spit; don't swallow.

Yeah, I just eat around the pit and then throw it away.  But, I guess if you're making a pie or something you would have to destone them.  I'm way too lazy for that and would either buy a pie or buy the canned cherry filling.  That's as close to homemade as I usually get.

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1 hour ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Today I'm preparing for a Fourth of July (on the 7th) party. I could genuinely write a long blog post about making a giant chipwich cake, but the lord is laying it on my heart to write a several thousand word long instructional guide to making watermelon and feta salad. And as a Godly Little Girlfriend, I should not ask my boyfriend to pick up another six pack of beer, and instead hope that the lord will whisper "grab some Coronas while you're at Sainsbury's" in his ear. 

Wait wait wait.  Sainsburys?  4th of July?   Are you an American in England or English feeling like celebrating the day the US cut ties with the homeland?

(Coming from a first generation American born to British parents... served 4th of July meal on Union Jack plates several years ago.)

2 minutes ago, kpmom said:

Yeah, I just eat around the pit and then throw it away.  But, I guess if you're making a pie or something you would have to destone them.  I'm way too lazy for that and would either buy a pie or buy the canned cherry filling.  That's as close to homemade as I usually get.

I get around it by making apple pies. 

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43 minutes ago, nomoxian said:

I never ate cherries with stones in them until I went to Germany. Mr. Nomoxian taught me how to destone the cherries that grow in his parents yard - Spit; don't swallow.

My parents have three cherry trees in their garden and we always played 'kirschkern-weitspucken', which means something like: who spits the cherry stone the farthest away. My dad always won  wins. I just realized we still play it when we visit my parents in summer and are lucky enough to be there when the cherries are ripe. 

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7 minutes ago, OhNoNike said:

(Coming from a first generation American born to British parents... served 4th of July meal on Union Jack plates several years ago.)

I wish I'd thought of that!  Too late for this year but I'm already googling Union Jack plates for 2019. :5624796c41285_DastardlyEviledevil:

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3 hours ago, kpmom said:

Yeah, I just eat around the pit and then throw it away.  But, I guess if you're making a pie or something you would have to destone them.  I'm way too lazy for that and would either buy a pie or buy the canned cherry filling.  That's as close to homemade as I usually get.

Hmmm...I have a bag of cherries here...wonder how they'd be in a pie since they're sweet, not sour.

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Becky M asked if Chelsy and John went to Josiah’s wedding and she said they did. Should we assume Steve, Teri and Sarah went too? The Bontragers are on tour so I doubt they went. 

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5 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

I could genuinely write a long blog post about making a giant chipwich cake, but the lord is laying it on my heart to write a several thousand word long instructional guide to making watermelon and feta salad.

Does the watermelon and feta salad have basil? Is it an Ottolenghi recipe? 'Cause if so, then that salad is the bomb.com and deserves a several thousand word-long instructional guide. Even though it has like five ingredients and the instrcutions are basically "assemble the salad." :pb_lol:

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18 hours ago, catlady said:

Can you hear me now?

"Do you know where you'll go when you die? Because Jesus's network reliability is second to none."

Related: I love that when you enter "Paul Sprint" on Google, the third option is "traitor." :pb_lol:

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I got a cherry pitter from my mom last year for my birthday. I also know that if you have a wine or beer bottle, you put the cherry over the opening, take a straw and push that pit through...easy peasy. 

One of my favorite vacations was to Moscow Idaho to visit a college friend and her family. We drove to Lewiston WA to bing cherry orchards and picked and ate buckets. OMG what fun. Frozen pitted cherries for snacks. 

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On 7/5/2018 at 10:49 AM, socalrules said:

I think it’s hard to guess from which fundy family Jesse will find a wife because we know so little about Jesse. Most of the time I forget he exists. We know nothing about his personality. We don’t know what he likes. All I know about Jesse is he seems to always be pictured doing yard work. 

Liar. We know he likes coffee, strong and black. Fill in the dirty thoughts yourself.

On 7/6/2018 at 7:16 AM, JermajestyDuggar said:

I meant to post this a few days ago. Why is it that Steve can weep over eye catchers like contrasting buttons but he can’t see how his own son is wearing eye catchers right in front of him. Look at Jesse’s arms! They are quite the eye catchers! Steve should require he wear only polo shirts one size too big. With a t shirt underneath for good measure. And look at those tight pants! How is the crotch area not an eye catcher? I have always felt that kilts would actually be more modest on men than skirts on women because pants show a bulge on men. While you see basically nothing in that area when women wear pants. I wish a fundie would answer me why pants are ok on men when they have an actual genital bulge that shows in tighter pants. *Disclaimer* I’m not trying to get everyone to look at Jesse’s crotch. I’m just trying to make a point about modesty in fundieland.

3FE17B7E-84A9-4977-99AF-654E4A3AF645.jpeg

Eye TRAPS, not catchers. You need to consult the Steve Maxwell Dictionary of Weird Things Fundies Think right now.

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On 7/7/2018 at 3:41 AM, HereticHick said:

I noticed that too. Did their German friend (who I honestly believe could be imaginary) really think we don't have cherry pitters in North America? Or cherries? Geez-- the international postage probably cost more than  the utensil! 

I hope they return the favour by mailing her a pizza cutter.   Or their favorite brand of refrigerator polish.

Imaginary friends are what their whole lives are about!  ;)

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15 hours ago, OhNoNike said:

Wait wait wait.  Sainsburys?  4th of July?   Are you an American in England or English feeling like celebrating the day the US cut ties with the homeland?

American in England. I moved here for work. 

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