Seewalds 34: No News Yet

[MargaretElliott]

The only time I've seen something like that was when I was at a reenactment event where the public was welcome to come and learn about history and stuff. Some kids were sprinting around a burning fire pit, and the reenactor cooking politely asked them several times to stop, and that running near fire was dangerous. When one of them sprinted towards the fire while looking in another direction almost fell directly in, she grabbed him, put him down a few yards away, and very sternly told him to stop. His mom was pissed. It's like, lady, your child could have fallen into a massive fire and gotten badly burned. You should be thanking this reenactor for saving his life.

[Greendoor]

15 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

Her right to bodily autonomy and not feeling pressured into unwanted physical contact is extremely important to my husband and I, which is why we got so angry at BIL for not putting her down when she made it clear she wasn’t ok with him holding her. 

I too felt strongly about this.  May I recommend a small book before she heads to pre-school/school.

It's My Body by Lony Freeman. 

[Sky with diamonds]

I'm not a mother, but I was Auntie shamed on Monday. Took my Neice and nephew to the water park. All prepared, sunscreen, towels, water and snacks. I usually take my water enhancers with me, because I don't like plain water. My Neice wanted to try some of my water enhancers, so I let her put a couple of squeezes in the litre bottle. A teen came up to me and said I shouldn't have let her drink it. FFS, it was about 30 cegress celusis, I wasn't about to let my Neice become dehydrated for the sake of a couple drops of water enhancer. That's exactly what I said too.

[Melissa1977]

19 hours ago, Alisamer said:

 

 My mom also sometimes mentions she thinks our friend spoils her daughter (who my mom keeps one afternoon a week) and when WE had the kid for a weekend was wanting to force her to do something she didn't want to do - something that had NO importance whatsoever, mom just wanted to make a point.

Are we siblings? My mom is like that, or at least she was when she was younger and more energetic. She tried to re-educate kids in the few hours she babysat them. The funny thing is that she was not a babysitter, just looked after some neighbours' kids as an occasional favor. She forced to read kids that hated reading and not only that, she thought that she could make them loooove books in a couple hours, not realising she was only making them feel awful and silly for not liking reading. Or cooked them healthy food to educate their taste/improve their health, as if one.single.apple would make a difference.

Don't get me wrong, if I babysit a kid I offer them healthy food because it's the kind of food I use to eat at home, but I choose a menu the kid is going to enjoy. Most children love fruit but if I look after a kid just one day and he only wants cookies, I'm not going to fight. It's different when you have the kid every day.

[VelociRapture]

5 hours ago, Greendoor said:

I too felt strongly about this.  May I recommend a small book before she heads to pre-school/school.

It's My Body by Lony Freeman. 

Thank you! I’ll definitely check it out!

[Screamapillar]

2 hours ago, Sky with diamonds said:

A teen came up to me and said I shouldn't have let her drink it. FFS, it was about 30 cegress celusis, I wasn't about to let my Neice become dehydrated for the sake of a couple drops of water enhancer. That's exactly what I said too.

Yeah, we don't let our toddler have anything other than water or milk with the exception being that if it's extraordinarily hot outside and she's not interested in drinking enough water I'll put a tiny amount of cranberry juice in her cup, diluted with a ton of water. She'll guzzle it down and go on her merry way and I won't worry about her becoming dehydrated.

I'm pretty sure someone at the farmer's market over the weekend took a picture of me walking around with my toddler wearing her backpack harness. Probably to be like, oh look at this horrible mother walking her child on a leash. Shame me all you want, but she's extremely fast and I'm eight months pregnant. That little tether gives me peace of mind that she can't run out in front of a car or get snatched by a stranger before I'm able to reach down over my massive belly to pick her up. (She knows that Mama is slow right now, too. Nobody takes advantage of weakness like a 22 month old. )

[louisa05]

On 7/8/2018 at 4:42 PM, BernRul said:

My problem was mostly with how some mothers use their status as mothers to act like they are the only ones who can talk about children. I get that having your own children changes you, but at the same time, it doesn't mean you know more than a pediatrian, or child psychologist, or a teacher, who are all highly educated in areas of child development and up to date research. Being a mom doesn't automatically make you give good child rearing adivce or know the stages of a child's mental development. To act like only moms can comment on what's best for a child is condescending (and I mean the general you, not you specifically).  Truthfully, no one should give unwanted advice whether they're also mother or not. 

At parent teacher conferences one year, the mother of one of my 15 year old students, who was her only child, explained to me that I did not understand teenagers because I didn't have children. As soon as I had my own child, she explained, I would really understand the developmental needs of teenagers. She even went on to explain that Mrs. Other Social Studies teacher had a much better understanding of teaching since she had just returned from her maternity leave with her first baby. 

Because being a second year teacher with a newborn means you are automatically a better teacher with more understanding of the development of teenage students than a 15 year veteran. Fifteen years of dealing with teens all day every day and some weekends is nothing compared to diapering a newborn when it comes to knowledge of teenagers. 

That kind of bullshit really pisses me off. 

I essentially helped raise my nephew. I had him nearly 24/7 when my brother had visitation in the summers. My brother works for the railroad and has a very variable schedule that involves nights away from home frequently. He would come get him for a few hours on his off days. I did getting up at night, taking care of him when he was sick, urgent care for stitches, bedtime stories, discipline, the whole nine yards. But somehow since I didn't give birth to the kid, I still know nothing. The wife of one of my husband's friends very sweetly said to me one day that it was "so weird to think about how we all have kids and you've never even changed a diaper". Because only mothers can change diapers. I just let my nephew wear a dirty one for 8 weeks. In reality, she is a horrid parent (she's the one I was talking about in one of the Lori threads recently if you've been there) and I damn well know more about dealing with kids than she does. And I was changing diapers by age 6 which is before her dumbass was born. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

19 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

I once mentioned to a Mom that her kid was licking the metal fence, she huffily replied "HE!" My response "Yeah well, he's still licking the fence." No offense missus, I don't know what I said, your child is licking a public fence; might want to get on that. 

Dear Rufus, things you never think you would say. Like me shouting at my then 2 year old to "DON'T LICK THAT" as she was dragging her tongue across a meat freezer at Sam's Club. That child licked and chewed on EVERYTHING. I attribute that licking of things to her having an amazing immune system. She rarely gets sick.

[DillyDally]

34 minutes ago, Screamapillar said:

Yeah, we don't let our toddler have anything other than water or milk with the exception being that if it's extraordinarily hot outside and she's not interested in drinking enough water I'll put a tiny amount of cranberry juice in her cup, diluted with a ton of water. She'll guzzle it down and go on her merry way and I won't worry about her becoming dehydrated.

I'm pretty sure someone at the farmer's market over the weekend took a picture of me walking around with my toddler wearing her backpack harness. Probably to be like, oh look at this horrible mother walking her child on a leash. Shame me all you want, but she's extremely fast and I'm eight months pregnant. That little tether gives me peace of mind that she can't run out in front of a car or get snatched by a stranger before I'm able to reach down over my massive belly to pick her up. (She knows that Mama is slow right now, too. Nobody takes advantage of weakness like a 22 month old. )

I don't have kids and generally have never been much around small children. When I see those toddler leashes, I never really know what to think. So thanks for the insight, I can definitely see how that makes things much easier for you (and I assume it would be quite obvious when you are 8 months pregnant) 

[Alisamer]

I don't have kids, but I babysat TONS, kept nursery at church, AND worked daycare all through college.

I think kid leashes are awesome.

Some kids have tons of energy and are too young to assess danger. Some are just reckless. Some are runners because they think it's "funny". Some have meltdowns and are simply unable to control themselves. I'd way rather somebody have their kid on some sort of tether than have the kid run off and get injured or abducted, or have the kid be abused out of frustration. Because it is really, really frustrating when a child puts themselves in danger and then laughs at you when you catch them just before tragedy strikes, because to them running out in the road is just a fun game. 

[AprilQuilt]

ooh, I remember being on a toddler leash, but not for a very long stage - I more remember it lying around the house unused, and knowing that I used to use it but didn't now. Thanks to @Screamapillar I deduce that my poor mother must have got it when I was toddling and she was pregnant with my brother.

For the record, @DillyDally I don't remember disliking the toddler leash. It had a curly yellow cable like a telephone cord (quite good for chewing on), and a rainbow wrist strap, for the year was 1989.

[SapphireSlytherin]

I had a leash for GryffindorDisappointment . It was a velcro bracelet-to-velcro bracelet thing - very similar to this:

https://express.google.com/u/0/product/10527419070998807432_7058475261954662710_8175035

 

I used it mainly in airports to allow her to stretch her legs/allow me to carry all the shit necessary when traveling with toddlers. I also used it in tourist traps when visiting tourism hot spots (Eiffel Tower, Neuschwanstein Castle, etc.). Better leashed than lost.

 

10/10 would do it again, and applaud parents when they understand how quickly kids can "get away" - especially in crowded areas.

[Yomoaw]

My parents tried to put a leash on me when I was 2 and we went to Disney. As long as it was on me, I would lay down on the sidewalk on my stomach and refused  to move or acknowledge them. When I hear stories about myself as a baby, I'm somehow never surprised that I'm an only child.

[karen77]

I had one for my daughter (looks like a koala bear with a long tail) for when we went to Australia when she was 1.5, it was a just in case thing, and we didn't have to use it all the time. Although she liked to wear it and play with it around the house.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

1 hour ago, louisa05 said:

At parent teacher conferences one year, the mother of one of my 15 year old students, who was her only child, explained to me that I did not understand teenagers because I didn't have children. As soon as I had my own child, she explained, I would really understand the developmental needs of teenagers. She even went on to explain that Mrs. Other Social Studies teacher had a much better understanding of teaching since she had just returned from her maternity leave with her first baby. 

Because being a second year teacher with a newborn means you are automatically a better teacher with more understanding of the development of teenage students than a 15 year veteran. Fifteen years of dealing with teens all day every day and some weekends is nothing compared to diapering a newborn when it comes to knowledge of teenagers. 

That kind of bullshit really pisses me off. 

I essentially helped raise my nephew. I had him nearly 24/7 when my brother had visitation in the summers. My brother works for the railroad and has a very variable schedule that involves nights away from home frequently. He would come get him for a few hours on his off days. I did getting up at night, taking care of him when he was sick, urgent care for stitches, bedtime stories, discipline, the whole nine yards. But somehow since I didn't give birth to the kid, I still know nothing. The wife of one of my husband's friends very sweetly said to me one day that it was "so weird to think about how we all have kids and you've never even changed a diaper". Because only mothers can change diapers. I just let my nephew wear a dirty one for 8 weeks. In reality, she is a horrid parent (she's the one I was talking about in one of the Lori threads recently if you've been there) and I damn well know more about dealing with kids than she does. And I was changing diapers by age 6 which is before her dumbass was born. 

Think of this Michelle has had 15 teenagers so far and she doesn't know jack shit about teen development.

[Alisamer]

44 minutes ago, Yomoaw said:

My parents tried to put a leash on me when I was 2 and we went to Disney. As long as it was on me, I would lay down on the sidewalk on my stomach and refused  to move or acknowledge them. When I hear stories about myself as a baby, I'm somehow never surprised that I'm an only child.

LOL, like when you first put a harness on a cat and it is deactivated! 

[Audrey2]

Whenever I see a child with a harness, I just figure the parent knows their child better then I do. 

[Shadoewolf]

I get weird looks when I hold my 10 year old's hand in public. That sort of eye roll, isn't he a little old for that considering he's almost as tall as me kinda thing. No, he isn't too old, he's autistic and him holding my hand is part of our communication system for him to alert me if he's getting anxious or overstimulated. We had a monkey backpack leash for him as a toddler too. 

I do the block the kid from running away at the store all the time. I get dirty looks more often than not, same when I'm trying to help a lost kid. Happened 2 weeks ago at the mall. Boy must've been 2 or 3, standing in the middle of the mall looking frantic and in tears. I stooped down and asked where his mommy was? As he was trying to show me, she comes running up, gives me a dirty look then bundles him up and walks off. Like, I understand there are crazy creepers out there but jeez! I wasn't touching him or even standing that close. My own kids were standing right there against the wall in plain sight. At most I'd have stayed with him while sending my daughter into a store and have them call security. You can't be nice nowadays!

[keen23]

22 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

I once mentioned to a Mom that her kid was licking the metal fence, she huffily replied "HE!" My response "Yeah well, he's still licking the fence." No offense missus, I don't know what I said, your child is licking a public fence; might want to get on that. 

Reminds me of the time that my parents got chastised at a soccer game because my then 4 year old brother had climbed to the top of a goal. When a "concerned" parent came over and said she was afraid he'd get hurt my Dad said "he knows how to get down" and then whistled at my brother- who proceed to execute a fantastic somersaulting dismount (I believe he bowed at the end).  The following year they got multiple calls from the summer day camp he was at, because he was "flying"- launching himself off the swings on the upswing so that he'd fly through the air. He was an overactive, exhausting child who had excellent body control. My parents let him do anything he could handle. When he was 7, he started rollerblading the 3 miles home from school. When the school found out he wasn't on the bus and that it was too far for a 7 year old to travel, the administration was upset. So the bus driver (who wanted even less to do with my brother than the administration, due to his inability to sit still for the 45+ minute bus ride 3 miles home) would let him get on the bus, cross the main road, and then he'd get off at the first stop and rollerblade the rest of the way home (I'm pretty sure my parents paid off the bus driver to keep this arrangement between them).

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, Yomoaw said:

My parents tried to put a leash on me when I was 2 and we went to Disney. As long as it was on me, I would lay down on the sidewalk on my stomach and refused  to move or acknowledge them. When I hear stories about myself as a baby, I'm somehow never surprised that I'm an only child.

Oh my God! My almost 40 pound dog did this to me while I was pregnant! She would either get too hot and need to rest (understandable) or get pissed off because I wanted to go in the opposite direction she did (because she’s kind of an asshole sometimes. ) She’d literally lay down right in the middle of the sidewalk and refuse to move. I had to pick her up and carry her down the sidewalk, which was NOT easy with a big belly during the late fall. 

She did it a bunch of times last year too. It was twice as tough because I had the stroller with me. I ended up having to balance her on my forearms as I pushed the stroller - we would have been stuck where we were forever if I didn’t. People driving past would always crack up and I can’t even blame them - my dog always looks so fucking pleased with herself when I have to carry her. 

[rainbowbabycakes]

1 hour ago, Yomoaw said:

My parents tried to put a leash on me when I was 2 and we went to Disney. As long as it was on me, I would lay down on the sidewalk on my stomach and refused  to move or acknowledge them. When I hear stories about myself as a baby, I'm somehow never surprised that I'm an only child.

I tried one on my son when he was about a year and a half old, and he sat down and refused to move, lol

[WiseGirl]

Regarding harnesses I used to think how horrible they were back when I was a 20 something know it all in the dark ages. Now I work with children who have autism. They are such a safety measure for some of the children  (nonverbal, running preschooler anyone?).  I know better now they aren't harnesses, they are safety nets. I'm older and wiser now.

[Carm_88]

You can be the best parent in the world and have a child get lost or run away. My brother got away from my parents when he was a kid, he was about to run out into the street in a panic when a lady grabbed him and brought him back into the store. My parents were inside, keeping their eye on me and panicking looking for him. Unfortunately humans have not evolved to have a second set of eyes, so leashes and other measures to keep kids with their parents are a really good idea. 

[louisa05]

@Keen23 I had my nephew and my cousin's boys at the pool once and got yelled at by a mother because my cousin's youngest, who was about 6 was on the high diving board. As she yammered at me about how I was going to let that poor kid jump off that and drown, he did a double flip into the water and swam like a fish to the ladder. She shut up really fast. 

I knew he could swim because I had taken all three boys to swim lessons for two summers and even though he was the youngest of the three he was by far the best swimmer. If he couldn't swim or I was not certain, I would not have let him near the diving boards. 

Regarding kids and leashes, first time I ever saw that was on a toddler at O'Hare when I was a teenager. I actually thought it was a good idea. I had already dealt with enough toddlers that it seemed brilliant to me in a super crowded airport. 

[HermioneSparrow]

5 hours ago, louisa05 said:

At parent teacher conferences one year, the mother of one of my 15 year old students, who was her only child, explained to me that I did not understand teenagers because I didn't have children. As soon as I had my own child, she explained, I would really understand the developmental needs of teenagers. She even went on to explain that Mrs. Other Social Studies teacher had a much better understanding of teaching since she had just returned from her maternity leave with her first baby. 

Because being a second year teacher with a newborn means you are automatically a better teacher with more understanding of the development of teenage students than a 15 year veteran. Fifteen years of dealing with teens all day every day and some weekends is nothing compared to diapering a newborn when it comes to knowledge of teenagers. 

That kind of bullshit really pisses me off. 

I essentially helped raise my nephew. I had him nearly 24/7 when my brother had visitation in the summers. My brother works for the railroad and has a very variable schedule that involves nights away from home frequently. He would come get him for a few hours on his off days. I did getting up at night, taking care of him when he was sick, urgent care for stitches, bedtime stories, discipline, the whole nine yards. But somehow since I didn't give birth to the kid, I still know nothing. The wife of one of my husband's friends very sweetly said to me one day that it was "so weird to think about how we all have kids and you've never even changed a diaper". Because only mothers can change diapers. I just let my nephew wear a dirty one for 8 weeks. In reality, she is a horrid parent (she's the one I was talking about in one of the Lori threads recently if you've been there) and I damn well know more about dealing with kids than she does. And I was changing diapers by age 6 which is before her dumbass was born. 

This is what I was talking about. I had to deal with this kind of judgement before because I haven't pushed a melon through my vagina but I have a degree in Education and Child development, raised my sister and took care of my niece all day everyday the first three years of her life but you know I'm clueless...

Also @VelociRapture I love your approach on body autonomy and how important it is for you to raise your daughter that way, I will definitely take a similar approach when I finally have my little sparrows