Jump to content
  • Sky
  • Blueberry
  • Slate
  • Blackcurrant
  • Watermelon
  • Strawberry
  • Orange
  • Banana
  • Apple
  • Emerald
  • Chocolate
  • Charcoal

Recommended Posts

Wine time!
farmerannie

Hello everyone. I'm a long time lurker and have only posted a couple of times. This will probably be a long post and for that I am sorry, but the reason I'm coming out of lurkdom ( I know not a word) is to tell you that change takes a long tiime.

I was raised in a very religious family (A of G). Although my family wasn't anti-education or birth control and we all dress very normally lol, we still had a lot of awful beliefs. I got married very young and was basically controlled and abused by my husband and his family. It took me until I was thirty to decide I wasn't ok with it. I went back to school and got a master's degree, but I still was raising my children with some horrible beliefs. It took until I was 40 to shake those off and be sorry. I apologize to my grown children on a daily basis and I'm proud of them for seeing more, but baby steps sometimes produce a really good outcome.

  • Upvote 29
  • Love 19

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Giddy
justmissedquiver
On 8/5/2018 at 2:57 PM, BernRul said:

Actually, I think it soudns more like the bystander effect. We all like to think of ourselves as moral and heroic people, but truthfuly, when something bad happens most of us do nothing/go along with the group. Peer pressure is a real thing. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bystander_effect

 

Milgram's experiment, Stanford Prison experiment, Kitty Genovese' murder; Its been proven time and again that people will do terrible things under social influence.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Wine time!
farmerannie

To give everyone a little back story. I had 3 children by the time I was 24. First and last happened on birth control so after the last I got my tubs tied.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
tabitha2

They still must be held responsible for the choices they make.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
BernRul
4 minutes ago, justmissedquiver said:

Milgram's experiment, Stanford Prison experiment, Kitty Genovese' murder; Its been proven time and again that people will do terrible things under social influence.

I read about all of those in The Lucifer Effect when I was 15. That book changed the way I looked at the world. It was also depressing as hell.

 

3 minutes ago, tabitha2 said:

They still must be held responsible for the choices they make.

No one said they shouldn't. Believe me, I think the world would be a better place if we all owned up to what we did. But at the same time, the kind of thinking* that "wouldn't act that way...would always do the right thing" doesn't help because the truth is, most humans would not stand up and do the right thing. I think being aware of that actually helps make people more likely to fight against the Bystander effect. 

*I'm not saying that's how you specifically think, I'm talking about people in general. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pecansforeveryone
Posted (edited)

There have been specials on the Kitty Genovese story that say people did call the police.  Her brother interviews neighbours to get the full story.  Some of the neighbours didn't realize a violent attack was taking place, thinking instead it was a lover's quarrel or drunk's quarrel. Most of the witnesses couldn't actually see the attack taking place. A 70 year old neighbour ran outside to cradle Kitty in her arms until the police arrived. It was a very interesting special. 

Edited by Pecansforeveryone
Add a thought

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
BernRul
3 minutes ago, Pecansforeveryone said:

There have been specials on the Kitty Genovese story that say people did call the police.  Her brother interviews neighbours to get the full story. 

I believe that the numbers were exaggerated in Kitty Genovese's case. That doesn't change other experiments though, like the Standford prison experiment or Milgram's experiment where people continued to "shock" patients (really actors) because doctors told them to. 

The Lucifer Effect also detials several instances of mass murder like the massacres in Vietnam during the war, Khmer Rouge, the genocides in Rawanda and Sudan, and prison abuses like Abu Gharib that show how humans will go along with mob mentality, or ignore the abuses they see. Not to mention things like Nazi Germany or several events that happened in the United States. The Waco Horror Incident is another brutal and disgusting example of how people go along with evil. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Puzzled
feministxtian
1 hour ago, tabitha2 said:

They still must be held responsible for the choices they make.

So, would you like to shit on me for the choices I made 20+ years ago? 10 years ago? Yesterday? Today? How do you know what they think in their heart of hearts? There's a certain advantage to keeping one's mouth shut and keeping the peace. Not just in fundie-land but in many families. 

Growth and change is a process. The 2nd gen Duggar (and Bates) kids have been out of the TTH for how long? You see exactly what they want you to see, nothing more and nothing less. Guesses can be made about some of the kids (Dillards), but for the most part, the public hasn't a clue. 

 

  • Upvote 8
  • Move Along 2
  • Downvote 2
  • Bless Your Heart 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Wine time!
farmerannie
43 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

So, would you like to shit on me for the choices I made 20+ years ago? 10 years ago? Yesterday? Today? How do you know what they think in their heart of hearts? There's a certain advantage to keeping one's mouth shut and keeping the peace. Not just in fundie-land but in many families. 

Growth and change is a process. The 2nd gen Duggar (and Bates) kids have been out of the TTH for how long? You see exactly what they want you to see, nothing more and nothing less. Guesses can be made about some of the kids (Dillards), but for the most part, the public hasn't a clue. 

 

This is exactly why I posted. You can't know the damage that comes from being abused, being told every day from the time your 18 to 30, what to do, how to act, and what it does, then add on to that the brain washing you got your entire life. Do I wish I could go back and undo some off the damage I did to my children, that are my world, Of course. But I can't all I can do is change me and hope others will see how hard it was to change me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
nastyhobbitses

I want to believe that people are good and can change for the better, but good people and people who are willing to try to be good are the exception rather than the rule. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.



×