Seewalds 34: No News Yet

[Shadoewolf]

Looks like a hotel room. Maybe they were Laredo or San Antonio when it was taken? Henry is such a cutie! 

[SapphireSlytherin]

That's exactly what I was going to post, @Shadoewolf - definitely US hotel furniture.

[AprilQuilt]

16 hours ago, Shadoewolf said:

Looks like a hotel room. Maybe they were Laredo or San Antonio when it was taken? Henry is such a cutie! 

yeah I think they're hanging out near JinJer (in which case either props to them for getting a hotel, or props to JinJer for refusing to host), or maybe making their way back via somewhere else - would explain why they weren't at Sam's cake-smashing party.

[VBOY9977]

New Us Weekly article with various more pics

https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-moms/news/counting-on-star-jessa-duggar-shares-marriage-advice-never-stop-showing-gratitude-to-your-spouse/

[Snarkasarus Rex]

She’s definitely taken on the role of reinforcing Duggar Talking Points (tm) for the 2nd gen Duggs.  Notice it’s always the wife being grateful to the husband for something.

[Mama Mia]

Just now, Snarkasarus Rex said:

She’s definitely taken on the role of reinforcing Duggar Talking Points (tm) for the 2nd gen Duggs.  Notice it’s always the wife being grateful to the husband for something.

But I liked that the phrasing in the article definitely wasn’t used that way. It stood out, to me. It was very “ appreciate what we EACH do to help out with the kids / house”. Which, to my mind, is VERY different than “ I appreciate when he helps me with the kids “

[Glasgowghirl]

I think showing gratitude for them being good partners is not a bad thing but Jill posting that Derick is the best husband ever for buying her chocolate milk was taking it to the extreme. Ben does seem to be loving husband and Dad. I do though worry about fundie women feeling that they have to do everything in the home and that they should be grateful for them doing the slightest thing at home.

[Snarkasarus Rex]

I agree that Ben does seem to help her out around the house and with the boys, and showing gratitude for that is a positive thing.  However, she’s still implying that it’s mainly her job.  You don’t hear Ben being grateful to her for being his childrens’ primary caregiver so he can focus on work and school.

[Marly]

I also remember in an episode of counting on, when Spurgeon was just born, that Jessa was going out for coffee with one of her sisters or Anna, and that Ben stayed home to watch the baby, and he mentioned how women (looking at Jessa) really didn't like it when men said they were babysitting their children because, and I'm not sure if Ben actually said this or Jessa said it, but I remember it as Jessa looking at Ben like "don't you dare say you're "babysitting" because it's your child too", and then one of them said "because it's not babysitting when it's your own child". 
I remember that really stuck out to me because their patriarchal and child rearing beliefs kind of reinforce the idea that the fathers are merely occasional babysitters while the mothers are the primary caregivers. While I have no doubt that Ben and Jessa do believe that mothers are the primary caregivers, I also think they believe its important for the father to be involved beyond just providing for the family, that he is not merely a babysitter, and that tasks should be shared/divided. 
I do agree with the posters above though that the appreciation should go both ways. But what I have seen/read of Ben's reactions, he does show grattitude towards Jessa for what she does. Didn't he once tweet something about women not being created as lesser than men, but that men and women or husband and wife work together? I don't have twitter myself, but I thought it was posted in one of the threads somewhere last year. 

Edited to say that I personally disagree with the idea that only women can be the primary caregivers and men the primary providers. I think men can be primary caregivers and women primary providers just as well, and caregiving and providing can also be divided between partners, or even be done by a single parent.
However, considering those who adhere to strict patriarchal beliefs and gender roles, I prefer Ben and Jessa's cooperation over, for instance, Lori Alexander's teachings. I don't think Jessa is a submissive wife at all.

[Iamtheway]

 

On 7/25/2018 at 9:43 PM, justoneoftwo said:

I don't get what people are seeing in that photo to make them think Jessa's pregnant, can someone explain?

A married Duggar of fertile age?

[BernRul]

On 7/31/2018 at 3:17 AM, Marly said:

I do agree with the posters above though that the appreciation should go both ways. But what I have seen/read of Ben's reactions, he does show grattitude towards Jessa for what she does. Didn't he once tweet something about women not being created as lesser than men, but that men and women or husband and wife work together? I don't have twitter myself, but I thought it was posted in one of the threads somewhere last year. 

I forget exactly when, but I remember a poster who claimed to be from the Duggars' circle said that out of all of the couples, Ben and Jessa had the most egalitarian marriage. Based on how they act, that makes sense. 

Out of all the courting/married couples, I have a feeling that Jessa and Ben are probably the best suited for each other/have the happiest relationship. Of course, that could be thanks to Jessa's savy social media skills. 

[Mama Mia]

On 8/2/2018 at 6:52 PM, BernRul said:

I forget exactly when, but I remember a poster who claimed to be from the Duggars' circle said that out of all of the couples, Ben and Jessa had the most egalitarian marriage. Based on how they act, that makes sense. 

Out of all the courting/married couples, I have a feeling that Jessa and Ben are probably the best suited for each other/have the happiest relationship. Of course, that could be thanks to Jessa's savy social media skills. 

They definitely seem the most comfortable with each other.  I noticed in one of the recent episodes ( maybe a mini- wedding one ?) - they had some sort of question about quirks or likes/dislikes. They were very casual about ribbing Ben on how he irons his t-shirts and shorts, while Jessa doesn’t iron any of her clothes. What struck me was that it wasn’t some big show of “oh look he irons too - isn’t he best hubby evahhh !” or “Silly men, so particular, but I love serving him eleventy!!!” -  or even “ it was hard to get him to help wit ironing, but with the kids I was just so busy ! “ —— it was just the kind of banter any couple would do.  He likes ironed clothes, she doesn’t care, so, of course, he irons his own clothes. Why wouldn’t he. 

( and yes, horrible beliefs, excellent media skills, etc...) 

My personal opinion is that even though Jessa and Joy are the closest to home, with the most traditional lifestyles, still skirts only, etc.... they will eventually have the most normalized lives and views. Still very conservative - they live in Arkansas , that isn’t likely to change. But maybe not as obsessed with gender roles. 

[QuiverFullofBooks]

We’re close to a new thread. Could the title not refer to whether or not Jessa is pregnant? I feel like we’re reducing her to her uterus like her cult so often does.

[just_ordinary]

Can someone creative incorporate her cougar statement? I found that hilarious.

[nastyhobbitses]

On 8/3/2018 at 2:52 AM, BernRul said:

I forget exactly when, but I remember a poster who claimed to be from the Duggars' circle said that out of all of the couples, Ben and Jessa had the most egalitarian marriage. Based on how they act, that makes sense. 

Out of all the courting/married couples, I have a feeling that Jessa and Ben are probably the best suited for each other/have the happiest relationship. Of course, that could be thanks to Jessa's savy social media skills. 

Yeah there was some Reddit AMA where we learned that Jessa and Ben fight sometimes, but they were among the most liberal (relatively speaking) of the couples and seemed to have the happiest/most egalitarian marriage; Joy is the most outspokenly conservative of the siblings (not terribly surprised); and Jinger is super nice. 

I get the vibe that Jessa won the marriage lottery. I mocked Ben for his white boy rapping and I will always imagine him as a secret pothead, but he seems like a genuinely nice, inquisitive guy who loves his family and thinks every morning, "damn, I married UP". I used to think Jessa was kind of a mean girl (I'm sure she was as a teen), but I think that Ben/having kids has mellowed her out a lot, and I do think that moving out of the big chaotic house where she had to fight to be heard and valued did wonders for her. She and Alyssa Webster strike me as cat-people -- not people who like cats, but people who are like cats. They don't like big crazy chaotic environments/tons of people and they like to do their own thing, which can make them seem snotty and standoffish (and sometimes yes, they can act like that), but they can be big softies and thrive when they're allowed to be themselves and do things on their terms. 

I don't know if Jessa and Ben will leave fundamentalism entirely, and I'm sure they still believe some pretty abhorrent shit, but it seems like they're willing to consider other ways of doing things and are genuinely invested in their kids' happiness and their happiness. So good for them on that front. 

[mpheels]

Ben appears to be thoughtful person and fairly empathetic when he has first hand interactions with a person. His “wokeness” grew out of his relationship with Flame. I can see him slowly (very, very slowly) shifting his views on some other social issues if he actually gets to have a one-on-one conversation with a person on the other side.

[SapphireSlytherin]

I don't think Jessa will change AT ALL until JimBob dies (not wishing death on him - just using that event as a point where things might change). She apparently goes to the TTH on the regular, perhaps every day. She hasn't been spotted in PANTS (gasp!) or JEANS (gasp!) or a TANKTOP (gasp!). She still not only drinks the Koolaid, but helps make it.

Her carefully crafted Instagram persona would have everyone believe otherwise, but she's still a fundie and won't change as long as she's under JB's thumb and semi-headship. Or maybe she's still modeling her daily life on Michelle. Who knows. Yeah - she has cute kids, but I don't think Ben is doing her any favors with regard to expanding her horizons or "leading" her to better/greater/more tolerant things.

[nst]

3 hours ago, mpheels said:

Ben appears to be thoughtful person and fairly empathetic when he has first hand interactions with a person. His “wokeness” grew out of his relationship with Flame. I can see him slowly (very, very slowly) shifting his views on some other social issues if he actually gets to have a one-on-one conversation with a person on the other side.

it's also the fact that he is no longer a teenager and is in his early 20's. Clearly he gets that in order to service his ministry he had to change and he did.  He clearly gets what Derick did didn't work and wants to be more like Jeremy and seems to be emulating him except his instagram and posting  coffins and ravens has stopped. Forever hopefully. 

 

 

[tabitha2]

3 hours ago, mpheels said:

Ben appears to be thoughtful person and fairly empathetic 

 

He really Isn't. He was was the one who got a big whoop out of pushing Deriks sled directly toward that cat and hitting it a few years ago(while Joy was Cheering in the back ground)  

 

[Snarkasarus Rex]

1 hour ago, tabitha2 said:

 

He really Isn't. He was was the one who got a big whoop out of pushing Deriks sled directly toward that cat and hitting it a few years ago(while Joy was Cheering in the back ground)  

 

That was nearly four years ago and I think he's matured a lot since then.  He used to be completely insufferable, but I find him at least tolerable now.  Don't get me wrong, I think he still has shit beliefs, but both he and Jessa have become less obnoxious.  

Derick, on the other hand, has still not grown up.  Pregnant Jill was also cheering him on when he targeted the cat.

[tabitha2]

He was still an adult. If you haven’t learned empathy by then 4 years won’t make a difference. Derick loathing aside Ben was complicit in it as well. He had fun doing it. 

[Gillyweed]

7 minutes ago, tabitha2 said:

He was still an adult. If you haven’t learned empathy by then 4 years won’t make a difference.

That's not necessarily true. So many people mature and become more empathetic through their experiences, such as having a baby. 

And so many 18-22 year olds do stupid, rude things. The only difference is they're in a frat. 

[Carm_88]

7 minutes ago, tabitha2 said:

He was still an adult. If you haven’t learned empathy by then 4 years won’t make a difference. Derick loathing aside Ben was complicit in it as well. He had fun doing it. 

Ehhhh he was what 19? I would consider that to be barely an adult. I might have believed that I was an adult at 19, as I'm sure Ben did, but I wasn't much more mature then I was at 17 or 18. The maturity generally comes in the early to mid 20s. 

[tabitha2]

Many don’t as well. I know lots  of people who are very kind and mature to their family or people they like but treat a waitress or cashier or gardener or animals   plenty harshly, coldly   or spitefully or just talk Down to them. They are not empathetic people or truly kind people then.

[Rachel333]

I've definitely changed a lot since I was 19. I'm not denying that 19-year-olds are legally adults and bear the responsibility that comes with that, but I also don't assume that the way someone acts at 19 represents the person they will always be.