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Waffle Time
Beermeet

I have to wonder if the tow thingy is salvageable from the car in the wreck?  Do they have to be custom to the car or something?

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WasBlind
Posted (edited)
6 hours ago, SoSoNosy said:

I just connected the dots.  I met a friend for lunch today and we always to to Olive Garden.  It is a NICE one, too.

 

Related to this:  I just helped my weight issues thanks to the Olive Garden. For anyone who wants tasty low cal salad at home, the Olive Garden has an extremely low calorie Italian salad dressing out in supermarkets now. I think it tastes just like their fresh dressing at the restaurants. 


It has 30 calories per 2 Tablespoons, which is great.  It might have been out for a while, but as I am not accustomed to shopping for either salad greens or low calorie salad dressing, a friend  laughingly told me about it it when I said " I wish I could add Olive Garden salads to this diet". Voila', I have a reasonable facsimile at home now. Cheap, tasty and healthy with the right salad greens. 

 

Edited by WasBlind
clarifying where the dressing is sold- duh me.
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nastyhobbitses

When I moved out of the house for good (after one long-term stint and two few-week stints in between international moves), my mom said that she was sad that her dish-washer was leaving. 

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Cheetah

Timely discussion on kids moving out.  My oldest is turning 21 in a couple of weeks.  She goes to college away from home and has just finished junior year, but up until now she lived on campus and came home for summers (although she did a semester abroad last fall making her summer really short).  She and a couple of friends just moved into an apartment and she's staying there this summer and working retail.  It's been a hard month of adulting for her.   Our hometown here has super low unemployment (coupled with sky-high housing costs, but when she lives with us she doesn't have to deal with that) so it's really easy to find minimum wage work.  Her college town is kind of economically depressed and it has taken her a month to find a retail job, and even now she doesn't really know what her schedule is going to be or how many hours she'll get.  Her two other roommates are a couple... she knew that going into the situation but she thought they'd do more things all together.  I think she's getting a good look at the downside of living in a smaller town and hopefully this will give her more incentive to spend time figuring out a plan for what happens after graduating next year. 

We had this whole text convo the other day when she was filling out her employment paperwork about withholding and taxes and all that and my hubby wanted her to figure some of it out for herself and I didn't know all of the answers off the top of my head anyway.  I'm like, google what the minimum income is that you have to file on and figure out if you are going to make that much this year or not...  baby steps.  

It is crazy though how much housing costs everywhere now in the US.  Not sure how the younger people or the people doing minimum wage work are making it these days.

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HurricaneBells
26 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

The mother tried to keep that control over me pretty much up until she had the stroke that took away her ability to speak. That's probably why I still suck at the adulting thing and spin myself pretty much into a panic attack when I have to make a big decision (see apartment hunting). 

Sounds like my mum, just cant give up control, has to fix all your problems and think they have a right to know your business or tell you how life has to be lived. Said to me after I became a mother that I should have moved interstate with her and had him via artificial insemination so i would be closer to her. Never mind I had a baby with someone i loved because that didnt suit her. I cant even just moan to her about general issues like my partner didnt get off his lazy ass and fold towels. Well now he is a user and abusive and i should leave him.  Like fuck i just wanted to let off some steam! Tells me constantly that I will always be 16 in her head (I am now 37...) and now that i have a child, all she does is say "see, see" now you understand how i feel/felt. How hard it was. Ive learned to choose my battles. On top of all that, she is depressed and has been for many years. Not that I am at all innocent, i reacted  badly to the way she went/goes about things but there is a relationship shot to shit and I am terrified of doing the same to my boy. He is only 3 and I already am fearing this day coming.

All that to say @Coy Koi from my personal perspective, there just has to be mutual respect and try not to control their life or fix every little problem for them. Let go but be there to catch her. I really wish my mum had/would learn that. Lastly, keep talking about it, what you each expect etc. from your relationship/living arrangements, it wont happen overnight but eventually you will find the balance. Plus all that and i still love the damn woman although she is frustrating as hell lol. 

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Tired
feministxtian
3 minutes ago, HurricaneBells said:

Sounds like my mum, just cant give up control, has to fix all your problems and think they have a right to know your business or tell you how life has to be lived. Said to me after I became a mother that I should have moved interstate with her and had him via artificial insemination so i would be closer to her. Never mind I had a baby with someone i loved because that didnt suit her. I cant even just moan to her about general issues like my partner didnt get off his lazy ass and fold towels. Well now he is a user and abusive and i should leave him.  Like fuck i just wanted to let off some steam! Tells me constantly that I will always be 16 in her head (I am now 37...) and now that i have a child, all she does is say "see, see" now you understand how i feel/felt. How hard it was. Ive learned to choose my battles. On top of all that, she is depressed and has been for many years. Not that I am at all innocent, i reacted  badly to the way she went/goes about things but there is a relationship shot to shit and I am terrified of doing the same to my boy. He is only 3 and I already am fearing this day coming.

My mother basically hated my guts. She never wanted to "fix" a problem, she'd just gloat about how superior she was and how she did everything right and I was a colossal fuck up who was "mentally ill" and should be in an institution somewhere because...

If I bitched about my husband in front of her she'd jump my shit and tell me how lucky I was that somebody was stupid enough to want to live with me and it was probably only because I was such a whore because there was no way someone could love me because I was "crazy". 

She also claimed I was utterly incompetent to raise my own children. When I told her I was pregnant with #1 son she asked me if it was too late to have an abortion. When I was pregnant with #2 son, I was 700 miles away and was able to not tell her for quite a while until a friend slipped. She wanted to know when I was due and see I was such a whore that I had three kids with three different men and wasn't married to my X at the time and all this other shit. 

So now you know why I'm a bundle of insecurity...

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cupcake
1 hour ago, Jana814 said:

I’m 37 and I just moved out of my parents house.  My area of NJ it is very expensive to live on your own.  If I was more established years ago I would have done it then. 

I'm in NJ as well. I just moved out last year at 29. NJ is the worst!

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Aggravated
Lillymuffin
2 hours ago, DancingPhalanges said:

Oohh my Rufus. How will I ever sleep now. Buried Penis, Panniculus, David R. 

I think that might be worse than anything in the G’Haw thread but probably not. 

Personally, I am waayyy more scared by this than I was by Bro G-Haw’s Giant Swinging Dick O’Doom. (tm) 

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kat

@feministxtian, well, we love you just the way you are, our little space geek!

Seriously, I love your techno explanations!

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Tired
feministxtian
1 minute ago, kat said:

@feministxtian, well, we love you just the way you are, our little space geek!

Seriously, I love your techno explanations!

I found this...

 

space geek.jpg

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SuperNova

@Coy Koi I'm late to the party but I feel your pain. I had my daughter young (16) and we were very close before she left home at 17 to attend college. She was allowed a great deal of freedom in her last year with us. We did expect to know if she would be home late not because control but common courtesy and the fact the she was under age.

One day just before she left for college, we were sitting in the car and she sort of blew up for what seemed like nothing to me. I thought everything was at it had always been but she was already somewhere else in her head. I asked what was going on and she said, "I'm living your life, not my own." It broke my damn heart. No matter how great things were with us, she wanted to leave. I remember how badly hurt I was, I felt rejected by the love of my life. But I knew she was right so I kept my hurt to myself. It took a few years but she came back to me and what we have now is amazing. The very fact that your daughter wants freedom is a testament to you as a parent because when the job is done right, the most we can hope for is that they become independent and still want us in their lives.

I hope that you two can find some middle ground that works and I'm a kinda jealous that you get to hang on to your daughter a little longer than I did. 

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Coy Koi

My daughter said. "You're always texting me and calling me to see where I am and it makes me nervous. There is NOTHING worse than seeing that you have three misses calls from your mom." I said I get why that would be stressful, but I'm pretty sure not being able to get ahold of your kid at 2am is actually worse! You're thinking I'm annoying; I'm thinking you're DEAD. (Overreaction? Yes, obviously. But I'm not the only parent whose mind goes there, am I?)

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Ais

My first 2 children were born 1 year and 5 weeks apart, I went straight back to doing 12 HR shifts caring for challenging adults 6 weeks after they were born. I remember breaking down with sheer exhaustion, worry and a sense of being a complete failure. My mother told me that parenting would never be earlier than this, because they were always attached to me I always knew where they were and that they were safe. 

I distinctly remember pitying her, imagine being so clueless after raising five daughters! Fast forward a bit, my now 18 and 19 year old sons head off to their friends almost an hour away (quite a distance here) in the afternoon, stayed all night and the next day. I didn't close my eyes all night, it turns out my mother was right as usual. @MarblesMom I think we are all that old woman lol

 

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Coy Koi

Why did I just wake up from a dream in which Snoop Dogg was my incredibly wise and benevolent friend who advised me about living with an adult child? Like, I haven't thought about Snoop Dogg in a good decade or more. Then I woke up pretty sad when I realized he isn't really my friend. Thanks for nothing, Snoop Dogg!

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Coy Koi
7 hours ago, FecundFundieFundus said:

@Coy Koi I don't want to come across as unsympathetic or uncaring, but this is the time of life for her to be annoying, know it all way better than you ever could, do her own thing, ignore your wishes, etc. It sucks, but it's really healthy and normal for a teenager to want to leave. The switch from being your baby to being a person you respect as an autonomous adult (who is secretly still your baby) is really rough. It took lots of fighting and periods of silence and hurt for that transition to happen in my life (including not finding out about someone's terminal diagnosis for a year!). My parents still treat me like a child sometimes. 

In my humble, entirely unsolicited opinion, expecting her to take on adult responsibilities while still living in her childhood home with her mom might not end up working out. It may take living on her own and having a roommate who doesn't love her unconditionally to learn some of the adulting stuff. 
I've been living apart from my parents for over fifteen years and we still struggle over boundaries. Yet, when I'm stressed out or got really great news or saw something funny, I still pick up the phone to call my daddy. She loves you. Growing up is just really hard no matter who you are or how great your family is. 

Well, you are wrong because I DID solicit your opinion. And I appreciate it very much, thank you. I know it's hard. I want to build bridges instead of walls. I need to remember that she needs space from me, no matter how nice and supportive I try to be.

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Quiver Full of Kittens

My relationship with my mother has always been strained. As an adult, I can see how many issues she actually had on her plate, but as a kid? Nope. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t exactly what she bargained for, either. By the time I was in high school, it was pretty bad, and I got serious about figuring out how to leave. I left to go to school out of state on damn good scholarships , and came home during the summers just to work. When I graduated, I found a job and moved over a thousand miles from where I grew up. My mom never said a word about it. All my dad said is that he knew I was going to leave by the time I was in second grade, and I was just sticking around until he didn’t have to sign anymore for me. 

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Waffle Time
mango_fandango

Hugs to those who’ve had difficult mothers/parents in general. Some people just shouldn’t have kids.

I wasn’t a typical teen. I barely went out at all, my mum never had to worry about me coming home late or getting drunk or anything like that. I have ASD and had few friends, the ones I did have also didn’t go out very much. My brother and I both have self-esteem and anxiety issues; she worries about that, she worries that it was her fault because she shouted at us when we were little. Even though I keep telling her it’s not her fault, that surely every mum loses their rag at times, and we’re still close and don’t hate her. She also had anxiety problems, so it’s probably inherited; mine is somewhat exacerbated by the ASD. 

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One Fundie to Rule Them Al

My mom and I had a strained relationship once I turned 18 and was going off to college.  She desperately tried to keep the cord from being cut and every night for 2 years I would hear her say "You need to move home."  She wasn't really good at supporting me.

When I moved home, I lived with my grandma and my mom still wanted to control every aspect of my life.  I was 20 and she still wanted to know where I was going, who I was with, etc.  We had a LOT of fights.

Planning my wedding wasn't fun sometimes either because she wanted a lot of things her way and would call and scream at me if I put my foot down and said no.  I moved 40ish minutes away and it's really been the best thing for our relationship.

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PurpleCats

My mom and I have a strained relationship as well.  We live in cities quite a ways from each other, but yesterday she Facebook messaged me to introduce me to someone she’s never met in an org I’ve considered joining here (without me asking her to or mentioning it to her or knowing she was going to do it).  Then, she berated me for asking her to not do it again.  I need to let it go, but I’m still irritated. This is just a minor example of the controlling, irritating crap she does. 

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Gobbles
1 hour ago, mango_fandango said:

My brother and I both have self-esteem and anxiety issues; she worries about that, she worries that it was her fault because she shouted at us when we were little. Even though I keep telling her it’s not her fault, that surely every mum loses their rag at times, and we’re still close and don’t hate her. 

My Mum worries that other people think she is the reason why I don't go out or still live at home. Some idiots have already told her to give me some space. I made it very clear to her, that this is bullshit. Complete bullshit. I want to be home, I want to do things with her. Those people have no idea about our situation, sometimes (when they are not that close) they have no idea that I'm Autistic. 

It hurts me so so so much when people think my Mum somehow stops me or hold me back because it is so untrue.

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Spent
justmissedquiver
8 minutes ago, Gobbles said:

My Mum worries that other people think she is the reason why I don't go out or still live at home. Some idiots have already told her to give me some space. I made it very clear to her, that this is bullshit. Complete bullshit. I want to be home, I want to do things with her. Those people have no idea about our situation, sometimes (when they are not that close) they have no idea that I'm Autistic. 

It hurts me so so so much when people think my Mum somehow stops me or hold me back because it is so untrue.

Thank you, this makes me feel better about my situation.  I have an autistic son who, although he is a teenager, wants to spend the majority of time with me -his 50 y.o. mom.   Recently he's been talking about living with me during his college years and it's been perceived that I am clingy and can't let go.

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3splenty
23 minutes ago, PurpleCats said:

My mom and I have a strained relationship as well.  We live in cities quite a ways from each other, but yesterday she Facebook messaged me to introduce me to someone she’s never met in an org I’ve considered joining here (without me asking her to or mentioning it to her or knowing she was going to do it).  Then, she berated me for asking her to not do it again.  I need to let it go, but I’m still irritated. This is just a minor example of the controlling, irritating crap she does. 

I understand completely! My mother-in-law does this with me and my kids.  She got blocked on Facebook for contacting some of my friends for information--these were work friends, not anyone in a mutual circle.  She doesn't get that it's an invasion of personal space.  She tries to make my kids dress how she wants (short, tight, and accent cleavage) and gets upset when she's told to knock it off.  Her daughters say its just how she is and to accept it.  But she can't accept how anyone else is.

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Alisamer

I was never really one to go out much in high school (I'm still not) so my mom had very little to worry about with me and my middle sister (I'm the oldest). The youngest, however, she had a time with. The youngest was also the only one to stay at home through college. Luckily cell phones were fairly new and expensive then, so there was no calling and texting to see where we were - as during college I practically lived at my friend's house when I was home, I only came back home to sleep. Menopause comes early in my family, and my mom had a horrible time of it - I literally was trying to get dad to have her committed to find out what the heck was wrong because the least little thing would turn into a massive huge screaming and crying match. Due to that, I pulled away, rarely called - you never knew if you'd get screamed at or not, etc. We are all OK now, but that time was just horrible. 

I'm still more a loner. I love my mom, but will go weeks without seeing or talking to her sometimes, even though she only lives a few miles away. She still stresses me out to be around too much. Short visits and conversations work best. We do family vacations sometimes but I try to get some alone time during those if at all possible. I don't know if I could ever handle living with her full time.

Every situation is different, but time will help. There's a balance to be found and it takes a good bit of wobbling for most people.

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Closed Womb
Posted (edited)

Back to DRod's D-Rod, I've known a man or two similar to his shape.  The anatomy is more like a pregnant woman than a 600 lb life show participant (with what we used to call a 'dropped stomach', which does foster infection, etc, if not clean/dry. ) Very solid belly, no medical issues with the d-rod, when it's a solid belly (limited experience, naturally.) 

Now, where it does get in the way is missionary position sex.  So, let the thoughts of Jill in positions that work disturb you vs. thoughts of a penis doing a disappearing act.  

 

Edited by Closed Womb
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Georgiana

Continuing on here:

 

 

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