Bro Gary Hawkins 7: Asking For Thoughts and Chairs

[Georgiana]

Continued from: 

 

Hi! My name is (what?) 
My name is (who?)
My name is (ticka ticka) Bro Gary!

Hi folks! Do you like judgement? (yeah yeah)
Wanna see me yell HAY-MAYUN
While I'm preachin from the basement? (uh-huh)
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (yeah yeah)
Not work, spend time begging from the pulpit? (huh)

My brain's dead weight, I'm tryin' to get my head straight
But I can't figure out the right way for them to spell my name (oh)
And Gee said, "Bro Gary, you make no sense"
Uh-uh! "So why's your posts bad? Man your brain's dead"

Well since last week, I've needed some different chairs
So I go on live and let the whole world see my nose hairs!
Got pissed off, tried selling toothpaste that's a rip off
And keep complaining when the free money isn't e-nough

I eat a big plate of weens and sit on my ass
Don't need to move, the wife will feed me b-fast
C'mere ma'am (Gary, wait a minute, she's been saved dog)
I don't give a swear, God sent me to grift the world off!

[mango_fandango]

I just made my entry for the Song Parodies Raptureversary event, featuring our ween-loving friend. I'm not as good or prolific with songs as Palimpsest, but oh well.

 

[pamplemousse]

5 hours ago, Georgiana said:

Continued from: 

 

Hi! My name is (what?) 
My name is (who?)
My name is (ticka ticka) Bro Gary!

Hi folks! Do you like judgement? (yeah yeah)
Wanna see me yell HAY-MAYUN
While I'm preachin from the basement? (uh-huh)
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (yeah yeah)
Not work, spend time begging from the pulpit? (huh)

My brain's dead weight, I'm tryin' to get my head straight
But I can't figure out the right way for them to spell my name (oh)
And Gee said, "Bro Gary, you make no sense"
Uh-uh! "So why's your posts bad? Man your brain's dead"

Well since last week, I've needed some different chairs
So I go on live and let the whole world see my nose hairs!
Got pissed off, tried selling toothpaste that's a rip off
And keep complaining when the free money isn't e-nough

I eat a big plate of weens and sit on my ass
Don't need to move, the wife will feed me b-fast
C'mere ma'am (Gary, wait a minute, she's been saved dog)
I don't give a swear, God sent me to grift the world off!

Get this over to the song parodies thread stat!  

[mango_fandango]

Bro Gary has been to a baseball game in Syracuse NY. So he’s clearly not against all sport, just the supper bowel. 

[smittykins]

Oh no, he was in Syracuse?  That's less than an hour from me, and I(partially)grew up there.  That's too damn close. 

[Granwych]

7 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

Bro Gary has been to a baseball game in Syracuse NY. So he’s clearly not against all sport, just the supper bowel. 

You gotta admit, a supper bowel is mighty inconvenient, along with the breakfast bowel, the brunch bowel, the lunch bowel, etc. etc.

3 times a day bowels would, er, strain most people.

[MarblesMom]

Bro G-Haw is such a bonle jore.... he should post more often.

Anyway, if you go to the service, don't watch.

[griffin]

The audio is completely garbled and impossible to follow. His tie is so long it goes past his belt and over his crotch. Very distracting.

Am I allowed to post a photo?

[Tim-Tom Biblethumper]

10 minutes ago, griffin said:

The audio is completely garbled and impossible to follow. His tie is so long it goes past his belt and over his crotch. Very distracting.

Am I allowed to post a photo?

The video is public, right?  I say "Go for it!"   

[MarblesMom]

If his page is public, and I think it is, (because there is no way I am FB friends with him), you should be able to post it here.

[griffin]

Do men really wear ties that long?? (I could see a grand total of two spectators in the pews)

[Georgiana]

11 minutes ago, griffin said:

Do men really wear ties that long?? (I could see a grand total of two spectators in the pews)

I work in a very large corporate office where ties are still required for all male employees.  I have seen A LOT of very diverse tie styles in my day.  I have never seen anyone wear a tie this long.  

I'm sure someone out there besides Bro Gary does it, but it's neither common nor any sort of fashion from my personal experience.  It looks to me like he just tied it too long and didn't bother to fix it.  

[Dandruff]

Given the angle of his ween repository, I think he needs a tie clip.

[Beermeet]

Is he crying again?  Dude.  

[Granwych]

Just now, Beermeet said:

Is he crying again?  Dude.  

Nah, he's just sweating. 

[Beermeet]

1 minute ago, Granwych said:

Nah, he's just sweating. 

Ew.    lol

[keepercjr]

Lol I came here to post some screen grabs of him dabbing sweat and his super long distracting tie but i see someone beat me to it.  I couldn’t listen to it because the audio quality was absolutely terrible.  When he reads directly from the Bible in the beginning it is super cringe inducing.  He sounds like a small child learning to read who reads each word individually, if that makes any sense.  No fluency or anything.  Just word. Word. Word. Word. 

[MayMay1123]

Looking at the long tie pic on my phone...it looks like it has arrows on it pointing right to his crotch 

[MarblesMom]

@MayMay1123 I just assumed he took his fashion cues from The Orange Toddler.

[AliceInFundyland]

1 hour ago, MayMay1123 said:

Looking at the long tie pic on my phone...it looks like it has arrows on it pointing right to his crotch 

That was serious trepidation.

An announcement of Bro G Live (scroll)

Can I post a potentially disturbing Bro G tie/crotch shot? (scroll and think ‘oh no, please no’)

FJ says “why not?”

Scroll

I have the exact same thought as MayMay.  Also, the tie parallels the cross in the image.

k

[MarblesMom]

2 hours ago, Granwych said:

Nah, he's just sweating.

He is upright and not in the recliner.  Major effort.  Of course he is sweating.

[Lillymuffin]

1 hour ago, MayMay1123 said:

Looking at the long tie pic on my phone...it looks like it has arrows on it pointing right to his crotch 

Nike!!! That tie is one helluva an eye trap. I have been defrauded. Bro Gary has stirred up desires in me that cannot righteously...

(Oh, hell, I can’t even finish the post with a straight face.)  

[MarblesMom]

8 minutes ago, Lillymuffin said:

Bro Gary has stirred up desires in me that cannot righteously...

....and should not, ever be thought of....

[Granwych]

1 hour ago, Lillymuffin said:

Nike!!! That tie is one helluva an eye trap. I have been defrauded. Bro Gary has stirred up desires in me that cannot righteously...

(Oh, hell, I can’t even finish the post with a straight face.)  

Aww, c'mon, we all know that those desires involve running to the nearest toilet and vomiting up a week's worth of weens. 

 

[mango_fandango]

Only GHaw threads can make me both howl with laughter and shudder in revulsion.