Kendra, Joe and Garrett Duggar, Part 10

[SweetJuly]

@DMouse007 Thank you so much for sharing, and welcome to FJ

[JesSky03]

On 7/4/2018 at 2:10 PM, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

Statistically speaking 1 in 10 couples will experience infertility, so in the Duggar clan 1 or 2 of them will, at some point, have issues conceiving. Doesn't meant any of them will but there is a small chance at least 1 of them will. 

Its actually 1 in 8, and I've even read 1 in 6 before. I was 24 when we started trying - my first* wasn't born until I was just shy of turning 27.

[Alice in Fundieland]

On 7/9/2018 at 3:20 AM, SweetJuly said:

My daughter is due in about a week, and I am not sure if I am doing the right thing reading here or not However, I keep coming back to this thread in the hope of finding evidence that it won't be so bad

I alternate between naive optimism ("your pregnancy has been pretty good, you'll handle the birth & 'discomfort' no problem") and absolute panic ("it will hurt like hell, and what if something goes wrong?!"), and the worst part of it all is that I have no idea when it will start and how it will go.

So if there's any Fjers or lurkers out there who have positive birth stories to share, please keep them coming!

I think the best thing to do is remember that no matter what happens, you WILL get through it.  Every birth story is so different. I have 3 children and each birth was unique. I remember with my first being so afraid of the unknown. I just knew that one way or another, this baby was coming out and there was no turning back! You know what works best for you so try to have supportive people around you. I wish you all the best and hope you have a positive experience.

[G33kywife]

I’ve had two unmedicated births and getting ready for a third (I’m thinking it might be tomorrow, actually!). The first one was awful. I didn’t heed a lot of the wonderful advice I’d received though- I refused to rest in early labor, so I exhausted myself before it was even time to push. Second one was amazing. Baby came out in 1 push after a quick labor despite being huge. Listening to music I enjoyed was the biggest help and gave me something familiar to focus on. Changing positions also helped a lot with managing the pain. 

[VelociRapture]

@SweetJulyThinking about it, my sister had two different experiences:

1. Her first pregnancy was very easy. Her only annoying symptom was some mild nausea in the first trimester. She had an epidural and the birth was straightforward, but the baby was in NICU for about half a day (he had some fluid in his lungs that didn’t get squeezed out during the birth), but he was otherwise healthy. My sister had a tough time with the pain afterwards (two second degree tears), but she was eventually able to soothe that enough at home to be able to take pain meds and eat. She developed PPD very soon after being discharged, went to the Doctor immediately for help with it, and started doing better after being on the medication prescribed for a bit. 

2. Her second pregnancy was rough. She had bad morning sickness her entire pregnancy, the type where if she forgot her Diclegis she’d end up vomiting. She actually lost some weight, but I don’t think it was enough to diagnose her with HG. The baby also ended up on her Sciatic nerve towards the end, so she was really relieved when he was born last week. This time has been a much better experience for her - their plan to address the PPD has worked wonderfully so far and she doesn’t seem to have had anywhere near as rough a time recovering so far. Baby didn’t need any NICU time (first of the three cousins not to!) and my sister was able to actually rest and relax in the hospital prior to coming home. 

Every woman, pregnancy, and birth is different. Labor is one of those things you can prepare for as much as you can and it can still take you completely by surprise. 

[AnnEggBlandHer?]

1 minute ago, VelociRapture said:

. This time has been a much better experience for her - their plan to address the PPD has worked wonderfully so far and she doesn’t seem to have had anywhere near as rough a time recovering so far.

Do you mind sharing how they addressed the PPD? I had PP anxiety after my first and I’m terrified about dealing with that again. My OB doesn’t love the idea of me starting an antidepressant now (I’m 32 weeks), but I might push for it anyway. Just curious how others have gotten ahead of similar issues! 

[VelociRapture]

23 minutes ago, AnnEggBlandHer? said:

Do you mind sharing how they addressed the PPD? I had PP anxiety after my first and I’m terrified about dealing with that again. My OB doesn’t love the idea of me starting an antidepressant now (I’m 32 weeks), but I might push for it anyway. Just curious how others have gotten ahead of similar issues! 

Sure!

The first part was medication. She started it (with Doctor approval) around the time she found out she was pregnant as a precaution. That appears to have worked extremely well for her. 

The second part concerned visitors following the birth. A huge part of her PPD following the birth of her first stemmed from her in-law’s (parents, two brothers, a sister, and two girlfriends.) They’re all very lovely people, but they don’t know when to leave. They visited every day when she was in the hospital, visited the day she was discharged, and pretty much camped out at their house that entire first weekend. None of them did anything to help out - they just hung around the living room wanting to see the baby. My sister, who was in pain and dealing with postpartum hormones, wound up sitting on the floor a few times because none of them thought to move off the couch for her. It was just a mess, she felt completely overwhelmed and felt her needs were ignored, and her husband is a pushover with them. 

So, she spoke with her Doctor about it in May. The Doctor was pretty pissed off on her behalf and agreed that there would be no visitors allowed in the hospital or at their house for at least the first week. This was to give my sister time to adjust and begin to recover. She ended up doing so well this time that she allowed both sets of grandparents to visit the hospital and she allowed my mom’s parents to visit this past weekend as well. 

Thats about it as far as I know. It was basically just the medicine and ensuring her needs were respected and prioritized this time around.

I dealt with horrible anxiety following my daughter’s premature birth, so I get how horrible an experience it can be. I had nightly panic attacks that lasted the entire night from the day I was discharged to the day my daughter came home (so five nights.) I continued to experience panic attacks randomly throughout her entire first year of life as well.* It was honestly debilitating because I was already exhausted from having a baby and having fatigue related thyroid issues (which are now being treated.) 

I would suggest trying to identify exactly what would trigger your PPA last time - for me it was her premature birth, NICU stay, and feeling as if she was in danger from specific things (like her photo being online.) If you know what might trigger the anxiety then you can work to either prepare yourself ahead of time to experience those things or you can try to avoid some of those things. So, for instance, when I figured out that photos online was a trigger I went through and deleted most of the stuff I had shared (which wasn’t a lot.) Husband and I talked and we asked our close friends and family to avoid sharing her image online as well. They have permission to share one or two photos of her from special occasions, but that’s pretty much it. That’s gone a long way in easing my emotions over her popping up on social media and, now that I know it was a trigger for me, I know it’s something to consider carefully if we have a second child.**

*I did seek help for it during her NICU stay. I ended up in the ER for a few hours one night because it was so bad (they couldn’t help because the Psych Department was closed for the night.) I then went to my Primary Doctor and saw the APRN there. She prescribed me the antidepressant I had taken previously for anxiety, but she failed to remind me to ease onto it and I forgot to... so the medicine actually made the anxiety way worse for about a half day or so. I haven’t touched that stuff since, partly because of that experience and partly because I was able to handle it better once I knew I was experiencing panic attacks (I had never had one prior to this.)

**That said, there’s only so much we can do to prevent a premature birth and a repeat NICU stay. We’ve been working with my Doctors since early this year to prepare my body as best as possible for another pregnancy and we have a plan for how to address the possibility of another premature birth as well. Hopefully it all works out, but at least I’ll go into another pregnancy knowing we honestly did everything possible to ensure a better outcome. 

[AnnEggBlandHer?]

@VelociRapture thank you! I can’t believe your sister’s in laws would be so inconsiderate. People are awful sometimes. 

I think going back on the meds will help me a lot, I have an appointment on Friday and I’m going to ask for a prescription. I’ve dealt with panic attacks my whole life, just didn’t really recognize them for what they were and they only became severe after my son was born. I haven’t been able to figure out any triggers, but all of mine revolve around either myself, child, husband, or one of my parents dying and my brain insists on imagining very specific details about different scenarios I would face afterwards. It’s horrible. I didn’t speak to a doctor or go on medication until I was about 4 months post partum last time and I can’t possibly go through that again. 

[Satan'sFortress]

On 7/9/2018 at 3:20 AM, SweetJuly said:

My daughter is due in about a week, and I am not sure if I am doing the right thing reading here or not However, I keep coming back to this thread in the hope of finding evidence that it won't be so bad

I alternate between naive optimism ("your pregnancy has been pretty good, you'll handle the birth & 'discomfort' no problem") and absolute panic ("it will hurt like hell, and what if something goes wrong?!"), and the worst part of it all is that I have no idea when it will start and how it will go.

So if there's any Fjers or lurkers out there who have positive birth stories to share, please keep them coming!

Congrats to you!

The thing that helped me the most was the thought that women in comas have given birth.  Intellectually, this let me know that our bodies know what to do*.  I tried not to overthink things. 

My second birth experience was wonderful. I had him at a birth center--very fast labor, unmedicated.  It was intense, but not overwhelming.  I was surrounded by nurses and midwives & felt so supported.  I literally could have driven home a couple of hours later, I felt so good.

I have recommended this book before---and it is likely too late for you to read it---but anyone looking for positive birth stories, check out:  Journey into Motherhood: Inspirational Stories of Natural Birth by Sheri L. Menelli.  Not to out myself, but I am one of the storytellers in it!

 

 

*Yes, I realize that labor doesn't always go as nature intended, but I tried to keep positive thoughts.

[NotQuiteMotY]

On 7/9/2018 at 3:20 AM, SweetJuly said:

My daughter is due in about a week, and I am not sure if I am doing the right thing reading here or not However, I keep coming back to this thread in the hope of finding evidence that it won't be so bad

I alternate between naive optimism ("your pregnancy has been pretty good, you'll handle the birth & 'discomfort' no problem") and absolute panic ("it will hurt like hell, and what if something goes wrong?!"), and the worst part of it all is that I have no idea when it will start and how it will go.

So if there's any Fjers or lurkers out there who have positive birth stories to share, please keep them coming!

Honestly? It'll probably hurt, but that's why they make drugs if it's more than you want to deal with. And there's a good chance that you might not even feel that you need them, depending on how labor progresses for you. Plus, if you're getting good prenatal care and medical oversight during labor, then even IF anything goes wrong you'll have medical help ready and waiting.

And alternating between the two is perfectly normal, especially for a first pregnancy!

In my case, to go back to the earlier discussion of crowning, I didn't really feel a "ring of fire." I did feel pressure from him moving with the pushes, but not enough to tell where he was in the process, except after his head and shoulders slid out and THAT I could tell! I'm not sure how much of it is just how he was laying and how much was that I was focused on pushing more than anything else.

Actually, that's why I don't think Kendra did get an epidural. Not just moving around, but I'm probably not the only one where the outright pain of contractions subsided when pushing. Not to mention, I was... not loud, but I was making noise during transition, and once I started pushing I got a lot quieter because I was focused on what I had to do.

[emscm]

Pregnant with my first due in January.  I'm finding that reading all kinds of birth stories, both good and bad, are kind of making me feel more calm and looking forward to birth (in many many more months).

[IReallyAmHopewell]

I wonder if Kendra and Joe will rush to have #2? As young as she is she's probably mega-fertile. Birth seems like it was a real education for her.

[takers401]

On 7/10/2018 at 10:25 AM, AnnEggBlandHer? said:

Do you mind sharing how they addressed the PPD? I had PP anxiety after my first and I’m terrified about dealing with that again. My OB doesn’t love the idea of me starting an antidepressant now (I’m 32 weeks), but I might push for it anyway. Just curious how others have gotten ahead of similar issues! 

In addition to anti-depression/anxiety medication, many doctors will recommend you see a therapist trained in PPD/PPA. I experienced PPA after the birth of my twins and found the therapist to be helpful in learning coping strategies when my anxiety ramped up, such as various breathing or meditation exercises. Things that I might have otherwise thought as hokie, ended up being very helpful and techniques I use to this day (even though I no longer am on the medication or see the therapist).

[justoneoftwo]

10 minutes ago, IReallyAmHopewell said:

I wonder if Kendra and Joe will rush to have #2? As young as she is she's probably mega-fertile. Birth seems like it was a real education for her.

Education how?  It seemed like it was relatively easy and complication free.  I expect them to have another very quickly, unless they have secondary infertility or breast feeding stops her ovulating.  (or having a baby just puts a stop to the fellowship). 

[AnnEggBlandHer?]

16 minutes ago, takers401 said:

In addition to anti-depression/anxiety medication, many doctors will recommend you see a therapist trained in PPD/PPA. I experienced PPA after the birth of my twins and found the therapist to be helpful in learning coping strategies when my anxiety ramped up, such as various breathing or meditation exercises. Things that I might have otherwise thought as hokie, ended up being very helpful and techniques I use to this day (even though I no longer am on the medication or see the therapist).

My current OB suggested this instead of medication, but I live 12 hours away from any family, my husband works 80+ hours a week, our insurance is terrible and I don’t know what I’d do about childcare, even if we did find a way to pay for the actual therapist. I absolutely see the value in using the 2 in conjunction, I just don’t know how to make it happen unfortunately. 

[takers401]

My current OB suggested this instead of medication, but I live 12 hours away from any family, my husband works 80+ hours a week, our insurance is terrible and I don’t know what I’d do about childcare, even if we did find a way to pay for the actual therapist. I absolutely see the value in using the 2 in conjunction, I just don’t know how to make it happen unfortunately. 

My therapist was ok with me bringing my kids, so maybe that might be an option for you? I'm sorry it's not an easy solution for you. Especially insurance not being helpful. :-(

[potato]

7 hours ago, IReallyAmHopewell said:

I wonder if Kendra and Joe will rush to have #2?

I actually had a dream the other night that Joe and Kendra had already announced pregnancy #2 and I was FURIOUS.

[Audrey2]

11 hours ago, potato said:

I actually had a dream the other night that Joe and Kendra had already announced pregnancy #2 and I was FURIOUS.

No worries- I don't believe they've had enough days of abstinence after Garret was born yet.

[Carm_88]

55 minutes ago, Audrey2 said:

No worries- I don't believe they've had enough days of abstinence after Garret was born yet.

Has it been 40 days? 40 for a boy and 80 for a girl right? 

[lumpentheologie]

1 hour ago, Carm_88 said:

Has it been 40 days? 40 for a boy and 80 for a girl right? 

I don't think we have any indication that the second-gen couples do this.  Especially in the case of the girls, since it would be up to the headship, and none of the husbands have come from families that state they do this. 

[Audrey2]

1 hour ago, Carm_88 said:

Has it been 40 days? 40 for a boy and 80 for a girl right? 

I am still thinking they're a shade under 40 but not many.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

21 hours ago, IReallyAmHopewell said:

I wonder if Kendra and Joe will rush to have #2? As young as she is she's probably mega-fertile. Birth seems like it was a real education for her.

Giving birth usually is a real education for everyone, because until you've experienced it  you just don't know, no matter how "easy or hard" the birth and pregnancy are. 

I'm not talking about being a mother here because millions of people have children with out physically haven giving birth to them.   

[IReallyAmHopewell]

21 hours ago, justoneoftwo said:

Education how?  It seemed like it was relatively easy and complication free.  I expect them to have another very quickly, unless they have secondary infertility or breast feeding stops her ovulating.  (or having a baby just puts a stop to the fellowship). 

She found out what it was like. She couldn't control what was happening.

[Dandruff]

1 hour ago, Audrey2 said:

I am still thinking they're a shade under 40 but not many.

About a week to go.

I had a professor once speculate on the 40/80 days rule, from a non-sin perspective.  He said that many men strongly prefer to have boys, especially for their first, and some will quickly and perhaps "aggressively" try to conceive a son following the birth of a daughter.  So the rule helps protect women who have borne daughters from harm.

[chaotic life]

Just watched that birth and that poor girl reminds me of my labors with my mother and why ultimately I banned her from my births but even that did not improve the trauma response every birth I had became because of her controlling the first ones.

Specifically in my second labor baby was a forehead presentation and I had to transport from home. Because we KNEW the only way to avoid c-section was hard pitocin to try to get enough pressure behind baby to force her to tuck her head, I absolutely should have been “allowed” pain medication. Instead I did 12 hours of hard pitocin induction med free until they hyperstimulated my uterus and ripped a tear in an abdominal muscle. And my mother stood over me the entire time “coaching” me and ensuring no one allowed pain medicine to me.

Maybe Joe will be decent enough to space babies out. That poor girl is likely going to be terrified of labor next time and the fear merely compounds the problems.

Honestly, 6 births and I only had an epidural the last time. I had to be induced early and my BP was sky high. I intended to use the epidural both to handle the pit and to try to stabilize the BP. But I had never had one before, and no one gave me the button for the PCA portion of it, nor did they check it again.

Long story short, the epidural did fabulous for my back labor but not anything else. When he went into fetal distress and we had to rush into the OR they discovered why. Not only had I never pressed the button to get the actual pain medication after the original bolus but it wasn’t placed correctly at all. It had infused fluids and not pain meds into my left hip the whole time. My hip was three times the size it was supposed to be for weeks until I got all that fluid cleared out of me. And as we were rushing to surgery, the decision on whether I was going to be able to get a new epidural or have to be put under was entirely dependent on how well he had stabilized by the time we got into the suite and hooked back up to monitors. Took them less than 5 min to get me in and they told the anesthesiologist he had 5 min while they prepped. If he could get another one in then fine if not, I had to be knocked out.

I often wonder if I had not been so groomed in that fundie world to believe getting an epidural was morally wrong prior if the compounding birth traumas might not have led to that last nightmare where I nearly died (1.5 hours on the table, 3 units of blood later).