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Boyer Sisters Part 7: One Still Creative


Coconut Flan

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My mom had post-surgical home nurse and PT visits a couple of years ago.  She had to be pretty much homebound in order to qualify.  The only places patients receiving home services were allowed to go were doctor appointments and the beauty parlor.

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The posters talking about the little rain bonnets made me laugh. Around here, if it rains after church on Sundays, those little clear bonnets come out like magic! All the 80 and 90 year olds are wearing them. They still have their hair done once a week, and they're going to protect that 'do above all else!

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I wash my hair... irregularly. Part of my ASD is that I have trouble remembering to do self-care (it took me a long time to shower every day; now I feel gross and sweaty if I don’t do it). I also don’t particularly like the feeling of the warm water running down my face, so I can have trouble keeping my head directly under the shower head... no wonder I had problems rinsing the shampoo out!! The longest gap I had between washes was a (gross-sounding, I know) four months... haircut in December 2015, not washed again until the next April. My excuse at the time (and probably still is now) was that I was on my university year abroad (haircut happened whilst home for the Christmas holidays), living in student-type accommodation, and the shower was terrible, the water flow just wasn’t powerful enough for a good wash (ie not much came out). 

I do wash my hair much more frequently than I used to... two weeks sounds icky to most, I know, but to me it’s progress! I even got myself some ginger shampoo and conditioner (anti-dandruff cos I get itchy) which smells great, so that’s a motivator in itself. My hair is also very thick and quite wavy, so i tend to air-dry it and it takes a while.

 

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Ah, hair, one of my favorite topics. I, too, wash my hair just once a week- I started going no-poo about three years ago. For about two months you could fry chicken in my hair, but after that it leveled out and was fine. Not great, but fine. I switched to Castile soap because I missed having clean hair, but it felt like straw. Then I started using Burt's Bees organic shampoo, and my hair started falling out in clumps. I thought it was just me hitting my mid-20s and body changing and shit, since it was organic, it had to be good for me- right? But then I decided to try Function of Beauty (they give you a little hair quiz and customize a formula for you) and my hair doubled in thickness. So it's been a wild ride. I like washing my hair once a week because I can afford to splurge on fairly expensive shampoo- I've been using the same bottle since February and it's only half empty, so I only really have to buy shampoo about once a year (I got the 16oz shampoo and the 8oz conditioner). It's really great stuff- it works for me, at least. I've haven't had quite as many dramatic changes as Charlotte, but I think the difference is that I don't really see changing up my hair situation as reflective of my true identity. I'm just trying to look clean, smell good, and have long, thick, healthy hair. Every tiny individual change Charlotte makes in her life seems like a ~*mAsSiVe cHaNgE tO FiNd hErSeLf*~ when really it's just normal everyday life, figuring yourself out as a young adult.

Maybe this isn't directly applicable to the hair example, but it is applicable to a hell of a lot of other posts. I'm a bit older than Charlotte. I've undergone so many changes from 19 to 24, met incredible people who changed my life forever, and improved my mental health and well-being, left an emotionally manipulative relationship, acquired hobbies, friends, and self-worth. But I don't proclaim every change as a "new me," it just kind of... happened. Is this what normal life is like, when you aren't waiting around for God to tell you what to do? Just... doin' stuff?

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On 7/9/2018 at 11:37 AM, Palimpsest said:

They kept little clear plastic accordion pleated bonnets in their purses, which they would don if it even started to sprinkle with rain. 

My grandmother kept several that she would try to force on us if it started raining. As a teen I would have rather walked about completely soaked than go through the humiliation of wearing one of those. 

Edited by formergothardite
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I wash my hair once a week. So sue me. It doesn’t smell and it’s in much better condition than it’s been in the past. My hair is super thick, curly, and coarse. The more I wash it, the worse it gets. Dealing with it once a week is enough for me. 

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I just have to say it. Others have very likely already said it. But after a week (more?) of being held captive by the JillRod thread, and coming back to this, I simply can’t hold it in anymore.

My brain insists (and will not be gainsayed or whatever the word is) that the Instagram user name is “moldy apple”.

Every stinkin’ time I see it.

That is all. Please carry on with the hair washing (or whatever).

Anybody got a spare car lying around taking up space? Just wondering how likely that might be. (now I remember why I only take JillR in small, infrequent doses...but I got sucked in and am having trouble disengaging)

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My dad still has (and uses) those rubber overshoes. I thought they were hilarious as a kid, because they looked like shoes but wiggled like jello.

i was totally on board with minimal hair washing (once a week), diluted shampoo, ect, until I moved a few years ago. The building I live in has a water softening system and it took me over a year to figure out why my hair was suddenly unmanageable. It was somehow super frizzy but also an oil slick. I reached a point where I would wash my hair and it was STILL oily when it dried. 

So I bought some clarifying shampoo and finally figured out that I couldn’t wash it the way I was in soft water. (I should have guessed, we can barely use any soap in the washing machine/dishwasher, water softeners are weird) Now I shampoo twice with generous amounts (soft water build up, ugh), use a pea sized amount of conditioner on the ends only, a vinegar rinse, and can’t go more than two days without washing. I used to but shampoo once a year and now it takes me longer than that to go through a bottle of conditioner.

Hair is weird, y’all.

Edited by FiddleDD
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Oh, I hate soft water! The water at my Mom's is really soft and I always end up with helmet hair after staying with her.  It's so gross.

I'm on about a once a week hair wash schedule.  My scalp would get itchy/zitty after 3 or 4 days at first, but I find that daily vigorous brushing with a brush that provides a lot of scalp stimulation helps a lot.

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Yes, it's very weird that a pair of shoes could be a missing puzzle piece in your life. I say that as someone who adores shoes! 

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Lol! One look at those shoes and my feet started to ache.

No fashion or high-class shoes for me, I guess! Back to the Birkenstocks...

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How long until a post about how she isn't complete and her life is totally changing while she tries to figure out who she is?

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7 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

Yes, it's very weird that a pair of shoes could be a missing puzzle piece in your life. I say that as someone who adores shoes! 

Wait, I thought her identity was in Christ?

Actually, considering that her identity in that worldview is squelched and subverted in any way that doesn’t match her parents’ expectations, it’s no wonder that her posts seem to express a constant yearning and search for some kind of identity.

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1 minute ago, formergothardite said:

How long until a post about how she isn't complete and her life is totally changing while she tries to figure out who she is?

I give her a few weeks, although she might wait and totally transform herself when the seasons change. 

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30 minutes ago, refugee said:

Lol! One look at those shoes and my feet started to ache.

Yep -- made this old lady's toes cringe, too. 

 

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Those are pretty cute flats (and I'm in need of cute flats despite my addiction to stilettos to work every day), but unless she's getting a sponsorship from Rothys (which, if so, hey, gotta make a buck), they're not "wall o'text and photoshoot on Instagram" level shoes. 

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I genuinely like the shoes, and i’m always looking for nice flats (bad knees make my 3” heels unmanageable now; I still miss them).  But the one commenter who said she’d had her eye on that brand for a long time made me look them up; most of their styles cost about US$145.  Now, I fully support paying for quality when one can afford it, but for that price those shoes better have a guarantee to transform my life and my existence. Good flats can be had for a lot less money. 

Charlotte, if you plan on becoming self-supporting any time soon, I suggest that you stock up on your luxury goods now. When your rent is due the day before pay day, you probably won’t have $145 to spend on shoes. 

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2 hours ago, catlady said:

I genuinely like the shoes, and i’m always looking for nice flats (bad knees make my 3” heels unmanageable now; I still miss them).  But the one commenter who said she’d had her eye on that brand for a long time made me look them up; most of their styles cost about US$145.  Now, I fully support paying for quality when one can afford it, but for that price those shoes better have a guarantee to transform my life and my existence. Good flats can be had for a lot less money. 

Charlotte, if you plan on becoming self-supporting any time soon, I suggest that you stock up on your luxury goods now. When your rent is due the day before pay day, you probably won’t have $145 to spend on shoes. 

$145 for those? Fuck to the no. I'd spend that much on hiking boots or running sneakers (but even then I'd look for discounts first), MAYBE that much on a pair of really fabulous LK Bennetts or Loubs, but not flats I could find for a fraction of that price and probably the same quality. 

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I really hope she's grifted those shoes, because I know she's still young, but if a pair of shoes genuinely makes her life complete, she's even more of a vacuous twit (TM @Palimpsest) than I'd thought!

I am still very happy that her parents have allowed her to get a job outside the home that's not occasionally arranging flowers or set dressing for weddings*, and I'm glad she's allowed to expand her horizons, but how mad is it that living with her parents and working for her dad seems like it's a big deal for them?  I hope she's allowed to make more choices, and get to experience life living by herself, working for someone who's not family, so if she chooses to go back, it's an informed choice, not the only option her parents allow her.  I keep imagining Charlotte getting to go to college, or even getting a job in a coffee shop, like Raquel, and feeling so sorry that she's SO excited about this tiny loosening of the still very, very tight parental controls.

(* I have nothing against floristry and wedding planning, but Jessica's part time jobs seemed like they were allowed because they're feminine - and she seemed cast very much in the assistant role.  I hope she's working, too, in something that brings her satisfaction)

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Rothys are actually super comfortable. They’re made of sneaker material and are washable. Still wouldn’t write an ode to them. 

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On 7/10/2018 at 5:53 PM, mango_fandango said:

I wash my hair... irregularly. Part of my ASD is that I have trouble remembering to do self-care (it took me a long time to shower every day; now I feel gross and sweaty if I don’t do it). I also don’t particularly like the feeling of the warm water running down my face, so I can have trouble keeping my head directly under the shower head... no wonder I had problems rinsing the shampoo out!! The longest gap I had between washes was a (gross-sounding, I know) four months... haircut in December 2015, not washed again until the next April. My excuse at the time (and probably still is now) was that I was on my university year abroad (haircut happened whilst home for the Christmas holidays), living in student-type accommodation, and the shower was terrible, the water flow just wasn’t powerful enough for a good wash (ie not much came out). 

I do wash my hair much more frequently than I used to... two weeks sounds icky to most, I know, but to me it’s progress! I even got myself some ginger shampoo and conditioner (anti-dandruff cos I get itchy) which smells great, so that’s a motivator in itself. My hair is also very thick and quite wavy, so i tend to air-dry it and it takes a while.

 

May I PM you? I have a loved one who, though never diagnosed with ASD, sounds very like you. I'm trying to understand where they're coming from with their behaviors. They're unlikely to seek a diagnosis, though.

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I have a pair of Rothys, they're fine. Good quality and comfortable, but I get to wear them rarely now that the desk part of my job is pretty much nil and I'm either in the kitchen, which means Dansko clogs, or in Birks at home. 

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On 7/10/2018 at 5:26 PM, formergothardite said:

My grandmother kept several that she would try to force on us if it started raining. As a teen I would have rather walked about completely soaked than go through the humiliation of wearing one of those. 

I hate the sensation of drops of water on my head and scalp, so when I lived in San Francisco, I had millions of them, stuck in every bag and coat pocket I owned! Humiliation be damned, that feeling on my scalp was enough to nearly make me cry every time.

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On 7/12/2018 at 6:54 PM, Carm_88 said:

Yes, it's very weird that a pair of shoes could be a missing puzzle piece in your life. I say that as someone who adores shoes! 

I hate that "personal brand" is a now a widespread phrase that society is using without any trace of irony

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