Boyer Sisters Part 7: One Still Creative

[hoipolloi]

16 minutes ago, refugee said:

But MLMs fit perfectly in the “just gotta work a little harder” religion. It’s exhausting.

Everything you said is spot on - thank you. 

Quoting that one section because the fucking assholes who apparently profit or even thrive on MLMs* relentlessly push this theme on their social media channels, which of course include their hapless downstream folks, like the Boyer sisters. So, anyone who isn't succeeding isn't working hard enough.

*Looking at you, here, James & Stacy McDonald or Shoshanna Pearl Easling. We see you for the deceiving con artists that you are.

[FilleMondaine]

Well I am delighted! While I certainly got some bittersweet vibes from her, it sounds like she is prioritizing things that are more important for her: childrearing, pattern-drafting, and sewing clothes for children. While she may be leaving pattern-blogging and adult-sewing, it sounds to me like she is still finding a creative outlet and a satisfying home life. Isn't that what all we feminists want for our sisters? And I admire the bittersweet aspect to her blog post. It shows a maturity to acknowledge a nuanced reality.

Even if there are budget constraints (I have no idea how well their businesses are doing), I can tell you that Ohio has excellent Medicaid due to the expansion several years ago. So she and her children will have excellent medical care even if funds are low.

I wonder if she will find more creative fun making vintage-inspired children's clothing. Maybe she can recreate Prince George and Princess Charlotte's more vintage-ey clothing!

Quick personal aside: I taught intro courses at the community college for a decade. I get a real kick watching 20-year-olds test their teenage views with the larger world and see what sticks. So I am glad that @Gabe has stopped by and engaged with us, and I am glad that Brigid has the ability (and probably the support because it is obvious that Gabe worships her) to try testing her teenage views and modifying them.

[Palimpsest]

Well, I have less trust in @Gabe, than you do @FilleMondaine.  He has shown his (not too pleasant) rear end a few times on FJ.  But he is a product of his environment.  And so is his wife.

And he is still checking in on us!  Hi Gabe.

Aw, Brigie or Brijee.  I am delighted for you too.  What I don't like to see is the sadness and regret.  Your post made me so unhappy for you, although I know you are delighted to be having another baby.  Congratulations.  Seriously.

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When I started this little pattern line, I was different. I was a teenager with, I will admit, somewhat unrealistic expectations of the world and fashion. I still have unrealistic expectations of the world and my clothes, but those expectations are different. My aesthetics are morphing. And I feel like people still expect the aesthetics of the teenage version of me. 

No, I don't think anyone should expect that.  What people should expect are the aesthetics of who you are now.  A wife and a mother.   Tell your sisters and their acolytes to shove it.

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my dear Tailor Husband and I are expecting a new bundle of joy, late next Spring! I am SO, so excited and overjoyed!! Adding a new little one to our family tree is such a blessing and honor. Motherhood is a calling I hold sacred and dear.

And so you should.   I don't think anyone here would disagree.

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I don’t even have the time to grow this business as I would like. Any energy and “hustle” I have I want to be pouring into my family, not staring at my computer ignoring the precious moments with my fast-growing toddler, and each day as this new baby grows inside me.

Priorities.   We all have them.

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I want to have the time to sew for my family! For my children! For myself. For my friends. And I don’t have the time anymore.

But do you have time to make notes about what you wish you could do?  I think that would be valuable in the future.

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 I’m crying over here as I contemplate setting aside this little dream of mine. But I’m not setting it aside for nothing! No! I’m setting it aside to focus on the biggest, most amazing dream of my life, and that is the life I am living, the family I am raising, the calling that God has placed first in my life after serving Him with everything I do.

Yeah, yeah.  but  @Gabe should take note of the fact that you are crying over the loss of a creative outlet.  And doing his best to show you that it is not all on you.  Why?

Because Gabe can also parent.  He can help you to carve out some time from the "calling" so that you can still create.  Not only for the children - but for yourself too.

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But I believe that God is calling me to step away for now. See you in the outside world.

Fair enough.  I hope to see you back in the outside world before too long. In fact sooner than later. 

https://brijeepatterns.wordpress.com/2018/11/16/what-do-you-do-when-your-clothes-dont-fit/

You know, @Gabe, you married a rare spirit here.  Help her both to raise your children  beautifully AND to hold onto her creativity - as an independent and talented artist.  The two are not mutually exclusive.  Believe me.

Because she is very talented and very creative.  You have to support her in her artistic endeavors not suffocate her or force her to give up her talents.  Just because you want more babies and for her to home school.  Yes, that is very creative and takes a lot of work- but perhaps she needs more than that.

You are not the only creative one in this marriage, Gabe.  And it is quite possible that Brigid is more talented than you are.

Edited November 19, 2018 by Palimpsest

[VincentvanGoGo]

I wonder how are Grace and Frankie doing now? It's been dead silent in the last months.

[EowynW]

I getting putting family first, but I was JUST telling Mr. EW that never once in my life growing up in the fundie circles that I did, did I ever see a woman do any sort of serious hobby, home business or side business, etc. They are just SAH homeschooling moms.  And how I wish I had been exposed to women who had more interests than just babies and homemaking. 

Edited November 20, 2018 by EowynW

[Carm_88]

Well good for Brigid, I guess. I hope that she is truly happy. As for the other two, I'm going with silence is golden haha.

[Gabe]

On 11/18/2018 at 5:54 PM, Palimpsest said:

Yeah, yeah.  but  @Gabe should take note of the fact that you are crying over the loss of a creative outlet.  And doing his best to show you that it is not all on you.  Why?

Because Gabe can also parent.  He can help you to carve out some time from the "calling" so that you can still create.  Not only for the children - but for yourself too.

Fair enough.  I hope to see you back in the outside world before too long. In fact sooner than later. 

https://brijeepatterns.wordpress.com/2018/11/16/what-do-you-do-when-your-clothes-dont-fit/

You know, @Gabe, you married a rare spirit here.  Help her both to raise your children  beautifully AND to hold onto her creativity - as an independent and talented artist.  The two are not mutually exclusive.  Believe me.

Because she is very talented and very creative.  You have to support her in her artistic endeavors not suffocate her or force her to give up her talents.  Just because you want more babies and for her to home school.  Yes, that is very creative and takes a lot of work- but perhaps she needs more than that.

You are not the only creative one in this marriage, Gabe.  And it is quite possible that Brigid is more talented than you are.

I am very sensible of the fact that Brigid is a rare spirit and very thankful for her.

It is probably the furthest thing from the truth that I am in any way suffocating her or pressuring her to give up her talents. She was incredibly nervous about talking to me about stepping away from Brijee Patterns because I have invested so much time and energy supporting her that she felt bad calling it quits.

She just felt like all her creative energy was being sucked away into her teenage pattern business that was aimed at the stylish end of the modest teen fashion market, and she didn't have any room to change. (My opinion being that she should allow her target audience and style of patterns to change to accommodate things that she is excited about now vs just things she was excited about when she was 17-19 and unmarried)

If she does bring Brijee Patterns back (something I would be very happy to see her do)  they will probably focus on stylish and classic maternity fashion and vintage inspired dresses that accommodate breastfeeding and more mature fashion styles, probably incorporating silhouettes from the 1910s instead of leaning heavily on a 30s-50s vibe.

In the meantime, cute baby clothes and some stash busting personal projects will revive her creative energy (hopefully) without the pressure of feeling like she has to spend hours on the computer drafting and perfecting her patterns or writing material for an audience.

[FeministShrew]

@Gabe congratulations on the new little one! Tell Brigid she's got a fan in me, & I hope to see her bring Brijee Patterns back one of these days; those ideas sound like something I'd love to make. Best wishes to you both! You're a very talented couple and your work inspires me, even if our personal beliefs are different. 

[FleeJanaFree]

49 minutes ago, Gabe said:

In the meantime, cute baby clothes and some stash busting personal projects will revive her creative energy (hopefully) without the pressure of feeling like she has to spend hours on the computer drafting and perfecting her patterns or writing material for an audience.

I totally agree. It's overboard to say she won't  have any creative outlets. And she can always bring back her business on her terms. Best of luck to Brigid on what I'm sure is a hard and bittersweet choice for her. Enjoy those tiny humans, and let Brigid take a nap when you get home,Gabe. 

[Carm_88]

@Gabe I think it would be totally normal for Brijee patterns to grow and change as Brigid does. She should never feel that she put herself in a box in the beginning, do what she likes and enjoys. It truly does shine through! Congratulations on your new little one!

[Palimpsest]

3 hours ago, Gabe said:

I am very sensible of the fact that Brigid is a rare spirit and very thankful for her.

It is probably the furthest thing from the truth that I am in any way suffocating her or pressuring her to give up her talents. She was incredibly nervous about talking to me about stepping away from Brijee Patterns because I have invested so much time and energy supporting her that she felt bad calling it quits.

She just felt like all her creative energy was being sucked away into her teenage pattern business that was aimed at the stylish end of the modest teen fashion market, and she didn't have any room to change. (My opinion being that she should allow her target audience and style of patterns to change to accommodate things that she is excited about now vs just things she was excited about when she was 17-19 and unmarried)

If she does bring Brijee Patterns back (something I would be very happy to see her do)  they will probably focus on stylish and classic maternity fashion and vintage inspired dresses that accommodate breastfeeding and more mature fashion styles, probably incorporating silhouettes from the 1910s instead of leaning heavily on a 30s-50s vibe.

In the meantime, cute baby clothes and some stash busting personal projects will revive her creative energy (hopefully) without the pressure of feeling like she has to spend hours on the computer drafting and perfecting her patterns or writing material for an audience.

Well good, and many thanks for the update, @Gabe.  Also many congratulations on the new baby.

The way Brigid wrote that post made me worry that she was hanging up her dressmaking shears and quitting the pattern business for good.   That would be an enormous pity.

I'm very glad to hear it just means that she is just taking a break.  And absolutely she can change her target audience!   She will, I think we all hope, be back sometime with a new line of maternity and children's clothing.   But only after she has taken the time she needs and her creative juices are flowing again. 

Perhaps a better way of putting it might have been, "Gabe, don't let the work of having and raising children (although that is creative too) suffocate Brigid's very real talents as a designer and seamstress.  She can do both, so make sure you help her fulfill all her dreams."  Because that is your responsibility as her husband.  I am glad you appreciate that.
 

 

[singsingsing]

@Gabe, congrats on the new baby on the way, and I hope Brigid finds the creative niche and balance that works best for her. Often these things take time to figure out, and it's good to let it grow organically rather than trying to force it. She's very talented and lots of people redefine their styles and interests many times over the course of their lives, so she shouldn't feel any pressure to stick with what worked when she was a teenager! It's only natural that her style and interests will evolve as she does. Best of luck to both of you.  

[acheronbeach]

@Gabe just wanted to say that I still give you tons of props for coming on here and addressing people directly as you have many times before.  It's not easy, but it's very smart of you - you're the source, so you can immediately put to bed any speculation about you and your wife.  

[FilleMondaine]

Oh--I just realised that my comment about Medicaid would have been read as insulting. It's my weirdness, not a slam on business opportunity.

Do you guys remember at the end of The Witches where the mouse and the grandma talk about the fact that they will die around the same time and so neither of them would be left alone? I do. I was just a kid, and I was like 'Roald, you get me'. I was also worried about one or the other living alone. Basically, I like knowing that people are safe and I always have. Did any of you also feel sooooo satisfied when the end of Witches happened?

The Ohio Medicaid expansion--needed in this case or not (and totally not asking because it is none of my damn business)--just makes me feel better because I am ready to like these people and it feels good to know that they are ok. You know, for all you other weirdos like me who just like to know that people are safe. Oh--and I knew tons of people who worked AND still had Medicaid. No shame, no shame. Plus, I have Tricare because of my husband's work, and feel lucky for government healthcare.

[GenerationCedarchip]

On 11/28/2018 at 12:14 PM, Gabe said:

In the meantime, cute baby clothes and some stash busting personal projects will revive her creative energy (hopefully) without the pressure of feeling like she has to spend hours on the computer drafting and perfecting her patterns or writing material for an audience.

I can completely understand wanting to lessen stress and pressure, and having to pick priorities. She is a much better seamstress than I, so I have to selfishly admit that I would love to see her post some of her projects even if she is no longer running a business. She makes beautiful things.

 

Congratulations on the baby!

[CoalMiningGuy]

@Gabe I am glad to see your Side of the Issue.

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My opinion being that she should allow her target audience and style of patterns to change to accommodate things that she is excited about now vs just things she was excited about when she was 17-19 and unmarried

 

Is your Wife (and her Sisters to some extend) a bit perfectionist? It would explain her hesitating to change tracks. She most likely fears that she not only wastes your Gift of time and effort but also fails at sticking to one thing and see it through. 

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In the meantime, cute baby clothes and some stash busting personal projects will revive her creative energy (hopefully) without the pressure of feeling like she has to spend hours on the computer drafting and perfecting her patterns or writing material for an audience

Could you please ask her to share her projects? 

[ladyamylynn]

According to Instagram, it looks like Jessica's ex has a new girlfriend. A girl named Faith Metz. She looks like your standard issue fundie maiden.

[FilleMondaine]

On 12/14/2018 at 8:00 PM, ladyamylynn said:

According to Instagram, it looks like Jessica's ex has a new girlfriend. A girl named Faith Metz. She looks like your standard issue fundie maiden.

Yikes. Even when you're in a good place, it is hard to see your first love move onto another person. Are they even if a good place?

[Jeronimo]

I had a look at Levi’s Instagram but I couldn’t find a picture of his new gf.

So so much silence from the Boyer sisters lately... 

[CoalMiningGuy]

I do not think they will reappear again! Charlotte seems to have had a lost boyfriend in that tightly knit reenactment group as well. Recently she has made vague references to finding new happiness etc that might indicate that she is busy searching for new love. 

[catlady]

I recall a post several months ago from Charlotte that seemed to hint at a new job. She hasn’t posted much of anything since then on either of her accounts. They did have something for their mother’s birthday maybe a month ago. But C & J seem to have done what we hoped they would:  get away from public social media and find something constructive to do. If Charlotte did indeed get a job outside of her dad’s company, then genuine kudos to her.  And hopefully Jessica is doing the same. May they find what they’re looking for. 

[FilleMondaine]

Fan me, please! Botkin AND Boyer threads updated?!?!

So the grown-up part of me is pleased for them if they are, in fact, withdrawing and finding happiness in their own way. The nosy part of me wants to find out what they are doing to find that happiness. The BEC wants to snark. I am (mostly) a grown-up, but man, those small parts of me sure are tempting to buy into.

Not-necessarily-Boyer-related, this makes me thing of an aspect of Homeschooling that I had not realised before: That learning how to date within a highschool or friend group is really important. I mean, do homeschool kids not know that it is perfectly fine to date someone in a friend group, and then date someone else in a friend group? I mean, there will always be drama, but a person isn't just automatically expelled forever once a relatinoship breaks up. Right?

[Petronella]

44 minutes ago, FilleMondaine said:

Not-necessarily-Boyer-related, this makes me thing of an aspect of Homeschooling that I had not realised before: That learning how to date within a highschool or friend group is really important. I mean, do homeschool kids not know that it is perfectly fine to date someone in a friend group, and then date someone else in a friend group? I mean, there will always be drama, but a person isn't just automatically expelled forever once a relatinoship breaks up. Right?

Wait, why do you think homeschoolers don't have friend groups? That's...that's a really big leap.

If you mean isolated fundies who never see anyone except their siblings, the no-outside-friends thing is a bigger problem than dating norms. And I'm not sure it is a norm that "a person isn't just automatically expelled forever once a relationship breaks up." Sometimes that's exactly how high school drama goes, whether it should or not.

[EowynW]

Eh, lots of homeschoolers have friend groups. There are a lot of normal non fundie homeschoolers out there. Homeschooling is not just a fundie thing. We have some excellent secular groups in my home area. 

And judging from the experiences & stories of my public schooled friends, being kicked out of the group or a friendship after a relationship ends is pretty common high school drama. Teens can be pretty brutal.  

Edited February 26, 2019 by EowynW

[catlady]

2 hours ago, EowynW said:

And judging from the experiences & stories of my public schooled friends, being kicked out of the group or a friendship after a relationship ends is pretty common high school drama. Teens can be pretty brutal.  

spot on.  my high school's culture was that casual dating wasn't a thing; instead couples would form for a few months or a year, and when they broke up, it was bad form for either partner to have a relationship with a friend of the other, regardless of gender; likewise it was bad form for someone to pursue a relationship with a close friend's ex.  social groups frequently shifted after bad breakups.  was it reasonable of fair?  not really, but yes, teens can be brutal.  

@FilleMondaine's statement reminds me of one of the Boyers' birthdays where photos indicated that almost all of the guests were either adults or very young children, so there was conversation about how big/small their social circle of peers was.  but i agree that homeschooling had little to do with it, and would have even less impact on their dating experience.  plenty of kids in public school don't date, and some are perfectly content with that.  the Boyers in their teens gave the impression that they were into the courtship/dating-with-a-purpose concept, so even if they went to a conventional school, they may not have dated anyway.