Lori Alexander 47: Frugal ... Sort of ... For a rich person

[Curious]

3 hours ago, Koala said:

And just because the hypocrisy really annoys me, here is one of her "Door County" pictures:

Why yes, that's Lori (who hardly travels

"listen to the rain falling and the waves crashing" 

Are the waves she hears in her head?   There are not waves on that lake that are going to be crashing.  How can anyone take her seriously on anything?

[Krissy]

I know it upsets people when she buys what she does and preaches being frugal. I try to keep in mind maybe because they are good with money that’s why they are able to buy those things? Dave Ramsey and mr money mustache harp on being frugal but both spend in ways I can’t afford. I’m certainly not taking money advice from people who have nothing to show. i.e. a homeless person trying to give me money management advice. People want advice from those who have proven they know how to manage money.

Lori and ken are what 60? Of course they are going to be at the top of their income ladder therefore have extra money to spend. It would be disappointing to be that age and have nothing and still living poor like you did back when they were in their twenties. 

[Curious]

16 minutes ago, Krissy said:

I know it upsets people when she buys what she does and preaches being frugal. I try to keep in mind maybe because they are good with money that’s why they are able to buy those things? Dave Ramsey and mr money mustache harp on being frugal but both spend in ways I can’t afford. I’m certainly not taking money advice from people who have nothing to show. i.e. a homeless person trying to give me money management advice. People want advice from those who have proven they know how to manage money.

Lori and ken are what 60? Of course they are going to be at the top of their income ladder therefore have extra money to spend. It would be disappointing to be that age and have nothing and still living poor like you did back when they were in their twenties. 

The problem people have with Lori is that she does not practice what she preaches.  She is also very manipulative when it comes to large expenses and she will get what she wants no matter what she has to do.

Example 1: she sabotaged her birth control so they would have a second child (an arguably huge expense) just so she could stay home rather than working.  Rather than waiting until her headship decided they could afford another child or making the decision together she took matters into her own hands to get what she wanted.

Example 2: She and Ken had a plan to remodel their kitchen in 5 years (or maybe over 5 years, I'm not clear on which it was), but that wasn't fast enough for Lori so she intentionally placed hot pans on her countertops to ruin them so she got her new kitchen ASAP instead of going with the plan Ken (or she and Ken) decided on.

They bought that house in 1998.  Her counters were not ruined until last year (maybe the year before). Her saying no one told her not to put hot pans on the counters is obviously a lie because if she had been doing that for nearly 20 years the countertops would have been ruined far, far quicker.   Again, she wanted something and she went to the lengths necessary to get what she wanted, even though it directly disobeyed her "headship"

She tells women to stay with abusive partners, she tells women they can't work, no matter what the circumstances, she says women should have a meek and quiet spirit.  She did (does) NONE of those things.

Ken is not the headship in that family and he has as admitted as much both when he was here and more recently on TTW2.0.

Lori has exactly zero to do with any wealth accumulation the Alexanders have.  That is ALL Ken and I have no doubt he had to fight tooth and nail to keep Lori from spending them into poverty.

Edit to add:  I'm not sure they ever truly "lived poor" because when Lori was a SAHM they had a Nanny and possibly a second person that was a housekeeper.

[squiddysquid]

36 minutes ago, Krissy said:

I try to keep in mind maybe because they are good with money that’s why they are able to buy those things? I’m certainly not taking money advice from people who have nothing to show. i.e. a homeless person trying to give me money management advice. People want advice from those who have proven they know how to manage money.

Lori and ken are what 60? Of course they are going to be at the top of their income ladder therefore have extra money to spend. It would be disappointing to be that age and have nothing and still living poor like you did back when they were in their twenties. 

Lori has no self made wealth. She started life privileged, with a huge advantage, Her parents paid for her college, they helped them out financially and always had someone to fall back on. Not everybody has that.

You might have worked your ass off and still be poor at 60. Maybe you already had to support your parents at 16, or drop out of school to care for a sick family member.

Maybe you couldn't afford college or make investments because it was always hand-to-mouth. Maybe you got seriously sick during your early 20s or had a bad accident, grew up in foster care, had deaths in your close family.

I grew up privileged too, but I don't judge people who aren't wealthy. I'm grateful my parents are paying for medschool and I admire those few students who manage multiple part time jobs and still pass their exams.

[Krissy]

22 minutes ago, Curious said:

The problem people have with Lori is that she does not practice what she preaches.  She is also very manipulative when it comes to large expenses and she will get what she wants no matter what she has to do.

Example 1: she sabotaged her birth control so they would have a second child (an arguably huge expense) just so she could stay home rather than working.  Rather than waiting until her headship decided they could afford another child or making the decision together she took matters into her own hands to get what she wanted.

Example 2: She and Ken had a plan to remodel their kitchen in 5 years (or maybe over 5 years, I'm not clear on which it was), but that wasn't fast enough for Lori so she intentionally placed hot pans on her countertops to ruin them so she got her new kitchen ASAP instead of going with the plan Ken (or she and Ken) decided on.

They bought that house in 1998.  Her counters were not ruined until last year (maybe the year before). Her saying no one told her not to put hot pans on the counters is obviously a lie because if she had been doing that for nearly 20 years the countertops would have been ruined far, far quicker.   Again, she wanted something and she went to the lengths necessary to get what she wanted, even though it directly disobeyed her "headship"

She tells women to stay with abusive partners, she tells women they can't work, no matter what the circumstances, she says women should have a meek and quiet spirit.  She did (does) NONE of those things.

Ken is not the headship in that family and he has as admitted as much both when he was here and more recently on TTW2.0.

Lori has exactly zero to do with any wealth accumulation the Alexanders have.  That is ALL Ken and I have no doubt he had to fight tooth and nail to keep Lori from spending them into poverty.

Edit to add:  I'm not sure they ever truly "lived poor" because when Lori was a SAHM they had a Nanny and possibly a second person that was a housekeeper.

Have you had friends in abusive marriages? Some don’t leave no matter what anyone says. Maybe she’s trying to make their life easier by giving that kind of advice? Most of the women I know leave one abusive person for the next and can’t seem to get out of that pattern. I’m hoping Lori is giving advice to at least make each situation tolerable. I hope. I believe mothers should stay home but I do understand that that’s not always possible especially in this culture that teaches men to EXPECT their wives will work. Or some like my daughter who  doesn’t enjoy staying home but trust me her husband makes more than enough to where she has a choice because his mom taught him right. 

I don’t see ken as a victim. Have you been to a conservative church? He would have Lori in that pastors office screaming rebellion heathen wife and she would back down or divorce. Keep in mind what these people believe lol. 

[Krissy]

20 minutes ago, squiddysquid said:

Lori has no self made wealth. She started life privileged, with a huge advantage, Her parents paid for her college, they helped them out financially and always had someone to fall back on. Not everybody has that.

You might have worked your ass off and still be poor at 60. Maybe you already had to support your parents at 16, or drop out of school to care for a sick family member.

Maybe you couldn't afford college or make investments because it was always hand-to-mouth. Maybe you got seriously sick during your early 20s or had a bad accident, grew up in foster care, had deaths in your close family.

I grew up privileged too, but I don't judge people who aren't wealthy. I'm grateful my parents are paying for medschool and I admire those few students who manage multiple part time jobs and still pass their exams.

I know many people including myself who have beaten those odds and still came out on top. I don’t believe anyone is some helpless victim of circumstances esp when there is a God. 

[Hane]

@Krissy, you’re a relative newbie here. Watch and learn.

(P.S.: I’m one of the founding mothers of my state’s first domestic violence task force. We’ve seen things that would curl your hair. Plus, please look up Thurman vs. City of Torrington.)

[Frog99]

18 minutes ago, Krissy said:

I know many people including myself who have beaten those odds and still came out on top. I don’t believe anyone is some helpless victim of circumstances esp when there is a God. 

You can’t compare yourself and those you know to those who don’t “come out on top”- a phrase I hate in situations like this. The “top” is individual- it looks different for each person and it can’t be viewed solely from a financial perspective. It’s wrong to suggest that people should be able to “pull themselves up by their bootstraps”. 

 Here is an article about  recent study that might help you see things from a different perspective: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/06/marshmallow-test/561779/

 

[EowynW]

@Krissy Lori believes that a wife is responsible for her husband's salvation. And that a wife is to be subject to her husband's every whim. Lori enables abuse and abusive men. Her doctrine is not biblical. 

Guys, a lady who couldn't get pregnant commented on Lori's post yesterday saying it wasn't their fault they hadn't had kids yet and if they could they would've. Lori deleted the comment. 

[IntrinsicallyDisordered]

20 minutes ago, EowynW said:

@Krissy Lori believes that a wife is responsible for her husband's salvation. And that a wife is to be subject to her husband's every whim. Lori enables abuse and abusive men. Her doctrine is not biblical. 

Guys, a lady who couldn't get pregnant commented on Lori's post yesterday saying it wasn't their fault they hadn't had kids yet and if they could they would've. Lori deleted the comment. 

Not to mention that her advice to become more and more submissive and subservient in the face of abuse very often results in worse abuse.  Lori's advice is a gift to abusers and she damn well knows it because she is one of them.

No one is a helpless victim of circumstances?  @Krissy No one?  

[Loveday]

21 minutes ago, EowynW said:

Lori believes that a wife is responsible for her husband's salvation. And that a wife is to be subject to her husband's every whim. Lori enables abuse and abusive men. 

Guys, a lady who couldn't get pregnant commented on Lori's post yesterday saying it wasn't their fault they hadn't had kids yet and if they could they would've. Lori deleted the comment. 

I saw that comment and wondered how Lori would react. Typical, innit? 

 

 

1 hour ago, Hane said:

@Krissy, you’re a relative newbie here. Watch and learn.

(P.S.: I’m one of the founding mothers of my state’s first domestic violence task force. We’ve seen things that would curl your hair. Plus, please look up Thurman vs. City of Torrington.)

Hane's advice is good, @Krissy.  It's not what Lori does with her own life, or how she spends money, that's at issue, it's that she has the gall to tell others to live with nothing while she lives the high life (among many other things). "Don't take vacations," while she vacations for TWELVE weeks. "Spend $14 on a pound of organic butter," when all some of her leghumpers have for a week's groceries might be $50, if even that much. "I got this cute skirt for ONLY $70," while telling her followers to buy their clothes at the thrift store. "Live in a used trailer you can get for a few thousand dollars," when she lives in a million-dollar plus home in southern California.  And trust us all when we say she never, EVER had to live the way she tells her followers to live. NEVER. 

Lori's photo is next to the entry for 'hypocrisy' in that 1820s edition of the dictionary she loves to quote.  

 

[polecat]

2 hours ago, Krissy said:

Have you had friends in abusive marriages? Some don’t leave no matter what anyone says. Maybe she’s trying to make their life easier by giving that kind of advice? Most of the women I know leave one abusive person for the next and can’t seem to get out of that pattern. I’m hoping Lori is giving advice to at least make each situation tolerable. I hope. I believe mothers should stay home but I do understand that that’s not always possible especially in this culture that teaches men to EXPECT their wives will work. Or some like my daughter who  doesn’t enjoy staying home but trust me her husband makes more than enough to where she has a choice because his mom taught him right. 

I don’t see ken as a victim. Have you been to a conservative church? He would have Lori in that pastors office screaming rebellion heathen wife and she would back down or divorce. Keep in mind what these people believe lol. 

Said very gently -- but no, Lori is no victim. She's an abuser: an open, proud abuser who teaches other people to be abusive. She shits on abused women and encourages mothers to "hit harder." She has hit her husband at least once and has spent hours hitting her children. 

Abuse and abusers don't always look like what we think they should.

And I'm speaking from direct, personal experience here. 

[Curious]

2 hours ago, Krissy said:

Have you had friends in abusive marriages?

I can't think of anyone off the top of my head, but I worked in a State's Attorney's Office before I was disabled and saw plenty of victims of domestic violence.  Oh...I was also in an abusive relationship WHILE I worked at the SAO and knew there were avenues to help me, but still didn't do anything until I felt like I was truly in danger of being killed (likely accidentally, but dead is dead).

I realize you are new here, but I'm not quite sure you understand how we work/our purpose.  We exist to point out the flaws in fundamentalism and how they are dangerous to both men and women.

On the extremely rare occasions that Lori does something that is nice, kind, helpful, etc you will see that people here give her credit for it.  Unfortunately, most of her advice is cruel and best and downright dangerous at worst.

If you look through the older threads we have, you will see that none of us came to our opinions of Lori and Ken out of thin air.  We have many, many quotes and screenshots showing their horrible, dangerous advice.  Ken came here to set us straight, but his plan failed pretty miserably.

Lori cares about one person....LORI.  No one else matters much in her world despite what she would like others to think.

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Caught this yesterday.  Lori responded but its all gone now. Hannah is the mysterious one who left that negative then positive book review and has been leghumping hard ever since.

[AuntKrazy]

@Krissy

Just because some in abusive relationships struggle to leave does not mean that the advise should be anything other than "leave", and "I will help you find somewhere safe".

I'm speaking as someone who has had a friend killed by her abusive husband.

There are also a lot of brave people on here who have escaped a variety of abuse.

Even if Lori's intent is good, her advice is dangerous, and most significantly, she gave up the right to "ignorantly trying to help" status a long time ago because she refuses to listen to experts and be open to growth/change in her perspective. 

I personally have not been able to see any of her motives as "trying to help" when she deleted a suicide helpline response to someone indicating they might need immediate intervention. Telling someone being abused to "stay", "try harder", and even "it's your own fault" never helps, but only adds to the abuse.  Yet, this is repeatedly Lori's message. In so doing, Lori is emotionally manipulating/abusing the most vulnerable, which is something nearly every cult leader does. 

If you know someone being abused, always, always, always err on the side of safety. 

[ViolaSebastian]

Unhealthy relationship patterns can be unlearned...but only if the person is safe and alive. 

[Lgirlrocks]

I’m very surprised that she gets so few likes on her post considering the amount of people that fallow her. I believe she has over 34k followers. If you look at her post from last week she didn’t even have 400 and most post weren’t even 100. 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Surprised she posted this comment. 

Kathy says:

June 1, 2018 at 8:09 am

Quote

 

Everything in moderation.

I’m not going to lie…the picture of living frugally with seven kids wearing the stereotypical long jersey skirts (stop it, everyone.) Doesn’t do it for me. Largely because of the jersey maxi stretchy skirt though (not the kids!)

That being said…I follow a lot of fashion bloggers and have followed the same ones for YEARS…

You can see the insanity in their eyes.

The only one who is a bit normal has multiple kids…and she looks so tired! Beautiful, but tired!

That’s why even you Lori admired Kate Middleton and Melania…Kate especially has everything that a woman wants in life for fulfillment.

So yes…everything in moderation.

Buying thrift shop clothes for yourself is not necessarily something to be proud of…(I got my bathing suit and a pair of cute shoes just the other day from a thrift shop)

There’s this self-sacrificing type of Christian mom that is just as dowdy and crazy as the most materialistic fashion bloggers.

Other than the stretchy skirts…I love how the Duggar girls always have gorgeous hair and really make an effort to be physically attractive. It’s wonderful!

You don’t need a lot of nice things…but you need a few…to make yourself feel better yes but even more importantly to be a proud role model to the outside world.

Reply

 

 

Another comment:

Quote

I met my wonderful husband, found the Lord and we both agreed that I’d be a keeper of the home once we had children. To my amazement, my MIL ‘counseled’ me one day on my selfishness to want to stay home, and be a kept woman, while my poor husband worked all day.!!! Fortunately my husband ignored that.

I can see the selfishness argument. He has to go slave away at 2-3 jobs while she is home. 

[SilverBeach]

On 6/1/2018 at 8:50 AM, Alisamer said:

I wonder if there's not the onset of dementia

I've stated before in old posts that I thought something was wrong with Lori, shitty personality aside. Her obvious contradictions, lack of recall and reasoning ability, and need for the HOT to defend her all seemed to point to some degree of cognitive impairment. She has had a brain tumor. Ken should insist that Lori be examined, perhaps she could be treated before things decline further, if she does have a medical problem. Just an observation, as you all know, I detest Lori.

[Carol]

Krissy,

In my time here on FJ, I've down voted very few times.  I don't like to down vote even if someone makes a post I strongly disagree with.  It's their opinion.

In your case you are sorely testing my patience.  You're defense of Lori shows either a lack of empathy or you're just here to be some kind of Lori clone.

Up to this point you have no reasonable explanations for your views.  I don't think you belong here until you've researched just exactly how horrible the things are that Lori says and the effect they have on women who read them.

   

[Curious]

4 minutes ago, SilverBeach said:

I've stated before in old posts that I thought something was wrong with Lori, shitty personality aside. Her obvious contradictions, lack of recall and reasonaning ability, and need for the HOT to defend her all seemed to point to some degree of cognitive impairment. She has had a brain tumor. Ken should insist that Lori be examined, perhaps she could be treated before things decline further, if she does have a medical problem. 

I thought she just had a CT Scan or MRI recently?  Didn't she post about her tumor shrinking even though it wasn't supposed to with cyberknife?

[Frog99]

Just now, Curious said:

I thought she just had a CT Scan or MRI recently?  Didn't she post about her tumor shrinking even though it wasn't supposed to with cyberknife?

You’re right- she did just post about that. 

[SilverBeach]

4 hours ago, Krissy said:

Have you had friends in abusive marriages? Some don’t leave no matter what anyone says. Maybe she’s trying to make their life easier by giving that kind of advice? Most of the women I know leave one abusive person for the next and can’t seem to get out of that pattern. I’m hoping Lori is giving advice to at least make each situation tolerable. I hope. I believe mothers should stay home but I do understand that that’s not always possible especially in this culture that teaches men to EXPECT their wives will work. Or some like my daughter who  doesn’t enjoy staying home but trust me her husband makes more than enough to where she has a choice because his mom taught him right. 

I don’t see ken as a victim. Have you been to a conservative church? He would have Lori in that pastors office screaming rebellion heathen wife and she would back down or divorce. Keep in mind what these people believe lol. 

Yes, I have had several. One left and moved several times with three children but finally had to leave the state when he kidnapped her, raped her, and ran her over, leaving her for dead. I used to babysit for her and he would come and beat on the door, and I had to call the police. The other had to abandon her home with four children. Lori's advice would have helped them both be killed. Abuse escalates. It is sad when a woman enters into serial abusive relationships, those relationships are emotionally destructive and no doubt that both of my friends could have used counseling/therapy. It's important to note though, that abusers are often charming at first, and are not wearling neon "I'm Abusive" tee shirts. Lori's heartless bullshit advice? Hard no, wouldn't have helped either of them in the least, or made these horrible situations tolerable in any form or fashion. And blaming the victim is not acceptable, full stop.

When Ken was hit he was indeed a victim, as vile as I find him to be. I was a member of an SBC church (still cringe about that), and being in a conservative church is irrelevant.

Mothers should do what is best for them and their families. Moms at home against their will aren't good for anybody. Kudos to your son-in-law for making so much money, but what did that have to do with him being raised right? 

19 minutes ago, Curious said:

I thought she just had a CT Scan or MRI recently?  Didn't she post about her tumor shrinking even though it wasn't supposed to with cyberknife?

If it isn't shared here, I don't see it. I won't go to any of her online sites.

[Frog99]

@Krissy I don’t know what church Lori attends but it’s most likely not conservative. She regularly complains about the lack of teaching from the pulpit on biblical gender roles, women as keepers at home, and Titus 2, and does not “teach” or “mentor” young women at her church. That’s why she has taken up residence on the Internet. 

I encourage you to read through the threads with the screenshots and other information. It’s a gold mine of information.

I was not raised fundie and I’ve never believed most of what Lori posts- I am a Christian feminist who has found some of her people. I ended up here after one of my male friends shared her post about men not doing housework- he thought that was a ridiculous view. It was at a time when I was questioning my beliefs and what I was taught while growing up. I would say that all of the posters helped me through that in ways I can’t fully explain and I have tremendous appreciation for the work done here to unpack Lori’s assertions and to highlight her hypocrisy. I believe that there are anonymous readers here who need the encouragement and knowledge these posters share with the rest of us. 

 

[Lgirlrocks]

Lori needs to check this women’s blog out. From what I read she seems loving and kind. She has written a feels Ebooks, has a blog, a podcast, and five star review on Facebook.

 

https://www.facebook.com/thankfulhomemaker/