Lori Alexander 48: The Complaining of the Shrew

[Hane]

2 hours ago, AuntKrazy said:

 

Our marriage works because we are both active participants in it.  Advising people to stop communicating in their marriage is a recipe for disaster. 

Communication is vital—even if you don’t like what you’re hearing. At the best, you learn to compromise or persuade your spouse and come to an agreement. At worst, you learn that something is very wrong and unfixable and that the relationship should end.

Putting communication on hold indefinitely is a recipe for disaster.

[SongRed7]

50 minutes ago, Frog99 said:

My husband just the other day said that he hoped our daughter continues to be persistent, strong, independent, and able to get things done. He doesn’t want her (or me) to be meek and quiet. 

Same here.   Its all about teaching discernment. I don't think kids should willy-nilly disobey parents, and while as a parent sometimes you just want your kid to do as their told,  it helps them  (anyone really) understand the reasons for requests.   They still might not be happy picking up their socks, but at least they know that "the laundry is being done now and you won't have any socks for tomorrow" if you don't.  They learn actions and consequences (good and bad).   Sure, as a parent it is easier to just say "do as you're told"....but parenting isn't supposed to be a cakewalk.  You need to take the time and effort to help children grow and learn. 

 

But we already know Lori says its just easier to beat them into submission rather than reason and explain. 

[Black Aliss]

On 6/17/2018 at 8:44 AM, EowynW said:

I don't know how they do it with kids.  

For starters, Corrie Ann Dove lives in Danielsville, GA, population 457. I have a hunch that $35K/year makes them the richest family in town.

[Koala]

It's the internet...nothing is ever really deleted. 

There ya go, Lori.  A reader wants to know why you delete scripture.  I knew you wouldn't want to miss it.  You're welcome.

[SongRed7]

19 minutes ago, Black Aliss said:

For starters, Corrie Ann Dove lives in Danielsville, GA, population 457. I have a hunch that $35K/year makes them the richest family in town.

BINGO! Here's little info about Danielsville I found: "Compared to the rest of the country, Danielsville's cost of living is 16.90% lower than the U.S. average. The median home cost in Danielsville is $97,800."

Try living on $35,000 a year (single...not even talking about a family of 3, 4 or more) in the Philadelphia region where I live. HA

[SuperNova]

1 hour ago, Frog99 said:

We encourage our children to question- in a respectful manner, of course- it can be exhausting at times but we want them to feel confident questioning and we want to support the development of critical thinking. We want them to feel confident advocating for themselves and others. We have also talked with them at length about listening to their gut feelings and instincts. And, they’ve been told if someone makes them feel uncomfortable or unsafe, they have permission to remove themselves from the situation and seek out a safe/trusted adult. And we talk about who those people are at school, church, etc. 

My husband just the other day said that he hoped our daughter continues to be persistent, strong, independent, and able to get things done. He doesn’t want her (or me) to be meek and quiet. 

We raised Baby Nova the same way. Sometimes it would be sooo tempting to say, because I said so, to the never-ending whys but we didn't believe in raising our daughter to blindly accept authority. It makes for a bolder person but you're right, it can be exhausting. My sister was the exact opposite and taught her children to defer to her without question in all things. When her daughter went to college, it took her more than TWO years to stop calling her mom 8-10 times a day for every tiny decision she had to make. 

[TeddyBonkers]

@SuperNova, it is SO tiring! Younger Bonkers especially is a questioner and sometimes I just want to throw up my hands and say, "just trust me on this, I am your mother and I know best!" But then we'll be in the car, listening to the news, and she'll ask me about current events and I can present the facts in an age appropriate way and ask her "what do YOU think?" Sometimes her answers are insightful, sometimes they are hilarious (can we deport the President, for instance), but that's what she thinks.

[feministxtian]

56 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

Sometimes it would be sooo tempting to say, because I said so, to the never-ending whys but we didn't believe in raising our daughter to blindly accept authority. It makes for a bolder person but you're right, it can be exhausting

when my kids were old enough (like around age 10), they were welcome to their opinions but they had to be able to back them up. I'd be the one saying "why?" to them. I wanted them to be critical thinkers. It may or may not have blown up in my face though...they're pretty opinionated and addicted to facts and figures. I don't have to agree with them (and sometimes I don't), but I wanted them to learn to THINK and know their own minds. 

Now, as toddlers they did get "because I said so" when it came to things like keeping your shoes on, not drinking out of the dogs' water dish, not playing with car seat/seatbelt straps. 

My kids are now 35, 31, and soon to be 28 (damn, how did those kids get so old!) and they're so independent it's ridiculous..BUT...they still want to discuss things with mama...maybe it's because I still make them defend their opinions. 

[Sarah92]

I'd love for Lori to provide scripture for all those guys who went out and worked for bosses. Lives and culture were so different then that it isn't really comparable. Boys became men at what 12? Same as girls. The way families had to work to survive was much different hence having many children etc. . But Lori doesn't bother to study these things. 

My parents raised me to question. Haha sometimes I think it backfired on them when I questioned them lol. 

[SuperNova]

1 hour ago, TeddyBonkers said:

@SuperNova, it is SO tiring! Younger Bonkers especially is a questioner and sometimes I just want to throw up my hands and say, "just trust me on this, I am your mother and I know best!" But then we'll be in the car, listening to the news, and she'll ask me about current events and I can present the facts in an age appropriate way and ask her "what do YOU think?" Sometimes her answers are insightful, sometimes they are hilarious (can we deport the President, for instance), but that's what she thinks.

I like your idea, if I still had one at home I would steal it. Younger Bonkers sounds awesome. Deporting the president...out of the mouths of babes. When Baby Nova was still at home, I would find a compelling quote or idea, write it on an index card, and leave it on her bathroom mirror so she would find it in the morning. When she was ready we would discuss it. It was a positive way to encourage the questions and critical thinking. 

[delphinium65]

4 hours ago, Frog99 said:

We encourage our children to question- in a respectful manner, of course 

Even when I was (mostly) drinking the Kool-Aid I tried to do the same. I told my kids that they could ask whatever questions they might have as long as they weren't being deliberately obnoxious about it, and I would try to answer the best I could.  If for some reason it wasn't possible to answer, I either told them 'I don't know,' or 'can't answer now, but we can talk about it later,' depending on the circumstances.  I still keep a similar Q&A procedure going now that they're adults, slightly modified to answering the questions no matter how far out in left field they might be (and sometimes they are pretty far out there), not asking about reasons for the questions until afterwards, and sometimes not even then...depending on whether or not I really want to know!   

[Sarah92]

No one is saying that men and women are the same. Equal. Does. Not. Mean. Same. Why is that so hard? 

Its equal in value as human beings, equal in deserving respect, having an equal voice... Seriously this is not a hard thing to understand but so many keep saying the egals mean "same" when talking about "equal" and they never do. We are meant to be equals but we all have different abilities regardless of gender. Again not a hard concept. Looking at you Matt Walsh, Dale Partridge and Lori. 

 

[Briefly]

26 minutes ago, Sarah92 said:

No one is saying that men and women are the same. Equal. Does. Not. Mean. Same. Why is that so hard? 

Its equal in value as human beings, equal in deserving respect, having an equal voice... Seriously this is not a hard thing to understand but so many keep saying the egals mean "same" when talking about "equal" and they never do. We are meant to be equals but we all have different abilities regardless of gender. Again not a hard concept. Looking at you Matt Walsh, Dale Partridge and Lori. 

 

OK, so when are the strong mean going to take over having the babies?  Because that is not easy!

I've never bought the men strong/women weak argument.  We are physically different in some ways, but I don't think that makes either stronger or weaker than the other.

[Frog99]

4 hours ago, feministxtian said:

when my kids were old enough (like around age 10), they were welcome to their opinions but they had to be able to back them up. I'd be the one saying "why?" to them. I wanted them to be critical thinkers. It may or may not have blown up in my face though...they're pretty opinionated and addicted to facts and figures. I don't have to agree with them (and sometimes I don't), but I wanted them to learn to THINK and know their own minds. 

This is something we have started- asking them to explain their thought process (DD is 10 and DS is 8). And I have really challenged myself to listen without trying to interject my own take on something. They have to figure out who they are and what they will stand for and I think this is part of that. 

3 hours ago, SuperNova said:

When Baby Nova was still at home, I would find a compelling quote or idea, write it on an index card, and leave it on her bathroom mirror so she would find it in the morning. When she was ready we would discuss it. It was a positive way to encourage the questions and critical thinking. 

I love this idea! DD is doing a girls’ leadership academy at our university- it’s for girls entering or enrolled in middle school. Today she brought home a Rosa Parks quote that meant something to her. We talked about what she thought the quote meant, why it resonated with her, and how it might apply to her daily life. You’ve given me a way to extend those conversations!  

2 hours ago, delphinium65 said:

Even when I was (mostly) drinking the Kool-Aid I tried to do the same. I told my kids that they could ask whatever questions they might have as long as they weren't being deliberately obnoxious about it, and I would try to answer the best I could.  If for some reason it wasn't possible to answer, I either told them 'I don't know,' or 'can't answer now, but we can talk about it later,' depending on the circumstances.  I still keep a similar Q&A procedure going now that they're adults, slightly modified to answering the questions no matter how far out in left field they might be (and sometimes they are pretty far out there), not asking about reasons for the questions until afterwards, and sometimes not even then...depending on whether or not I really want to know!   

We have a household policy that anything is up for discussion. This has been especially helpful as DD is on the cusp of puberty. We’ve talked about mood swings and body changes, etc. A friend of hers recently expressed that she didn’t understand why she was feeling so upset and out of control- DD suggested her friend talk with her parents and was sad when the friend said she couldn’t talk to her parents like that. I know heavier stuff is coming- I want to be her sounding board for as much of it as possible. 

[feministxtian]

14 minutes ago, Frog99 said:

DD suggested her friend talk with her parents and was sad when the friend said she couldn’t talk to her parents like that.

This is when we became the "C home for wayward kids". On weekends we'd have 10-12 teenagers in the house. There were a few that lived with us for awhile...they couldn't get along with their parents. We had no problems with them at all, but we operated on the idea that nothing was off limits to talk about. It made for some VERY interesting conversations. I'm happy to say that we're still in touch with the kids we "fostered", and they've grown up to be wonderful young men. 

[SuperNova]

37 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

This is when we became the "C home for wayward kids". On weekends we'd have 10-12 teenagers in the house. There were a few that lived with us for awhile...they couldn't get along with their parents. We had no problems with them at all, but we operated on the idea that nothing was off limits to talk about. It made for some VERY interesting conversations. I'm happy to say that we're still in touch with the kids we "fostered", and they've grown up to be wonderful young men. 

Good on you! We did the same thing. I still keep in contact with a couple of my daughter's HS friends as well. 

[Demonfan]

I feel sad when I see the sterotypes of bratty uninterested teenagers. I have 3 teens now and I enjoy them so much! It is so exciting to watch them form their own ideas about things, and to engage in discussions about weighty topics. We don't all agree and that's great, they should form their own opinions. I was raised in a cultural and religious house where I was expected to do whatever my parents decided I should do. They had the best of intentions, and I am well educated, but it is soul crushing to have no agency in your own life decisions.

[PhoenixRising]

10 hours ago, PinkPrincess0213 said:

What is the deal with all of the posts by other people lately? Most of the recent posts have been taken from other authors (without even her own thoughts added) or pasted together from comments she's received. Is she really slipping? Or just running out of ways to keep spouting the same tired crap?

Since she isn’t adding any commentary to the posts, is it fair to assume that she agrees with every assertion made? Basically, I’m asking if it would be fair of me to attribute the asserting to Lori and the author, or should I would it only be fair to attribute them to the author when I post my critiques to them? 

[Sarah92]

Annnd I just got my Facebook report back after reporting her abuse post. And it doesn't violate any standards. Way to go Facebook. Of course Instagram is the same way I've reported people saying "they're going to kill themselves" in a joking way apparently and Instagram says it doesn't violate anything. I report it because I never know when a person is serious or joking and it should never be joked about. 

Lori complains about being censored when Facebook literally does nothing to censor her. 

If her mother has taken a turn for the worse I'm praying for her and the rest of her family. None of them deserve to be subject to Lori for such long periods of time while her mother's condition deteriorates. I also pray for peace and easing of pain. 

[smittykins]

10 hours ago, Briefly said:

OK, so when are the strong mean going to take over having the babies?  Because that is not easy!

 

A few years ago, there was a commercial for...something...featuring a dream sequence of a man giving birth, screaming "YOU DID THIS TO ME!" 

[Frog99]

4 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

Annnd I just got my Facebook report back after reporting her abuse post. And it doesn't violate any standards. Way to go Facebook. Of course Instagram is the same way I've reported people saying "they're going to kill themselves" in a joking way apparently and Instagram says it doesn't violate anything. I report it because I never know when a person is serious or joking and it should never be joked about. 

I just got my report back and it said the same thing. Does FB use people reviewers? Curious about the whole reporting and review process. 

Edit- I wish there was an option to provide additional detail when reporting something. 

[KDA]

10 hours ago, Briefly said:

OK, so when are the strong mean going to take over having the babies?  Because that is not easy!

I've never bought the men strong/women weak argument.  We are physically different in some ways, but I don't think that makes either stronger or weaker than the other.

Yes!! I've always said that if men had to have the babies we would have all died out years ago. 

But at the same time, my husband is definitely stronger than me physically. I wouldn't say he's stronger in any other way, though. And he's a big, exceptionally strong man, so he's probably stronger than the average man, too. 

[Koala]

I really object to Lori calling what she does a "ministry" or "mentoring women", because in reality, what she does is talk at people.  She has a very narrow bit of "advice" that she repeats over and over whether it applies or not.

A reader says:

Quote

 I so agree and would love to be at home. My husband is a disabled veteran and my help with income is much needed. What else can we do during these circumstances?

Now, Lori holds herself out as a mentor.  She freely admits that she spends "a majority of the day" in the chat room, and that she "researches" things to "keep her blog relevant" for hours a day.  With all of that said, you would think she could spend just a moment or two of that time, giving a thoughtful answer to the wife of a man who served our country.

Lori's response:

Quote

The Lord tells us to seek Him and ask for wisdom so this is what you must do if you want to go home full time. Ask Him to make a way; for with God ALL things are possible!

Translation:  *Looks around dumbly*.  "Why are you asking me?  I have plenty of money.  If you want some, just ask God.  Don't bother me with the details.  Gah...always with the detractors..."

How Lori should have answered:

Dear Reader, 

Please thank your husband for his service to our country.  I'd also like to thank you for the sacrifices you have made.  

In your case, it seems that God has provided in the form of a job.  Everyone has different circumstances, and you should be commended for doing what is necessary to keep food on the table, and a roof over your heads.

As a small token of thanks, please allow me to send you a free copy of my book.

Best wishes, 
Lori

 

[klein_roeschen]

18 minutes ago, Koala said:

I really object to Lori calling what she does a "ministry" or "mentoring women", because in reality, what she does is talk at people.  She has a very narrow bit of "advice" that she repeats over and over whether it applies or not.

A reader says:

Now, Lori holds herself out as a mentor.  She freely admits that she spends "a majority of the day" in the chat room, and that she "researches" things to "keep her blog relevant" for hours a day.  With all of that said, you would think she could spend just a moment or two of that time, giving a thoughtful answer to the wife of a man who served our country.

Lori's response:

Translation:  *Looks around dumbly*.  "Why are you asking me?  I have plenty of money.  If you want some, just ask God.  Don't bother me with the details.  Gah...always with the detractors..."

How Lori should have answered:

Dear Reader, 

Please thank your husband for his service to our country.  I'd also like to thank you for the sacrifices you have made.  

In your case, it seems that God has provided in the form of a job.  Everyone has different circumstances, and you should be commended for doing what is necessary to keep food on the table, and a roof over your heads.

As a small token of thanks, please allow me to send you a free copy of my book.

Best wishes, 
Lori

 

But that should have requiered empathy and thinking outside of the very narrow box of Lori's thinking and god beware Lori of that task

[Demonfan]

Men have more muscle mass, are generally larger than women, and have a lot more testosterone. This is a very simplified way of describing why men are considered stronger than women. Strong is a vauge term, that is hard to quantify. Men are faster runners than women at the highest levels. I think the idea that equal doesn't mean the same is good to remember when thinking about it.