John Shrader 16: Flying Away in That No-Engine Plane

[anjulibai]

What happened to Bro. Theophil or whatever his name was? Isn't he supposed to be there? 

[formergothardite]

1 hour ago, Palimpsest said:

John is high as a kite.  He's so excited he can hardly finish a sentence. 

I skipped around and got to the end and wow is he flying high. He doesn't seem okay. 

Wonder where Theophil is. Has he abandoned ship so early?

[Palimpsest]

1 hour ago, formergothardite said:

Wonder where Theophil is. Has he abandoned ship so early?

John has promised us a prayer letter so perhaps he'll update us on the poor sucker.  Theophil was certainly not worth a mention in the 20 minute video of John pretending to be humble.  It was all about John.

This is the bestest news for years so no wonder John made it public.  The story of the Lozi prince convert is making him deliriously happy.  But, remember, this is the same guy who had the contact with the President of Burundi and that never panned out.

Humphrey is indeed Boyd's cousin.  John originally sucked Boyd in by driving him to a family funeral last year.  Boyd is originally from Mongu.  John harangued the mourners, including Humphrey, all day and for hours into the night.  However, now Humphrey has caved, and this Bro. Scrivener has moved to Mongu.  I expect Bro. Scrivener will soon see through John.  People usually do.

Boyd is now Roderick Mark II, poor guy.  He used to be a salesman but he's obviously given up his job to be discipled and work for John.  That did not work out well for Roderick.

I'm also interested in why John didn't mention Bros Phellion and David from the other church plant.  Perhaps they have run off too.  We can but hope.

[Meeka]

It's John's 41st birthday and thankfully this year his cake didn't have a defrauding cake topper with a too low neck line. Instead, he got a cheesecake with just birthday candles.

[squiddysquid]

He doesn't even deserve eet sum mor (i used to live on those during our Zambia trip!)

 

[Carol]

On 6/28/2018 at 8:31 AM, Palimpsest said:

Oh, boy.  Yep, he's back with a 20 minute long video.  He's in the Troopie and he starts off calm but by the end we have manic John.  It is also very repetitive.

A summary for anyone who can't see it and in case John makes it private again:

• He just put Bro. Boyd on a bus with some tracts to the Western Province.
• Bro. Boyd was attacked by Satan last year because he was burdened for his people.
• Last year was a very bad year.
• John almost thought they were going backwards.
• Everyone must know that they are not seeing thousands saved.
• Because John is an expert on Africans he knows that isn't possible.
• Other Missionaries aren't as clever as John they claimed thousands saved.
• John has a burden on his heart.
• He's not naming names or speaking ill of other missionaries but -
• That wasn't real salvation.
• Here's what is happening.
• Jesus sent people out in twos but John only has Bro. Boyd.
• There's a solid man there (Western Province) who was transferred from what John deigns to call a decent church in the Southern Province.
• Bro. Boyd is going to go to [sounds like "mungoo"] for 2 weeks every month.  Then he'll go back to Kafue to continue his training under John for the other two weeks.
• There's never been a church there before.
• Bro. Boyd is young in his training but can work with the solid guy (may be called Bro. Sulu or Bro. Scrivener.) 
• God has already given them free land right on the main road. 
• The mayor has agreed.
• Plot, tracts, Boyd, and solid guy - it can't fail!
• Boyd's cousin is called Humphrey (that name sounds familiar).

John is high as a kite.  He's so excited he can hardly finish a sentence.  But now he makes his face look angry.

• John is burdened because of those other Baptists who are too quick to claim souls.
• But Humphrey must be a solid save because he was immediately concerned about his family.
• Good sign!  Aymen.  Aymen, aymen.
• And the roads are bad but there is an airstrip there.  That's why they need the plane.  Pray!

John is now giggling and snorting with joy and talking about the icing on the cake and the cherry on top.

• There was this man who came to the church in Kafue.
• He had to travel for over an hour (uphill in the snow both ways).
• For a year he came to church.
• Then he asked to be examined or to examine himself.
• He took his time and is truly Born Again.
• He is a member of the royal family of the Lozi people (John calls them a tribe.)   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lozi_people
• John was praying that this might help register his mission.
• This man is now senior chief over two districts in Western Province.
• God has lifted him up for John's success.  Eleventy!!!111!!!!

Back to Boyd.

• He was a naughty boy but has returned to the fold.
• Johnny's Daddy is in favor of sending him to the Western Province.
• The solid man (Bro, Scrivener) has the approval of his pastor!
• Pray for Bro. Boyd.  The Western Province.
• John doesn't want decisions he wants lasting fruit.
• He knows that Satan will attack Boyd.
• Boyd's friends (the lost converts) are still attacking
• Pray, pray, pray.
• But God!  It is Him not John. 

And he can't stop talking.  "We need, we need, we need!"

You are welcome.

 

That was brilliant!  I almost wet my pants laughing! 

Because of John I now think of Satan as a punk who bursts out of bushes and hits people with a baseball bat and knocks them out for a few seconds.  It's like a cartoon and the visuals are hilarious.

[squiddysquid]

he might... Nah, too easy (yes, I'm 12)

[Lurky]

On 6/13/2018 at 7:16 PM, formergothardite said:

No congregation is going to sing all eleventy billion poorly written hymn verses just to make John happy. 

My partner used to be a member of a Fundy branch of Vineyard (yes, yes, I know someone will jump in with #NotAllVineyard, but this one definitely was, by UK standards) and was cast out for being gay.  The last time I stayed with her sister, sister decided that what we really needed was to go back to the church.   It was in a school hall, and we were greeted by the pastor throwing a ball at my partner's head, which started our morning the way it would continue, but the worst thing was the hymns.

We got given a sheet with what looked like 3 verses on it.  I didn't know it, but I sang in choirs for years, so ok, the words were badly written, but I could do this. Except...

...This was one of those 'moved by the spirit' churches, with a little band on stage, and so while it started out singing the first verse, they then wen't off piste, let the spirit take the music where it wanted to go, and it went on forever, with lines being sang in random order, different tunes etc.  To this day I have no idea why it didn't sound worse, but I guess the (very small) congregation was used to this kind of improvisation, so could follow it more, but this is what I imagine the Shrader hymns to be like.

[Palimpsest]

9 hours ago, Lurky said:

Fundy branch of Vineyard

They are non-creed dependent but the commonality of the loosely connected Vineyard Churches is "charismatic," I think. 

My guess is that this particular church specialises in singing in tongues.  It must have been a cacophony!

9 hours ago, Lurky said:

It was in a school hall, and we were greeted by the pastor throwing a ball at my partner's head, which started our morning the way it would continue,

And the purpose of breaking the rules of dodge ball with your poor partner was?

I suspect that John's converts translate his hymns and he has no idea what they are singing.

[Lurky]

On 7/1/2018 at 11:26 PM, Palimpsest said:

They are non-creed dependent but the commonality of the loosely connected Vineyard Churches is "charismatic," I think. 

My guess is that this particular church specialises in singing in tongues.  It must have been a cacophony!

They were definitely charismatic - full on speaking in tongues, getting "slain in the spirit", barking like dogs and emphasis on the personal relationship with God (although people had to have their interpretation approved by their (self-chosen) pastor) - but they were also Fundy, full of born-again virgins/no sex before marriage (well, nominally, but that's another story), hating gay people, women weren't allowed to teach or lead, and lots and lots of "everyone else is going straight to Hell" and tons of gossip and holier-than-thou in the congregation.  I know, #NotAllVineyard is like this, but this one definitely was.  It was so toxic, and they'd have periodic schisms and kicking people out - it was a small town, with not much else to do, and so the high drama was entertainment, I guess.

ETA It wasn't the singing in tongues I minded, as much as the music changing every couple of bars, and it being completely impossible for new people to do anything - couldn't even look like we were going la-la-la, because it was baffling.

[Palimpsest]

Well John has put out his quarterly newsletter but don't get excited.  He gave most of the news he wants to share in the video.

Let's see:

• He strives to print and distribute 1,000 John and Romans and 3,000 tracts weekly.  Kafue isn't short of loo paper if he is actually making that goal.
• People have questioned why he is a missionary to a Christian nation.  It's because there is only bad teaching in Subsaharan Africa, and people think they can be saved by baptism, of all things.  False Gospel 11!!!eleventy!!11
• There is even a church in Lusaka that is painting people white and making them drink blood.  John doesn't name it because it probably doesn't exist.
• Bro. Theophile gets a mention.  He is in John's Bible Training class with Boyd.  So whether he thought he was going to be allowed off the leash he was wrong.  He's just another student.
• Boyd.  Blah, blah, we've heard it before and he's top of the pops at the moment.
• John went back to the Mulumba village plant.  No mention of Bros Phellion and David but teacher's pet Boyd helped to convert 
• Peter.  That is great because he's the SIL of the 
• Headman of the village.  John laid the seed, of course.
• Teresa got converted, but she is just a woman.
• Julius Memba (John preached at his baby son's funeral) admits that he will go to hell if he dies tomorrow.  Pray for his conversion.
• Pray for Mweta too.  She's not there yet, but she's just a woman.
• God is great, free land, Bro. Scrivner is dear.
• More news next time.
• Praying Isaiah piccy.

Signed:  The Shrader Family Going in Your Place with the Gospel to Africa.

 

[Lisafer]

6 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

 John laid the seed, of course.

Seems like that would go against his beliefs... 

Forgive me, I have a dirty mind. Thanks for the recap!

[Palimpsest]

And, oh joy, he has written us a new poem!  It's on Quill and Bible dated July 2.

"Seeking God's Face...or just His Hand?"

Quote

There are some in this dark world, found in many different lands
That when it comes to praying,
seek God's Face not just His Hand
For sadly many coming, unto God's glorious Throne
Come with petitions many, claiming bread and not a stone
There's no fault found in the asking, unless in lusts to ask amiss
But how often do we come, just the Savior's Feet to kiss?

People want bread not stones and it is OK to ask if you are not in lusts, apparently.

Quote

The word "worship" has the meaning, of the face between the feet
It's a picture of submission, of the self in full defeat
For worshipful exaltation, of the glorious risen Christ
Can't be given from our selfish, uncrucified worldly life
We must take up our cross daily, die to self the old man slay
If able to be praying, in the Spirit every day

I'm at a loss about the face between the feet, but never mind that because the next bit tells us to kill an elderly gentleman.

My Rufus, this thing is so long, I'm skimming and snipping.

Quote

But oft we only seek provision, we're found asking from the start

That we had noticed about John.  But he says we should worship a bit before we ask God for stuff like new planes that we don't need.

Quote

There's nothing wrong with asking, but God already knows our needs
Might we first take time for worship, when we're first upon our knees? 
Let us take the time to revere, to Glory in His Name
To wonder in His presence, to speak of His great fame
To lift up to the Heavens, the Greatness of our God, before we speak our desires, from this earthly path we trod

Blah, blah 

Quote

I confess I am most guilty, I the one of greatest lack
I'm not trying to condemn others, when myself am far too slack

But he condemns others all. the. time.

It is one of his worst poetic efforts I think.
 

[Meeka]

John's heart is now heavy and he has an unspoken prayer request.

[formergothardite]

I wonder what the average time between the time a convert gets the right kind of saved and then becomes unsaved because they disagree with John. 

26 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

The word "worship" has the meaning, of the face between the feet

Where is he getting the definition of worship at? 

[Palimpsest]

5 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

I wonder what the average time between the time a convert gets the right kind of saved and then becomes unsaved because they disagree with John. 

Where is he getting the definition of worship at? 

I was hoping you could tell me.  Anyone? 

I don't think we can work out an average time because we don't have the data.  John is so uneven when he mentions dates and people by name.  

[formergothardite]

6 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

I was hoping you could tell me.  Anyone? 

Google is failing me. I guess John made it up?

 

[hasunah]

22 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

 

Where is he getting the definition of worship at? 

maybe he's worshipping at the feet of Christ ? You know , throwing himself on the ground . That's the only thing I could come up with that made some sense .

[Palimpsest]

And what about "die to self the old man slay."  It makes no sense.

[Petronella]

1 minute ago, Palimpsest said:

And what about "die to self the old man slay."  It makes no sense.

Ooh, I speak evangelical! It means to let go of the way you used to be and fully become a new person in Christ. It’s two separate phrases that each mean roughly the same thing: “die to self” and “the old man slay” (meaning “kill the old version of you and embrace being this new version).

[formergothardite]

3 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

t "die to self the old man slay.

It is from this verse. 

Quote

That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts;

Basically to die to self you have to kill the "old man" which is the pre-Jesus version of yourself. There was a song I we used to sing that had the line "I"m going to take off the old man and put on the new" and that is the only line I can remember from that song and Google isn't helping me find it. 

[Gobsmacked]

John is just so boring and insane!!!!! I joined FJ in 2014 to follow his goings on in Zambia. I'm glad I did, I wouldn't have 'met' you lot if I hadn't!! You have all kept me entertained since then. You are a wonderful crowd!!!! 

I so wish you could all come and live in Scotland, safe and sound from the orange Devil. 

Love to all,

Sis Gobsmacked. 

[Coconut Flan]

I searched for John's definition of worship and all I got was a list of porn videos.  Bad John.  Bad, bad John.  

[Palimpsest]

18 minutes ago, Coconut Flan said:

I searched for John's definition of worship and all I got was a list of porn videos.  Bad John.  Bad, bad John.  

Some of us are plucking up the courage to search for "Austrian cherry stoners" at the moment.

I hate to think!

[Lisafer]

Oooo, this sounds fun. Can I write a bad poem?

There are men across the nations who are asking God for planes,

To avoid the awful demons lurking in our cars and trains.

Behold this one, John Shrader, whose prayers must be weak,

For he didn't get the private jet that the televangelists seek.

He serves the Lord with hubris down in "heathen land,"

Re-Christianizing Christians until his actions get him banned. 

Find honest work, John; beg no more,

Stop grifting money from the poor.