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John Shrader 16: Flying Away in That No-Engine Plane

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Enraged
Curious
20 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

Not a treat.

Growing up with a single mother, we ate a lot of tuna, sardines (mustard) and kipper snacks.  Cheap protein.   I still like tuna in my (blue box) mac and cheese once in a blue moon.

I just had kipper snacks for lunch.  0 carbs, 16 protein and 130 calories.  I can't ask for much better as a (currently uncontrolled) diabetic.

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Unimpressed
Palimpsest
1 hour ago, Curious said:

Growing up with a single mother, we ate a lot of tuna, sardines (mustard) and kipper snacks.  Cheap protein.   I still like tuna in my (blue box) mac and cheese once in a blue moon.

I just had kipper snacks for lunch.  0 carbs, 16 protein and 130 calories.  I can't ask for much better as a (currently uncontrolled) diabetic.

:laughing-jumpingpurple: I'm not talking about canned tuna or sardines (both of which I eat) or even canned kippered snacks.  Mr. P likes those.  I'm talking about the whole kippered herring.  FTR, we were also served bloaters.  They come with eyes that stare reproachfully at you from the plate.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bloater_(herring)

Foods have associations, and some of them are negative.  For me kippers, pilchards in tomato sauce, and bloaters = :puke-right:

And watch out, I see they sell kippers online.   When's your birthday again?

But you will have to eat them for breakfast.    :devilish:

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Sobeknofret
23 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

You are thinking of kippered snacks.  But you could throw the tin at him.

A whole kipper (smoked herring) is a veritable weapon.  It is smoked and dried into a leathery fish shaped object about a foot long that can pack quite a punch.  It has to be boiled or otherwise softened to resemble any sort of food.  And even then it is full of bones.

And if the slap doesn't hurt the smell might knock you out.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kipper

Not a treat.  They were served every second Thursday at my boarding school in the 1970s.  I didn't eat them then and haven't touched one since.  And never intend to let one near my nose again. :D  #badboardingschoolfood, #evenworsethanpilchards

I'll eat yours! I went on an Alaskan cruise many years ago, and was delighted to discover that they served a full English breakfast with kippers, and tea strong enough to poach a goat in.  Most wonderful eight days of breakfast ever!

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Enraged
Curious
4 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

:laughing-jumpingpurple: I'm not talking about canned tuna or sardines (both of which I eat) or even canned kippered snacks.  Mr. P likes those.  I'm talking about the whole kippered herring.  FTR, we were also served bloaters.  They come with eyes that stare reproachfully at you from the plate.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bloater_(herring)

Foods have associations, and some of them are negative.  For me kippers, pilchards in tomato sauce, and bloaters = :puke-right:

And watch out, I see they sell kippers online.   When's your birthday again?

But you will have to eat them for breakfast.    :devilish:

oh, I've seen those for sale at specialty type shops.  The dried ones with the eyes?  no thank you.

When I told my husband that I was out of kippers and cottage cheese and then said "hey that would make a good meal for me (trying to get my stupid blood sugar under control) and he said GROSS.  

I don't really specify "breakfast" foods vs other foods.  Since breakfast is as likely to be my 2nd/3rd meal of the "day" I will eat pretty much anything for breakfast.  I routinely have a salad or sauteed veggies.

Today I had a turkey sandwich and cottage cheese ;)

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Milly-Molly-Mandy

Well John is busy for the next 12 months setting up the conference. I’m guessing 1-5 non family members will attend. 

 

I would be surpised if he’s still here 

how much money is he getting, do we have any idea? What are his outgoings etc? 

 

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apandaaries
1 minute ago, Milly-Molly-Mandy said:

 

how much money is he getting, do we have any idea? What are his outgoings etc? 

 

That's confidential information between him and God. No need to worry your pretty little head about numbers, no sirree! 

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Black Aliss
On 5/26/2018 at 12:54 AM, squiddysquid said:

Fun fact: Most Europeans don't know about Sound of Music.

It's crazy popular everywhere else, US, Australia, Africa, Asia... but not there.

Touchy subject. It reminds them of the "late unpleasantness".

On 5/29/2018 at 12:13 PM, Georgiana said:

John's face is possibly the most punchable I have ever seen.  It's as if the Lord has marked him: "See this man?  He needs to be set down a peg.  Please do so."

I'm not advocating violence, but look at this:

2018-05-29_12-12-29.jpg.2e8b5fb968daeeba665b1923db101f35.jpg

He doesn't get "most punchable" in my competition because Martin Shkreli , Stephen Miller, and Richard Spencer have the medalists' podium locked up.

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apandaaries
10 minutes ago, Black Aliss said:

He doesn't get "most punchable" in my competition because Martin Shkreli , Stephen Miller, and Richard Spencer have the medalists' podium locked up.

Harsh. Even in a competition where you think John will surely succeed, he's knocked aside by much better prepared opponents. While I agree that John has an extremely punchable face, I also concede that your three suggestions are even more punchable. I think we could create a graph about the the hideousness of one's actions and personality and the relation to their punchability levels, actually...and we'd still find John lagging behind the competition.  That bloke seems destined to be mediocre at best in all his endeavors.  

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Unimpressed
Palimpsest

Well, as John-boy has kindly made his conference details public, let us document them:

Quote

Conference Schedule Details:

Hello Brethren, just FYI, I have a wonderful Evangelist, Bro. Ted Alexander, coming next year. This Baptist and King James Bible History and Defense conference will be hosted by our church here in Kafue.

The dates will be May 6-10, 2019. Monday starting at 17:00 to Friday lunch. 

Bro. Alexander is also an author, and these topics are his specialty. He has preached and taught much in these areas, and is very passionate for the Truth. He has done much to help instruct regarding, and preserve, Baptist History. We are blessed that he's willing to come here and minister to us.

Just let us know if you're interested.

Your RSVP will ensure you a place to sleep, a syllabus, conference materials, and all meals.

We're a new church, but will do our best to make you as comfortable as possible while you are here. 

Bro. John Shrader

Checking on Bro. Ted Alexander right now.

And, yeah.  John has a "new" church.  Attendees can be expected to put up in the old "Timothy House" (from which all former converts and "Bible Institute" folk have been banned) and the former chicken coop.  Beware guano.  But John may have Esther and the kids scrub it out for you in advance.  He's too busy writing hymns to scrub.

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anjulibai

Is this supposed to be held in Zambia or the US? Is the "church" a new sending church or a new building in Zambia or what? Why would he need to make a new church? 

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Palimpsest
5 minutes ago, anjulibai said:

Is this supposed to be held in Zambia or the US? Is the "church" a new sending church or a new building in Zambia or what? Why would he need to make a new church? 

It is scheduled in the Kafue church.  John is only calling it a "new" church because so many converts ran away and his membership is down.

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Naga Viper

Guess I'll be scratching kippers off my list of foods to try! The thought of @Gobsmacked hitting John with some kind of fish remains enticing, nonetheless.

 

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subsaharanafrica
7 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

Checking on Bro. Ted Alexander right now.

I actually know (of) the guy. I don’t think he’s as rampantly anti-reformed Christianity as John is as the people who serve as our 1 degree of separation are Calvinists. 

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Ozlsn
15 minutes ago, subsaharanafrica said:

I actually know (of) the guy. I don’t think he’s as rampantly anti-reformed Christianity as John is as the people who serve as our 1 degree of separation are Calvinists. 

Really hoping he's John's replacement.

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subsaharanafrica
9 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

Really hoping he's John's replacement.

I don’t think that’s really his cup of tea. He’s more of the guest evangelist/roving revival leader type. 

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formergothardite
48 minutes ago, subsaharanafrica said:

I actually know (of) the guy. I don’t think he’s as rampantly anti-reformed Christianity as John is as the people who serve as our 1 degree of separation are Calvinists. 

From his FB page he seems to be the average evangelical Trump fan. He seems to be into the history of the Baptist church which is probably why John likes him. I wonder if John is paying for him to come over and if so how much money it costs. Did John make his "new" church shell out the money or was he willing to use some of the money he typically uses for himself? Is he hosting this because he heard Rea is hosting an event with Ameircan missionaries this fall?

ETA: Ted posted a video about how Americans need to be worried about helping Muslim refugees because they aren't coming to be a part of America, they are coming to form Muslim rape gangs that will roam the streets. This guy is an asshole, but since he is working with John that isn't surprising. 

Edited by formergothardite
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Gimme a Free RV

I like the conference's catchy title: Baptist and King James Bible History and Defense.  If John can manage to put that on a billboard, I'm sure the attendance will be overwhelming.  He should probably insert the word "white" a couple of times in the title, though.

We're sure to see pictures of the evangelist and John visiting touristy spots, with John in his Indiana Jones' hat, of course.  Someone will have to sit on John (well, a lot of people will, actually) to keep him from jumping up and interjecting himself between every other sentence Ted Alexander says during the "conference."

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Howl

Wait, wait, wait, WAIT just a gosh-darned minute!   Is Ted (Bro. Theophil) the guy who left his successful Canadian farm to come and worship at the feet of Bro. John and be his appropriately groveling understudy toady, in total awe at how Bro. John has become a super successful Historical Baptist missionary in Sub Saharan Africa and Beyond?  At least, I'm sure that's how John perceives it.  There have to be some interesting chapters to this story ahead!  Ohboy ohboy ohboy. 

ETA: Took a deep breath.  Never mind.  Ted Alexander is American and apparently will visit to headline the conference. 

So what's up with Bro. Theophil?  

 

Edited by Howl

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formergothardite

No, Ted is different than Theophil. The only thing we have heard about Theophil is the crappy poem John wrote about him. 

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Gimme a Free RV

Brother John, I have several questions about the conference:

  • Can I request a private accommodation?  If not, will a roommate be assigned to me?
  • Is there a gluten-free, vegetarian option for the meals?
  • Will a shuttle come pick me up from the airport?
  • Will the bottled water have electrolytes?
  • Are outlet adapters available for my hairdryer, curling iron, phone charger, and essential oil diffuser?
  • Should I plan to pack both casual and formal attire?
  • When do I sign up for a safari tour?
  • How much will laundry service cost?
  • I don't have a KJV Bible.  Can I just put a cover on my NIV and bring it?  If not, will there be WiFi service for me to use a KJV Bible app?
  • Will childcare be provided?
  • Where can I get my nails done while I'm there?
  • Will your recently-composed hymns be published along with the conference materials?
  • Would it be OK for me to bring my electric guitar to play during the singing?
  • I'm assuming we'll have photo opportunities with authentic African children?  I'd like some for my social media sites.
  • If I run out of hairspray, will I be able to purchase any there?
  • Not a question, but I have a Power Point presentation of my personal testimony that runs around 45 minutes--an hour, if I include solos.  You are welcome to put me in the program, if you wish.

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Depressed
formergothardite

If I had the spare money and time I would be tempted to go to this thing just to experience it. I wonder what John would do if one of his guests showed up in shorts and a tank top carrying an NIV Bible. 

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gustava
1 minute ago, formergothardite said:

If I had the spare money and time I would be tempted to go to this thing just to experience it. I wonder what John would do if one of his guests showed up in shorts and a tank top carrying an NIV Bible. 

Write a poem about being plagued by Satan and then take to his bed.

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Unimpressed
Palimpsest
1 hour ago, Gimme a Free RV said:

Brother John, I have several questions about the conference:

First, how do you know John?  Second, what gender are you?  Only men, or women accompanied by men, may attend this conference. 

Quote

Can I request a private accommodation?  If not, will a roommate be assigned to me?  

We have one room that is suitable for a family with up to 10 children.  The printer top makes a good changing table and up to two children may sleep on the folder.  All other accommodation is dormitory style.  Please bring your own bedding and mosquito nets.  Single women must make their own sleeping arrangements and may only attend selected activities.

Quote

Is there a gluten-free, vegetarian option for the meals?

You may have as much nshima as you want.  But only if you bring beef jerky to swap for it.

Quote

Will a shuttle come pick me up from the airport?

The Troopie will provide shuttle service for conference attendees.  Unless you are dying.

Quote

Will the bottled water have electrolytes?

We have our own well.  It has Living Waters.

Quote

Are outlet adapters available for my hairdryer, curling iron, phone charger, and essential oil diffuser?

Yes, if the colloidal silver machine isn't in use.

Quote

Should I plan to pack both casual and formal attire?

Anything you like but it must be modest clothing. 

Quote

When do I sign up for a safari tour?

We have in-house services for murdering spiders, rats and the odd snake.  Kafue has a National Park and you may rent our second vehicle for a tour.  Does $1,000 sound too much for an hour?

Quote

How much will laundry service cost?

Esther will do it free, but you will need to buy her a new washing machine.

Quote

I don't have a KJV Bible.  Can I just put a cover on my NIV and bring it?  If not, will there be WiFi service for me to use a KJV Bible app?

This conference only serves those who are KJV Only!  You must provide proof of ownership of the requisite KJV hard copy suitably highlighted, and with ample notes scribbled on the pages, prior to darkening our doors.

Quote

Will childcare be provided?

Of course.  Our children are experienced baby sitters.

Quote

Where can I get my nails done while I'm there?

Esther would be happy to arrange this service.  But we need a new car for her to drive you to the nearest nail salon.

Quote

Will your recently-composed hymns be published along with the conference materials?

Of course!

Quote

Would it be OK for me to bring my electric guitar to play during the singing?

No.  All music will be provided by me, John Shrader.

Quote

I'm assuming we'll have photo opportunities with authentic African children?  I'd like some for my social media sites.

Yes.  We can arrange for a Providence meal or a soccer game while you are here.  Please know that you will be responsible for food costs.  And bring us new soccer balls as the escaping converts liberated our last grift.

Quote

If I run out of hairspray, will I be able to purchase any there?

Hairspray is available at Walmart and in several local shops.  Where do you think we are?

Quote

Not a question, but I have a Power Point presentation of my personal testimony that runs around 45 minutes--an hour, if I include solos.  You are welcome to put me in the program, if you wish.

As you use hair curlers and need your nails done you are obviously a woman.  No, we will not put you on the program.  You are restricted to listening politely and fellowshipping with Esther, as your Headship can spare you.

Edited by Palimpsest

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Gimme a Free RV
1 hour ago, Palimpsest said:

The Troopie will provide shuttle service for conference attendees.  Unless you are dying.

What about if I'm dying laughing?  What about if I'm dying of embarrassment or second-hand embarrassment?

I divorced my headship.  May I still fellowship with Esther and take pictures with African children?

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Unimpressed
Palimpsest
1 hour ago, Gimme a Free RV said:

I divorced my headship.  May I still fellowship with Esther and take pictures with African children?

After much prayer, we regret to tell you that your application to attend our conference, fellowship with Esther, and photograph the African children we manage to bribe to attend our church is rejected. 

This decision is final.  You might give Esther ideas.

We will, however, add you to our prayer list in the hopes that you will see the error of your ways and be saved by Grace Alone.  Praise the Lord.

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