Bates 24: Selling the ‘Happy Family’ Lifestyle

[Pecansforeveryone]

@TatiFish9, I have always wondered how the Bates and the Duggars would handle an interracial courtship. I especially wonder if the suitor were African-American. I am not sure they would openly object. I do think they would be very challenged and strained on the inside. 

[BernRul]

49 minutes ago, Pecansforeveryone said:

@TatiFish9, I have always wondered how the Bates and the Duggars would handle an interracial courtship. I especially wonder if the suitor were African-American. I am not sure they would openly object. I do think they would be very challenged and strained on the inside. 

That's what I think, about the Bates at least (not sure about the Duggars). I think they would privately discourage the couple, and if the couple persisted anyway they would put on a good face for the public so not to hurt their brand. 

Maybe they'd have a normal parents' reaction, the kind my dad and mother-in-law had, where they are initially a little uncomfortable because it's uncharted territory but in time come to love and fully embrace their son/daughter-in-law. But I doubt it with the Bates. I just can't see a family that had a shrine to the Confederacy and freaking Nathan Bedford Forrest ever embracing interracial marriage. 

[Dandruff]

On 8/4/2018 at 11:56 PM, mstee said:

Yeah I was wondering why kelly was staying in a hotel. I think it’s nice Alyssa got space while laboring but I do wonder what the reason was. 

I wonder if others were staying at the house then, but didn't want to be shown on TV.  I'd think Alyssa and John would want someone there to watch the kids if she went into labor.

[lizzybee]

Kelly said it was her idea because she wanted Alyssa to be able to walk all over her house when she was laboring if she needed to. Kelly said that in the past she'd had people staying with them when she was laboring and it made her less comfortable to walk the house. Alyssa told her that wasn't necessary but Kelly insisted.

I was thinking about how much of a treat that probably was for Kelly though to go get a hotel all by herself. Heck, I have two kids and the thought of my own personal hotel room sounds heavenly. 

Kelly and Alyssa talking about having three during pedicures spoke to my soul. I don't have three but I do have a 20 month old and a 2 month old.  Just getting in and out of the house and in and out of the car are such events right now. I drove 30 extra mins out of my way the other day because my pedi prescribed compounded prilosec and I needed a pharmacy that did that. I had her find me one that had a drive thru and I drove all the way there just to avoid having to get my whole circus and monkeys out of the car. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

38 minutes ago, lizzybee said:

Kelly said it was her idea because she wanted Alyssa to be able to walk all over her house when she was laboring if she needed to. Kelly said that in the past she'd had people staying with them when she was laboring and it made her less comfortable to walk the house. Alyssa told her that wasn't necessary but Kelly insisted.

I was thinking about how much of a treat that probably was for Kelly though to go get a hotel all by herself. Heck, I have two kids and the thought of my own personal hotel room sounds heavenly. 

Kelly and Alyssa talking about having three during pedicures spoke to my soul. I don't have three but I do have a 20 month old and a 2 month old.  Just getting in and out of the house and in and out of the car are such events right now. I drove 30 extra mins out of my way the other day because my pedi prescribed compounded prilosec and I needed a pharmacy that did that. I had her find me one that had a drive thru and I drove all the way there just to avoid having to get my whole circus and monkeys out of the car. 

A few years ago I was in your position and this meme describes my feelings at the time perfectly. 

[formergothardite]

1 hour ago, lizzybee said:

I was thinking about how much of a treat that probably was for Kelly though to go get a hotel all by herself.

Probably less of a treat than for the rest of us. Kelly and Gil have been taking trips without children for a long time. They used to claim their children would just beg them to babysit their siblings so Gil and Kelly could have child free vacations. 

[TatiFish9]

13 hours ago, Pecansforeveryone said:

@TatiFish9, I have always wondered how the Bates and the Duggars would handle an interracial courtship. I especially wonder if the suitor were African-American. I am not sure they would openly object. I do think they would be very challenged and strained on the inside. 

Racism in "white Christianity" is huge BIGGLy! Lol It's funny but it is not. 

I think the kids know better than to try, ask or even entertain. lol

For some people it is one thing to have diverse friends, it's another to allow diversity inside family especially procreation wise (that's all they seem to care about).

Zach jokingly mentioned that Nathan doesn't belong to their family, because he does things so differently. At first, I thought they felt uncomfortable with Ashley because of her personality. It could be a combination of factors. I knew they threw around the idea that she was from the North as a challenging factor. I can totally see that, too. What I liked about Nathan is that he simply did not care. She was his choice, she fit their fundie descript, he was going after her no matter what, because what could they say.

I do agree with the idea that they would most likely quietly discourage.

[Pecansforeveryone]

I think they might feel overshadowed, forgotten,left behind at the prospect of interacial grandchildren. If their grandchildren aren't "noticeably white, don't identify as white, don't look as much like their white grandparents and white parent", they might feel less connected to that grandchild. It's a horrible, uncomfortable thought but people are human and this happens. It does. 

[BernRul]

5 hours ago, Pecansforeveryone said:

I think they might feel overshadowed, forgotten,left behind at the prospect of interacial grandchildren. If their grandchildren aren't "noticeably white, don't identify as white, don't look as much like their white grandparents and white parent", they might feel less connected to that grandchild. It's a horrible, uncomfortable thought but people are human and this happens. It does. 

Yeah, I feel like this is something that we as a society should talk about more, especially since interracial relationships are on the rise. It can be very strange for white people to come to terms with their kids/grandkids not being white. For me, it was a little hard at first to think that my kids 1. won't look like me (there's no possiblity that they could have my eyes/hair for example) and 2. will face experiences, and likely racism, that I have never encountered. That last one is hard.  I think ti's normal to have those feelings, but you need to work through them in a healthy way. For me, I've tried to educate myself on POC's experiences in America, so I can be a better parent to my future biracial kids. 

I definitely don't think it's okay to feel less connected, though. If that's how someone feels, they should be honest with themselves and work on it for their family's sake.  I agree that that's how the Bates parents would probably react, and I don't think that they're the type to push themselves to learn or work on it. They're the type, unfortunately, that would probably favor their white grandkids even if it's just subconciously. 

 

[QuiverFullofBooks]

19 hours ago, BernRul said:

I just can't see a family that had a shrine to the Confederacy and freaking Nathan Bedford Forrest ever embracing interracial marriage.

Personally I think that they are so ignorant of history that they don’t grasp that it’s racist. I did a quick image search, and unless there was more that wasn’t pictured, it was just pictures of Forrest and Stonewall Jackson in matching frames. Not really a shrine, more like something they found at the thrift store. Ironically, there was a “God Bless America” sign hanging with them. 

[VineHeart137]

10 hours ago, lizzybee said:

Kelly and Alyssa talking about having three during pedicures spoke to my soul. I don't have three but I do have a 20 month old and a 2 month old.  Just getting in and out of the house and in and out of the car are such events right now. I drove 30 extra mins out of my way the other day because my pedi prescribed compounded prilosec and I needed a pharmacy that did that. I had her find me one that had a drive thru and I drove all the way there just to avoid having to get my whole circus and monkeys out of the car. 

Yup. Got an 8 week old and a three year old. One of the biggest selling points when we were choosing a preschool for my older one was that the school has a car line and the staff members take the kids inside, so I don't have to haul the little one in too!

[Johannah]

I was listening to the recent Defrauded podcast episode on fundie colleges and they read excerpts from the Crown College handbook. It is explicitly stated in the handbook that one of their policies is that if two students would like to enter an interracial relationship with each other, then the college must first receive express written consent from both sets of parents.

[JillyO]

13 hours ago, lizzybee said:

Kelly said it was her idea because she wanted Alyssa to be able to walk all over her house when she was laboring if she needed to.

Does that mean Alyssa has home births now? Or are we just talking early labor? I know she went to a birthing center previously (at the very least when she had Allie) and all of the other Bateses have had hospital births IIRC, so a home birth would be kind of a surprise.

[just_ordinary]

1 hour ago, JillyO said:

Does that mean Alyssa has home births now? Or are we just talking early labor? I know she went to a birthing center previously (at the very least when she had Allie) and all of the other Bateses have had hospital births IIRC, so a home birth would be kind of a surprise.

Iirc she always used a birthing centre. I imagine they (as well as hospitals) advice you to labour at home till you have steady and strong contractions about every 2-3 minutes. (No water broken or any known conditions that make a closer monitoring necessary provided of course)

[JordynDarby5]

8 hours ago, QuiverFullofBooks said:

Personally I think that they are so ignorant of history that they don’t grasp that it’s racist. I did a quick image search, and unless there was more that wasn’t pictured, it was just pictures of Forrest and Stonewall Jackson in matching frames. Not really a shrine, more like something they found at the thrift store. Ironically, there was a “God Bless America” sign hanging with them. 

I'm sorry but I disagree, I don't think you accidentally put up a picture of Forrest especially in the south and don't know his involvement with the KKK. Especially when you have two adopted sisters who are African-American. They knew what they were doing when they put it up along with the other Confederates. They knew why people were offended or Kelly wouldn't have tried to claim it was "Patriot Room" and then take in it down. This is the same person now claims Gothard's Birthday cake which has his name on it was a Groom cake.   

[lizzybee]

Yeah, I'm from the south and went ahead and google searched him before posting because I can't say I've ever heard of him or if I have, I didn't retain the information or memory. I do know that one doesn't just go to Walmart to get a picture of a confederate general. There are places that sell that sort of thing in the south and the ones I know of, without even having ever stepped foot in them, are stores typically owned by clansmen. Now, I'll grant there's maybe a 1% chance they found it at the flea market or goodwill or a gift,  but frankly if they knew enough to know he was a confederate general they knew the rest of his story and still hung that awful MF'er's picture on the wall. So no, it wasn't like "surprise! This guy's a nasty asshole." Even if you don't get to the clansmen part of the story, his behavior as a general is pretty heinous.

If they're expecting me to believe that they just grabbed them because someone told them they were generals of the confederacy and hung them up without first informing themselves of the stories of these dudes, I don't believe it for a second. Everything these kids are exposed to has been micromanaged to the highest degree. Gothard teaches in his seminars to be mindful of the kinds of things you put on the wall/allow in the home and what you want them to be teaching your children so to ask me to believe they brainlessly hung something up like that is just...well, I don't believe it because it's not consistent with their beliefs. 

[formergothardite]

13 hours ago, QuiverFullofBooks said:

Personally I think that they are so ignorant of history that they don’t grasp that it’s racist.

I would have bought the ignorance if they had reacted differently when called out on it. They had what they called the Patriot Room and the only pictures of patriots were men from the Confederacy. People were leaving comments asking why they have the first grand wizard of the KKK hanging up in their house and at first Kelly just ignored it. Then she just took down the photos of the Patriot Room, without a response. THEN several years later after it kept being brought up, Kelly claimed they created their Patriot Room without knowing whose pictures they were hanging up. Gil and Kelly are many things, but dumb is not one of them. They didn't create a Patriot Room devoted to the Confederacy on accident. Do they consider it racist? Almost certainly not. But that does't mean it isn't racist. 

If they were truly ignorant of the fact that they had put up on accident a KKK leader's picture in their house and they weren't racist, they would have immediately apologized and said they were taking it down. 

[nausicaa]

8 hours ago, JordynDarby5 said:

I'm sorry but I disagree, I don't think you accidentally put up a picture of Forrest especially in the south and don't know his involvement with the KKK. Especially when you have two adopted sisters who are African-American. They knew what they were doing when they put it up along with the other Confederates. They knew why people were offended or Kelly wouldn't have tried to claim it was "Patriot Room" and then take in it down. This is the same person now claims Gothard's Birthday cake which has his name on it was a Groom cake.   

To add to that, I have visited a lot of historic homes/battlefields in the South and I always hit the gift shops. I have seen plenty of questionable stuff. But while the Confederate flag and Stonewall Jackson make their appearances on items, I have never seen a place that had the gall to put Forrest on anything. Not once. And I'm talking about places where the docent called it "The War of Northern Aggression."

So I could give them a pass for Jackson if I were feeling generous, since maybe Gil and Kelly just grew up with his image on things without thinking about him all that much (I've never claimed Gil or Kelly think all that deeply about anything) or it was a portrait that was passed down through the family. But Forrest? No way. 

 

Aside: And while we're on the topic of creepy Klan-owned businesses, anyone know of that scary stripped down white building on the side of the highway in South Carolina (either 95 or 74) on the way to Myrtle Beach? It's a "shop" and is quite literally covered in Confederate flags and painted on bulls eyes. I've been driving by it for years now. Is it as terrifying as I suspect it is inside? Is the owner insane?

[Thorns]

So, who want to jump onboard the Kelly Jo Pregnancy Speculation Bus, Hopefully Probably NOT - Express? 

(The caps lock not was the idea of my phone autocorrect. I found it appropriate.) 

[QuiverFullofBooks]

19 minutes ago, Thorns said:

So, who want to jump onboard the Kelly Jo Pregnancy Speculation Bus, Hopefully Probably NOT - Express? 

(The caps lock not was the idea of my phone autocorrect. I found it appropriate.) 

Hmm. She has gained weight recently, and it is a really unflattering dress, but that sure looks like a bump. I can’t imagine being a 51-year-old mother of 19 and asking for fertility treatments, but there’s probably some doctor who would do it.

[Thorns]

1 minute ago, QuiverFullofBooks said:

Hmm. She has gained weight recently, and it is a really unflattering dress, but that sure looks like a bump. I can’t imagine being a 51-year-old mother of 19 and asking for fertility treatments, but there’s probably some doctor who would do it.

I really hope it is a bad photo. She looks good for having that many kids! (Aka trying to make a joke while not body shaming, a fine line to walk!) 

There is definitly doctors that would do it. I think KJ is happy with her brood, and hopefully accepting that that season of life is done and over! 

[Dominionatrix]

Just imagine what Michelle Duggar would do if Kelly Jo Bates managed to have a 20th child at age 51. I don't think there's a laundry room on earth big enough to contain that meltdown. 

[Mrs Ms]

Have they ever explained who Nathan is named for/after? 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I think Kelly’s pregnancy time is over. She’s just wearing an unflattering dress. Kelly would love another baby but it’s very unlikely.

45 minutes ago, Dominionatrix said:

Just imagine what Michelle Duggar would do if Kelly Jo Bates managed to have a 20th child at age 51. I don't think there's a laundry room on earth big enough to contain that meltdown. 

I have no proof of this but I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Michelle is finally adjusting to this “season of life” and actually enjoying the fact that all the babies that come through her house don’t have to be nursed, or burped, or rocked to sleep in the middle of the night. I know Michelle handed them off at 6 months but for those first six months I believe she did do a lot of the care taking. So maybe she’s enjoying the fact that she gets to hang out with grandbabies and then they go home at night. 

[Carm_88]

On 8/6/2018 at 7:38 PM, QuiverFullofBooks said:

Personally I think that they are so ignorant of history that they don’t grasp that it’s racist. 

I don't for a minute believe that Kelly and Gil managed to get to college in the South without learning who Nathan Bedford Forrest was. I'm from Canada and I know who Nathan Bedford Forrest was.