Bro. Gary Hawkins 6: Dancing Cocktail Weenies

[catlady]

so if they need it "gone by Friday" i wonder what looming expense he has to pay at the end of this week.

[OhNoNike]

People who follow him... In that last block the person tagged themselves to start...

[keepercjr]

Think Gary would die and become a myter?  Also how does a preacher man not know how to spell that.  I LOLed about bingo.

[OhNoNike]

It a conspiracy. Dirty liberals done ripped the Book of Myters out of the Bible.  A numbre if years ago.

[Nikedagain?]

Did they do it with the 11 long-knives?

 

[catlady]

24 minutes ago, OhNoNike said:

Dirty liberals done ripped the Book of Myters out of the Bible. 

Ok folks, Why do them dirty libruls hate sawing lumber with angles?  Because the Book of Myters would give instructions on how to do that. 

[OhNoNike]

Is this guy trolling or for real?

Spoiler

 

[mango_fandango]

I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF DON FINCH

I kinda agree with Gary; I don’t know what this guy is on about. Seems like they’re all as dense as each other over there.

[Pecansforeveryone]

On 5/6/2018 at 9:45 PM, SuperNova said:

I for one would love to see the Polar Octopus!

And yeah, my husband has been shopping for a ride on lawn mower and they aren't cheap. A small one runs about $1100 at the local home improvement store. Why didn't I think about asking the Lord to send one our way? I'll ask him for one on Craigslist. Or maybe you can all meet us down at the store and we can hold hands and Pray Around the Lawn Mower. That might get the Lord's attention.

Maybe Bro Gary needs to switch to a riding lawn mower ministry just like Lauren's dad. Maybe there are side cars that can be attached to them just like motorcycles so Becky can ride in the side car and feed him "good weens" as he steers. 

[Carol]

1 hour ago, OhNoNike said:

Is this guy trolling or for real?

  Hide contents

 

That has to be the most hilarious exchange I've read on Gary's FB page.

[MarblesMom]

If only we had context information about that missing Book of Myters.

[Dandruff]

I think Bro may have found his intellectual equal.

[mango_fandango]

I googled “myter”. Apparently it’s a Norwegian word, meaning “myths”. Pretty funny when you consider that it’s related to Bro Gary and religion and all that 

Someone also wrote a definition for it on urban dictionary... I feel Gary has gone past this point...

[smittykins]

Ok folks, I have never seen a Baptist church that sponsors BINGO games.  That seems to be a Catholic provenance(one priest used to joke that it was "the eighth sacrament of the church)".

[Yogi]

So if Gary thought he had $700 raised when taking into consideration donations plus what he could sell and now is selling the van for $500 does that mean he actually got $200 in donations? 

Why are they trying to buy a motor but selling their van with no motor? Where are they going to put the motor they buy?

I’m alarmed that the Hawkins family saga is moving too fast for me to keep up with. 

[General Jinjur]

Ok folks, I made a polar octopus in Animal Crossing:

[Granwych]

14 hours ago, Pecansforeveryone said:

Maybe Bro Gary needs to switch to a riding lawn mower ministry just like Lauren's dad. Maybe there are side cars that can be attached to them just like motorcycles so Becky can ride in the side car and feed him "good weens" as he steers. 

Good heavens, a riding lawn mower.  I remember back over 40 years ago, in a blizzard, two friends of my dad drove up in a lawn mower with a plow attachment.  I have no idea how they traveled on that thing for so far and in such an inebriated condition.  Fun times!

[Carol]

2 hours ago, Yogi said:

So if Gary thought he had $700 raised when taking into consideration donations plus what he could sell and now is selling the van for $500 does that mean he actually got $200 in donations? 

Why are they trying to buy a motor but selling their van with no motor? Where are they going to put the motor they buy?

I’m alarmed that the Hawkins family saga is moving too fast for me to keep up with. 

I really, really, really wish one of our more creative posters would do a diagram of Gary's plans.  Since I am visual it would help me follow his line of reasoning better.  As it is, I sit here and suffer because I can't figure things out.

[Candydandy]

Ok folks this is all too much for me. The book of myter, hidden hawkins realtives, polar octopus, purring buses, the mystery of  preaching Don Finch, does he need a bus, a van, a motor, 2 of a kind or all 3? And how is he getting this van for sale to WV if it has no motor?!  All thats missing is some gravy pictures! Weesns optional

Sis Candy

 

[Alisamer]

58 minutes ago, Carol said:

I really, really, really wish one of our more creative posters would do a diagram of Gary's plans.  Since I am visual it would help me follow his line of reasoning better.  As it is, I sit here and suffer because I can't figure things out.

I think it's 

Step 1: Steal underpants Beg online while proclaiming the lord and eating weens.

Step 2: ??????????????????????????????

Step 3: Profit!

Reading that exchange on Bro. Gary's Facebook was painful. Neither speaks real English, but they don't speak the same dialect of Ween, either. I suspect their heads rattle when they shake them.

[Carol]

I have to admit I think he's thinking of selling all of Becky's joory he gave her at $5.00 a pop, too.  I wonder if he's tried to sell their dog.  And, Gary, if you read here, I really want to buy your hat and that green shirt you wear.  I have a place for them at my altar of GarynBecky Hawkins.  I really do adore you.  

[Georgiana]

Bro Gary says he would die for Jesus, but I'm over here watching him refuse to get a JOB to fund his preachin lifestyle for Jesus, so I have my doubts as to how much Bro Gary would actually sacrifice for God.  I think Bro Gary will do anything for Jesus up until it threatens his own comfort, then he'll suddenly have excuse after excuse as to why he isn't called to do that.

[Black Aliss]

2 hours ago, Granwych said:

Good heavens, a riding lawn mower.  I remember back over 40 years ago, in a blizzard, two friends of my dad drove up in a lawn mower with a plow attachment.  I have no idea how they traveled on that thing for so far and in such an inebriated condition.  Fun times!

Have you never seen the movie The Straight Story? Directed by David Lynch, with Sissy Spacek, Richard Farnsworth. It's my all-time favorite road movie and it's based on a true story.

From Google:

Quote

A retired farmer and widower in his 70s, Alvin Straight (Richard Farnsworth) learns one day that his distant brother Lyle (Harry Dean Stanton) has suffered a stroke and may not recover. Alvin is determined to make things right with Lyle while he still can, but his brother lives in Wisconsin, while Alvin is stuck in Iowa with no car and no driver's license. Then he hits on the idea of making the trip on his old lawnmower, thus beginning a picturesque and at times deeply spiritual odyssey.

 

[Granwych]

4 hours ago, Alisamer said:

Reading that exchange on Bro. Gary's Facebook was painful. Neither speaks real English, but they don't speak the same dialect of Ween, either. I suspect their heads rattle when they shake them.

My head's starting to rattle when I read anything by or about Bro Gary.

What makes it painful is that I have a wonderful cousin named Gary who is slowly succumbing to multiple sclerosis.  He was a hard-working kid and never did anything to hurt a flea.

5 hours ago, Carol said:

really, really, really wish one of our more creative posters would do a diagram of Gary's plans.  Since I am visual it would help me follow his line of reasoning better.  As it is, I sit here and suffer because I can't figure things out.

And therein lies the rub--Gary can't figure things out, either.  I feel badly for Becks until I remember that she chose this poor excuse for a man.

[Dandruff]

5 hours ago, Alisamer said:

I think it's 

Step 1: Steal underpants Beg online while proclaiming the lord and eating weens.

Step 2: ??????????????????????????????

Step 3: Profit!

How about:

Step 1:  Eat weens, weens yummy, want more weens but need $s.

Step 2:  Pray (for the Lord to compel people to give him money) and beg online, grift just enough to hit the road to pray and beg in person. 

Step 3:  Vehicle fails, needs expensive repair or replacement.

Step 4:  Find a church to crash at, pray (see above) and beg for money to fix/replace vehicle.  Scrape up enough for weens and a partial repair or a down payment on a "new" total clunker.  Now owes money to repair shop and/or previous owner of vehicle.

Step 5:  Continue to pray and beg.  Prayers are answered by MLM reps with compelling reasons for Bro to sell their product for $$$$$$s.

Step 6:  Scrape up enough to buy MLM product to sell.  Attempt to sell, with unfortunate results.  Now owes money to MLM company.

Return to Step 2.