Bro. Gary Hawkins 6: Dancing Cocktail Weenies

[Pecansforeveryone]

6 hours ago, Don'tlikekoolaid said:

@Coy Koi  You don't need a penis to be a fundy preacher!  Does anyone remember the faith healer Katherine Kulman?  She was really big in the 70's as a faith healer.  Until ... Everyone found out she was boinking her hot much younger piano player!  Which goes to show if you don't have a penis you can always gets yourself one!   

Katherine Kuhlman was pre-dated by Amy Sample Macpearson. Gal was the hottest preacher in town during the 1920s. She had a few scandals and indiscretions and her ministry went on the decline.  Amy ended up passing away at 54 of an alcohol and barbituate overdose. 

[Beermeet]

Ok folks,

Bro Gary's latest video is an emotional rollercoaster!  Dang, son.  When he very first started it sounded like he was burping the burp to end all burps.  It turned into a amen.  Whew.   Keep on waiting for that vehicle while doing nothing Bro.  Never change.  HAYMAAANNNN!  He really freaks me out!  Like, a lot. O.O

Sis. Beermeet ( totes going to hell with all my 5 senses)

[MarblesMom]

Just now, Beermeet said:

Bro Gary's latest video is an emotional rollercoaster!  Dang, son.

No shit.  He hit all the emoticons, didn't he?

I would hate to be trapped with him in a VEE-hickle on a road trip.

[Carol]

At about 15 minutes he starts losing it, ranting and raving, crying, screaming, yelling, flailing.  It's both hilarious and terrifying to think that someone like Gary has the power to influence Fundies lives.  And they really believe the shit he spews?

My god, he's nuts.  It's a scary video.

[Ms. Squishels]

Bro. Gary done let out something that sounded like a HAYMAAN volcano tonight.  He was mad because his followers weren't amening his video, so he Haymauned himself!  Then he did a little screaming.  Whoa!  What a video.  He also said he knew that people from the outside (I think he meant us) are watching his videos.  He's knows it, 'cause he's been told!  HAYMANN and Halaleuyer!!!

[Nikedagain?]

HE BEEN TOLD??

I don't think he could even read what we write. For real. 

(going to watch now before bed, I know I'll have nightmares)

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

Bro has a new camping chair with a cup holder.  I Bro has a heavy burden on his heart for the people who are not his friends but who watch his videos (could be us).  

I don't dislike him as much as most of the others although his beliefs are just as toxic.

[Lillymuffin]

I think Bro G missed his true calling. With that screech/scream and that kind of stamina and volume, he should’ve been the lead singer in a heavy metal band. 

[MarblesMom]

45 minutes ago, Ms. Squishels said:

He also said he knew that people from the outside (I think he meant us) are watching his videos.

I thought the same thing.  With 4 viewers, and no one commenting, he must have a dim clue that the people watching aren't necessarily fans.

Join in, G-Haw.  We would love to chat with you, you know, before tomorrow doesn't happen.

[Spanger]

Seriously.  OMG you guise.  That HAYMAYUN!  I can't.

I think he always must seem so agitated because he must be bored AF.  There are jobs out there, even for the Bro Gary's of the world.  I've been a manager in retail and food service, and he might not have been my favorite choice, but there were plenty of times I was hiring just about anyone who asked for a job...  I'm sure I could have found something for Bro Gary to do, changing garbage, cleaning bathrooms, tending parking lots, sweeping floors.  Id much rather have an "entry-level" job doing one of those things and get a regular paycheck for it, than sit around in someone else's home, screaming sermons into my phone and waiting on GOD to provide a new veehickle so I can get out of the basement.  Fuck, Id rather do any of those chores as an unpaid volunteer, just for something to do, rather than sit around all day every day with no plan or goal to work on.  It seriously sounds like a recipe for boredom + stress.

[Snarkylark]

Ok folks. I’m afraid Bro Gary is about to lose it. Tonight’s video was SCARY! And if you listen closely it *almost* sounds like he drops the F-bomb at around the 21 minute mark. Lol Angry preaching from a $5 goodwill camping chair. 

[MarblesMom]

1 hour ago, Spanger said:

There are jobs out there, even for the Bro Gary's of the world.

I have a lot of yard work he can do.  If he promises to stay away from me and just do the work.... also, not camp in the yard in the meantime.

[Texas Heifer]

Holy shit. That video, y'all. My face is numb; I must've been holding it in some sort of Mask O'Horror.

Terrifying.

When he said he knew some people watching "isn't mah frayends" and started blubbering, "Please don't go to hayull," I nudged my co-atheist husband : "listen, honey, he's talking to us." But we ain't skeered, Bro Gary. We ain't.

You're delusional, Gary, and you need professional help.

I actually felt sorry for him. A little afraid of him, but sorry, too.

What a depressing life he leads. He probably believes in the hell-proof microphone and little demon, too.

[Jellybean]

I really want to watch it now, but Husbean only just got back from a business trip (he’s been away since early Sunday morning) and he hates Brother Gary. And I can’t find my headphones *wail* but he’d probably know just by looking at me, as I’m like @Texas Heifer and can’t keep the mask o’horror away. 

[Texas Heifer]

3 minutes ago, Jellybean said:

I really want to watch it now, but Husbean only just got back from a business trip (he’s been away since early Sunday morning) and he hates Brother Gary. And I can’t find my headphones *wail* but he’d probably know just by looking at me, as I’m like @Texas Heifer and can’t keep the mask o’horror away. 

Its worth watching, but it is loud. Even with headphones. There would be no hiding it from your husbean.

 Just...just...don't let him hook you! He's hella persuasive. /s

[Jellybean]

That’s the sort of thing I need to watch while coming round from anaesthetic, yes?

[Texas Heifer]

 

5 minutes ago, Jellybean said:

That’s the sort of thing I need to watch while coming round from anaesthetic, yes?

Oh my stars! That would be a wild ride! 

[MayMay1123]

as a Christian i gotta say...if heaven is filled with people like screaming, fake-crying ghaw,  i don't want to be there. what a mess that was, i fast forwarded, a *lot*

[Jellybean]

I can confirm that it’s no better while coming round from anaesthetic. Don’t think it made any less sense, but it definitely didn’t make any more sense

[Beermeet]

7 hours ago, Jellybean said:

That’s the sort of thing I need to watch while coming round from anaesthetic, yes?

No!  That would be terrifying. Bad trip! Bad trip!

[Candydandy]

Well folks what to say what to say? To start Haymuhn!! Bro was preachin on about fake religious the other day. This latest video has him cryin on cue like I dunno but did that seem fake to you? Was his subliminile  massage of dont go to hell really postt to  mean send  me money for a new ve hickel?? 

I really didnt notice the new camp chair- whats wrong with me? Also what happened to the $5 jewerry? It was all real pretty so maybe it all sold? I feel bad for the kids in the house or basement or tent and Becky. He does seem angry- wonder what he was like before the savin? 

Sis Candy

[Yogi]

Someone please correct me if I’m wrong by in his most recent video around the 3:19 mark it’s looks likehis son crawls by, ostensibly to stay out of the frame?? Then proceeds to rummage around the kitchen. 

Please tell me someone else saw this. At first I thought It was a dog but they don’t have have a dog that big. 

[Gimme a Free RV]

I can't be the only one who noticed that after a spiel filled with screams, crying, shouting, gesturing, and other theatrics, his demeanor was completely calm when he signed off.

Showmanship much?  

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

Bro Gary would not keep a job because he can't keep his pie hole shut about Jebus and hell and every body gotta get SAVED don't cha' know.  Just like my lazy, stupid and dangerous ex.

sorry folks, I woke up this AM with snakes for hair and red glowing eyes.  Need more coffee.

[Coconutwater]

Is this the video that starts with him in the camping chair or the one that shows a couch? I can’t handle more than one haha