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Jellybean

Bro. Gary Hawkins 6: Dancing Cocktail Weenies

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Happy
Jellybean

Continued from here:

Thread title thanks to @Lillymuffin. It sounds like an expletive to me - dancing cocktail weenies.

Speaking of expletives, the G-Haw van done broke itself down and stopped runnin’ itself. Brother Gary would like God to give him a new van with space for 4 people, the ability to tow the Grand Old Tent of Revivalness (shame it can’t revive the van), and a bit of life left in it. That last bit seems important, but Bro. Gary will let God have the final say.

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Wine time!
Destiny

Thanks for that visual. I may never eat again. :puke-front:

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Coy Koi
1 hour ago, Jellybean said:

Speaking of expletives, the G-Haw van done broke itself down and stopped runnin’ itself. Brother Gary would like God to give him a new van with space for 4 people, the ability to tow the Grand Old Tent of Revivalness (shame it can’t revive the van), and a bit of life left in it. That last bit seems important, but Bro. Gary will let God have the final say.

He's also begging for the trailer itself. I feel like there's an "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" type of book in here somewhere. If you give Bro Gary a ween, he's going to ask for some gravy to put on that ween. After he eats the weens and gravy, he's going to need a $20 tube of toothpaste to prevent morning ween breath...

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DaisyD

What are the odds that when God doesn't provide a van Gary takes the hint and gets a real job? 

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Snarkylark
1 hour ago, DaisyD said:

What are the odds that when God doesn't provide a van Gary takes the hint and gets a real job? 

No joke... the Lord helps those who help themselves, right?? Bro Gary, there couldn’t be a bigger clue flying past your head right now. GET A REAL JOB!!!

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Waffle Time
mango_fandango

Ok folks praise the LORD for a new Bro Gary thread. 

I love how the message says that the motor just quit running. Dollars to donuts the motor wised up to how useless Bro Gary is and just went “fuck it I quit.”

Sis mango_fandango

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Waffle Time
mango_fandango

Ok folks,

So my FJ blog is currently devoted to my fundie Sim families. Previously, though, it featured some of my parody fiction involving the Masons and the Taylors, including their visit to fundie-inspired restaurant, Wa-La Diner. The LORD is leading me to write a new entry, where a new branch of Wa-La opens, with new dishes as inspired by Bro Gary himself. 

HAYMAYUN. HALLAYLOOYER.

Sis mango_fandango

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keepercjr

Hot damn!  Now he needs a van AND a trailer?  He wants a van that isn’t too expensive.. I wonder what his budget is?  Can’t be much.  Also needing a van that seats 4 confirms that Michaela escaped.  I hope that one day she can be as free as Becky’s daughter Carly.  

Still laughing at that Congratulations gif in the urgent prayer request post.

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LovelyLuna

I have another antidote from Mr Luna and my adventures in life spiced up by some weens.  We were seeing a move on the big screen and a person in the movie was shown with a funny tick*.  At the exact same time we both whispered  “HeyyMAN!”, completely not planed.  I whispered ‘Jinx’ and we both dissolved in silent laughter. Hours of entertainment is Bro Weens.  My life is deeply enriched.

*we were seeing a comedy and it was a joke, not a person with a real non humorous medical condition.  

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Nervous
roadkill_deity
Posted (edited)

Ok folks,

I just finished binge-reading through the Bro Gary threads (my apologies to those who received notifications from me on posts dating back to last autumn), and decided to check out his FB page for myself. Looks like I have myself a birthday buddy.

Sis Roadkill, 8lbs 6oz, over 2 weeks past due

 

Spoiler

Screenshot_20180501-160132.png

 

Edited by Jellybean
Fixed daggone spoiler
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Coy Koi
5 minutes ago, roadkill_deity said:

I just finished binge-reading through the Bro Gary threads (my apologies to those who received notifications from me on posts dating back to last autumn), and decided to check out his FB page for myself. Looks like I have myself a birthday buddy.

If the rest of us are as egotistical as me, we like receiving notifications from old posts, so no apologies necessary. :my_biggrin: And we love new Ween friends!

And you can't be blamed for sharing a birthday. I share a birthday with John Grisham, and while I generally like him and his books, if you've ever been unfortunate enough to read his Christmas book ("Skipping Christmas"), you'll understand my reluctance to share anything with him. That thing could have almost been written by Bro Gary. I read it a few years ago and I'm still a bit dazed. I'm not a book-snob at all, but I'm not a book-G-haw either.

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Lillymuffin
20 hours ago, Jellybean said:

Continued from here:

Thread title thanks to @Lillymuffin. It sounds like an expletive to me - dancing cocktail weenies.

Wow—FJ fame and the plumber finally came and fixed the downstairs toilet. I’m not sure which one I’m more excited about. HAY-MAYEN...everything’s coming up good weens and gravy today!!! :dancing-demon:

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Nervous
roadkill_deity

Thanks, @Coy Koi! I started reading the threads back in September, when I was still lurking. Never have I laughed so hard :pb_lol:

If any of you could pick a book for Bro Gary to read, which book would you pick? I'm torn between several options. The Oxford English Dictionary is one of my top picks for him.

Blessed be the weens,

Sis Roadkill

 

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Georgiana

You know, these people always talk about following God's will for them and doing what God tells them.

Well MAYBE God keeps breaking down all of your vehicles because He's trying to tell you to STOP being a travelling ween-show and INSTEAD encouraging you to STAY IN ONE PLACE where you can work a JOB and actually spend time with YOUR CHILDREN.

I dunno.  Just a thought.  Like I know the Lord works in mysterious ways, but sometimes He works in really obvious ways too.  

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Gimme a Free RV
10 hours ago, keepercjr said:

He wants a van that isn’t too expensive.. I wonder what his budget is?  

Budget, you say?

:pb_lol: :pb_lol: :pb_lol: :pb_lol: :pb_lol: :pb_lol:

Stop it!  You’re killing me!

6 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

You know, these people always talk about following God's will for them and doing what God tells them.

Well MAYBE God keeps breaking down all of your vehicles because He's trying to tell you to STOP being a travelling ween-show and INSTEAD encouraging you to STAY IN ONE PLACE where you can work a JOB and actually spend time with YOUR CHILDREN.

I dunno.  Just a thought.  Like I know the Lord works in mysterious ways, but sometimes He works in really obvious ways too.  

HayMAYun, Sis Georgiana!  

I was raised in a home where my father wanted to manipulate God’s will to meet his own personal agenda.  Unfortunately, I was guilty of that same thing when I decided to get married.  Lesson learned.  For those of us who are Christians and say we want to do God’s will, we need to be patient and quit making all the rules, pretending that we have the inside scoop on His plans.

For real, though.  God seems to be speaking to Gary through a megaphone but Bro Weens isn’t listening because God’s will doesn’t involve a fancy new RV and the luxury of staying in bed all day while toothpaste and Poop-a-rootsy jury sell themselves.

 

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Lillymuffin
Posted (edited)
38 minutes ago, Gimme a Free RV said:

  For those of us who are Christians and say we want to do God’s will, we need to be patient and quit making all the rules, pretending that we have the inside scoop on His will  

Or, in the immortal words of my grandmother to me when I was disappointed as a child, “It’s not that God doesn’t always answer your prayers. Sometimes God just says no.”’

Edited by Lillymuffin
Clarity

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Snarkylark

LOL “Kathy” called bro Gary OUT on his FB Page. Y’all need to go have a look:pb_lol:

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Waffle Time
mango_fandango

Bro Gary isn’t gonna listen. 

Here’s52DB7618-DCFD-4653-A0C3-176DF905BBDB.thumb.png.dec8443bdeca90259de15150d4acbe52.png the screenshot:

 

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Waffle Time
mango_fandango

BINGO! Gone.

175D822D-C99D-4300-82A6-899CD88FB59A.thumb.png.cb2fd20e0a626073858e00a2016f5252.png

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Snarkylark

They are barely even putting any effort into their joory and toothpasta business. Come on, Bro! Isn’t laziness a sin? 

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General Jinjur

Ok folks,

Screenshot_2018-05-02-09-37-00-1.png.1ab42fd76f0a9f8070d95c83615e3779.png

Snail man:

Spoiler

South-Florida-Snail-Man--108200.thumb.jpg.4de95883a4d219aabc282ce8cc2f8d17.jpg

 

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Meh
Dandruff

Snail mail to sum cruhch basmint whil prech for LORD?

I wonder if he has a real address.

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Nikedagain?

I just have to say, again, that the Bro GHaw Sis Posse is literally the best. 

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Ms. Squishels

Did Bro. Gary go back public?  How's he gonna sell toothpaste, joory, and beg for money and vehicles if he stays private?

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keepercjr

Here is their “newsletter” (obviously written by Becky)

Quote

Ok folks the new letter
 Share of you would like 
Bro Gary Hawkins 

May 2, 2018
Dear Pastors, Churches, and Friends,
 Hope this letter finds you all well. We are glad to see that spring has finally arrived! Thank you for allyour prayers and thank you so much for the ones who financially support us. As most of you know, we took the winter off to get some rest, to get some things in order, and to prepare for our upcoming
summer meetings. There has been spiritual growth through the winter in our family. Because of this we are up and back at it. We had our first revival for Resurrection Sunday and our first tent revival the week of April 8th. I’ve been preaching on Sundays and Wednesdays. God is opening doors for more  meetings. We have already seen souls saved this year.
 As some of you know that we were given a motor for the van last summer. This has also given up the ghost, and I’m not sure it’s worth putting it back together. It was a help in the last 4 years getting us where we needed to be. The van is not capable of pulling a trailer to pull a trailer with all the tent
supplies. As a family serving God, for almost 6 years being a help to small and struggling churches,  scheduling meetings, following the direction of the Spirit of God, we need a 12-15 passenger van that would pull a trailer that would haul all our tent supplies and luggage. Just asking you to help us pray or know of someone who has one they are trying to get rid of, please let us know. We have offered this once before, if you have money you’d like to loan us, it would be done legally. You could contact our pastor, Danny Hawkins, to get more information, 336-970-1133, or mail I/C of Gary Hawkins, Old Paths Baptist Church, 6704 NC 8 HWY S, Germanton, NC 27019, or by pay pal, [email protected]
 Our summer is coming up, we have a revival scheduled May 27th – 30th, then heading to our busy schedule in NY, PA, ME, and MA. You may look at our website, hawkinsfamilyministries.org to see our schedule, there are a few openings if we’re going to be your way, let me know! Help us pray the Lord’s will be done about the matter of a vehicle need. Some of our summer plans are to help with construction of a church building, revivals, regular services, baptism service, and door knocking. Looking forward to seeing some of you and to see what the Lord has for us. Please pray for us as we do all we can to lift up Jesus and see as many souls saved as we can. We’re praying for you as well.
Because of Christ,
Evangelist Gary Hawkins
Romans 8:28

LOAN??  Never ever would you get your money back.  Is Danny Hawkins his dad? He said in one of his old radio shows (on YouTube) that I listened to recently that his dad was a preacher.

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