Family Living on Purpose (FLOP) : Erika Shupe Pt 12

[JermajestyDuggar]

6 hours ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

Honestly, pregnancy is horrifyingly dangerous for both mother and baby under the best of circumstances. Them telling you to get your health together, particularly your weight, is caring -not rude. They want you to have a healthy pregnancy. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, particularly in regard to not going into an already dangerous activity at a high risk from something completely preventable.

My doctor didn’t say anything about my weight both times I was pregnant. I had two very ordinary pregnancies and vaginal births. The only problem I had was with retained placenta and that has nothing to do with weight. 

Her ILs are displaying no pictures of her after gaining weight. Doesn’t that tell you they only care about her looks and are using pregnancy as an excuse to pretend they care about her health? 

[ActualReality]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

My doctor didn’t say anything about my weight both times I was pregnant. I had two very ordinary pregnancies and vaginal births. The only problem I had was with retained placenta and that has nothing to do with weight. 

Her ILs are displaying no pictures of her after gaining weight. Doesn’t that tell you they only care about her looks and are using pregnancy as an excuse to pretend they care about her health? 

This right here!

3 hours ago, Foudeb said:

Driving a car is dangerous at the best of times. It gets more dangerous when the driver is tired. That does not mean I go around telling people who look tired to me to not drive and go get some sleep and what are they thinking being so sloppy as to get behind the wheel with faves that look tired and if they just went to bed at 8pm like I do their face would look more rested and here's a sleeping pill, tired faces like yours need drugs because you just don't have the self-control to go to bed at 8pm. 

We're all grown ups. We can manage our own lives, bedtimes, and weights. And if we cannot we go to someone with actual knowledge, not a meddling mother in law. 

Preach sister!!

The whole "i'm worried for your health" lie as it relates to weight annoys me to no end.  Knowing someone's weight tells you very little about the state of their health.  Thin does not automatically equal healthy just as being overweight does not automatically = unhealthy.

I honestly wonder what power we as women would allow ourselves if we stopped being distracted by weight, body shape, looks and all other meaningless external qualities. 

[BunnyBee]

8 hours ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

Honestly, pregnancy is horrifyingly dangerous for both mother and baby under the best of circumstances. Them telling you to get your health together, particularly your weight, is caring -not rude. They want you to have a healthy pregnancy. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, particularly in regard to not going into an already dangerous activity at a high risk from something completely preventable.

This comment literally has me shook. First of all, my future MIL does not make those comments because she actually cares about my health or my future pregnancy health. If she cared about my health she would ask me about how my nutritionist appointments are going, how my endocrinologist appointments went, she would have been happy for me when I got the news that my chronic illness is finally at a stable level for the first time in years, but no, She only cares about appearances. 

She is so appearance driven that her son, my future husband, still deals with deep appearance insecurities even though he is handsome guy. Her own daughter wont be seen without make up on, thinks she is fat despite being so skinny, and has deep insecurities that frequently ruin relationships for her despite the fact that she is model gorgeous. She is so appearance driven that they both my future husband and his sister grew up on an insanely restrictive diets and he is still dealing with a binging problem. 

I thought it was clear in my first comment that this woman's priority is not about my health but about how skinny I appear. 

The most praise I have ever received from her is recently when I ordered my wedding dress a size smaller, and when it came in a week ago it fit like a glove. Because of the perfect dose of medication, nutrition therapy from a professional, and appropriate levels of exercise that do not stress out my fragile metabolic balance. 

This comment is also very insensitive because I am currently dealing with fertility issues that are related to my endocrine disorder and not my weight, but surprise surprise that is not as important as how my weight loss is progressing before all her friends and family see me at our wedding.

I continue to have a relationship with my future MIL because I love my fiance and it is important to him. I have a great support system in my life, and dont need this fat phobic comments in my life. How much space in the world a person takes up is not equivalent to their health, and their health is none of your damn business.

SO HONESTLY SHUT THE FUCK UP

also, thank you @Foudeb @JermajestyDuggar @ActualReality 

Edited July 13, 2018 by BunnyBee
needed to add appreciation

[Lisafer]

8 hours ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

Honestly, pregnancy is horrifyingly dangerous for both mother and baby under the best of circumstances. Them telling you to get your health together, particularly your weight, is caring -not rude. They want you to have a healthy pregnancy. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, particularly in regard to not going into an already dangerous activity at a high risk from something completely preventable.

Making un-asked for comments on others' health except in emergency circumstances is almost always rude and comes from a place of control, not caring. Bunnybee's mother-in-law was being a jerk.

Oh, just realized I posted at the same time as @BunnyBee. Hey, I'm sorry your inlaws are nasty to you. Best wishes and you will be beautiful at your wedding! And anybody who doesn't see how beautiful you are has ugliness in their heart. It's not you, it's them.

Edited July 13, 2018 by Lisafer

[scoutsadie]

4 hours ago, BunnyBee said:

This comment literally has me shook. First of all, my future MIL does not make those comments because she actually cares about my health or my future pregnancy health. If she cared about my health she would ask me about how my nutritionist appointments are going, how my endocrinologist appointments went, she would have been happy for me when I got the news that my chronic illness is finally at a stable level for the first time in years, but no, She only cares about appearances. 

She is so appearance driven that her son, my future husband, still deals with deep appearance insecurities even though he is handsome guy. Her own daughter wont be seen without make up on, thinks she is fat despite being so skinny, and has deep insecurities that frequently ruin relationships for her despite the fact that she is model gorgeous. She is so appearance driven that they both my future husband and his sister grew up on an insanely restrictive diets and he is still dealing with a binging problem. 

I thought it was clear in my first comment that this woman's priority is not about my health but about how skinny I appear. 

The most praise I have ever received from her is recently when I ordered my wedding dress a size smaller, and when it came in a week ago it fit like a glove. Because of the perfect dose of medication, nutrition therapy from a professional, and appropriate levels of exercise that do not stress out my fragile metabolic balance. 

This comment is also very insensitive because I am currently dealing with fertility issues that are related to my endocrine disorder and not my weight, but surprise surprise that is not as important as how my weight loss is progressing before all her friends and family see me at our wedding.

I continue to have a relationship with my future MIL because I love my fiance and it is important to him. I have a great support system in my life, and dont need this fat phobic comments in my life. How much space in the world a person takes up is not equivalent to their health, and their health is none of your damn business.

SO HONESTLY SHUT THE FUCK UP

also, thank you @Foudeb @JermajestyDuggar @ActualReality 

Good for you for this response, @BunnyBee,  and best wishes.

[BunnyBee]

9 hours ago, Lisafer said:

Making un-asked for comments on others' health except in emergency circumstances is almost always rude and comes from a place of control, not caring. Bunnybee's mother-in-law was being a jerk.

Oh, just realized I posted at the same time as @BunnyBee. Hey, I'm sorry your inlaws are nasty to you. Best wishes and you will be beautiful at your wedding! And anybody who doesn't see how beautiful you are has ugliness in their heart. It's not you, it's them.

 

5 hours ago, scoutsadie said:

Good for you for this response, @BunnyBee,  and best wishes.

Leave it to the beautiful people of free jinger to empower me and turn a post that originally made my stomach drop into a moment to stand up for myself and other people. 

[Lisafer]

26 minutes ago, BunnyBee said:

 

Leave it to the beautiful people of free jinger to empower me and turn a post that originally made my stomach drop into a moment to stand up for myself and other people. 

Yes! Rock on! Btw, my husband is a heavier person and on our wedding day, he looked DAMN fine in his tuxedo.  Super hawttt, lol. Walk down that aisle like the princess you are!

[LovelyLuna]

wow, extremely rude! Of the inlaws and the poster!  I’m happy to hear your heath has improved @BunnyBee.  I have a lot of heath issues including endocrine problems and I am considered overweight.  I eat extremely well, I would have to starve myself to lose weight, so I’m happy as I am.  I hope your heath continues to improve and you have whatever family you desire.  

[EowynW]

There's a huge stigma against plus sized women in much of the pregnancy, labor & delivery world. This whole "I care for your health" thing isn't always about their health. 

[EowynW]

On 7/13/2018 at 6:53 PM, Lisafer said:

Yes! Rock on! Btw, my husband is a heavier person and on our wedding day, he looked DAMN fine in his tuxedo.  Super hawttt, lol. Walk down that aisle like the princess you are!

Yes! Walk down the aisle with pride. I walked down the aisle as a fat girl. I was beautiful. Mr. EW cried and started to run down the aisle to me. I'm now at my heaviest weight ever and am struggling to get in better physical health, but he still tells me every day that I'm the most beautiful sexy woman alive. Believe in yourself!!! I didn't for the longest time and I so regret it.  When I was dating, my mother would tell me to lose weight to make the future Mr. "More interested" because he "shouldn't have to marry someone like his mother" (who was heavyset) and my Dad once said "she'll never get a husband letting herself go like she is." I carried those words in my heart for years and it held me back in my relationship. And in life, which was already hindered by me being a fundie SAHD. After I got married I was so amazed that my husband thought I was the bomb diggity, I told my mom. She says "see, love blinds and he sees you through eyes of love." *eye roll* 

so be you and be you proudly! 

 

[ChunkyBarbie]

On 7/13/2018 at 4:33 AM, JermajestyDuggar said:

My doctor didn’t say anything about my weight both times I was pregnant. I had two very ordinary pregnancies and vaginal births. 

I was reading while parenting, and read this as you had two virginal births. For a long second, I was like, “wow!”  I need a nap.

[3splenty]

After my migraines and mini-stroke, I had to get shots to help me gain weight (I was tiny) since eating made me choke and I had pneumonia from that, and they were considering a feeding tube.  The amount of people who commented on my "fat belly and butt" was astounding.  In addition to this, I had lost my job, faced having to leave the nursing field, couldn't drive, and couldn't think most of the time.  

One of my residents (I came back to visit and get my final check) told me, "Honey, give them super glue for lipstick.  Shame to waste good lipstick on filthy swine."

I've come to terms with my weight and new normals.  My weight is a part of me, but its not what makes me ME.

Edited July 17, 2018 by 3splenty

[Lisafer]

1 hour ago, 3splenty said:

After my migraines and mini-stroke, I had to get shots to help me gain weight (I was tiny) since eating made me choke and I had pneumonia from that, and they were considering a feeding tube.  The amount of people who commented on my "fat belly and butt" was astounding.  In addition to this, I had lost my job, faced having to leave the nursing field, couldn't drive, and couldn't think most of the time.  

One of my residents (I came back to visit and get my final check) told me, "Honey, give them super glue for lipstick.  Shame to waste good lipstick on filthy swine."

I've come to terms with my weight and new normals.  My weight is a part of me, but its not what makes me ME.

I'm sorry you went through all that! Are you doing better now?

[3splenty]

I've made lots of progress.  I'm back to work in a different capacity (work with medically fragile kids), driving, and can function like most adults.  At the end of the day, you can see more of the stroke effects--right sided weakness, more choking, etc.  However, I can work around that.  I have a strict diet and sleep schedule and it works wonders.

[Zebedee]

On 7/17/2018 at 2:08 AM, 3splenty said:

After my migraines and mini-stroke, I had to get shots to help me gain weight (I was tiny) since eating made me choke and I had pneumonia from that, and they were considering a feeding tube.  The amount of people who commented on my "fat belly and butt" was astounding.  In addition to this, I had lost my job, faced having to leave the nursing field, couldn't drive, and couldn't think most of the time.  

One of my residents (I came back to visit and get my final check) told me, "Honey, give them super glue for lipstick.  Shame to waste good lipstick on filthy swine."

I've come to terms with my weight and new normals.  My weight is a part of me, but its not what makes me ME.

Hope you are keeping well 3splenty. I sympathize with you on the weight comments, here's my experience:

This year, I was hospitalized for pneumonia, developed septic shock and ARDS and was in a coma for 5-6 weeks. I was on a feeding tube, and my mum visited and questioned them putting me on 2200 calories per day, so it was knocked back to 2000. I was conscious for a week before they took off the tracheotomy tube, and then I struggled to eat - or speak - for 2 weeks. My mum's first question was, "do you think you've lost some weight? They had you on so many calories, but I made them reduce that!". When I responded that no, I hadn't (except one or two kilos) she genuinely looked disappointed! She got really defensive, and claimed "I thought it would be nice for you to wake up and have lost so much weight without even trying!". I mean, this is all when I was still on oxygen, and couldn't walk, or even hold a cup up to drink, as well as the constant worry of contracting MRSA, the heart damage that had been inflicted, the lack of a proper diagnosis, the need for months of physical therapy - oh, and the heavy dose of steroids I was (still am) on...

I mean, I know my mum was worried and all that (especially since I'd just moved 1000 miles away to another country, whose language I don't really speak yet) but still... she just couldn't help herself from telling me about the "new lifestyle I'd have to take up" which naturally, involves being thin. *I'm not, never have been after the age of 12-13, it's always pissed her off - she still tries to give me clothes she's too small for, despite them being 2 sizes smaller than I am - and despite how I'd never fit into them, even if I were very slim. Thanks to the broad back I got from my dad's side of the family, which she helpfully pointed out to me when I was 9-10 (and slim) and couldn't fit into her clothes at the time (she was a US size 2-4 then, and I couldn't even get her dresses over my shoulders sometimes!)

Not one of the doctors (but one nurse, who was roundly criticised by the others) even mentioned my weight in hospital or rehab. I'm not thin, I'm 10-15kgs heavier than I should be; and permanently aware of it. I'm also still not in a health position where I could even do lots of exercise yet (weirdly, my heart damage and scarred lungs are more of an issue for me than fitting into a smaller dress size) and once I started actually eating and moving enough to put on some muscle, I gained the 2 kilos I'd lost, plus 2-3 more (thanks again steroids and inability to move much yet). Weird that anyone even thinks to comment on such things when you are recovering from serious injuries. That resident needs super glue for lipstick just to keep from them making such stupid hurtful comments. 

All the best, so sorry you had such a terrible experience.

[3splenty]

1 hour ago, Zebedee said:

Hope you are keeping well 3splenty. I sympathize with you on the weight comments, here's my experience:

This year, I was hospitalized for pneumonia, developed septic shock and ARDS and was in a coma for 5-6 weeks. I was on a feeding tube, and my mum visited and questioned them putting me on 2200 calories per day, so it was knocked back to 2000. I was conscious for a week before they took off the tracheotomy tube, and then I struggled to eat - or speak - for 2 weeks. My mum's first question was, "do you think you've lost some weight? They had you on so many calories, but I made them reduce that!". When I responded that no, I hadn't (except one or two kilos) she genuinely looked disappointed! She got really defensive, and claimed "I thought it would be nice for you to wake up and have lost so much weight without even trying!". I mean, this is all when I was still on oxygen, and couldn't walk, or even hold a cup up to drink, as well as the constant worry of contracting MRSA, the heart damage that had been inflicted, the lack of a proper diagnosis, the need for months of physical therapy - oh, and the heavy dose of steroids I was (still am) on...

I mean, I know my mum was worried and all that (especially since I'd just moved 1000 miles away to another country, whose language I don't really speak yet) but still... she just couldn't help herself from telling me about the "new lifestyle I'd have to take up" which naturally, involves being thin. *I'm not, never have been after the age of 12-13, it's always pissed her off - she still tries to give me clothes she's too small for, despite them being 2 sizes smaller than I am - and despite how I'd never fit into them, even if I were very slim. Thanks to the broad back I got from my dad's side of the family, which she helpfully pointed out to me when I was 9-10 (and slim) and couldn't fit into her clothes at the time (she was a US size 2-4 then, and I couldn't even get her dresses over my shoulders sometimes!)

Not one of the doctors (but one nurse, who was roundly criticised by the others) even mentioned my weight in hospital or rehab. I'm not thin, I'm 10-15kgs heavier than I should be; and permanently aware of it. I'm also still not in a health position where I could even do lots of exercise yet (weirdly, my heart damage and scarred lungs are more of an issue for me than fitting into a smaller dress size) and once I started actually eating and moving enough to put on some muscle, I gained the 2 kilos I'd lost, plus 2-3 more (thanks again steroids and inability to move much yet). Weird that anyone even thinks to comment on such things when you are recovering from serious injuries. That resident needs super glue for lipstick just to keep from them making such stupid hurtful comments. 

All the best, so sorry you had such a terrible experience.

Thank you, I hope you are feeling well, also!  I swear people lose their filters when medical stuff happens.  Sorry, I'm not concerned about my weight/appearance/hair, etc.  I'm fighting a lot bigger battles and if you can't support me in the big battles, just go away and let me surround myself with people who care.

People are exhausting.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I’m sad Karen left FB but it’s probably good for her. 

While I am now sad that Melanie is on FB and sharing ignorant memes like her dad. 

[mango_fandango]

Perhaps Melanie was always a bit more religious than Karen, or more likely to stick to the fundie line. Karen seemed to bear the brunt of the child-rearing stuff they did (being woken up in the middle of the night to feed her baby sisters, anyone?). Since Karen left last year, Erika’s probably doubled down on stuff the other kids do. Also, when the others went to public school, Melanie didn’t go, finishing up her homeschooling work. The others will be exposed to differing viewpoints and opinions at school, whereas she won’t be. The fact that Karen left so young, and getting married and moving to Arizona, speaks volumes IMO. 

I bet Karen is still pretty religious/conservative, but she didn’t post many ignorant memes. She tended to post family photos. 

Sorry, one more thing: something else I find quite telling are the descriptions. Erika calls herself “Jesus’s girl”. Melanie is a “fervent Christian”. Karen never mentioned her religion, instead she put words like “violinist/sister/daughter/archer” etc.

Edited August 2, 2018 by mango_fandango

[JillyO]

I could really do without the ignorant Republican memes, but I have to say: I am VERY surprised by Melanie's cover photo featuring Game of Thrones. I know she loves reading fantasy, but the ASOIAF series is soo sexually explicit that I'm genuinely shocked she read and liked it. And that she would advertise this fact. I imagine many conservative Christians (which the Shupes definitely still are) are anti-ASOIAF, not just fundies.

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, JillyO said:

I could really do without the ignorant Republican memes, but I have to say: I am VERY surprised by Melanie's cover photo featuring Game of Thrones. I know she loves reading fantasy, but the ASOIAF series is soo sexually explicit that I'm genuinely shocked she read and liked it. And that she would advertise this fact. I imagine many conservative Christians (which the Shupes definitely still are) are anti-ASOIAF, not just fundies.

I bet Erika has no clue it’s so sexually explicit. 

[picklepizzas]

But she’s trying to take the act, which means she’s thinking of college, so that’s awesome! 

[JermajestyDuggar]

41 minutes ago, picklepizzas said:

But she’s trying to take the act, which means she’s thinking of college, so that’s awesome! 

I saw that and was sad she missed the test. Now she has to wait even longer to get into college. You would think details obsessed Erika would have made sure she went to the right place. 

[usmcmom]

On 7/13/2018 at 12:20 AM, CaptainFunderpants said:

Honestly, pregnancy is horrifyingly dangerous for both mother and baby under the best of circumstances. Them telling you to get your health together, particularly your weight, is caring -not rude. They want you to have a healthy pregnancy. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, particularly in regard to not going into an already dangerous activity at a high risk from something completely preventable.

Unless her future mother in law is a nutritionist, a registered dietician or a physician AND these comments are taking place in the confines of a healthcare office, they are RUDE, not caring. 

 

@BunnyBeeI am glad to read that your chronic illness has reached a more stable level. I am so sorry about the fertility issues. 

You just keep doing what you are doing with your beautiful self knowing that most of us here have your back.  As an added bonus, avoid your future mother-in-law as much as possible. You don't deserve that kind of hostility. 

Edited August 3, 2018 by usmcmom
Typo

[ActualReality]

On 8/3/2018 at 5:19 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

I saw that and was sad she missed the test. Now she has to wait even longer to get into college. You would think details obsessed Erika would have made sure she went to the right place. 

I would think that Erica was glad that she missed it.  After all, the less education she has the easier it will be to control her.

Edited August 8, 2018 by ActualReality

[JermajestyDuggar]

21 minutes ago, ActualReality said:

I would think that Erica was glad that she missed it.  After all, the less education she has the easier it will be to control her.

That’s what I was thinking too. If it was something important to Erika she would have made sure Melanie knew exactly where to go.