Jump to content
IGNORED

Family Living on Purpose (FLOP) : Erika Shupe Pt 12


Recommended Posts

I had two thoughts about Erica's fb congratulations:
1. There is no mention of Nathan. None. It's just "congratulation to our first baby girl." This kind of reminds me of my own mil, who likes to shut me out and pretend I am not part of the picture. She'll call and ask my husband about himself and our kids and never mention me. Erica does the same thing. Most parents would refer to *the couple*, like, "I hope you and Nathan are well." or "Are you guys enjoying Arizona?" or "congratulations to you both." 
2. It seems odd to refer to Karen as "my first baby girl." I mean, I get that parents have a hard time seeing their kids as grownups. But referring to Karen as though she were still a dependent, helpless child? It'd be far more normal to say, "I can't believe you are all grown up!" or "It seems just yesterday you were a baby!" 
It seems to me that Erica might like it if Karen's marriage failed, she couldn't support herself, and she had to return home and allow Erica to schedule her day.


I have a friend who’s parents seat anyone under 50 years old at the “kids” table. The mom is in her 80’s. She says that anyone under 50 is a kid to her! Lol!
  • Haha 12
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, feministxtian said:

I refer to my 35 year old daughter as my baby girl. She will always be my first and only baby girl. I know she's a grown woman, she's an amazing woman, smart, sassy, funny, ambitious, gorgeous, but she always will be my first and only baby girl. 

Yeah, it's not so much that she called her a "baby girl." It's that she did so at the very moment Karen was establishing herself as an adult married woman. And it's Erica, who clearly is having trouble with Karen's new independence.

Edited by Hisey
  • Upvote 17
  • I Agree 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 minutes ago, Hisey said:

Yeah, it's not so much that she called her a "baby girl." It's that she did so at the very moment Karen was establishing herself as an adult married woman. And it's Erica, who clearly is having trouble with Karen's new independence.

My daughter has been on her own since she was 18, by choice. She's overcome some amazing shit...to be the woman she is now. Of my three, she's the only one who hasn't come begging for $$! She's her mama's daughter, her favorite phrase when she was wee tiny was "do by myself"...she still does. 

  • Upvote 9
  • Thank You 1
  • Love 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, Hisey said:

There is no mention of Nathan. None. It's just "congratulation to our first baby girl." This kind of reminds me of my own mil, who likes to shut me out and pretend I am not part of the picture. She'll call and ask my husband about himself and our kids and never mention me. Erica does the same thing. Most parents would refer to *the couple*, like, "I hope you and Nathan are well." or "Are you guys enjoying Arizona?" or "congratulations to you both."

When my husband and I got back from our honeymoon, we found an envelope of pictures from our wedding in our mail from his mother. His mother had taken an entire roll of film (this was the 1980s) at our reception and very kindly mailed us all the prints. Guess who wasn't in a single picture?

First wedding I ever heard of that didn't have a bride.

  • Confused 2
  • Sad 7
  • Rufus Bless 1
  • WTF 24
  • Haha 4
  • I Agree 1
  • Love 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, VVV said:

When my husband and I got back from our honeymoon, we found an envelope of pictures from our wedding in our mail from his mother. His mother had taken an entire roll of film (this was the 1980s) at our reception and very kindly mailed us all the prints. Guess who wasn't in a single picture?

First wedding I ever heard of that didn't have a bride.

This is equal parts horrible and hilarious!  My mom was not originally thrilled with my choice of spouse.  These days I suspect that she likes him better than she likes me.  Now that I'm a MIL I kind of get some of the bad parent behavior.  I have friends with grown children.  Some of their behavior to their sons and daughter's in law is beyond terrible.  The sad thing to me is that they think they're right/smarter than their kids.

I was not initially thrilled with my son's choice in a wife.  At the end of the day she's a sweet and well meaning person.  She's helped my son become a better, more focused man.  For that I am grateful to her (even if the state of her house is a crying shame).  LOL!

  • Upvote 13
  • Love 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, ActualReality said:

I was not initially thrilled with my son's choice in a wife.  At the end of the day she's a sweet and well meaning person.  She's helped my son become a better, more focused man.  For that I am grateful to her (even if the state of her house is a crying shame).  LOL!

My older son's X...what a winner...NOT! Fortunately he got smart before they had kids. My younger son's X...OH MY GOD...psycho from hell. Treated him like shit, treated us like shit, treated her son like shit. There's a reason I took care of the baby all the time. She couldn't be bothered and she wanted my son to wait on her hand and foot. Glad he got smart. 

Older son's current...haven't met her yet. The jury is still out. Younger son's current...LOVE her! She will shove her foot up son's butt. 

  • Upvote 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

We have opted to let the kids chose their on spiritual/religious path when they're old enough to make such decisions.  In the meanwhile we raise them to be good and honest people.  So imagine my surprise when our oldest "comes out" to us as deeply religious/evangelical.  It's fine with us as long as he's willing to live his values.  Become of his religious convictions he doesn't/didn't believe in pre-marital sex.  So every girlfriend was quickly upgraded to "finance" so he could have sex without feeling guilty.  There were a LOT of fiance's before he met and married his wife (a divorced single mom with 2 little kids).  As this was his first marriage and he had no children she seemed FAR from ideal.  Turns out it's fine.  I'm glad that he's chosen wisely and hope my other boys do as well.

Our second oldest is dating a girl who's really grown on me.  I'm not sure where that relationship is going but it would be nice if that turned into something serious.  He's only 19 so I hope that he gives it a LOT of time before he makes any big decisions.

  • Upvote 4
  • Love 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 hours ago, VVV said:

Guess who wasn't in a single picture?

My MIL is in her late 80s and has taken to printing and displaying photos of family members (alive and dead) who bring good memories.  Guess who isn't in a single picture?  I've never been able to get into her good graces.  I've only been married to her son for almost 40 years, so I guess it's still early days...  :my_confused:

  • Upvote 4
  • Sad 1
  • Haha 16
  • Love 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

34 minutes ago, CTRLZero said:

My MIL is in her late 80s and has taken to printing and displaying photos of family members (alive and dead) who bring good memories.  Guess who isn't in a single picture?  I've never been able to get into her good graces.  I've only been married to her son for almost 40 years, so I guess it's still early days...  :my_confused:

On the bright side you probably won't have to worry about it much longer!

  • Upvote 3
  • Downvote 1
  • Haha 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Congrats to Karen and Nathan!

I know many people who had courthouse weddings.  Some because it's what they wanted in a wedding, some because they wanted other things more than paying for a wedding, and some because a courthouse wedding was what fit their wedding budget.  It's quite common for people not to end up with their "dream wedding" in the end.  As long as they end up with their "dream marriage", that's what counts.  

But really, it doesn't matter.  If you end up loving your small wedding, PERFECT!  If down the line you begin to wish you had a bigger to-do, have a vow renewal!  If you want something in the middle, have a big "reception" for your first anniversary.  I've been to all of these, and they were GREAT!  You absolutely can have a do-over of your wedding if you want, don't let anyone tell you any different!!  The only thing you can't double-dip on is gifts from your guests :) 

  • Upvote 7
  • Love 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, CTRLZero said:

My MIL is in her late 80s and has taken to printing and displaying photos of family members (alive and dead) who bring good memories.  Guess who isn't in a single picture?  I've never been able to get into her good graces.  I've only been married to her son for almost 40 years, so I guess it's still early days...  :my_confused:

You win. It only took fifteen years or so but there are actually pictures in my IL's living room that include me. I think perhaps being the mother of my IL' s only grandchildren helped things along a bit.

Sorry you've had decades of it.

  • Upvote 8
  • Love 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, CTRLZero said:

My MIL is in her late 80s and has taken to printing and displaying photos of family members (alive and dead) who bring good memories.  Guess who isn't in a single picture?  I've never been able to get into her good graces.  I've only been married to her son for almost 40 years, so I guess it's still early days...  :my_confused:

 I know your (and @VVV) annoyance well.  I married 1.5 years ago but have been with my husband since 2001.  He's an only child whose photos blanket his parents' house and I'm not in a single one of them. Every year they ask me to take the family photo at Christmas rather than be in it.  I'm amused by it at this point.

They don't have any of our wedding photos displayed either--and he was never married before so it was supposedly a big deal--except one of his father crouching weirdly to take a photo. :my_dodgy:

  • Upvote 7
  • Sad 2
  • Love 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, VVV said:

It only took fifteen years or so but there are actually pictures in my IL's living room that include me.

We've always been cordial, so it hasn't been too horrible.  She's now very dependent on us and our retirement paychecks, so I guess this would be a good time to avenge myself.  But...I'm actually a nice person.  Too bad she never relaxed enough to realize that.  I'm glad you were able to persevere and get an acknowledgement that you are, indeed, family.  :romance-heartsmiley:

1 minute ago, Kylolo said:

He's an only child whose photos blanket his parents' house and I'm not in a single one of them. Every year they ask me to take the family photo at Christmas rather than be in it.  I'm amused by it at this point.

Ha ha!  Are you me?  I think part of the "problem" is he's an only child of a single mom (this from a time it was an anomaly to be a single mom).  They were/are very tight, having to rely on each other through some very tough years.  I get that.  I'll always be an interloper (we married when he was in his mid-30s), and I choose to be amused, too.  Again, we've maintained a cordial relationship, but it was made clear by her that I'm not really "family."   Ah, well. 

 

  • Upvote 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 minutes ago, CTRLZero said:

Ha ha!  Are you me?  I think part of the "problem" is he's an only child of a single mom (this from a time it was an anomaly to be a single mom).  They were/are very tight, having to rely on each other through some very tough years.  I get that.  I'll always be an interloper (we married when he was in his mid-30s), and I choose to be amused, too.  Again, we've maintained a cordial relationship, but it was made clear by her that I'm not really "family."   Ah, well. 

 

I have a friend who calls that a sonusband (son+husband).  It can be a real challenge!

  • Upvote 4
  • WTF 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 minutes ago, CTRLZero said:

Ha ha!  Are you me?  I think part of the "problem" is he's an only child of a single mom (this from a time it was an anomaly to be a single mom).  They were/are very tight, having to rely on each other through some very tough years.  I get that.  I'll always be an interloper (we married when he was in his mid-30s), and I choose to be amused, too.  Again, we've maintained a cordial relationship, but it was made clear by her that I'm not really "family."   Ah, well. 

 

Close! His mom was a single parent for half a second after divorcing his bio dad and married his dad (stepdad who adopted him later) when he was still really young. 

 

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

We had a courthouse wedding when I married my now ex-husband. I am not a big wedding person, my family couldn’t travel abroad to attend and his family never liked me 

Karen looked lovely and so happy in the photos, congratulations to them both 

 

  • Upvote 6
  • Love 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On ‎5‎/‎3‎/‎2018 at 10:10 AM, Koala said:

How very sad.  Erika's extreme control over her children has led to her missing the first of many important events in her daughter's life. 

They refused to meet her future husband, and now they've been reduced to congratulating their daughter on Facebook.  They are becoming Bob's parents. 

What's next?  Are they going to "meet" their fist grandbaby via Instagram? 

I have no problem with a courthouse wedding, but I can't help but wonder if that's what Karen really wanted.  

I had a dear friend who found herself pregnant in her early twenties.  She and the father decided to marry before the baby was born.  Her parents told her to plan for a courthouse wedding, because she didn't "deserve" anything else.  It literally broke my heart, because it's just not what she wanted.  

I can't help but wonder if this would have been a different sort of wedding, if Karen had been marrying someone Bob and Erika approved.

In any case, her dress was just lovely, and they looked so happy.  

Congratulations to Karen for wrestling control of HER life away from them.  

Karen, a word of encouragement for you and your new husband-

My husband and I married as teens.  We've been together for twenty years now.  There were hard times when we were younger, but we made it through them, and I am so glad we did.   I can't imagine a single day of my life without my husband in it.  He makes up the very best parts of my day.

I hope that one day you and your new husband will have as many happy memories as we do.  Wishing the both of you many wonderful years together. 

-Koala

 

  Grampwych and I got married about 3 months after we first met.   My family wasn't on board with a "real" wedding, reception, dress, and all because a) dh was divorced with kids  b) from another country c)had relatives that were of another race  d) a blue collar worker  and I'm sure, another long list of bogus reasons. 

Karen, enjoy your new life with your husband.  May you enjoy many blessings and new opportunities.

  • Upvote 15
  • Love 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On May 7, 2018 at 3:50 PM, ActualReality said:

I have a friend who calls that a sonusband (son+husband).  It can be a real challenge!

My MIL treated my husband like this.  It got worse after she had a stroke and developed dementia.  She never really cared for me, but while my FIL was alive (he adored me) things were good.  After FIL died, her true colors came shining through.  We moved up to where we are now and moved in with her to help take care of her (this was before the stroke, she had a bad back and bad knees).  From that point on she tried to take over when it came to my children and the CelticDude.  She's open my mail, she got to see the kids report cards before I did, talked to the teachers (until I finally called the school and told them to tell her nothing).  At one point she even told my husband he should divorce me (we've been married 25years this Sept 4!!!)

Once the dementia kicked in, she got worse.  She knew I have severe asthma who in the early am, when I was at work, she would spray perfume or air freshener in the house.  I'd come home from work (I worked nights) and have to go back to the hospital due to an asthma attack.  She's now in memory care and never asks about me.  

The sad thing, I loved this woman (still do to a degree) and was the one who pushed to come up here to hep take care of her.  Sometimes I am stupid!

 

  • Upvote 2
  • Sad 1
  • Love 16
Link to comment
Share on other sites

22 hours ago, CelticGoddess said:

The sad thing, I loved this woman (still do to a degree) and was the one who pushed to come up here to hep take care of her.  Sometimes I am stupid! loving and kind despite the actions of others.

 

I fixed that for you!

  • Upvote 4
  • I Agree 5
  • Love 14
Link to comment
Share on other sites

As long as the couple getting married is happy about the wedding, no one else matters. Erika will have to deal with the fact that she missed the wedding, I hope it bothers her. Pride is a hard thing to live with. 

  • Upvote 9
  • Love 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Today I was in Goodwill and saw Erica and her middle daughter enter the store. Erica had on a knee length jean skirt and the daughter was wearing shorts and a sleeveless shirt.  

I still wonder what precipitated this big change? 

  • Upvote 9
  • Thank You 3
  • Love 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have had a few friends who married at the courthouse. Some of them had a wedding ceremony later in life after they have established themselves finically.

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

I found a fundie blog post today that references Erika's change of beliefs. The writer doesn't mention LFOP by name but there are many hints that it's Erika, including when she sold all her homeschool curriculum on Facebook last year. It was obviously very hurtful and very baffling for her conservative followers, and they're angry she never wrote a follow-up post with even a simple explanation. 

This blogger also describes pants as being crotch eye-traps. Sounds a lot like Erika *grin*.

Anyway, I thought it was a pretty interesting read from the point-of-view of  mothers who looked up to her and felt betrayed.

https://theheavenlyhearth.com/2018/02/01/when-people-i-admired-give-up-their-convictions/

 

Edited by usedbicycle
  • Upvote 4
  • Thank You 15
  • Love 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, this Jessica woman sure is upset at the idea of having to use something other than personal appearance to show that she's a Christian. It reads like she's skirts only just for the attention. Even her own family doesn't care. She makes up the excuse of "Well, men MUST still behave like wild animals, according to my outdated gender perceptions, SO!" :pb_rollseyes:

  • Upvote 8
  • Haha 1
  • Love 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 5/7/2018 at 2:37 PM, Kylolo said:

 I know your (and @VVV) annoyance well.  I married 1.5 years ago but have been with my husband since 2001.  He's an only child whose photos blanket his parents' house and I'm not in a single one of them. Every year they ask me to take the family photo at Christmas rather than be in it.  I'm amused by it at this point.

They don't have any of our wedding photos displayed either--and he was never married before so it was supposedly a big deal--except one of his father crouching weirdly to take a photo. :my_dodgy:

Bolding is mine, because this is my experience too.

We've been dating since we were 16 and have tons of photos together. I have a terrible thyroid and put on weight in college when my thyroid function was at its lowest. His parents only have one picture of us displayed in their house and it was when I was at my skinniest in high school. My fiance's sister and mother are naturally tall and skinny. I also get frequent lectures from my future MIL about how I need to lose weight before we decide to have a baby, I have learned to brush her off at my fiances request but damn its hard to not feel accepted. Especially because my family is over the moon in love with my fiance and he is one of the family.

Edited by BunnyBee
  • Upvote 2
  • Love 14
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now



×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.