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Seewalds 33: Schroedinger’s Uterus


Jellybean

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8 hours ago, RainbowSky said:

I didn't say that they don't like their hair? 

Sorry --I extrapolated from their saying "if they cut their hair people won't make fun of them" into a desire to cut their hair so they wouldn't be made fun of. 

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Jill being so impressed with Derick doing the bare minimum actually concerns me. Like, was JB really that lazy and awful? Was she taught secular men don't do anything but drink and want sex? Is she just happy she finally has someone who devotes a considerable amount of attention to her and is genuinely interested in her? The world may never know.

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1 hour ago, Alicja said:

Jill being so impressed with Derick doing the bare minimum actually concerns me. Like, was JB really that lazy and awful? Was she taught secular men don't do anything but drink and want sex? Is she just happy she finally has someone who devotes a considerable amount of attention to her and is genuinely interested in her? The world may never know.

It probably has to do with JB, but I’m going to go ahead and shift a little bit of the blame onto Michelle who has been the poster child on how to be completely enamored by her husband’s every breath. Can you imagine what she would’ve been like in the earlier years of marriage if social media was around? I imagine her to be very much like Jill is. Also Jill basically became a single mom at age 7, so having someone around with nothing else to do that can do anything remotely helpful to her with Izzy and Sam is probably super neat. I’m just grateful she stopped posting as many kissing pictures as she used to a couple of years ago.

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2 hours ago, Alicja said:

Like, was JB really that lazy and awful? 

One side says I wouldn't be surprised, other side says he was too busy making babies with Michelle OR out doing savvy business deals. 

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I have 2 boys and a girl. All 3 of my babies are completely different humans with completely different personalities. My oldest is autistic, and he goes through phases where he is obsessed with one certain thing. When he was 4, he dressed like buzz lightyear all the time. Constantly.  My daughter, who was 2 at the time thought this was the coolest thing ever and therefore, also wanted to be buzz lightyear.  I had bought her the costume and everything, and the first day my mother saw it she flipped out and bought her a jessie costume. Needless to say I was annoyed.

Fast forward to now when my 4 year old son has an American Girl doll, my daughter is the girliest human on the planet and my oldest is now a "teen titan".  Kids are going to be themselves unless you decide they aren't, and even then i hope they become themselves just to spite.

 

As for Jessa vs Jill. Its so hard to compare them, at least to me because they are such different people and they seem to be going down different roads. I'm more apt to like Jessa more than Jill because my personality is not unlike hers , and because of that I find people like Jill cringy. They both have strengths and weaknesses and it just is what it is.

I will say that one thing I dont like about Jill besides her personality is that she seems to be deeper in the patriarchy koolaid, where as Jess probably is as well, but ts not as apparent, and that makes me at least have the illusion that she has choices in her life.

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Jessa posted the kids being cute. lol @ even the little boys being in birkenstocks

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That video of the boys both trying to squeeze into that car is adorable. Jill could take some pointers from Jessa.

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That video made me laugh. I like that Jessa let's her kids work things out themselves.

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That video with Spurgeon trying to squeeze in the car with Henry showed some A+ parenting skills! 

She talked about what was happening, let him try to figure it out himself, used words to describe what Henry seemed to think....all in a calm, loving voice. I was very impressed. 

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10 hours ago, SadieJane said:

I will say that one thing I dont like about Jill besides her personality is that she seems to be deeper in the patriarchy koolaid, where as Jess probably is as well, but ts not as apparent, and that makes me at least have the illusion that she has choices in her life.

This is actually why I think Jessa is more dangerous.  You sort of get lulled into a sense of normality with Jessa.  Until Jessa and Ben come out and say categorically that they reject the quiverful movement / their parents views they can cause more damage.  

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2 hours ago, motelmum said:

This is actually why I think Jessa is more dangerous.  You sort of get lulled into a sense of normality with Jessa.  Until Jessa and Ben come out and say categorically that they reject the quiverful movement / their parents views they can cause more damage.  

You're right, but I've been reading on this forum that Ben seems to be showing some critical thinking and being worried about racism. It's a good point. And no baby #3 yet. Maybe there's a tiny bit of hope.

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What a contrast between Jessa & Jill on kiddie videos!  Jessa gives us two brothers mixing it up in a play car--it's fun to watch Spurg figure out how to "fit" in.  DerJill gives us a video of Sam eating Nepalese-style lentils with Izzy's feet in his face.  It might be interesting if Sam rubbed it all over his face or Izzy's toes, but just watching a baby being spoon-fed?  Meh.  I guess we're supposed to be impressed by seeing a Duggarling eat something beside frozen or canned food.  I wonder if Jill would listen to Jessa's advice on making cute kid videos?     

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I feel like if Izzy tried to do what Spurgeon does in the video, he'd get in trouble for "acting out" by trying to fit in the car. Obviously we don't see their day-to-day lives, but we never get to see Izzy and Sam get to be normal kids the same way we see Spurgeon and Henry. And we've seen Derick get mad at Izzy for being a toddler who isn't interested sitting still while his dad reads him an adult bible. 

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The main difference between them is as follows: in any given day, 99% of what you do with very young children is tedious and not great for photo opportunity. Feeding, changing, carrying around trying to get dinner done, calming meltdowns, answering same question 3000 times etc. The remaining 1% is cute heartwarming stuff. Jess’s photographs the 1% and Jill the 99%. 

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1 hour ago, AtlanticTug said:

The main difference between them is as follows: in any given day, 99% of what you do with very young children is tedious and not great for photo opportunity. Feeding, changing, carrying around trying to get dinner done, calming meltdowns, answering same question 3000 times etc. The remaining 1% is cute heartwarming stuff. Jess’s photographs the 1% and Jill the 99%. 

She does photograph the 99% but it would be more interesting if Jill photographed it when it was well lit and Derick's face wasn't there! 

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I think the difference between Jessa and Jill boils down to one thing: humility.  Jessa actually has a bit of it.  Jill doesn't.

Initially, BOTH of them were nearly identical on social media, though Jill was a shade more savvy.  Early Jessa was cringe-inducing and polarizing.  She got a LOT of push back the way Jill is now getting push back.  

But she listened.  She learned.  And she changed.  And now, she's a fairly skilled social media mommy.  

Jill, on the other hand, is unable to listen to criticism and learn from it.  She and Derick respond defensively and double down and then continue to make the same mistakes, leading to another social media mini-meltdown.  Jill is unable to learn from negative feedback because she's unable to listen to criticism.  I think both she and Derick truly believe they are right and perfect and the best Golden Christians.  I get this same feeling sometimes when Jill interacts with her sisters or fundie friends: she ALWAYS takes some sort of position of superiority or authority, even when it's confusing for her to do so.  She's always giving unsolicited advice or acting like she has it all figured out.  And while I think part of it is a front, I think partially Jill, having spent so long as the Golden Duggar Daughter, really does believe that she is a bit "better" than others, especially other people who aren't good Christians like she is, and therefore doesn't need their advice.  That's also why she thinks other people ALWAYS need her advice, whether they are her sisters or the people she is "missioning" to.  They need to be blessed by her superior wisdom!

This is further why Jill struggles to show genuine, relatable moments: because she's too caught up in her "perfect" image.  Jessa, understanding that she is not perfect, realizes that by sharing her weaknesses too, she is able to relate better to others.  And that's why Jill's posts always fall flat: she's claiming to be THE BEST ALWAYS when she's posting things that are, at most, mediocre.  It's annoying and grating when Jill claims Derick is "the best hubby ever" for bringing her chocolate milk.  It would actually be a cute post if it were framed more "I love chocolate milk, and it's always a treat when my husband stops at the store on his way home and brings me some as a surprise.  It's the little things that make life so sweet :)"  Jessa frames things more like this and doesn't make EVERYTHING Ben does into #besthubbyever.  

If Jill would stop pretending that everything in her life is BETTER than everyone else's and instead focus on how things in her life are THE SAME as everyone else, she would be a lot more tolerable.  And I think that's what Jessa does REALLY well: she shows you the way her life is just like yours, even if you don't share her beliefs, even if you don't share her opinions, even if you don't share her politics.  And that makes her dangerous because it makes it easy to forget that on some level, she's NOT just like you: she believes in theocracy and will take steps to see her beliefs legislated.  

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23 hours ago, wendy-sparkles said:

Jessa posted the kids being cute. lol @ even the little boys being in birkenstocks

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These two are too damned adorable.

 

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4 hours ago, Thorkim1954 said:

These two are too damned adorable.

 

Happy kids ( at least going by the pictures ) and honestly I love to see it. I'm glad Jessa has changed her online persona, it gives me a glimmer of hope for this family. 

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What’s striking to me, about Jessa’s Parenting, is that she seems so much more patient and thoughtful about enjoying each moment than I would of expected of her. Not just due to the way she was raised - but also  her personality, in general, just seems more brisk and matter-of-fact. Not in a bad way, but the attention to making sure those babies explore and learn critical thinking skills ( and that’s what was happening in that car scene ) , is unexpected. I like her personality, she reminds me of two of my girls, smart, capable, matter-of-fact, funny - but doting patience isn’t high on their list of attributes.

She actually comes across with her boys almost like a grandma - appreciating and making room for the small moments more often than busy parents often do ( speaking from experience ) . I’m glad her personality is strong, and her husband seems amiable and willing to grow. I don’t see her particularly reigning in a daughter if she eventually has one. It will be interesting to see - although birth order, spacing  etc can also play a role .

IIRC the Duggar’s are generally fine with small children playing with a variety of toys. It’s at puberty that they do the separate activities thing. And really, for all their talk about gender roles they do encourage the girls to learn construction, and the boys will throw in cooking and household chore references- until they act like they’ve never seen a stove in those God Awful talking heads they do. Jackson, despite being at the tail end of that string of boys - was still sleeping in the girls room and grouped in with the little girls until he was at least 10? And they are ok with boys wearing pink and a few other unexpected things. What bugs me about all that, is that TLC and JB and Michelle play up all the sex segregation aspects for the camera. Making their fans think it’s important, when clearly it’s over-played.

My social media consists of swiping the non-blurry photos my kids post - because I can’t take a decent picture to save my life. So I feel Jill’s pain. But, personally, I would just stop, or take a class, or something. 

 

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I know I've said this before, but I rejoice every day that Jessa doesn't announce a pregnancy. She's so good with those kids and I really hope that the fact she hasn't continued at the same pace is either an active choice for their family's wellbeing; or convenient happenstance that she accepts and welcomes.

I do think that most of the marrieds are controlling their family size in some way. 'As many kids as God gives us' is all very well when you're a misty-eyed newlywed, but reality bites and I don't think I've heard Jill or Jessa repeat that line since. I might be wrong. I think Jill and Derick were forced to find a way to rationalise delaying conception in some way after the caesarian and with the Zika threat; Jinger and Jeremy had babies in their 2-5 year plan and no earlier; Jessa and Ben could definitely have found a Godly reason to pause after having their two boys in such quick succession. My hunch is they're mindful of their resources  - emotional and financial - and are responding to the realities of their situation. Good for them, if so. Whether or not it's a choice, I hope they continue to parent their kids this well and this happily.

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Old Navy should hire Jessa, because her Insta posts inspired me to go look at their dresses and I bought a few. Including a swing dress! I did not buy it in the tall length, though. Sorry, Jessa. Nike!

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4 hours ago, AprilQuilt said:

I do think that most of the marrieds are controlling their family size in some way. 'As many kids as God gives us' is all very well when you're a misty-eyed newlywed, but reality bites and I don't think I've heard Jill or Jessa repeat that line since. I might be wrong. I think Jill and Derick were forced to find a way to rationalise delaying conception in some way after the caesarian and with the Zika threat; Jinger and Jeremy had babies in their 2-5 year plan and no earlier; Jessa and Ben could definitely have found a Godly reason to pause after having their two boys in such quick succession. My hunch is they're mindful of their resources  - emotional and financial - and are responding to the realities of their situation. Good for them, if so. Whether or not it's a choice, I hope they continue to parent their kids this well and this happily.

I think that J&D and J&B are controlling their family size in some way, but I'm still out on the fence regarding Joy and Austin... I fully expect a pregnancy announcement from them before the end of this year. And it's too early to tell yet with J&K. 

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I think both Joy and Austin and Joe and Kendra have said they won't be controlling their family size. We'll see what actually happens.

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19 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

I think both Joy and Austin and Joe and Kendra have said they won't be controlling their family size. We'll see what actually happens.

Yeah. It’s easy to say that when you’re childless newlyweds, but the reality of having a child can be very eye opening. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if JoStin or JoKen had large quivers though. Both couples strike me as being fairly comfortable with the lifestyle. I do hope I’m wrong though, simply because their children deserve better than their parents (or at least Joy and Joseph) for growing up and for the sake of Joy and Kendra’s health.

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I think Jessa and Ben are enjoying their two boys. That being said, I wouldn't be shocked if there was announcement sometime soon. Then again, I'm getting used to there being nothing. We will see I guess! 

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