Alyssa & John: Life With Three Daughters

[Jellybean]

Carry on from here:

Alyssa and John have three daughters, as of the end of March: Zoey Joy was born on 28th March, joining older sisters Allie Jane and Lexi Mae.

New baby, but nothing much changes...

[BeccaGrim]

I was watching the video of the Bates from that interview done with them years ago (with the tornado) and it was right around the time Alyssa was getting married.  The interviewer asked her if she wanted a job and she said no because she was afraid she'd start one and then have to stop (like Kelly before her) to have a baby.  It got me thinking--she's young, she's healthy, she's expected to have babies. That is what she will do. That is her job.  Period.  She will keep popping them out whatever else she says. 

[Melissa1977]

She's pretty but I think that light blonde hair doesn't fit her. Not natural, not fashionable. She doesn't have Erin's or Tori's strong hair, so she should maintain it as natural as she can, in order to keep hair healthy. Just snarking.

[pandora]

6 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

She's pretty but I think that light blonde hair doesn't fit her. Not natural, not fashionable. She doesn't have Erin's or Tori's strong hair, so she should maintain it as natural as she can, in order to keep hair healthy. Just snarking.

Not to split hairs (har har) but- she may well have strong hair, lots of lightening treatments are gonna weaken any mane! Probably not what she's making color decisions on, she seems to enjoy playing around with it.

[scoutsadie]

As I was looking at Tori's wedding pics, I was just thinking that I don't like the blond on Alyssa; I think she's prettier with darker hair. But hey, it's her head.

[TatiFish9]

 

On 4/26/2018 at 9:12 AM, BeccaGrim said:

I was watching the video of the Bates from that interview done with them years ago (with the tornado) and it was right around the time Alyssa was getting married.  The interviewer asked her if she wanted a job and she said no because she was afraid she'd start one and then have to stop (like Kelly before her) to have a baby.  It got me thinking--she's young, she's healthy, she's expected to have babies. That is what she will do. That is her job.  Period.  She will keep popping them out whatever else she says. 

Thank you so much for posting this.

I have talked about these families all around the internet etc. I like FJ the most, despite the challenges I have here is because there is a welcoming of intellectual discourse surrounding these families and what they represent. It's not just about opinions but accepting when our hypotheses or speculations are not accurate.

I think the bottom line for these families is the women are valued primarily as baby makers and servants. Whenever one of them (2nd gen especially) show a little agency, I am here to point it out. They may waiver, they may falter, they may be inconsistent, but whenever I see them attempting to do  something different or define their own experience outside of this "mother-wife only ideology", I am interested. I pay attention. This could be the first step towards a shift that may not fully occur in their generation or the next, but it's still happening. Not everyone cold turkeys , because the cost is high and often damaging if there is no support system outside of it all.

Alyssa said she isn't having 19kids or a 5th child if she has another girl. Let's see if she sticks to it. Erin says she is officially done altogether. Let's see if she is a liar three times.

 

 

 

[freethemall]

3 hours ago, TatiFish9 said:

Erin says she is officially done altogether. Let's see if she is a liar three times.

When did she say that?

[BeccaGrim]

2 hours ago, freethemall said:

When did she say that?

I think she said in the episode with the doctor that she says every time she gives birth no more but then she sees newborns and changes her mind. 

[jqlgoblue]

Erin will change her mind if her only reason for saying no more is the recent memory of the pain of childbirth. Also, even if she decided she wanted to stop now their options are not at all foolproof.

As for Alyssa, I thought she and John might have less kids originally (like 6 instead of 10+) but at the speed they are popping them out I am not hopeful. I also think Alyssa is such an organizer that with three daughters first she is especially well set-up to support a real brood while staying as cool calm and collected as Kelly.

[Melissa1977]

2 hours ago, jqlgoblue said:

 

As for Alyssa, I thought she and John might have less kids originally (like 6 instead of 10+) but at the speed they are popping them out I am not hopeful. I also think Alyssa is such an organizer that with three daughters first she is especially well set-up to support a real brood while staying as cool calm and collected as Kelly.

I see Alyssa similar to Kelly in some ways, but there's a big difference. Alyssa is all image. She obviously makes an effort into being thin and doing her hair, often shopping new clothes for her and her  daughters etc. Kelly was frumpy, their kids wore hand-me-downs, she didn't care about beauty (based on Bates old pictures) and what was worse: Kelly didn't even care about their kids nutrition!!!!. It's just impossible to maintain Alyssa`s way of life with 10 kids, not only because the budget for groceries and clothes, but because there's no time to working out (which Alyssa has been doing since she had Allie).

Alyssa will probably have one more kid, maybe more (not 10 more, I hope). And will homeschool, like she said she was planning. But I see her face when posting about working in her business and working out and I see a woman who LOVES having a job, and who LOVES having me-time and I just don't believe she's going to enjoy being stuck at home homeschooling or being happy shopping in a thrift store. It was easier for Kelly, because she did everything in order to be godly and praised in her cult, it was her reward. But Alyssa does not appear to be living a cult-centered life, and in fact, having kids does not make her special, but busy.

 

 

[SassyPants]

9 hours ago, jqlgoblue said:

Erin will change her mind if her only reason for saying no more is the recent memory of the pain of childbirth. Also, even if she decided she wanted to stop now their options are not at all foolproof.

As for Alyssa, I thought she and John might have less kids originally (like 6 instead of 10+) but at the speed they are popping them out I am not hopeful. I also think Alyssa is such an organizer that with three daughters first she is especially well set-up to support a real brood while staying as cool calm and collected as Kelly.

Erin and Alyssa got married within months of one another. They both have 3 kids, but how many times has Erin been PG? Sure, she miscarried and wanted babies, so kept on trying, BUT, after having 1-2- babies successfully, she had a 3rd right away. With her fertility, I think Erin will have more than Alyssa.  

[melon]

Erin lost 3 babies,and has had 3,so she's been pregnant 6 times,in 4 years.

[Carm_88]

I kept expecting Alyssa to slow down but it hasn't happened yet. Will it happen? I don't know.  

[Audrey2]

16 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

I kept expecting Alyssa to slow down but it hasn't happened yet. Will it happen? I don't know.  

I'm not sure either. I've known of some families who want to have their children close together in age and others in which birth control/natural family planning isn't used properly or they have an unplanned pregnancy, even when they tried to avoid it. I'm not sure which of these camps Alyssa falls into.

[TeaELSee]

ABC Nightline did a show a few years ago when Alyssa got married. They ask her direct questions about kids. She states 6, 8, or 10. 

I believe her.

Alyssa Nightline video

[nokidsmom]

4 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

I kept expecting Alyssa to slow down but it hasn't happened yet. Will it happen? I don't know.  

I was surprised that she had no. 3 so soon after no. 2 but then maybe so was she.

I am thinking things might be getting a bit real for her with this third one.  Now, whether or not she will take active (or more effective?) measures to control the family size, I don't know if she will do that.  She's been raised with the idea of letting God decide, I am not sure she is willing to go against that.

I

[QuiverDance]

Why would anyone expect them to do anything other than exactly what they are doing ?????? 

 

[Joyfully_Unavailable]

On 30/04/2018 at 10:52 AM, SassyPants said:

With her fertility, I think Erin will have more than Alyssa.  

This is purely speculative, but Erin has posted several pictures of Chad holding baby Everly and helping out with the kids in the weeks since she delivered and part of me wonders if that’s her way of hinting that because he’s so involved, she can handle having (and wants) more kids. I could be wrong, but it’s something I found interesting. I don’t believe that John is any less hands-on just because there weren’t similar posts about him, for the record. I think Erin could make a run to have more kids than Alyssa just because she may be able to get pregnant faster. But I wouldn’t be surprised if she keeps having hers close together then slows down and stops once she hits 8-10 while Alyssa could keep up the same pace for longer and ultimately outpace her if she wanted to.

[Bazinga]

I dunno, Alyssa is young and appears to be in great shape. So I'm going to assume that means she has some energy. If she truly only wants 6, she might pop them out as fast as she can while she can still maintain her figure and energy. Then once she hits her maximum just stop suddenly.

[Illmarryyoujana]

On 5/3/2018 at 2:56 AM, Joyfully_Unavailable said:

This is purely speculative, but Erin has posted several pictures of Chad holding baby Everly and helping out with the kids in the weeks since she delivered and part of me wonders if that’s her way of hinting that because he’s so involved, she can handle having (and wants) more kids. I could be wrong, but it’s something I found interesting. I don’t believe that John is any less hands-on just because there weren’t similar posts about him, for the record. I think Erin could make a run to have more kids than Alyssa just because she may be able to get pregnant faster. But I wouldn’t be surprised if she keeps having hers close together then slows down and stops once she hits 8-10 while Alyssa could keep up the same pace for longer and ultimately outpace her if she wanted to.

Alyssa post in general a lot less than the others and doesn’t seem to be on the #hothubby train like Erin and Whitney. She seems to keep her life much more private, so I don’t think her lack of post about John’s parenting means he isn’t hands on. She’s more for the posed family shots and not so much of the “real life” moments. 

[Melissa1977]

2 hours ago, Illmarryyoujana said:

Alyssa post in general a lot less than the others and doesn’t seem to be on the #hothubby train like Erin and Whitney. She seems to keep her life much more private, so I don’t think her lack of post about John’s parenting means he isn’t hands on. She’s more for the posed family shots and not so much of the “real life” moments. 

John looked after the girls while Alyssa worked. At least, they showed it in a video. He seemed comfortable doing that, like he's used to actually parenting his kids.

I always take videos with a grain of salt, but all the Bates fathers (not Gil) appear to be involved in raising kids and doing some home chores. As a part of fundamentalist group, they're sexist, but young ones depict a more equal marriage than their parents one, at least on the surface. However, I'm sure Whitney, Erin and Alyssa are doing most of the chores and parenting, and that their jobs will never be full time (in Erin's case, I doubt she'll teach again).

The funny thing is that I can't imagine Nathan or Lawson doing the laundry or changing diapers in a regular basis. My feeling is that Zach's the exception out of the Bates boys.

[BeccaGrim]

I think John is helpful. When he posts on IG he seems to be doing things with the kids. 

[HarleyQuinn]

John doesn't strike me as a lazy dad (like dWRECK) I'm sure he's helpful.

I still think Zoey was a NFP fail, but I can see Alyssa going until she at least gets a boy. 

[justmy2cents]

On 5/5/2018 at 8:23 AM, HarleyQuinn said:

I still think Zoey was a NFP fail, but I can see Alyssa going until she at least gets a boy. 

Since Alyssa said she wants 10 kids max maybe god is only giving her girls so she'll keep going til her 40's when she'll finally be rewarded with a boy on her last (20th?) pregnancy.

 

[Melissa1977]

13 minutes ago, justmy2cents said:

Since Alyssa said she wants 10 kids max maybe god is only giving her girls so she'll keep going til her 40's when she'll finally be rewarded with a boy on her last (20th?) pregnancy.

 

She changed to 6 after having Allie. And recently said 4 if #4 is a girl.

I wonder if she secretly envies Whitney. 

Are Webster children quiverful or having little families? The oldest has only 3, but no idea about the others.