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Coconut Flan

Lori Alexander 44: Ken Galloping Off on the Horse of Truth The Feminists Are Coming!

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Coconut Flan

Continued from here:

 

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TeddyBonkers

I'm watching old episodes of "Kitchen Nightmares" while I cut fabric. I shit you not, this owner is Ken Alexander in a different body! 

The episode is "Mill Street Bistro", a 2 parter, if anyone cares to watch and see what I saw. :)

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feministxtian

Something I've noticed from many of these fundie "mentors" to women. They portray marriage as nothing more than rules and transactions. Why? There's nothing about fun, joking, being silly, or even woman jumping her man's bones. It reduces women to Stepford wives...little robots. If that's the definition of a "Godly" marriage...I don't want it. I prefer telling my husband he's a doofus for forgetting that we went grocery shopping last night and that I told him I'd paid the bills. Yes, I'll discuss the bills with him and pretty much do what he wants to do, but damn if I'll just roll over and play dead...I don't think my hubs would like that by any stretch of the imagination...he likes my opinionated bitch self. 

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Beermeet
1 hour ago, onemama said:

Lori and Ken's teachings sound a lot like the stuff in Debi's CTBHHM, and that was the book that got her started.  Here's another awesome review of the book, written by a couple who sound very conservative and seem to love God and His word above everything else.  You can't accuse them of being God-haters or feminists, yet they disagree very strongly with the doctrines that Debi and Lori espouse.  

http://createdtobehelpmeet.blogspot.de/

Here are a couple of quotes from the conclusion:

And this final paragraph is so beautiful..... I really wish the likes of Dave, Trey, Jeff, Attila, Josh... would grasp the beauty of this.  

I hope it's ok for me to post these findings.  We've been accused of being "detractors", "gossips" and "haters of God and His Ways".  I hope that people who feel uncomfortable with Lori's teachings will find these posts and that they will lead them to dig deeper and find the truth.  

10 years ago I nearly bought CTBHHM. I was confused and overly focused on the verses that said "wife, submit". The more I focused on them, looking for material to help me become that perfect submissive wife that would earn her husband's love and a place in heaven, the more bitter I became at God and my husband.  I remember telling my mom once "why did God have to put that stupid word in there for us wives? Does he hate us?"

I let it all go, left the church (with terrible feelings of guilt) and put my Bible away.  It took years for me to want to read the Bible again, and every time I thought about it, I felt awful guilt.  I had an awful time at weddings, especially at my younger brother's wedding, when the pastor preached a message on unity (not on submission!). I walked out of the sanctuary to go cry in the lavatory. 

7 years later, my husband bought me a plane ticket to go visit my younger brother and his family for his birthday. We were in the middle of another crisis and we were facing a very challenging situation with his family.  I was afraid of what lay ahead of us and recognized that I needed God, but I didn't know how to trust Him.  I nearly skipped the trip because it didn't seem to make sense for me to go off like that for a week, but I went, and God did something pretty awesome. 

Sunday arrived and non-churchgoing me decided to go visit the church where I knew a few people. It seemed wrong not to go to some service, after all.  After the message (by the pastor who married my brother and his wife several years earlier), members of the prophecy team were  invited to the front to share any words of encouragement or wisdom that they perceived. I'm generally very skeptical of such things, but what happened got my attention.  They simply stood there while we all prayed and then they started sharing their messages. They were all very encouraging and sounded like possible answers to prayers, but then one person who didn't even know my name said she had a word for me.  She said something along the lines of "God wants you to know that He loves you and He is for you" and then she said many things that spoke into my situation. Nobody a that gathering had any way to know what was going on in my life!

I cried, and some of the prayer team prayed with me. I flew back home two days later with a sense of hope and renewed trust.  I've forgotten a lot of what was said that day, but that hope got the ball moving and I have been deepening my trust in God for the last three years. This year, as I have shared on here, I took it upon myself to read through the whole Bible.  I don't want to let teachers do the thinking and discerning for me. I believe we can all search Scriptures and find the truth, and that God can use us all to encourage each other. 

I didn't need someone to tell me to go and submit more, I needed to know my value, that God loves me, and that He sees me and is for me.  That security gives me the strength to deal with the difficult situations that arise every now and then.  I'm far from perfect. My marriage is not heavenly. My family is not perfect, but I know God loves me, my husband and my kids. And yes, even the family members that have caused us so much trouble and pain. 

If reading Lori hurts, look at the bigger picture. God has a heck of a lot more to say about human relationships, about who we are and about His plans for us than just "woman, submit".

Sorry for the rant... I really hope this helps somebody! 

That is a beautiful story of you truly connecting with a higher power.  Religion distrupts our connection to The Divine.  Not always, not everywhere.  But it is a common theme.  Thank you for sharing and I'm so happy you had that experience.  I do believe in Divine words spoken through those gifted with "sight".   Anyone can claim it but, when it really happens you just know.  It's rare and beautiful.   

1 hour ago, feministxtian said:

Something I've noticed from many of these fundie "mentors" to women. They portray marriage as nothing more than rules and transactions. Why? There's nothing about fun, joking, being silly, or even woman jumping her man's bones. It reduces women to Stepford wives...little robots. If that's the definition of a "Godly" marriage...I don't want it. I prefer telling my husband he's a doofus for forgetting that we went grocery shopping last night and that I told him I'd paid the bills. Yes, I'll discuss the bills with him and pretty much do what he wants to do, but damn if I'll just roll over and play dead...I don't think my hubs would like that by any stretch of the imagination...he likes my opinionated bitch self. 

Yes!  Where is the fun and inside jokes?  Where is the time honored trust you've built together over the years and how truly blessed you are as couple to have that.  She talks so cheaply about sex.  I've been with my husband for 20 years total.  We never would've had all the various intimate moments we have had with Lori's formula.   Sex is a bonding spritual act not 10 mins and some lube (unless it's a quickie, because those are fun too!).  How crass and pathetic. To reduce her married sex to that.  Gross.

Edited by Beermeet
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EowynW

Oh Ken Ken Ken. 

IMG_3845.PNG

Fundies never talk about the other intimate and bonding parts of marriage. No one ever told me, my entire life. And it really messes with my head as a married woman who escaped from the culture.  Just yesterday a fundie acquaintance was stating on her FB page that we all needed to be having sec ATLEAST every three days, but really every day to every two was best for a healthy marriage.  These teachings have been very difficult for me to overcome as we are currently in a season where my husband is working long hours and has little time or energy for "lots of God ordained sex." TMI but we are doing good to hit once a week right now. When I hear this "godly advice" pop up all over, it just makes me feel like we are failures at marriage because we are failing at that "BIGGEST MOST IMPORTANT GODLY MARRIAGE THING." 

End rant. It has been a very bad week for me. 

Edited by EowynW
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quiversR4hunting

I had to go Amazon and check the review count. Still at 2.5 :deathstar:s oh I mean 2.5 :tw_star:s, sorry, my mistake ;)

She still has a comment on one of the early 5 stars and so that made me go see what else she has reviewed. I apparently have a new book I need to read! In her review she said the sex scene was too much. I need to find out what is "too explicit" in Lori's view. The author, Francine Rivers is a Christian author and is published under Tyndale House, which has a mission statement of (source Tyndale.com)

Quote

to minister to the spiritual needs of people, primarily through literature consistent with biblical principles. Tyndale publishes Christian fiction, nonfiction, children's books, and other resources, including Bibles in the New Living Translation (NLT)

5ada4cb807325_LAbookreviews.JPG.98304be5a2c08d9c3a32224ad941f826.JPG

 

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delphinium65
10 minutes ago, EowynW said:

Just yesterday a fundie acquaintance was stating on her FB page that we all needed to be having sec ATLEAST every three days, but really every day to every two was best for a healthy marriage.  These teachings have been very difficult for me to overcome as we are currently in a season where my husband is working long hours and has little time or energy for "lots of God ordained sex." TMI but we are doing good to hit once a week right now. When I hear this "godly advice" pop up all over, it just makes me feel like we are failures at marriage because we are failing at that "BIGGEST MOST IMPORTANT GODLY MARRIAGE THING." 

They can take that 'godly advice' and stick it where the sun don't shine.  Are either of you frustrated or unhappy with how much sex you're getting?-no, I don't need to hear an answer, that's a rhetorical question, and purely your business!  If you're both OK with it that's all you need.  :)  I've tangled with that bit of advice too, but they know nothing of each individual set of circumstances.  Your marriage, your rules!  

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TeddyBonkers

Great big hugs for you, if you want them, @EowynW! It's a horrible message. Yes, sex is a good thing, but it's not the be-all, end-all that undies make it out to be. 

Right now I'm lucky if I see Mr. Bonkers for 2 (nonsleeping) hours a day. So I feel you on the lack of sex.

I bet dollars to donuts that you and the Mr. still have a better marriage then our intrepid blogger and her knight of shiny truthiness.; )

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feministxtian
29 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

Yes!  Where is the fun and inside jokes?  Where is the time honored trust you've built together over the years and how truly blessed you are as couple to have that.  She talks so cheaply about sex.  I've been with my husband for 20 years total.  We never would've had all the various intimate moments we have had with Lori's formula.   Sex is a bonding spritual act not 10 mins and some lube (unless it's a quickie, because those are fun too!).  How crass and pathetic. To reduce her married sex to that.  Gross.

They don't talk about living out your vows, about propulsively vomiting off a parking garage when you're scared to death while your husband is undergoing a life-altering surgery that will either cure him or kill him. Or about holding him up in the shower when he's too weak to stand. Or his anger at the person who changed my life for the worse. Or his willingness to pick up the slack and do all the things I can't do anymore. Or changing out his insulin pump cannula site and CGM site and having knots in your stomach because you know it hurts him. Its fighting and crying and yelling and holding a marriage together even when every bone in your body is screaming to leave. Its fighting through the problems to get to the other side and being stronger for that fight. 

Those things are what intimacy is all about for me...and him. Its not "10 minutes and lube". Sex =/= intimacy. 

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Beermeet
22 minutes ago, EowynW said:

Oh Ken Ken Ken. 

IMG_3845.PNG

Fundies never talk about the other intimate and bonding parts of marriage. No one ever told me, my entire life. And it really messes with my head as a married woman who escaped from the culture.  Just yesterday a fundie acquaintance was stating on her FB page that we all needed to be having sec ATLEAST every three days, but really every day to every two was best for a healthy marriage.  These teachings have been very difficult for me to overcome as we are currently in a season where my husband is working long hours and has little time or energy for "lots of God ordained sex." TMI but we are doing good to hit once a week right now. When I hear this "godly advice" pop up all over, it just makes me feel like we are failures at marriage because we are failing at that "BIGGEST MOST IMPORTANT GODLY MARRIAGE THING." 

End rant. It has been a very bad week for me. 

You are not failing!  Sex with a long term partner ebbs and flows with life happenings.  Totally normal. It's between the couple.  There is no correct amount of times per week or month.  Plus, there is just so much more to a marriage.  Many forms of intimacy.  Don't let that girl get in your mind, so what?  She got humped on 4 times last week.  Did she like it even?  Initiate? Or was that a numbers goal?  Whan bam, thank you ma'am....no thank you, unless that was the mutual sitch before company came over.   ; )

6 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

They don't talk about living out your vows, about propulsively vomiting off a parking garage when you're scared to death while your husband is undergoing a life-altering surgery that will either cure him or kill him. Or about holding him up in the shower when he's too weak to stand. Or his anger at the person who changed my life for the worse. Or his willingness to pick up the slack and do all the things I can't do anymore. Or changing out his insulin pump cannula site and CGM site and having knots in your stomach because you know it hurts him. Its fighting and crying and yelling and holding a marriage together even when every bone in your body is screaming to leave. Its fighting through the problems to get to the other side and being stronger for that fight. 

Those things are what intimacy is all about for me...and him. Its not "10 minutes and lube". Sex =/= intimacy. 

I was definitely speaking more to the sexual or not.  You know why?  Because speaking of our other forms of intimacy feels, well, too intimate!  Lol!  What you are speaking of is the "real" intimacy.  The things spouses who truly love and trust each other do for each other.  Like how my husband would hold me as I fell apart when Boymeet got diagnosed with a life shortening degenerative disorder, pure love.   He was hurting too.  In turn, I helped him be able to speak about it.  That is intimacy, when it's just you guys and the rest of the world.  10 mins and lube....puhlese!  Nonsense.

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onemama
13 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

What you are speaking of is the "real" intimacy.  The things spouses who truly love and trust each other do for each other.  Like how my husband would hold me as I fell apart when Boymeet got diagnosed with a life shortening degenerative disorder, pure love.   He was hurting too.  In turn, I helped him be able to speak about it.  That is intimacy, when it's just you guys and the rest of the world. 

And that is the intimacy that fuels a good sexual life. You don't "give" sex, you share it! 

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feministxtian
12 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

I was definitely speaking more to the sexual or not.  You know why?  Because speaking of our other forms of intimacy feels, well, too intimate!  Lol!  What you are speaking of is the "real" intimacy.  The things spouses who truly love and trust each other do for each other.  Like how my husband would hold me as I fell apart when Boymeet got diagnosed with a life shortening degenerative disorder, pure love.   He was hurting too.  In turn, I helped him be able to speak about it.  That is intimacy, when it's just you guys and the rest of the world.  10 mins and lube....puhlese!  Nonsense.

Their idea of intimacy is so shallow. Sex is nice, it feels good and occasionally you get a new family member out of it. Great. BUT...it's not the end all or be all of intimacy. There's so much more to it...the things that really bond you together have very little to do with sex and everything to do with doing life together...and, IME, it's the hard times that either bond you together or drive you apart. 

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Beermeet
Just now, feministxtian said:

Sex is nice, it feels good and occasionally you get a new family member out of it. 

I totally LOL'd!  :laughing-jumpingpurple:

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onemama
4 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

.the things that really bond you together have very little to do with sex and everything to do with doing life together...and, IME, it's the hard times that either bond you together or drive you apart. 

This is so true.... 

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feministxtian

@Beermeet - glad I could give you a giggle! 

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Curious
56 minutes ago, EowynW said:

Oh Ken Ken Ken. 

IMG_3845.PNG

Fundies never talk about the other intimate and bonding parts of marriage. No one ever told me, my entire life. And it really messes with my head as a married woman who escaped from the culture.  Just yesterday a fundie acquaintance was stating on her FB page that we all needed to be having sec ATLEAST every three days, but really every day to every two was best for a healthy marriage.  These teachings have been very difficult for me to overcome as we are currently in a season where my husband is working long hours and has little time or energy for "lots of God ordained sex." TMI but we are doing good to hit once a week right now. When I hear this "godly advice" pop up all over, it just makes me feel like we are failures at marriage because we are failing at that "BIGGEST MOST IMPORTANT GODLY MARRIAGE THING." 

End rant. It has been a very bad week for me. 

Don't listen to them about sex, seriously.  I think everyone goes through periods of time where sex is just not happening for whatever reason (kids, illness, work, whatever).  If the only thing holding your marriage together is sex, well that's pretty darn sad.

My husband and I haven't had sex in 13 years?  Maybe longer.   We are still married and he hasn't turned into a monster that goes around groping/lusting after every woman he sees.  He also isn't cheating on me (and I would know because he doesn't really have time unless he's having an affair on the metro, which I doubt ;)  )

If I were you, with the upbringing you had, I would quietly set the people that say that kind of stuff so their posts don't show on your feed.   You can look at their page if you know some news happened with them, but it doesn't do you any good to see stuff that is going to mess with you.  Once you've been out for a while and have more marriage experience you can tell them how wrong they are :)

 

 

55 minutes ago, quiversR4hunting said:

I had to go Amazon and check the review count. Still at 2.5 :deathstar:s oh I mean 2.5 :tw_star:s, sorry, my mistake ;)

She still has a comment on one of the early 5 stars and so that made me go see what else she has reviewed. I apparently have a new book I need to read! In her review she said the sex scene was too much. I need to find out what is "too explicit" in Lori's view. The author, Francine Rivers is a Christian author and is published under Tyndale House, which has a mission statement of (source Tyndale.com)

5ada4cb807325_LAbookreviews.JPG.98304be5a2c08d9c3a32224ad941f826.JPG

 

I figured we could get an idea just by goggling(tm) and I was not disappointed:

https://booksforchristiangirls.blogspot.com/2014/07/bridge-to-haven-by-francine-rivers-age.html

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EowynW

Thank you all. I love have a place to be able to talk to other women. I don't have that in person right now in our current area. 

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Curious

haha.  Made it less than 2 paragraphs into Ken's newest multi-paragraph screed before I lost my mind and popped off a response.

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Anna Arkadyevna

I'm Alice Koerner in that huge Ken thread.  (A little tribute to my grandmother).  Yeah, it's a dummy account, because I've been blocked by Lori so many times.  So many.  Seriously, so very, very many. Too many to count.  Plus I like to have a persona that no one in my real life is connected to so I can comment more freely on religious stuff, since we are still involved in a complementarian church, and will be until the youngest kid graduates.

Talking to Ken yesterday nearly drove me crazy.  I mean, like Hulk rage.  I don't know if it's worse talking to a pseudo-intellectual patriarchist, or a stupid one, but those two are like stupid squared.  I don't  think he really pays much attention to her internet diarrhea, but he sure is ready to call us who do a bunch of dirty liars.  Gah...I hate both of them.  So much.

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luv2laugh

Lori's taking a big dump on her daughter in the super secret chatroom again. She asked a poll, "In your opinion, do you believe leggings are immodest if they aren't covered at all?" and is going on about how immodest they are. I think she brings up this topic at least once a week.

I thought Lori says wives are under the authority of their husbands? Since Alyssa's husband is great with her sporting leggings and sponsoring them, why are you shaming her, LORI?

It's hilarious that rather than be proud of her daughter, Lori must display such narcissistic jealousy over her. I could NEVER imagine being jealous over my own child. 

Edited by luv2laugh
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dairyfreelife

Maybe I grew with a different Christianity than Ken, but if Jesus was perfect and sinless as Ken is saying, then how could he be wrong? I mean you can be wrong and not "sin", but that's for people, and isn't Jesus supposed to be God himself, but in human form? Therefore if Jesus was wrong, wouldn't that mean God himself is then wrong? Maybe I am just struggling to reconcile that twist in logic. 

I refuse to engage Ken though I am enjoying the others tearing his arguments apart. My FB account is my actual name and photo of me so yeah, I am not going to put myself out there. My surname is not that common so yeah, if he wanted to, he could probably find a lot of info about me. Not okay with that. Ken comes across as kind of a creeper. If it came out that Ken cheated on Lori, would not be even a tiny bit surprised. Decent, faithful husbands don't go around asking random women on the internet on dinner dates with special wine to "chat". Just saying. 

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Beermeet

@dairyfreelife  what?  When did Ken ask that?!  On that thread?  How disrespectful to all involved.  He was creepy like that here too.  Creep.

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zeebaneighba
35 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

@dairyfreelife  what?  When did Ken ask that?!  On that thread?  How disrespectful to all involved.  He was creepy like that here too.  Creep.

I believe @dairyfreelife is referring to a parody post that was so well written that people thought it was actually Ken. The post in question is here.  It was confirmed later in the thread that it was indeed a parody.

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