Baby Vuolo Is a Girl

[Mama Mia]

54 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

My neighbor is finding out today (assuming baby cooperates) what the sex is of the baby she's expecting. I can't wait to find out! For myself, I'm not big on all pink for girls, etc, but based on her current child and what I have heard her say, she likes at least some girly stuff for girls and expects a boy to be more, well, boyish. I'm a knitter and want to make her a few things, and it'll be easier for me to pick what she might like if I know what she's having. Right or wrong, a girl gives me more options, and most of the patterns I want to make seem a bit more girlish.

I have noticed, looking back at photos from my childhood, that back in the late 70's and early 80's at least the gendered color thing was not as big a deal. The "girl" clothing section of most stores seems to be veiled in huge amounts of pink and purple these days, but all the photos of my sisters and I have us wearing all sorts of colors - but very rarely pink! As babies, yes, plenty of pink. But as older kids we wore lots of primary colors. T-shirts were gender neutral. Knowing my mother I highly doubt this was any effort on her part to dress us less girly.

I think the impact of knowing the sex of the baby before hand , and the impact on gender divided everything is interesting. 

 

I had my children throughout the 80’s. With my oldest ultrasounds were not an option ( at least not in my town, for optional reasons ) ,I didn’t know anyone who knew the sex of the baby before hand. A few of my mom’s friends, and friends moms were having babies at the same time and might know due to amino, but that’s it. 

All the baby shower gifts, decorations, strollers, cribs, baby  toys etc were gender neutral. All of it. After the baby was born you would get cute little dresses or boy outfits. But 90% of a newborns equipment could be for a boy or a girl. Even once you had the baby- and began purchasing items - most toys were more gender neutral than they are now. There were legos. Everyone played with them. They weren’t a “ boy” toy. 

By the end of the 80’s - early 90’s probably half my friends knew the sex ahead of time ( I didn’t. They gave one 12 week scan with youngest kid, that’s it unless there were problems or you paid extra ) .

And you started to see the creep towards pink covered strollers, rose covered swings, pink and purple LEGO sets, separate big wheel colors..etc.etc..... they are pretty, I like them. I LIKE girly and princesses and all of that. BUT I think it has maybe contributed to the idea that EVERYTHING has to be “boy” or “girl” or consciously ( generally expensively ) “ gender neutral”. Instead of just stuff for babies and kids to use and play with.

And once you start out with all sex typed items - you accept continuing that way. Don’t get me wrong, I think people who want to know ahead of time - great. Most people do. And I love shopping for fluffy tiny dresses ! But the impact is interesting 

 

[HarleyQuinn]

I knew it would be a girl! and also lol at sweet Jilly Muffin, who is probably so mad right now.

That shower looks over the top though, omg. That cake alone had to have cost a couple hundred dollars. 

[bella8050]

I wouldn't want to shit on someone name choice if they mentioned a name I didn't like, but there was one time I had to bite my tongue really hard when a friend said her son was going to be named Frank, like her husband and father in law. I sooo wanted to make a "Frank Jr Jr" joke. 

I'm ok with gender stereotypes of prinesses and trucks and all as long as the child enjoys them, and there aren't limits on what they are allowed to play with. I had a super girly pink canopy bed growing up but I also loved Hot Wheels and playing in the dirt.

I was born in '80 and so there were a few years where my ensembles were neon everything and anything. My favorite shirt was bright green with paint like splatters of every other neon color. My teacher told me once she could spot me from a mile away in that shirt. Ahh the 80s. 

 

[Hashtag Blessed]

58 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

I always have to put a word in for The Paper Bag Princess when I see people discussing non-traditional Princess books.  It's also a picture book, which is nice if you're looking for books for real littles.  It's about a princess whose castle is burned and prince is captured by the dragon, so she dons the only thing that survived the fire (a paper bag) and sets off to rescue the prince.  Using her wits, she is able to defeat the dragon and rescue the prince, but he sneers at her disheveled appearance.

So she tells him off and walks off into the sunset, happy, strong, and capable all by herself.  

That sounds awesome! For older kids I highly recommend Ella Enchanted and Fairest by Gail Carson Levine. Two Princess books that turn the fairytales on their heads. Both of them made a huge impact on me when i was growing up. 

[Four is Enough]

19 hours ago, Jessesgirl said:

 

Can I be honest? I absolutely hate gender reveals in general.

 

19 hours ago, anjulibai said:

Having found out both that both of my children were boys ahead of time, I completely disagree that it's more exciting. I can assure you I and my family were plenty excited, very surprised and definitely spent a lot of time speculating. 

You can do you, but please don't make assumptions about those that do differently, and then judge them for it. 

I won't say I hate them, but they disappoint me. With One, we had the option to find out, and didn't take it. We picked a boy name and a girl name, decorated the nursery in a Noah's ark theme, bold, primary colors, bought gender neutral clothing... lots of white, some green, yellow, purple.. and we didn't tell ANYONE what gender One had until we'd gone to the hospital, seen him, held him, spoke to the birth parents, and then came home to call the family and announce that our son had been born.

It was a very special time for just Mr. Four, One, and me, I thought.. to start to become this little family, without the entire world knowing all of our business right away.. because, as others have said, everyone wants to put their opinion in, whether you want it or not. One was presented, sex, name, as a fait accompli.. and accepted as such.

 

Two, I was able to attend the second ultrasound with his birth mother, and she wanted to find out, so I couldn't say no.. and then we decorated the nursery with dinosaurs.. because as a child I LOVED dinosaurs.. people assumed it was another boy, though.. But we let One know he was going to have a brother, and everyone else found out.

 

Just saying that for us, not knowing until the birth was helpful, helped us grow as a couple, and then as a small family. There was excitement, there were surprises, (Two was a butt down breech) and there was speculation.

 

Of course, we knew Three and Four were a boy and a girl.. they were already school aged...

 

 

 

 

[metheglyn]

10 minutes ago, bella8050 said:

I'm ok with gender stereotypes of prinesses and trucks and all as long as the child enjoys them, and there aren't limits on what they are allowed to play with. I had a super girly pink canopy bed growing up but I also loved Hot Wheels and playing in the dirt.

I was born in '80 and so there were a few years where my ensembles were neon everything and anything. My favorite shirt was bright green with paint like splatters of every other neon color. My teacher told me once she could spot me from a mile away in that shirt. Ahh the 80s. 

 

I'm an 80s baby as well, and, like @bella8050, also fan of the pink girly stuff AND playing in the dirt.

I keep thinking of some of my favorite outfits from elementary school and I agree. They were all about the neon/really vibrant colors, with the side ponytails, and overlarge shirts with the fasteners to tie them at your hip. At least I was too young for the AquaNet craze, since I'm super sensitive to hairspray! Shoulder pads and acid washed denim, on the other hand, those I definitely had.

[Alisamer]

I'm a bit torn on the revealing names ahead of time thing. On the one hand, it's good not to be locked in to a name before the baby arrives. On the other hand, I know of a few children who have been spared horrible atrocities of names by the parents putting them out there ahead of time and being told "putting an 'e' on the end of that changes the pronunciation, you know?" and "like the serial killer?" or "wow, how is that pronounced?" or "Cute, but TBH I'm never going to remember how to spell that."

I mean, yeah its nobody else's business what someone names their kid. But if pointing out that "Lilythe" probably won't be pronounced "Lillith" saves the kid a lifetime of minor name-related annoyances, I'm cool with that.

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

My daughter grew up in the 70's and other than sun dresses as a toddler she wore pants.  That was her choice, drove my fundy MIL nuts.  It was a short drive!  haha

[VelociRapture]

45 minutes ago, Hashtag Blessed said:

That sounds awesome! For older kids I highly recommend Ella Enchanted and Fairest by Gail Carson Levine. Two Princess books that turn the fairytales on their heads. Both of them made a huge impact on me when i was growing up. 

I loved those books when I was younger too! 

Personally, stereotypical “girly” stuff just isn’t my thing. Husband and I are fully prepared to suck it up and enjoy it if my daughter ends up liking that stuff though because we want her to enjoy what she likes, not what we think she should like. Right now she’s only 16 months, so we’re really just offering different options for now - she seems most interested in animals (especially dogs), her little grocery cart toy, making a mess of her room, books, and carrying around my clutch (kind of an adorable combination.) 

I am really glad that there are alternatives out there to the normal “damsel in distress” type stories though. I feel like it’ll help provide a healthy balance for my daughter if she develops an interest in Princess stories to have some books showing the Princess as the hero and not just a victim. 

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

I was born on the cusp of the 80's, and mostly wore pants as a kid. My mom didn't know my sex before I was born, and didn't see much practicality in limiting me to pink frilly dresses once she found out. I was mostly bald for the first 2-3 years of my life and frequently misgendered as a result. My favorite pants were always the pink or purple ones. I definitely fantasized about princesses and loved girly things, but appreciated the practicality of being able to climb things without my panties showing, and liked to dig in the dirt.

No kids for me now, but I like knitting baby gifts for friends. I'm definitely more excited when I have the option of making something pink and frilly, but my colour choices are usually more about the mother than the child. So far I've knitted for 4 babies that I knew were girls. Only one of the projects wound up being pink. This was for a child born to a queer couple, who got given a gender neutral name, but I knew the mom liked pink. 

Anyhow, here's some cuteness overload in the form of my fur baby modelling the hat I knitted for that friend's baby. The unicorn mane is a neon rainbow. I later made one in blue for another mom, and an adult version for my hairdresser.

 

[singsingsing]

'The Perilous Gard' by Elizabeth Marie Pope is a fantastic novel that really turns the damsel in distress archetype on its head. I'd say it's probably more appropriate for the 10-12+ age range, though.

[Daisy0322]

We told everyone our sons name as soon as we knew. Most people really liked it but the few people told me that they didn't like it I told that that's okay they don't have to like it.

[justodd]

15 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

When I was pregnant with my 1st, the doctor asked me 'don't you want to be surprised? When I said we were going to find out the sex of the baby. I told him unless the baby comes out green with gills its either a boy or a girl It's not really a surprise.   

 

And if it does come out green with gills, you might be in the sequel to the Shape of Water!

[Hashtag Blessed]

2 hours ago, Alisamer said:

I'm a bit torn on the revealing names ahead of time thing. On the one hand, it's good not to be locked in to a name before the baby arrives. On the other hand, I know of a few children who have been spared horrible atrocities of names by the parents putting them out there ahead of time and being told "putting an 'e' on the end of that changes the pronunciation, you know?" and "like the serial killer?" or "wow, how is that pronounced?" or "Cute, but TBH I'm never going to remember how to spell that."

I mean, yeah its nobody else's business what someone names their kid. But if pointing out that "Lilythe" probably won't be pronounced "Lillith" saves the kid a lifetime of minor name-related annoyances, I'm cool with that.

We have close friends we can trust to give us feedback like that if and when we need it. Those friends will be honest with us and not biased by feelings of entitlement to have a say in the name. I have a taste for names that I know certain family members would probably try to dissuade me from using, purely because they're uncommon or they personally dislike them. Sorry, family members, but this isn't a democracy, it's cheer-ocracy.

A lot has to be taken into account when choosing a name, I know. Potential nicknames, mispronunciations, possible teasing, etc. For instance: I really like the name Rudolph, but that name cannot go on the list because I don't like the nickname Rudy, and the poor kid will never escape being called a red-nosed-reindeer and having that song sung at him for the whole of his life. I won't do that to a kid.

I'm happy to trust certain close friends to help me spot potential pitfalls like that, but family's suggestions contain too much potential for drama. And, worst case scenario, there is always help to be found on the internet! The forums at Baby Name Wizard are fun to peruse from time to time. People crowdsource opinions and all sorts of creative naming solutions on there. Personally, I feel that "it's weird" or "I knew someone with that name once and I hated him" or "the villain of a movie from 30 years ago was called that" aren't good enough reasons to nix a perfectly good name. I'm just not willing to argue the point with my mother for the duration of a pregnancy. 

 

[Georgiana]

May I complain here about a naming trend?

I HATE when parents give their daughters nicknames as their legal names.  HATE IT.  It's deliberately infantalizing, and it is no mystery as to why this is a trend for FEMALE babies and not for males.  

I get wanting to call your child something less formal.  My cousin is named Ellie.  That's the name she goes by, it's the name her parents always intended to call her, and it's the name she's gone by since birth.  No one has ever called her anything else in normal conversation.  But on her birth certificate, it says Elizabeth.  And when she is introduced as valedictorian of her class, she will be introduced as Elizabeth. Calling her Ellie would be inappropriate in that context.  My friend goes by her nickname, except when she is at work...for the FBI (don't get excited, it's a big organization and she's not an agent  ).  

Women do formal things and need formal names!  You wouldn't name a boy Tom or Steve.  That's not a trend because it's obviously dumb.  What if they grow up to be President or a Judge or a lawyer or a doctor?  You going to force them to be Dr. Steve? Sign all their court briefs with Steve?  President Steve?

Call your kids whatever you want, but don't give girls "cutesie" legal names assuming they'll never need a formal name!  They might!  There are some circumstances where using a nickname is disrespectful.  Why are you DEMANDING that your daughter always be addressed informally and familiarly, even by people who have no right to address her that way? Against her wishes?  I know some adults go by a nickname 100% of the time even professionally, but they get to make that choice as adults and can change it at any time.  But you aren't even giving your child that option!

Sorry, my friend just named her daughter "Kate", and it bothers me that this little girl will have to be called by a nickname for her entire life, even when it is contextually disrespectful to do so.  She might be president some day, for Rufus' sake!

[Ivycoveredtower]

here are a few pictures from the reveal party TLC has more. this is for some people who wondered if Josie was with the Duggars since she was not pictured in the Magnolia pictures. 

 

Here is a picture of the three generations almost four standing beside the sign

Spoiler

Here is a picture of Ben because it just makes me laugh. 

Spoiler

 and another picture of Ben but hey look it's Jim Bob too. 

[bananabread]

1 minute ago, Georgiana said:

May I complain here about a naming trend?

I HATE when parents give their daughters nicknames as their legal names.  HATE IT.  It's deliberately infantalizing, and it is no mystery as to why this is a trend for FEMALE babies and not for males. 

I'm sure people will think this is judgy, but I agree. When I meet kids named things like Kaci, Ellie, Billy, Bobby, Abby, Chris, Katie, etc I just think it's so weird. I've always been called by a nickname name, and even though I don't especially like my legal name (think Catherine/Margaret/Elizabeth), I'm glad I have a timeless and obviously professional name to use when the occasion calls for it.

[Ivycoveredtower]

8 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

May I complain here about a naming trend?

I HATE when parents give their daughters nicknames as their legal names.  HATE IT.  It's deliberately infantalizing, and it is no mystery as to why this is a trend for FEMALE babies and not for males.  

I get wanting to call your child something less formal.  My cousin is named Ellie.  That's the name she goes by, it's the name her parents always intended to call her, and it's the name she's gone by since birth.  No one has ever called her anything else in normal conversation.  But on her birth certificate, it says Elizabeth.  And when she is introduced as valedictorian of her class, she will be introduced as Elizabeth. Calling her Ellie would be inappropriate in that context.  My friend goes by her nickname, except when she is at work...for the FBI (don't get excited, it's a big organization and she's not an agent  ).  

Women do formal things and need formal names!  You wouldn't name a boy Tom or Steve.  That's not a trend because it's obviously dumb.  What if they grow up to be President or a Judge or a lawyer or a doctor?  You going to force them to be Dr. Steve? Sign all their court briefs with Steve?  President Steve?

Call your kids whatever you want, but don't give girls "cutesie" legal names assuming they'll never need a formal name!  They might!  There are some circumstances where using a nickname is disrespectful.  Why are you DEMANDING that your daughter always be addressed informally and familiarly, even by people who have no right to address her that way? Against her wishes?  I know some adults go by a nickname 100% of the time even professionally, but they get to make that choice as adults and can change it at any time.  But you aren't even giving your child that option!

Sorry, my friend just named her daughter "Kate", and it bothers me that this little girl will have to be called by a nickname for her entire life, even when it is contextually disrespectful to do so.  She might be president some day, for Rufus' sake!

Wow you must really hate Alyssa Webster  oh and I do know a few boys whose legal name is Jamie . Harry is also a nickname which is the legal name of some men example Harry S truman or hey Harry Potter . Luke is another one. John. I would see all those as the same as Kate instead of Catherine.  a girl could get a lot worse then Ellie or Kate. at least your friend didn't name her Apple. 

[Jana814]

I went to school with a Bobby. He went by Bobby because he is a 3rd. It’s all we ever called him. I would hate when someone called him Robert. In 9th grade we had 2 classes back-to-back together (gym & history). Both of the teachers were named Robert and they both called him that. We were seated in alphabetical order & do to our last names he sat behind me in both classes when the teachers would call him Robert I would say tell them that’s not your name. 

[Million Children For Jesus]

Snip

38 minutes ago, Hashtag Blessed said:

Personally, I feel that "it's weird" or "I knew someone with that name once and I hated him" or "the villain of a movie from 30 years ago was called that" aren't good enough reasons to nix a perfectly good name

My sister is a hateful person who has managed to dislike at least one person with each name listed in the top 500. She has a fit of rage and disgust at basically every baby name I suggest, followed by insulting me as a person for being so unsophisticated and/or unintelligent to even dare suggest such names. If she doesn’t dislike someone with the suggested name, she dislikes the way I pronounce it. I never really thought of Lydia as a whore’s name, but apparently I’m mistaken because she knew a trashy Lydia once. (I doubt Lydia was trashy. My sister just hates EVERYONE.) I’ve learned at this point not to run names by her. It’s also extremely unlikely I’ll get pregnant again at this age, combined with FJ scaring me off pregnancy, but it was something I used to hope for, and loved playing the name game, until my sister ruined it. If I get pregnant again, I’ll let FJ help me pick a name.

[Ivycoveredtower]

1 minute ago, Million Children For Jesus said:

Snip

My sister is a hateful person who has managed to dislike at least one person with each name listed in the top 500. She has a fit of rage and disgust at basically every baby name I suggest, followed by insulting me as a person for being so unsophisticated and/or unintelligent to even dare suggest such names. If she doesn’t dislike someone with the suggested name, she dislikes the way I pronounce it. I never really thought of Lydia as a whore’s name, but apparently I’m mistaken because she knew a trashy Lydia once. (I doubt Lydia was trashy. My sister just hates EVERYONE.) I’ve learned at this point not to run names by her. It’s also extremely unlikely I’ll get pregnant again at this age, combined with FJ scaring me off pregnancy, but it was something I used to hope for, and loved playing the name game, until my sister ruined it. If I get pregnant again, I’ll let FJ help me pick a name.

I love the name Lydia but pride and prejudice ruined it for me. every time I think of it I think of Lydia Bennet Wickham and shudder. 

[singsingsing]

@Georgiana I'm with you to some extent, especially when it comes to really obviously diminutive nicknames used as first names (like Molly, Maggie, Ellie, etc.) - but then there are actual names that sound (arguably, I guess) just as diminutive - like Kelly, Stacey, Lily or Daisy. 

I'm also not sure I understand the issue with the name Kate. It doesn't strike me as a silly or frivolous name. Yes, it's generally a nickname for Katherine (or maybe Katelyn), but 'Kate' is very old, established and familiar, and I can't imagine many people having any issue with a 'President Kate'. Many (if not most) male politicians go by some kind of nickname, often completely ridiculous ones: Jeb, Mitt, effin' Scooter.  Presidents Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter rarely if ever went by their full names.

I think the onus should be on society to give less of a crap about the label someone goes by. I'm sorry, but men in positions of power go by goofy or diminutive nicknames all the time, and I don't see why it should be any different for women. While I don't care for obviously diminutive nicknames given as formal names, I don't think a FBI director named Molly seems any more ridiculous than an FBI director named Jaxson. I do think it's preferable for a kid to have a formal name so that they can make that choice for themselves, but at least there's the option of changing their name in the future if it becomes important to them.

It also used to be very common and trendy, say about a century ago, for boys to be given nicknames as their full first names. For example, from the top 1000 U.S. baby name rankings for the year 1918, the following male names all show up in the top 100: Harry, Jack, Willie, Fred, Joe, Charlie, and Sam.

And just because I was curious, I looked up the rankings for 2016. The #2 most popular male name given to babies that year was Liam. Jack and Jace were also in the top 100. I'm not sure the voting public 30+ years from now is going to have anymore of an issue with President Kate than with President Liam.

[justoneoftwo]

23 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

May I complain here about a naming trend?

I HATE when parents give their daughters nicknames as their legal names.  HATE IT.  It's deliberately infantalizing, and it is no mystery as to why this is a trend for FEMALE babies and not for males.  

I get wanting to call your child something less formal.  My cousin is named Ellie.  That's the name she goes by, it's the name her parents always intended to call her, and it's the name she's gone by since birth.  No one has ever called her anything else in normal conversation.  But on her birth certificate, it says Elizabeth.  And when she is introduced as valedictorian of her class, she will be introduced as Elizabeth. Calling her Ellie would be inappropriate in that context.  My friend goes by her nickname, except when she is at work...for the FBI (don't get excited, it's a big organization and she's not an agent  ).  

Women do formal things and need formal names!  You wouldn't name a boy Tom or Steve.  That's not a trend because it's obviously dumb.  What if they grow up to be President or a Judge or a lawyer or a doctor?  You going to force them to be Dr. Steve? Sign all their court briefs with Steve?  President Steve?

Call your kids whatever you want, but don't give girls "cutesie" legal names assuming they'll never need a formal name!  They might!  There are some circumstances where using a nickname is disrespectful.  Why are you DEMANDING that your daughter always be addressed informally and familiarly, even by people who have no right to address her that way? Against her wishes?  I know some adults go by a nickname 100% of the time even professionally, but they get to make that choice as adults and can change it at any time.  But you aren't even giving your child that option!

Sorry, my friend just named her daughter "Kate", and it bothers me that this little girl will have to be called by a nickname for her entire life, even when it is contextually disrespectful to do so.  She might be president some day, for Rufus' sake!

I hate this too, my name is super diminutive and with my middle name its even worse!  I would never do that to my child.  I can never be taken seriously.  I thought about changing it when I got married, but it would have hurt my parents too much.  At work my boss actually calls me the formal version as a nick name.

On the other hand my dad's name is Steve, so people do do this to boys.

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

7 minutes ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

I love the name Lydia but pride and prejudice ruined it for me. every time I think of it I think of Lydia Bennet Wickham and shudder. 

Lydia makes me think of Beetlejuice. My inner goth loves that name.

[NakedKnees]

24 minutes ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

 

Here is a picture of the three generations almost four standing beside the sign

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

I can't believe I'm saying it: but I actually really like Michelle's outfit. Bold polka dots are sort of surprising on her. It's not far off from something I'd wear.

 

ETA re. nicknames: I used to know a heterosexual couple "Alex and Alex," and neither was a nickname. That cracked me up. I know this isn't for everyone, but I love names that have tons of nicknames (mine easily has 3+), so I don't like the idea of choosing a nickname for a legal name just because of that. It takes the fun out of it! Then again, I know people with names like my own who feel the exact opposite, so go figure.