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Lori Alexander 43: Pepper and Darkness


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18 hours ago, zeebaneighba said:

She'd better be raising her own animals for fiber, then, because almost everyone I know connected with the fiber industry in any way, from people raising sheep and alpacas to dyers, spinners, and yarn sellers is a woman.

Better yet, she could just go naked. Then, she wouldn't be promoting those evil working women AND she'd be readily available any time her husband wanted his 10-mintes-and-lube. Win-win.

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6 minutes ago, polecat said:

Better yet, she could just go naked. Then, she wouldn't be promoting those evil working women AND she'd be readily available any time her husband wanted his 10-mintes-and-lube. Win-win.

And just think of all the natural Vitamin D she’d be getting!

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10 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Here's my question -- and this may just be my experience.  Is this true for you all, does outside work exhaust you?  Because it doesn't exhaust me

The entire time I've been married, I've worked some kind of outside job.  I'll say in the early years when my daughter was tiny, it was difficult, not impossible though.  My husband at the time and I tried to work opposing shifts as much as we could.  In later years when she was in school it wasn't bad.  Yes I hit my wall if I had extra long days, but I never was sooooo exhausted I couldn't function.  My house was never a royal disaster, there was always food prepared.  However:  my husband did help quite a bit with all of it.  That would be the fundie's caveat:  he shouldn't have been cleaning a bathroom or watching a toddler while mommy went and made money, however necessary.  I don't think I was any more exhausted or burned out than the average SaHM with multiple children.  

For those burnout days, that's what personal days and vacation days are for.  Take a break.  Even SaHM's need breaks.  I have two friends right now that each have two under 5, one has 2 under 2 plus other children.  Those women get exhausted, just like any working mother would.  Like you, I don't understand their fixation that working outside the home is so detrimental to the home itself.  

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Someone commented that women just aren't made for physical labor...uhhhh.... Isn't pushing a baby out of your vagina physical labor? Idk, I mean I've never done it but it sure seems physical. And these people encourage having like 10-20 kids so that's a lot of labor. 

Also how can you forget Lori's other posts about having farms, gardens, doing laundry by hand, walking everywhere, and let's not forget literally all of history where women do/have done physical labor 

And for today's post *pulls out squirt bottle full of water and sprays it at Lori* NO. This is the third time this week where I have read about a basic misunderstanding of egalitarianism or feminism and two of those times were in professional journals I processed at my job. People need to not.

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Lori's IG story right now has a video of a mega order of einkorn flour and other organic stuff she got from Thrive. Then you see her making popcorn for her grandkids and they all rave about it. 

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I'm single and work full-time at a job that is mostly desk work but involves a bit of heavy lifting/physical stuff each day. And I am 100% exhausted 100% of the time. No matter what I do, what I eat, or how much I sleep. I am SURE that is a medical issue that my doctor refuses to address, however, not related to my job. I'm just as tired Sunday evening when I've done not much at all during the weekend. So I'm going to be making an appointment soon with either my (female) doctor, or if I can get switched over my sister's (female) doctor. Or possibly my (male) gynecologist, as he actually listens to me.

I've worked daycare before, when I was younger and much more energetic. If women "aren't built for physical labor" they'd best not have any children! Or they could be like Lori and hire a nanny and housekeeper to do most of the physical labor for them...

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1 hour ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Here's my question -- and this may just be my experience.  Is this true for you all, does outside work exhaust you?  Because it doesn't exhaust me.

Technically I'm not working outside the home, I'm full time employed in medical transcription that I do at home, but it does take up a lot of my waking hours.   My experience has varied over the years, depending on which employer, account, etc, we're talking about.  None of them have left me physically worn out, but sometimes I've been mentally exhausted, what I think of as fried brain syndrome.  Some work types, and doctors and other medical professionals who dictate, require a lot more mental effort than others, so at the end of some days I'm not sure I have any functioning brain cells left!  It was more of an issue when I still had children at home, because I had to go from that work, to the work of taking care of the kids, without any time in between.  It's a YMMV situation, but Lori assumes that all women are as incapable of handling employment as she is, and that simply is not true.  

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Technically I'm not working outside the home, I'm full time employed in medical transcription that I do at home, but it does take up a lot of my waking hours.   My experience has varied over the years, depending on which employer, account, etc, we're talking about.  None of them have left me physically worn out, but sometimes I've been mentally exhausted, what I think of as fried brain syndrome.  Some work types, and doctors and other medical professionals who dictate, require a lot more mental effort than others, so at the end of some days I'm not sure I have any functioning brain cells left!  It was more of an issue when I still had children at home, because I had to go from that work, to the work of taking care of the kids, without any time in between.  It's a YMMV situation, but Lori assumes that all women are as incapable of handling employment as she is, and that simply is not true.  


I was fucking exhausted all the time when I taught full time. I had 4-5 preps every semester, graded papers at home every night and all day Saturdays or Sundays. I coached speech and stayed at school for practices til 5 three days a week from December to March and had 10-12 hour meets every Saturday in January til March. When that was done it was spring play rehearsals 4-5 times a week until performances in May. In the fall I kept score at Home volleyball games 2-3 evenings a week.

Not to mention parent teacher conferences, awards nights, open houses and being expected to attend other arts and sporting events.

So, yes, working full time exhausted me. But don’t forget that teachers are all lazy.
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2 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

I'm throwing this out to all the FJ-ers who work outside the home.

Lori and the leghumper fangirls go on and on and on and on about how exhausted women who work are when they get home.  How working makes them much too tired to cook, clean, do child care, have sexxy times -- too tired to do anything at all at home except fight with their "protectors".

Here's my question -- and this may just be my experience.  Is this true for you all, does outside work exhaust you?  Because it doesn't exhaust me.

Yes there are tough days when I'm "tired" but I can usually get over it by blasting the radio and singing along on the drive home. (We are all rock stars behind the wheel). But there are far more good days when I fell buoyed by something that happened or that my team achieved.

Caveats are that I work in an office (IT program manager) so it's not physical labor, Mr. Dress and I are childless, and he helps around the house.  When we get home we share a pot of tea, discuss our days or whatever. Then while I cook dinner he sets the table, helps with veg prep if I need it, takes out trash and peelings, etc. He also cleans the kitchen after dinner while I do some other chore that needs to be done.  All that takes maybe 45 min and then the rest of the evening is ours.

I just don't see that we women are such frail flowers that a day at work will make us prostrate on the sofa when they get home. 

I will say if one had a fundie hubby who expected to be waited on and did nothing at home a woman would get tired doing essentially 2 jobs.  But I question whether it's the outside job alone that exhausts her.

I suffer from depression and if I didn’t have a full time job I would stay in bed and not do anything. Working gives me purpose. I also accomplish more when I have to work that day. When I’m off I don’t always feel like doing stuff. Sometimes I am tired from working but I love sleep. I have been working full time since I was 19. 

I don’t understand why people who have egalitarian marriages can’t just talk about the shared load. My dad worked two jobs and my mom worked part time, some nights and most weekends. My parents discussed what needed to be done and decided from there. Sometimes my dad would just see that something needed to be done and do it. He did more laundry than my mom. It worked out for them. I guess this marriage wouldn’t work for fundies because they don’t communicate? 

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On 4/4/2018 at 9:41 AM, quiversR4hunting said:

Some oil change shops, tire shops and mechanics don't have women. My mechanic has had a woman (mechanic, not office help) but now it is back to all men.

But that is all, I can't think of another job area that is almost always all men.

The place I take my car to for oil changes and other repairs had a woman working the front desk about a year ago. I went there a few weeks ago and man was working the desk. 

The only other place i know of that is currently all men is a plumbing supply store that my friend's husband manages.

 

14 hours ago, Beermeet said:

So, Lori gets her hair cut by a man?  Her nails done by a man?

Well, she can cut her own hair at home lol.

When she had that viral post, she wrote about the female dental hygienist who cleans her teeth agreed with Lori on not expecting husbands to help around the house. Lori said that the hygienist only worked two days a week. I was surprised that Lori didn't say that the woman should be at home all the time. So, I guess this boycott means that Lori will be seeking a male dental hygienist.

But, Lori has a history of bashing women who work part time outside the home. There was a poster from New Zealand who was working 18 hours a week outside the home because her husband's job was commission based pay and they were struggling. Lori basically said that the woman should be at home all the time and that they should seek help from a church.

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Meh, I'm no more  tired after a day of work than I was back in the day when I was a SAHM.  If you are busy all day either at work or looking after your children, you will be tired either way.

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My children are in their teens( Sea Filly  1 for another 6 weeks..then she's 20!), there's not much I really have to do for them. SF2 and SC  do their own laundry and keep their rooms tidy and make themselves snacks if they are hungry outside of meal times.

SF1 shares an apartment with a friend while they are at college.

 

Since I'm a widow with a reasonable amount of life insurance, I don't need to work. I may get a job in a few months because being at home isn't that exciting really. Housework doesn't take all that long. I have some-one to plow my drive since I prefer not to be out in the cold for too long.

 

 I will have gardening to do but I'm in the middle of  planning some landscaping as I have a problem with some areas being boggy due to the slope not draining properly(it's not the septic tank as that's round the side and much lower).

 

I'm living the life. No need for 10 minutes and lube, no picking up some-one else's socks. I have all the respectability of being a married woman without having to deal with a Ken-Clone.

 

The late Mr Wrangler was nothing like Ken(thank goodness), but he did have a blind spot about socks.

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5 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Here's my question -- and this may just be my experience.  Is this true for you all, does outside work exhaust you?  Because it doesn't exhaust me.

I am a Christian woman with 3 kids (24, 22 and 13...so  really I only have the 13 year old at home to "care" for -- the 24 lives at home but she works full time, spends time out with friends but is a HUGE help around the house -- cleaning, laundry, etc).  The 22 yo is at college almost year round but cooks, and cleans for himself.   I've worked full time my entire marriage (28 years this May) in the field of health care public relations/communications (I've always worked at a hospital)  I also am an excellent cook and make most of my meals "from scratch" as Lori likes to say. I bake, when my kids were little I sewed all their Halloween costumes or costumes for school plays, etc. Because of my hours, I was the one most often who drove the kids to practices, sports, activities.   I volunteer at my church and children's school and have a host of hobbies I enjoy (jigsaw puzzles, vegetable gardening, sewing).   My house is mostly clean on a regular basis (I'm not perfect...somettimes if there are a lot of activities for the week, it can get untidy, but not unmanageable -- plus the 24  yo helps out a lot).   

I have a good relationship with my husband and we make it work.  Many times during our marriage I have made more than my husband. Also, since I work in healthcare I have good benefits, I've ALWAYS carried the insurance. If I didn't work, we wouldn't have health insurance.  We live in a modest house in a mostly blue collar town.  My husband has some of his own hobbies and when our son was younger coached little league, etc. He also volunteers at church.

 

We are FAR from perfect. I am NOT a supermom. We are doing nothing that myriads of other families do all time -- balance our lives to make it work. We are not different than most other families we know.  Is it hectic sometimes? YES!  Am I tired sometimes? YES but NOT EXHAUSTED.   We are not constantly fighting or on the verge of divorce.   

I think what I hate the most about Lori's writings, are her generalities that ALL women, ALL marriages, ALL men are a certain way or will react in a certain because one or the other person in the marriage isn't fulfilling their duties.  People can make it work without all these rules. 

I

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I work outside the home; and I confess, I love my job.  Every day I work with people from parts of the world where they have no hope, and they are all looking for better lives.  I get to play a small role in the lives of their families.  I used to want to be a missionary, and then I got sick so I couldn't go live in a third world country, but now I get to help people from all over the world here in the US as I work for an immigration firm.  I love it.  At the end of some days I am tired; but it is fall completely asleep when I go to bed, wake up in the morning excited for the new day kind of tired.  I am richly blessed to get to do the work that I do and because it causes me to seek God and give Him praise, I cannot see anything wrong with it.  My housework gets done (without too much work); we eat home cooked meals most days.  

Which brings me to my egalitarian marriage.  We communicate well and often as we navigate our shared life together and there is no contention.  We wake up early every morning to spend time with one another, and make time at the end of each day to just snuggle and talk.  Even in the past couple of years while we are navigating the difficult process of my mother-in-law dying from Alzheimer's, there is only unity.  We talk and listen through all the pain. 

Expectations in a relationship are only problematic when they are unspoken and not agreed upon. Kind of like expecting a woman to be a stay at home homeschooling mom because someone (Lori) thinks it's obviously spelled out in Scripture, and never actually discussing it or agreeing to that.  That kind of expectation is what introduces contention to a marriage.  

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Before the car accident from hell, I worked part or full time (job market variations). I actually had MORE energy when I had more physical jobs (wanna lose weight? manage a pizza joint). Yes, there were times when I was just worn out but I think that had more to do with the endless caregiving AFTER working a full day (mother). 

Now, I'm at home. I hate it. Maybe it's because of the physical limitations, maybe it's because the budget sucks ass. But, all the jobs I'm qualified for involve field work and well...that ain't happening. 

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Early in my marriage, my husband worked a 9 to 5 as a draftsman at his father’s small company. He used to come home “exhausted” every night and did nothing but eat dinner, read, and watch TV.  I taught several adult ed courses (ESL, GED prep) after getting my bachelor’s degree and while working on my master’s. After I earned my master’s, I was a SAHW for a while. We were financially comfortable on one paycheck (this was the ‘70s) while I looked for a permanent job.

Then I got pregnant, and my husband was laid off for a while due to lack of work. I got nervous and got myself some temporary office work. Pretty early in the game, I learned that he’d been selling me a bill of goods:  my pregnant self was able to put in a full day’s work at the office, run errands, go to doctor’s appointments, cook meals, do laundry, and clean the apartment without breaking a sweat (we were in our 20s).  I later learned that he was pounding back a quart of Majorska every night “while he stayed up to watch the news” after I went to bed.  In the back of my mind, I was rehearsing for divorce—we split up when the baby was 11 months old.

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Only because this will be deleted. Or she'll say something with no support.

And how racist/ethnocentric can one be to say that America had the best women? 

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When I had 3 children under 4 I was exhausted. But I was working part-time, so hubby helped a lot around the house.

Before that, he was being a dick, and stayed up all night chatting to random women on instant messenger, then slept all day. We were on welfare. I had 2 children aged 2 & 3 and was pregnant. I was actually MORE exhausted then. 

I now have a relatively physical job, and am often tired at the end of my shift, but not exhaustion like those early years with young kids. So it's probably circumstances, rather than jobs, that lead to exhaustion. Unhappiness makes me more tired than actual physical labour.

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So now boys are doing worse in school than girls so we just home school our boys like Lori did so the can spend two hours a day reading.

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A bit OT: I was just over at The Transformed Wife 2.0, and The Horse of Truth came galloping in. I asked him to prove the literal truth of the Bible, and that his interpretation of it is absolutely accurate. Crickets so far.

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Yes, there's going to be days where you're physically exhausted...but if I stayed home it would drive me over the edge.  I like to do stuff and stuff costs money.

I will say that when I retire from the Army I plan to spend a month or so doing absolutely nothing...but then it will be back to work.

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12 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

I'm throwing this out to all the FJ-ers who work outside the home.

Lori and the leghumper fangirls go on and on and on and on about how exhausted women who work are when they get home.  How working makes them much too tired to cook, clean, do child care, have sexxy times -- too tired to do anything at all at home except fight with their "protectors".

Here's my question -- and this may just be my experience.  Is this true for you all, does outside work exhaust you?  Because it doesn't exhaust me.

It depends on the week for me. This week has kicked me in the butt. I am so far behind at work that I'll be putting in some extra hours at home. Last night after I got home I walked the dog, made dinner, watched a little tv, then fell asleep on the couch at 8:30. But, I am thankful for my job. I have good co-workers (80% of our team are women!), I find it to be challenging, and I have great benefits. 

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11 hours ago, Alisamer said:

I'm single and work full-time at a job that is mostly desk work but involves a bit of heavy lifting/physical stuff each day. And I am 100% exhausted 100% of the time. No matter what I do, what I eat, or how much I sleep. I am SURE that is a medical issue that my doctor refuses to address, however, not related to my job. I'm just as tired Sunday evening when I've done not much at all during the weekend. So I'm going to be making an appointment soon with either my (female) doctor, or if I can get switched over my sister's (female) doctor. Or possibly my (male) gynecologist, as he actually listens to me. 

Have you had your vitamin d levels checked? My doc did a routine screening and my levels were very low, even though it was midsummer and we are a beach/pool family. Once my levels improved I felt much better. Also- there has been controversy about the existence of this dx but it could be chronic fatigue. I hope you get answers soon. 

Is the woman who commented on the blog post serious about only using businesses owned by men? How on earth does she have time to figure all of that out? And what if the man owns s business but his wife works outside the home somewhere else? Does he get boycotted? No wonder people have a low opinions of Christians. 

And why is Carl-David still hanging out on 2.0? He’s just as dense and annoying as Ken. 

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