Dillards 55: Selling the High Life

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, singsingsing said:

I think part of what weirds people out about Jill's pictures is the apparent lack of self awareness. She regularly posts photos that look weird, creepy, or somewhat alarming with no acknowledgement. There's nothing wrong with not having a perfect polished social media presence, but this seems to be what Derick and Jill have settled on as a career, and they seem incredibly ill-suited to it. They're too lacking in awareness about how they come across. Again, that's not really a criticism. There are all sorts of careers that I'm extremely ill-suited to and I would never attempt to be a dancer, or a makeup artist, or a physicist for example. 

I think if Derick and Jill were wise, they would choose career paths that didn't involve this kind of active social media promotion of their lives. Derick would probably be better suited to working as an accountant again. I think Jill would have made a fine nurse if she had actually had the willingness and agency to truly commit herself to that path, but clearly she doesn't. I could totally see her working as a medical receptionist or something of that sort, though. Something where she's in contact with a lot of people all the time and can use her bubbly personality to her advantage. Then they could volunteer at church in their spare time. As it is, they're putting this immense pressure on themselves to perform in a career they're clearly not suited to, and that's enough to make anyone miserable.

I'm not sure that Jill has the capacity to live that sort of life- one where you are not given adulation for merely being; one where you have to quietly and diligently work, for the most part in public anonymity, for decades on end. A life where you have to work outside and inside the home, raise your own kids, and pay your own way. She never saw that kind of life during her formative years. I seriously do not know what has happened to Derick. Since he joined Duggarville, he's become an entitled twat.

[Million Children For Jesus]

I think both Jill and Derick are struggling, but for different reasons, and although I have some compassion for Jill, I don’t have any for Derick.

Initially, I had some compassion for Derick because I think the Josh scandals blindsided him, which was really an unfair move on the Duggars part. That may have caused some type of psychotic break in Derick, or at the very least, some very valid trust issues and resentment. I don’t get the feeling that he was an emotionally supportive husband to Jill during that time, but I don’t have any evidence to support that. He just seems like he would make it all about himself and his needs without considering Jill’s emotional state. Pure speculation.

I do not think Derick’s current behavior is because something changed in him. I think he was always a self-serving martyr needing attention and his true colors are showing. (Pistol Pete? Missionary in Nepal? Duggar chasing? >> attention, praise, attention?) I doubt he is acting out in response to anything Jill is doing, unless he has difficulty setting boundaries (lunch at work) and then sulks about it, which is his own fault. I don’t think it’s fair to blame or scapegoat his asshole behavior on to Jill. Derick is the only one who should be accountable for his behavior. None of us are responsible for our partners when they act like dickheads, and in general, I’m uncomfortable with blaming women for their spouses’ ill behavior. 

There is a lot of talk about how needy Jill is, but Derick is just as bad, or worse. He clearly has a martyr complex. Jill is a people pleaser, and that was probably part of her initial appeal to him, and vice versa. He got attention and she got validation. Growing up, she was happy, helpful, and emotionally invisible. Perfect for a guy like Derick who needs constant recognition. Seems like it could work on the surface? 

Problem is, as a people pleaser, she wants everyone to be happy, but martyrs are never happy. Martyrs don’t give praise, they’re usually very judgmental and need constant reassurance. (#besthusbandever #bestpapiever) 

She’s never going to get her needs met by Derick, he isn’t capable or willing. It makes sense that she is trying to make herself matter on social media because that’s the only option she has, only she isn’t going to succeed until she figures her shit out and gets some personal direction. 

^^ Oh dang, sorry, I didn’t mean that to be so long. I’m watching Law and Order and typing at the same time. I didn’t realize how long I went. 

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

On April 6, 2018 at 7:13 PM, nst said:

Is it Izzy’s birthday already. How did I miss it? Great times people.

love from ps

If you are in Palm Springs I am totes jealous!  Have a good time wish we were all there.  What a party that would be!  I'll buy the first round!

[singsingsing]

2 minutes ago, Million Children For Jesus said:

Initially, I had some compassion for Derick because I think the Josh scandals blindsided him, which was really an unfair move on the Duggars part. That may have caused some type of psychotic break in Derick, or at the very least, some very valid trust issues and resentment.

I'm not sure we know for a fact that Derick didn't know about the molestations (someone please correct me if I'm wrong!) but definitely the Ashley Madison thing blindsided them all. As for it causing a psychotic break, did you mean a nervous breakdown or something along those lines? A psychotic break would involve him becoming delusional and potentially hallucinating. 

8 minutes ago, Million Children For Jesus said:

I don’t get the feeling that he was an emotionally supportive husband to Jill during that time, but I don’t have any evidence to support that. He just seems like he would make it all about himself and his needs without considering Jill’s emotional state. Pure speculation.

I agree. Also pure speculation on my part, but yeah.

9 minutes ago, Million Children For Jesus said:

There is a lot of talk about how needy Jill is, but Derick is just as bad, or worse. He clearly has a martyr complex. Jill is a people pleaser, and that was probably part of her initial appeal to him, and vice versa. He got attention and she got validation. Growing up, she was happy, helpful, and emotionally invisible. Perfect for a guy like Derick who needs constant recognition. Seems like it could work on the surface? 

Problem is, as a people pleaser, she wants everyone to be happy, but martyrs are never happy. Martyrs don’t give praise, they’re usually very judgmental and need constant reassurance. (#besthusbandever #bestpapiever) 

A million times this! I could not agree more. Again, speculation, but this whole description really seems to fit Derick and Jill and their relationship perfectly. Your description of a martyr really fits Derick and Cathy, too. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

[rainbowbabycakes]

On 4/5/2018 at 4:19 PM, TeaELSee said:

It’s nice to see Israel so excited on his birthday, but why is a 3 year old in a high chair to blow out candles? All of my kids birthday pictures other than age 1 are of them surrounded by a throng of kids hunched over an actual table blowing out the candles.

Poor guy looks giant and restricted in that chair, he’s a big boy now.

I work in a daycare, and there are lots of our 3 year olds that still eat in high chairs at home. Not my thing personally, but I know some parent's find it easier to contain them, so they don't make as much of a mess. But you can definitely tell before 2 which kids get plates and silverware in their high chairs, and who still just gets everything dumped on a tray

[Million Children For Jesus]

31 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

As for it causing a psychotic break, did you mean a nervous breakdown or something along those lines? A psychotic break would involve him becoming delusional and potentially hallucinating. 

Oh gosh, no, I didn’t mean hallucinations. I meant a meltdown. 

[Lurky]

22 hours ago, Fjrocks said:

Would it be wonderful if Derick and Jazz met,  and Derick was able to see Jazz really is female, she has ALWAYS been female, she is SUPPOSE to be female?  Of course it would,  but that is up to them to navigate.

The other thing is, even if it DID result in Derick having an epiphany, it would still be a ton of work for Jazz, that might be painful and stressful, and frankly not worth the reward.

There's so much pressure on marginalised people to educate bigots, and at the worst it's blaming minorities for not expanding their (our) energy to change people's minds.   But it's like the spoon theory of disability - it can take a whole load of energy to navigate the world even as an invisible minority, let alone as someone who can't 'pass', or who is Out in the way Jazz is, without having to be responsible for trying to change the minds of every common or garden bigot that crosses our paths, let alone people like Derick, who've never met the person they're castigating, but want to sic their social media followers onto them, while complaining it's the dericks who are discriminated against.

[TheMrs]

Sleeping Sam
 

There’s that shirt again...

[HarleyQuinn]

And she's got him in his swaddle straight jacket again it looks like.

[HurricaneBells]

8 hours ago, nokidsmom said:

Same here.  I don't think life has quite gone the way Derick thought it would at this point in his life.  I think he had quite a different vision of it before he met the Duggar family and had no idea of what it really meant to marry into it, much less finding himself with a very needy wife.  Who was abused by her own brother, bet that was another surprise for Derick, can't imagine he can look at his BIL the same way ever again. 

I agree life has not gone the way he imagined but i think most of us could say that yet not be an asshole. I also dont think he has any problem looking The Pig in the eye... happily ate dinner with him and took his money (donation towards his next praycay) not that long ago... 

[Dandruff]

I'm inclined to think Derick was told *something* about the molestations, just not enough to wonder why (TF) Jim Bob put the family on national TV.

AFAIC, if Jazz wants anything to do with the likes of Derick Dillard and his opinions/agenda she can let him know herself.  I know I'd be feeling very harassed if someone I never met tried to get me to meet someone who had bullied me.

[Pecansforeveryone]

Yes Derrick absolutely took path of least resistance in his partnership with Jim Bob. He could have moved to say Oklahoma to be on his home turf. He could have moved to Laredo short term in preparation for a longer mission overseas to a Spanish speaking community.  It would have been very hard on Jill, yes. However she desperately needed a break from her family while still having the familiarity of living stateside. I don't like Jeremy one bit. That said one thing he did very right was to declare a break from Jinger's family. 

[Ivycoveredtower]

6 minutes ago, Pecansforeveryone said:

Yes Derrick absolutely took path of least resistance in his partnership with Jim Bob. He could have moved to say Oklahoma to be on his home turf. He could have moved to Laredo short term in preparation for a longer mission overseas to a Spanish speaking community.  It would have been very hard on Jill, yes. However she desperately needed a break from her family while still having the familiarity of living stateside. I don't like Jeremy one bit. That said one thing he did very right was to declare a break from Jinger's family. 

one thing I want to point out well Derrick went to Oklahoma for school he in fact grow up in Arkansas and both his mother and brother live there also.

[nastyhobbitses]

3 hours ago, HurricaneBells said:

I agree life has not gone the way he imagined but i think most of us could say that yet not be an asshole. I also dont think he has any problem looking The Pig in the eye... happily ate dinner with him and took his money (donation towards his next praycay) not that long ago... 

Derick is approaching JRod levels of narcissism, self-absorption, and utter lack of social awareness. It would not cross his mind that the ethics and optics of taking donations and spending lots of time with the man who sexually assaulted his wife are not very good. Derick cares only about what Derick wants. 

I think he, like the other Duggar spouses (perhaps Jeremy/Austin excluded because they came into the picture after everything came out), was told a very fuzzy, "but everything's fine because we browbeat and victim-blamed the girls into forgiving him and also he told Jesus he was sawwy" narrative, and he wasn't equipped to deal with the whole thing, because I don't think he's shown himself to be capable of giving a fuck about Jill's emotional needs except insofar as they affect him, and I have the horrible feeling that he's misogynistic and shitty enough to hold it over Jill to make her feel like she owes him. 

[Million Children For Jesus]

3 minutes ago, nastyhobbitses said:

...and I have the horrible feeling that he's misogynistic and shitty enough to hold it over Jill to make her feel like she owes him. 

I have this sinking feeling, too.

[Joyfully_Unavailable]

5 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

I don't think he's shown himself to be capable of giving a fuck about Jill's emotional needs except insofar as they affect him, and I have the horrible feeling that he's misogynistic and shitty enough to hold it over Jill to make her feel like she owes him. 

I've always wondered what the husbands did say/do when they found out what happened to their wives since I assume nobody was allowed to know until after they were married (which makes me hate JB and Michelle even more for even suggesting that anything made them less of a potential spouse because of their abuse). Based strictly on the camera interviews, Jill seemed to have another layer of emotion that I didn't see from the other sisters. Something about her felt especially broken and even though she says she forgave him and moved on the visible emotions on her face said otherwise. She was put in a terrible situation, left unprotected by her parents, and basically forced to forgive and forget what happened with Josh. It would break my heart but wouldn't surprise me if Derick has ever treated Jill like she was damaged goods. She never got the support she deserved from her parents in this and it's a shame that she most likely has a husband who is doing the same thing. Derick just seems like the type to be cold, unresponsive, and try to make things about himself if Jill ever tried to talk about what happened.

[VelociRapture]

Derick gets my sympathy for things he can’t control and didn’t ask for - his father’s death and his mother’s cancer battle being two of those. I’m fortunate to have both my parents, but I imagine it must have been absolutely horrible to lose his father so young and terrifying to think he was about to lose his mother right before his wedding. 

Everything else? Nope. No sympathy. He willingly chose to associate with the Duggars. He willingly chose to court Jill, marry her, and get her pregnant very quickly. He willingly chose to allow Jill to eat lunch with him at Walmart every day and he chose to allow her to be as clingy as she was (if she was even as clingy as suspected.) He willingly chose to become a fake missionary and he chose to grift his funds for that. He willingly chose to throw massively public temper tantrums via Twitter that resulted in a ton of negative pushback and his family being kicked off the show. No one forced him to do any of that and I don’t think he deserves sympathy for it. 

The molestation scandal is another matter. It’s possibke he knew something before the news broke, but it’s also possible he knew nothing at all. So any sympathy I have for him doesn’t depend on what he knew when, but in how he chose to support/not support Jill. If he was supportive of her then he has my sympathy. If not, he gets none because that scandal wasn’t about him - it was about a very real and traumatic event that happened to his wife in childhood. It’s understandable to feel upset about it all, but if he couldn’t bring himself to even grudgingly support her then he’s a shittier human then I thought (which is saying a lot since I’m pretty sure he’s one of the shittiest people in a pretty shitty cult.)

And I fully agree with @Million Children For Jesus- Jill is NOT responsible for his poor choices. Derick is. Even if she was/is a stage five clinger, it was Derick who chose to leave Walmart, to bring his family to SCA, to join the CrossChurch program, and to allow them to travel on the program mission trips with him. They live in a culture where his word goes - if he didn’t want Jill and the kids with him then they wouldn’t be there. They’d be back home in Arkansas. 

[TheMrs]

Maybe this has been said before but I feel like Derick has a superiority complex. I know that in their world it’s his way or the highway (although not even because there’s no second option), but I get the impression that even if he didn’t want her to tag along with him like she is now, he wouldn’t say it because it makes him feel superior. Like he has to show off the fact that he’s married because in their world that’s the ultimate goal. Like other posts have mentioned he needs constant ego boosts, and it’s possible those students look up to them as an example of a godly marriage... put him on a pedestal if you will because he’s superior to them. He wants the praise of how great he is for managing a wife and two kids while being able to have at least her and one of their kids in different countries tormenting people with their tracts.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

Derick is a stage five asshole, and I'm guessing he always has been. Cathy has shown that she too is a stage five asshole, so the ass didn't fall far from the hole in this family. 

[Ivycoveredtower]

4 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

Derick gets my sympathy for things he can’t control and didn’t ask for - his father’s death and his mother’s cancer battle being two of those. I’m fortunate to have both my parents, but I imagine it must have been absolutely horrible to lose his father so young and terrifying to think he was about to lose his mother right before his wedding. 

Everything else? Nope. No sympathy. He willingly chose to associate with the Duggars. He willingly chose to court Jill, marry her, and get her pregnant very quickly. He willingly chose to allow Jill to eat lunch with him at Walmart every day and he chose to allow her to be as clingy as she was (if she was even as clingy as suspected.) He willingly chose to become a fake missionary and he chose to grift his funds for that. He willingly chose to throw massively public temper tantrums via Twitter that resulted in a ton of negative pushback and his family being kicked off the show. No one forced him to do any of that and I don’t think he deserves sympathy for it. 

The molestation scandal is another matter. It’s possibke he knew something before the news broke, but it’s also possible he knew nothing at all. So any sympathy I have for him doesn’t depend on what he knew when, but in how he chose to support/not support Jill. If he was supportive of her then he has my sympathy. If not, he gets none because that scandal wasn’t about him - it was about a very real and traumatic event that happened to his wife in childhood. It’s understandable to feel upset about it all, but if he couldn’t bring himself to even grudgingly support her then he’s a shittier human then I thought (which is saying a lot since I’m pretty sure he’s one of the shittiest people in a pretty shitty cult.)

And I fully agree with @Million Children For Jesus- Jill is NOT responsible for his poor choices. Derick is. Even if she was/is a stage five clinger, it was Derick who chose to leave Walmart, to bring his family to SCA, to join the CrossChurch program, and to allow them to travel on the program mission trips with him. They live in a culture where his word goes - if he didn’t want Jill and the kids with him then they wouldn’t be there. They’d be back home in Arkansas. 

I don't know I think Jill has more control just like Michelle does then we're giving her credit for. I think she'd throw a royal bitch fit if she was left behind. 

 

in other news the Dillard's are still in CO

 

[singsingsing]

Does going on a fucking walk really merit a #besthubbyintheworld hashtag, Jill? Really? I don't think you're compensating hard enough, you need to up your game. Does he have the best brain, too? Is he a very stable genius?

Hey Derick, I need help. There are all these insane people who think the earth is 6000 years old, women should be thrown in jail for having abortions, and there is a omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, unchanging, eternal creator and ruler of the universe who is obsessed with making sure we don't touch our own genitals but is strangely forgiving of white men in positions of power who molest children. They live off a steady diet of hate and propaganda and have no capacity for critical thought. They're ruining the world for everyone else. What should we do about these people? Please help, it's an emergency.

Apparently I'm just 100% done today. I'm going to go play The Sims or vacuum my apartment or something. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

34 minutes ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

I don't know I think Jill has more control just like Michelle does then we're giving her credit for. I think she'd throw a royal bitch fit if she was left behind. 

 

in other news the Dillard's are still in CO

At least Izzy looks like he's having a good time, if she took the douchebag out of that photo it would be really cute.

Total BEC, but Samuel is big enough he could be sitting up in the stroller, he might have more fun if he could see where he was going and not just looking at the sky and his idiot parents.

[2manyKidzzz]

I think there are cougars available in CO. And the cost of three plane tickets extra is something I don’t understand.

[VelociRapture]

40 minutes ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

I don't know I think Jill has more control just like Michelle does then we're giving her credit for. I think she'd throw a royal bitch fit if she was left behind. 

 

in other news the Dillard's are still in CO

 

Jill could throw as many fits as she wants. At the end of the day, Derick is an adult and he is responsible for the choices he has made. 

 

5 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

At least Izzy looks like he's having a good time, if she took the douchebag out of that photo it would be really cute.

Total BEC, but Samuel is big enough he could be sitting up in the stroller, he might have more fun if he could see where he was going and not just looking at the sky and his idiot parents.

Maybe they have him like that so Izzy can ride on the stroller if needed? I haven’t used a stroller like that before, but having Sam sitting up might not leave any room for Izzy to stand (so he can take a break if needed) like he is in the photo.

[Georgiana]

Am I the #besthubbyintheworld?  Because I take my dog for walks every day.  I think I might be.  Get on my level, Derick!

I think Derick and Jill are far more normal than we are giving them credit for.  I don't think the strains in their marriage are unique.  I think they're just the same old story that many of us here have been though (though without the marriage): two people who became infatuated with each other and confused it for love, got caught up in the romance of their "love story", missed or glossed over the red flags that should have shown that they were not as compatible as they thought, and now that the honeymoon is over and hardships are straining the relationship, they find themselves poorly suited for each other. 

It is exactly why courtships like theirs are a bad idea.  Had they dated, they might have figured this out.  But now, they are stuck in a covenant marriage.