New Book: "Daddy Dates" ewww..anyone heard if this?

[Guest Anonymous]

So I go to this website from time to time to see which celeb is expecting or whatever and I came acrosss this article about this guy Greg Wright who wrote this book- "Daddy Dates" Four daughters, one clueless dad, and his quest to win their hearts". The name alone gives me the willies. Anyone heard of this? I am not computer savvy so I don't know how to post a link but her is the website- celebritybabies.people.com

Scroll down towards end of the page.

[lilwriter85]

I remember this. There was a thread on the old FJ about this book. I think the guy also has a blog about this subject.

[atheistjd]

I haven't heard of this book specifically, but this is a pretty common trend in the fundie-lite/evangelical circles I have swum in.

There seems to be this idea, based on all the pop psychology crap out there about women looking for their fathers in potential husbands, or women who lack strong father figures being promiscuous, that the father should act as a a pseudo-husband. In the warped minds of these people, all male interaction, except PiV, is basically the same to teh womens. So if you don't give your daughter lots of hugs - she will get them elsewhere!!!11eleventy!!!1

Lots of scare tactics, but the premise is take your daughter on "dates," starting from a very young age, so that no one else does. They pretend it's about having a strong father-figure (because g-d forbid you just act like a stable loving PARENT) but it's really a simplification of all human relationships based on gender-normative interactions with your kids. (but remember, ONLY dads get to have this weird bond with daughters - if moms have a strong bond with their son, pop psych says they'll turn into a gay!)

[NurseNell]

I haven't heard of this book specifically, but this is a pretty common trend in the fundie-lite/evangelical circles I have swum in.

There seems to be this idea, based on all the pop psychology crap out there about women looking for their fathers in potential husbands, or women who lack strong father figures being promiscuous, that the father should act as a a pseudo-husband. In the warped minds of these people, all male interaction, except PiV, is basically the same to teh womens. So if you don't give your daughter lots of hugs - she will get them elsewhere!!!11eleventy!!!1

Lots of scare tactics, but the premise is take your daughter on "dates," starting from a very young age, so that no one else does.

Is he a fundie? I don't get that sense from the article. And he's not against dating. "In addition, Wright says daddy dates can also serve the dual purpose of educating girls about dating in the real world as they get older."

[MaroonMandy]

Guys like this make me angry. They twist and pervert what a normal loving father-daughter relationship is. My dad and I always had Daddy/Daughter "dates." We usually went on Christmas Eve when we were shopping for my mom's gift (because we're serious procrastinators). While we were out, I got to pick the restaurant where we had lunch, and after shopping we would usually go to a movie or if we went to a bigger city to shop, a museum or something of that nature.

He wasn't doing it so no one else would take me on dates, rather he was doing it so we could just spend time together. He has always worked hard and enjoyed being able to treat me to a day that was just us.

Men who try and twist this around make me angry. I think (and many people may disagree with me) that the type of relationship you have with a father (or other appropriate male if dad is gone) is important. By going on these creepy "dates" are messing with their daughters' minds and they way they will approach any male/female relationship.

[Grace]

I met someone once who did Mom/Son and Dad/Daughter dates with their kids once they were about 13. The point was to spend some quality time with their kids and also to teach them how they should treat their dates and how they should expect to be treated once they were old enough to go on dates. I thought it was a pretty cool concept.

But, of course, fundies can turn anything into something disgusting.

[Austin]

This just makes me squeamish. I meet one of my sons regularly for lunch, as it's a good time for us to connect and get in some uninterrupted conversation. Plus he is an adult now and I value his opinion. So are these lunches dates? Gross.

[bananacat]

I haven't heard of this book specifically, but this is a pretty common trend in the fundie-lite/evangelical circles I have swum in.

There seems to be this idea, based on all the pop psychology crap out there about women looking for their fathers in potential husbands, or women who lack strong father figures being promiscuous, that the father should act as a a pseudo-husband. In the warped minds of these people, all male interaction, except PiV, is basically the same to teh womens. So if you don't give your daughter lots of hugs - she will get them elsewhere!!!11eleventy!!!1

Lots of scare tactics, but the premise is take your daughter on "dates," starting from a very young age, so that no one else does. They pretend it's about having a strong father-figure (because g-d forbid you just act like a stable loving PARENT) but it's really a simplification of all human relationships based on gender-normative interactions with your kids. (but remember, ONLY dads get to have this weird bond with daughters - if moms have a strong bond with their son, pop psych says they'll turn into a gay!)

It makes me really sad that these people think the only way a man can relate to his daughter is by having dates. They can't conceive of them just having bonding moments over everyday things, like when she helps him cook or fix the car. Or just building a snowman in the middle of the night because she's a teenager now with a nocturnal sleep schedule and they keep running up to the motion sensor to get the flood light back on so they can see. It's little things like that that I remember about my date, not him taking me on some weird date like the type I would have a boyfriend. Some fathers are too distant, but dates aren't the answer. Men who are distant from their daughters are often also distant from their sons, but there aren't books about bonding with a son by taking him on a date.

[Guest Anonymous]

I don't know, maybe if the name of the book was different or something. Calling it a "date" is cute if your out with your toddler but not your middle school or teenage daughter. I guess that's just me.

[Guest Anonymous]

The use of the word "date" to describe a father/daughter outing is what makes it creepy for me. Also, "winning your daughers' hearts"? Teaching your children proper manners and restaurant etiquette is sufficient to prepare them for dates/friendship etc, you don't need to "date" your daughter (or son) to do this. One on one time with children by each parent is important, but this elevation of the father/daughter relationship (paired with the creepy purity thing) - um, no.

[AnnoDomini]

My father took me and my older sister out on breakfast dates sometimes. It was quite nice actually.

[EmmieJ]

I just don't like them being called "dates" whether you are a mom and son spending quality time together, or a dad and daughter. If it was referred to as "day with dad" or something similar, the creepiness factor would go way down for me.

I definitely am in favor of creating some quality one-on-one time between parents and kids, especially if you have a large number of kids. But calling it a date is a little awkward to say the least.

Then when they carry it further, where the dad gives a daughter a purity ring, and she has to promise to stay virgin til marriage or not kiss boys, the ick factor goes right to the top of the charts. First of all, and maybe this is peculiar only to me, but I feel that sort of conversation (re sexuality, encouraging daughters to focus on education, sports, excelling in hobbies) is better from mom to daughter. After all, mom has been there, done that. Second, I always had a closer relationship with my mom and felt much more comfortable discussing issues with her than I ever did my dad.

Fathers can and should play a big role in their children's lives, but I feel like this crosses a line better left uncrossed.

[lilwriter85]

I just don't like them being called "dates" whether you are a mom and son spending quality time together, or a dad and daughter. If it was referred to as "day with dad" or something similar, the creepiness factor would go way down for me.

I definitely am in favor of creating some quality one-on-one time between parents and kids, especially if you have a large number of kids. But calling it a date is a little awkward to say the least.

Then when they carry it further, where the dad gives a daughter a purity ring, and she has to promise to stay virgin til marriage or not kiss boys, the ick factor goes right to the top of the charts. First of all, and maybe this is peculiar only to me, but I feel that sort of conversation (re sexuality, encouraging daughters to focus on education, sports, excelling in hobbies) is better from mom to daughter. After all, mom has been there, done that. Second, I always had a closer relationship with my mom and felt much more comfortable discussing issues with her than I ever did my dad.

Fathers can and should play a big role in their children's lives, but I feel like this crosses a line better left uncrossed.

I agree saying "day with dad" or "day with mom" sounds better and I have heard people say stuff like that. One on one time is pretty valuable with parents and children. I grew up in a family of four kids and sometimes my dad would take one of my brothers for outings and stuff like and sometime he would do the same with me and my sister. Calling it a date is just awkward and I agree when dads give their daughters purity rings, and make them promises about purity it is crossing the line. With fundie families, men controlling their daughters isn't seen as weird or awkward to them.

[HowRude]

This takes psychology too far you can be a good father figure and not give your daddy issues without "dating" your kid.Their heart may be in the right place but there will be some wack jobs who will use it as an excuse to deprive their daughters of a life outside their house.

[formergothardite]

Why is the focus all on daddy winning his little girl's hearth? What about the sons? Doesn't Daddy need to take them on dates and win their hearts? I never see any books or articles about father's winning the hearts of their sons or the importance of mothers taking their sons on dates. I think it always boils down to men thinking they own their daughters virginity and that is icky.

ETA: When I was young my dad would often ask us if we wanted to tag along while he went and did stuff and then we would go out to eat, but it was never treated like a date, just a normal family outing. My mom would do the same. Heck, they still call me up and ask if I want to go with them. And sometimes I ask them if they want to ride along with me when I go places just because we like hanging out together.

[3 is enough]

Why not call it "father-daughter bonding?' And, there is also "mother-son bonding", "father-son bonding", and "mother -daughter bonding".

The term "dating" just sounds icky.

I think it is important for all parents to have one-on-one time with each of their children. Just don't call it "dating".

[bananacat]

Why is the focus all on daddy winning his little girl's hearth? What about the sons? Doesn't Daddy need to take them on dates and win their hearts? I never see any books or articles about father's winning the hearts of their sons or the importance of mothers taking their sons on dates. I think it always boils down to men thinking they own their daughters virginity and that is icky.

ETA: When I was young my dad would often ask us if we wanted to tag along while he went and did stuff and then we would go out to eat, but it was never treated like a date, just a normal family outing. My mom would do the same. Heck, they still call me up and ask if I want to go with them. And sometimes I ask them if they want to ride along with me when I go places just because we like hanging out together.

Boys don't have hymens, so they don't need as protection from Daddy.

[O Latin]

I don't see how just calling it a date makes it automatically icky. I know lots of people who will say they have a lunch "date" with their best friend or their grandmother. What if they called it something else but there was still all the stuff about protecting the daughter's heart or whatever? Would that be less icky?

[EmmieJ]

What if they called it something else but there was still all the stuff about protecting the daughter's heart or whatever? Would that be less icky?

It would go down one notch on my personal "ick" yardstick. However, I am still uncomfortable with the paternalistic approach of "I am your father, here to protect your heart because you are a mere girl and would totally give it away if I weren't here to stop that" stuff. First of all, both parents should be involved in raising all the children and showing by example what a loving and healthy relationship between adults looks like. Secondly, I admit I would feel more comfortable if this was a talk between mom and daughter - and ongoing flow of information on respecting oneself, recognizing that as humans hit the teens, hormones start flowing and bodies change and it's entirely normal to develop crushes on boys and want to have a boyfriend, kiss a boy, etc. To me, that sort of personal conversation is easier between a mom and daughter. I realize this is just my opinion, based on my own comfort level with my parents.

I love them both, but mom stayed at home and raised the kids while dad went to work. In practical terms, that meant my mom was the one who was there for me when I fell and got hurt, when I had questions, when I was hungry and wanted lunch, when I was sad and needed a hug. Dad was the fun guy who hid Easter eggs and left quarters under our pillows when we lost a tooth, and who fixed flat tires and plumbing. I loved my dad when I was growing up, but it was to my mother I would turn for advice and comfort. Sooooo .... that's my perspective on the whole issue of invading a young woman's privacy re her burgeoning sexuality and supposed need for protection for her heart.