Stories Part 2

[47of74]

Then there was this

Quote

A deaf man has sued PornHub and other pornographic websites because he said he “cannot enjoy video content” without closed captioning.

Yaroslav Suris, a New York resident, tried to watch videos on PornHub entitled “Hot Step Aunt Babysits Disobedient Nephew,” “Sexy Cop Gets Witness To Talk” and others in October 2019 and January 2020, but was could not due to the website's lack of closed captioning, according to the lawsuit filed Thursday in the Eastern District of New York.

The lawsuit alleges that PornHub, RedTube and YouPorn are in violation of the 1990 Americans with Disabilities Act. Part of the ADA's goal is to provide “full and equal enjoyment” of a public accommodation’s goods, services, facilities and privileges, according to the lawsuit.

How does one caption a fake orgasm though?

[47of74]

Meanwhile in Scotland

A bank robber who wore a pillow case with no eye holes as a disguise was arrested after fleeing "very slowly" then stopping to pet a dog, a court has been told.

Matthew Davies, 47, robbed a Bank of Scotland branch in Dunfermline, Scotland, armed with a meat cleaver last September. He pulled his weapon out of a pillowcase before putting the bedding over his face in an attempt to conceal his identity.

But during a hearing at the High Court in Glasgow, the robber was forced to remove his makeshift mask because he “couldn’t see”, the Daily Record reports.

Prosecutor Stewart Ronnie said: “This was due to a failure to create eye holes.”

[47of74]

Arizona woman learned the hard way you gotta be careful with ye olde sexual devices

Quote

She was talking about her new Vesper Vibrator Necklace by the company Crave. She wore the sex toy around her neck out to dinner with her boyfriend, then used it with him when they got home earlier this month. She was only using it on the outside of her body as intended.

“I moved and out of nowhere I just felt a really sharp pain,” she said. The vibrator was nowhere to be found. “Where is it? And he like…didn’t know,” she said, about the moment she and her boyfriend knew something was wrong.

“The emergency room staff wasn’t able to find it in the vagina,” said OBGYN Dr. Greg Marchand. The emergency room staff called in Dr. Marchand to take a look, and he was shocked by what he found on the x-ray and inside her body.

“I was really surprised when I’m looking in the abdomen and realizing this device is actually in the bladder,” Dr. Marchand said. “I’ve never seen a case like this in my entire career.” They realized the device had actually entered her body through her urethra and went into her bladder, lodging itself sideways. They had to surgically remove it.

 

[dripcurl]

13 minutes ago, 47of74 said:

Arizona woman learned the hard way you gotta be careful with ye olde sexual devices

 

I felt pain reading this.

[47of74]

Meanwhile cross the river in Wisconsin

Quote

Cops say Benjamin Duddles, 47, last week called the non-emergency line at the Waukesha Police Department four times over a 37-minute period and made some odd requests of police personnel, according to a criminal complaint.

In one conversation with a female dispatcher, Duddles said, “It would be super duper cool if we could spend some quality time together.” The operator replied, “I don’t know you so I don’t want to spend quality time with you.”

While speaking with a male dispatcher during a second call, Duddles asked, “Well, do you wanna, you know, fool around?” “No, I don’t want to fool around,” the operator shot back.

Officers sent to Duddles’s Milwaukee-area residence discovered him, not surprisingly, in an intoxicated state. They also found a “glass smoking pipe” and THC in the apartment.

Yeah sounds about right.

[47of74]

From the if google told ya to jump off a cliff files....

Quote

A man was rescued early Saturday morning after he fell partially through the ice on the Mississippi River near the Stone Arch Bridge in Minneapolis.

The man reportedly told authorities that his Google Maps told him to cross the river.

Officials said the man, who is from out of town, was heading back to his hotel. 

I'm sure that: (a) Google meant for him to cross at a suitable bridge; and (b) Minnesota oat sodas figure prominently in this story.

[47of74]

A Massachusetts woman got more than she bargained for when the man she met on a dating app robbed a bank on their first date and forced her to drive him from the scene of his crime.

Quote

Christopher Castillo, the unnamed woman's would-be Robin Hood, plead guilty this week to armed robbery and three counts of assault and battery on a police officer — all committed on their first date on December 5, 2016 — according to the Bristol County District Attorney's Office.

Castillo was sentenced to three years in state prison for the robbery, plus two years in the Bristol County House of Corrections for violently struggling against and spitting on police who tried to subdue him, according to the district attorney's office.

It all started, the woman told police, when she picked up Castillo from his parents' home in Chepachet, Rhode Island, and drove him 30 minutes east toward North Attleboro, Massachusetts. She said he drank wine in the passenger seat of her Nissan Maxima (which is also illegal, but he wasn't charged for that one).

Goes on to say that she pulled into a bank parking lot and didn't think anything of his request to go inside the bank.  Until, that is, he came back with a gun and a wad of cash.

 

[47of74]

Yeah a Wisconsin sex offender headed right where’d you expect after cutting off his ankle bracelet.

A Darlington sex offender may have ditched his GPS-tracking ankle bracelet, but that didn't mean that officers would have to search far to find him.

In fact, Matthew Buman was found around 1:30 a.m. Friday at a local bar, just a block away from his apartment on Main Street, the Darlington Police Department said. The 48-year-old Buman was arrested without incident and taken to the Lafayette County jail.

He was caught less than a half a day after allegedly cutting off his GPS-tracking bracelet with a knife.

Investigators thought he might be in the company of Timothy Fitzsimons, who is also wanted by the Department of Corrections.

[47of74]

How not to celebrate sobriety

Quote

An Arizona man arrested for allegedly stealing a motorcycle from a Kawasaki dealership told police he was “celebrating 4 months of sobriety and decided he wanted” a chopper, according to court records.

Investigators say that Jackson Hanley, 29, was actually intoxicated when he walked into a Mesa dealership earlier this month and “grabbed a Kawasaki motorcycle and began pushing it down the street.”

Hanley, who rode his bicycle to Kelly’s Kawasaki, had his theft bid thwarted when a customer alerted an employee that a crime was in progress. Police were then summoned and Hanley was located about a mile away. “The defendant,” a cop noted, was found “resting on a fence with the bike slightly tipped over but still upright.”

Hanley, cops say, “admitted to stealing the motorcycle. He said he was celebrating 4 months of sobriety and decided he wanted a motorcycle.” Hanley reportedly said he was “going to walk it back home and try and start it there.”

 

[47of74]

Yeah don't stick frozen taters up there

Quote

This comes as an increasing number of hemorrhoid sufferers have reportedly taken to the internet to seek alternative solutions to their problem instead of consulting doctors.

Now, it has emerged that an altogether unusual solution is being touted online: that inserting frozen potatoes into your anus for 30 minutes is the answer.

Per the Metro, Dr. Diana Gall, of leading online medical service Doctor-4-U, said: "Piles can be an irritating condition and sufferers are sometimes too embarrassed to seek professional helping, turning to old wives' tales instead."

The doctor continued: "There is no medical evidence that putting frozen potatoes inside the anus can help cure piles, so I would urge caution to anyone thinking of doing it.

 

[47of74]

Wisconsin woman in action

Quote

As a manager worked nearby to sanitize a section of a Wisconsin grocery store, a 53-year-old woman licked the handle of a freezer door in what she later told cops was a “protest to the Coronavirus,” according to a police report.

The odd act of defiance occurred Saturday afternoon in the freezer section of Festival Foods in Marshfield, a city in central Wisconsin.

As detailed in a Marshfield Police Department report, a store manager told officers that he was “sanitizing the handles in the freezer section” when he looked over at a woman later identified as Nona Lindhorst, a Marshfield resident.

Lindhorst, the store manager told police, “proceeded to look at him and lick the door handle of a freezer door.” The manager “immediately sanitized the licked door handle” and called 911.

 

[47of74]

LOL

 

[47of74]

Ohio Woman to Florida Woman: Please kindly hold my soda of oat.

Quote

An Ohio woman called 911 late Saturday evening to report that her “pussy was on fire” and that she needed someone from the fire department to “put it out with their hose,” according to an arrest report.

After placing that emergency call, Katrina Morgan, 50, hung up the phone. When a police dispatcher called her back, Morgan reiterated that she required first responders to “come put her pussy out because it is on fire.”

Seen above, Morgan “appeared highly intoxicated” when cops arrived at her friend's home in Port Clinton, a city on Lake Erie. Morgan smelled of booze and was “having trouble walking, was slurring her speech,” police noted.

 

[47of74]

Mind if I do a J?

 

[47of74]

California Man got a tanker truck full of wine to pull over so he could drink straight from the tank. 

Quote

The dash cam video from a Cherokee Freight Lines tanker truck hauling bulk red wine through Modesto, California, allegedly shows suspect 39-year-old Gabriel Moreno in a sedan, putting his hazard lights on and directing the truck to the side of the highway.

Believing he may have had a mechanical problem, the truck driver pulled over, only to see Moreno get out of his car wearing just underwear. He ran to the passenger side of the truck and out of view of the camera.

As the driver pulled back on the freeway, another onboard camera captured the suspect jump back into view then on the back of the wine truck. With no shirt and no shoes, Moreno rode on the side of the tanker then climbed underneath the truck as it hit freeway speeds.

Authorities say the suspect unscrewed a valve that sent the tanker’s wine gushing out, and he gulped as much as he could.

 

[47of74]

No no no dig up stupid

Quote

A Kansas man who asked a judge to allow him a trial by combat with Japanese swords  in a child custody dispute with his Iowa ex-wife is sane, a court-ordered psychological evaluation has concluded.

 

 

He summoned his ex-wife, Bridgette Ostrom, 38, of Harlan, to the battlefield, noting that her attorney, Matthew Hudson, could stand in her place if he wished, court records show. There, he said in his motion, he would "rend their souls from their (corporeal) bodies."

David Ostrom, who is representing himself in court, filed a counter-motion Friday to have his ex-wife and Hudson undergo psychological evaluation as well, contending he had not received equal treatment under the law.

 

[47of74]

The Melon Heads

Quote

Two young men wearing hollowed-out watermelon rinds on their heads stole alcohol from a Virginia convenience store, according to police who this weekend apprehended one of the masked bandits.

The duo, cops say, earlier this month swiped booze from a Sheetz convenience store in Louisa, a town 30 miles east of Charlottesville. As recorded in surveillance footage, the melon-headed perps had cut eye holes in the watermelon rinds.

Police have charged Justin Rogers, 20, with larceny, underage possession of alcohol, and wearing a mask while committing larceny. 

 

[clueliss]

Man blows off own hand in plot to blow up hot cheerleaders 

 

[clueliss]

Man puts phone charger up his penis, found in his bladder

Quote

 

 

[47of74]

Yeah it's my birthday today.  No this wasn't me.

Quote

A birthday weekend threesome came to an abrupt end Friday when the 19-year-old celebrant pulled a male acquaintance “off the other woman by his genitals and threw him to the floor” of a La Quinta Inn room, according to South Carolina police.

The woman, named Mary Jane, told police that her friend Jahiem had arrived in Myrtle Beach before her and “had been spending time with another woman before she got there.”  And, a police incident report notes, “that’s what started the whole argument.”

Jahiem told Myrtle Beach Police Department officers that he and Mary Jane “agreed to have sexual relations with that other woman,” whose age is not revealed in the report. Mary Jane, however, did tell cops that the second woman had a pistol in her handbag.

“During the course of the relations,” Jahiem said, Mary Jane pulled him “off the other woman by his genitals and threw him to the floor.” During a physical confrontation that followed, Jahiem said he kicked Mary Jane, “causing her to fall.”

 

[47of74]

"Ain't no laws when drinking Claws" is not a valid defense for chucking a can of it at a police officer.

Quote

In an attempt to avoid arrest, a Nebraska suspect tossed a can of the popular hard seltzer at cops who sought to collar him for pulling a knife on a hotel employee.

According to police, Matthew Stinson, 36, had threatened Sunday afternoon to “kill multiple times” while in the lobby of the Luxury Inn in Lincoln. Stinson, who was holding a knife, allegedly threatened to murder a clerk at the hotel (where he had been staying).

Stinson “also made comments about hurting others” as he departed the hotel, cops say. By the time Lincoln Police Department officers arrived, Stinson had fled the area.

When Stinson was located about six hours later, he became “agitated” and threw a can of White Claw at police “and took off running.” The spiked sparkling water, however, missed its targets and Stinson was apprehended after a short foot chase.

 

[clueliss]

https://krcgtv.com/news/local/callaway-county-husband-and-wife-duo-both-political-candidates-face-drug-charges?fbclid=IwAR2DSSLKxjSKu8F5K03kkQvMaJd58UHBw_BCUvgLIbB-4qcBHgYss-sOoAs

Quote

Callaway County husband and wife duo, both political candidates, face drug charges

by Megan Smaltz

Monday, June 22nd 2020AA

Officers flying in a helicopter said they witnessed a married couple, who are both political candidates, attempt to dispose of "multiple" marijuana plants on their property by lighting them on fire. (Callaway County Sheriff)

COLUMBIA — A Callaway County couple, who are both political candidates, were arrested Thursday after a helicopter observed "multiple marijuana plants" on the couple's property and subsequently witnessed the couple attempting to dispose of the plants by lighting them on fire.

Adela Wisdom, a candidate for US Representative 3rd District of Missouri, and Aaron Wisdom a Republican candidate for Lieutenant Governor are both facing charges.

According to a probable cause document, at 8:16 a.m. Thursday, a helicopter flew over the couple's residence in Williamsburg and "observed multiple marijuana plants on the property."

While an officer attempted to get a warrant to search the residence, Callaway County Sheriff's Office Lieutenant Curtis Hall witnessed Adela Wisdom begin "rapidly removing marijuana plants from the ground," the document said. Hall also noted seeing Aaron Wisdom lighting those marijuana plants on fire.

In the probable cause document, the reporting officer Blake Atkins said, "Due to the exigent circumstances, law enforcement personnel then entered the property and detained Adela and Aaron."

When a search warrant for the property was signed by a judge, Atkins said he responded to the location and located "approximately 22 marijuana plants, of varying sizes, planted in multiple locations around the property."

Atkins went on to say several of the marijuana plants had been removed from the ground and charring could be seeing on some of the plant's leaves, "indicating that they had in fact been burned."

Following the incident, Adela, who was formally an adviser for the San Diego City Council Medical Marijuana Task Force, shared her stance on Facebook saying "no one belongs in jail for a plant."

Both Adela and Aaron Wisdom were formally charged with felony Manufacture Of A Controlled Substance and misdemeanor Atmp-Tampering With Physical Evidence In Felony Prosecution. Aaron and Adela were held on a $4,500 surety bond, which they both posted on Monday.

 

[47of74]

Facepalm 

Quote

NEWBERG, Ore. - A car crash Sunday resulted in both drivers being arrested after police in Oregon discovered they were both driving stolen vehicles.

Newberg-Dundee police chased Randy Lee Cooper, 27, in a stolen Land Cruiser before he careened into a Buick Regal as he was attempting to elude officers.

Cooper was arrested and charged with multiple crimes, including assault and unauthorized use of a motor vehicle.

In the process, police discovered that the driver of the Buick, 25-year-old Kristin Nicole Begue, was under the influence of intoxicants and her vehicle had also been reported stolen three weeks prior, according to a police press release.

 

[47of74]

As a classmate said, ok which one of you lost your Starbucks order...

Quote

Police in Italy have intercepted a package containing hundreds of coffee beans that were hiding illegal drugs inside them.

Around 500 beans had been cut open, stuffed with cocaine, and carefully taped closed again with dark brown tape.

While the method of transportation appears to have been carefully thought out, the name on the package may have given the smugglers away.

Police said suspicions were initially raised when they saw the name "Santino D'Antonio" on the packets — a mafia boss in the American action film John Wick.

 

[47of74]

Yeah, tow lines aren't a good idea when giving your kids a ride home

Quote

Nicole Paris’s son and a friend had gone for a long bicycle ride when they got tired on the trip home. So the boy called his mother for a lift back to their Pennsylvania residence.

But when Paris, 34, reached the children, she realized that her car was not big enough for the juveniles and their bicycles.

So, cops say, Paris “came up with the idea” to place a towel in the car’s rear hatch, which then would serve as a towline for the children to hold onto while sitting atop their bikes.

However, as described in a criminal complaint, Paris’s invention failed miserably when her son “lost his grip” on the towel and fell off his bicycle. The boy’s friend then proceeded to run over his pal with his bicycle.

No this wasn't Florida.  This happened up in Pennsylvania.