Stories Part 2

[47of74]

Louisiana Man came clean and admitted a ghost did not plant the meth in his residence....

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A man who surmised that a ghost may have planted methamphetamine in his Louisiana home eventually admitted that he, and not an otherworldly force, was responsible for the drug being in his residence, court records show.

Michael Auttonberry, 60, was arrested in October after police arrived at his home in response to a purported assault. Auttonberry, cops say, had called 911 to claim that he had been “stabbed on the head by an axe.”

When officers arrived at Auttonberry’s West Monroe home, they determined that he was not suffering from any axe wounds (and there were no assailants in sight). Cops did, however, spot “in plain view on a night stand a open brown paper containing approximately 1 gram of suspected methamphetamine,” according to a probable cause affidavit. A subsequent pat down of Auttonberry yielded a pill bottle containing an additional gram of meth.

Quizzed by cops, Auttonberry said that "a ghost or intruders" planted the drugs before climbing out a bedroom window. This claim, investigators determined, “was not accurate.”

 

[47of74]

Connecticut Man to Florida Man: Hold mah beer!

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According to a Facebook post from the town of Ridgefield, Connecticut, a baseball game at Governor Park was delayed because of weather conditions.

 "A poor decision was made" to attempt to dry the wet field more quickly by pouring 24 gallons of gasoline and setting it on fire, the town said.

A Twitter video posted by user @AmityNorton shows the fire, with people attempting to put it out by shoveling dirt on top of it.

Several agencies including the Ridgefield Police Department and Department of Energy and Environmental Protection helped put out the fire, said the town. No one was hurt, and no one was in danger as a result of the blaze, according to the post.

 

[47of74]

First Satan dropped her off, now Oklahoma Woman was busted trying to escape from zombies by stealing a truck parked at a Wally World.

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According to a police report, a man called 911 Tuesday morning to report that a woman had jumped into his truck, locked the doors, and was attempting to drive away. The truck, carrying Sparkletts water bottles and jugs, was parked outside a Walmart in Sapulpa, a Tulsa suburb.

The suspect, identified by cops as Tamanda Billings, 27, reportedly told driver Devonte Harris that she needed his wheels to flee zombies. Harris, who was delivering an order to Walmart, said that when he asked Billings to get out of his truck, she replied, "No, there are Zombies after me."

But Billings, a mother of two young children, had her escape from the undead stymied when she could not get the Freightliner truck moving. Cops responding to the 911 call eventually had to break the vehicle’s window to remove Billings from the cab.

Billings has a lengthy rap that includes convictions in four separate Oklahoma counties for crimes like arson, malicious mischief, public intoxication, resisting arrest, and  disturbing the peace. Following a 2016 trespass collar, Billings claimed that “Satan” had dropped her off in the neighborhood she was found wandering. “I don’t like cops, you’re all possessed,” Billings declared, adding, “They’re coming for us.” Cops reported, “There was nothing worth noting in the general direction she was looking.”

 

[47of74]

And now we have Tennessee Woman stepping up to the plate in a story that involves Wally World, electric shopping scooters, and Waffle House!

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A woman was arrested in Crossville after allegedly riding an electric shopping scooter from Walmart to Waffle House.

Crossville police said 45-year-old Sally Selby was charged with theft after officers pulled her over driving in the slow lane on Main Street.

She allegedly said she got the cart from Walmart and was driving it to Waffle House to get a cup of coffee.

Selby told police she had built the cart and someone had ripped the lights off of it.

 

[47of74]

Wisconsin Man and Wisconsin Woman are stepping up to the plate

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A 46-year-old woman and her 25-year-old son were arrested after a series of incidents at a Wisconsin Walmart.

According to the Eau Claire Police Department, Lisa Smith and her son, Benny Vann, entered their local Walmart on Wednesday night along with Smith's dog, Bo. Bo, who was not on a leash, ran away from his owner and rather than chase after him, Smith proceeded to dismantling store displays and putting them in her shopping cart.

However, between being asked to leave and the arrival of the police, Smith allegedly went into the parking lot to perform karate moves. Those moves were later put on display as Smith resisted arrested. The Eau Claire police said she also "attempted to kick out a window on the squad car" as officers took her into custody. Smith was charged with disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and misdemeanor bail jumping.

The department said that Vann proceeded to the back of the store where he removed all of his clothes, exposing himself to customers in the store. Afterward, Vann took clothes from the racks of clothing inside the Walmart store and clothed himself but did not move to pay for the items as he left the building. When officers asked Vann to stop, he attempted to run over a policeman with the scooter he was riding.

 

[Briefly]

On 4/10/2019 at 2:18 PM, 47of74 said:

First Satan dropped her off, now Oklahoma Woman was busted trying to escape from zombies by stealing a truck parked at a Wally World.

 

I'm seeing a trend here.  The People of WalMart are trying to outdo Florida Man/Woman!

I know where the Wallyworld is that she stole the truck from, I'm pretty sure that the zombies are not at that store.  They may be at another one in Tulsa, but not that one.

[47of74]

Missouri Woman really wanted some chocolate ice cream

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Incensed that a St. Louis hamburger joint had run out of chocolate ice cream, a female suspect went on a 2:25 AM rampage, breaking out the restaurant’s windows with a baseball bat and spitting on employees, according to police.

Officials are seeking the public’s help in identifying the woman who trashed the Rally’s Hamburgers outlet on March 27.

According to a St. Louis police summary, investigators classified the incident as a burglary and listed three women as victims. The suspect, cops say, became “enraged after ordering her food” and “then used an aluminum baseball bat to break the glass windows of the business” and threaten the victims (none of whom were injured).

Investigators say the woman went ballistic after Rally’s workers informed her they only had vanilla ice cream available. Upon learning that there was no chocolate ice cream in stock, she spit on employees and then set upon the business’s windows with a baseball bat

 

[47of74]

Jesus, Wisconsin.  Y'all keep this up we might need a whole topic just for you.

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According to a Grant County Sheriff's Department report, a juvenile, who was not identified, located items related to the use of methamphetamines inside a duffel bag on April 12. The child took the items to Fennimore High School and made contact with the principal. 

The principal alerted authorities, who identified a "glass smoking device" and a digital scale, according to the release. They approached the child's father, Jeremy Koppen, 39, of rural Fennimore.

Yeah Koppen got his bail jumping ass arrested afterwards.

[47of74]

A man sued his parents for $86,000 cause they tossed his porn collection. (First here's a music track to go with the story).

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The man, identified only as "Charlie" in media coverage, filed the lawsuit this week in Grand Haven, Mich., according to Fox 17 News.

Charlie reportedly moved into his parents’ home in October 2016 after divorcing his wife and stayed for 10 months. He did housework in lieu of paying rent, according to the lawsuit.

He left his parents’ home in August 2017 after police were called for a domestic situation. His parents brought his possessions to his new home in Indiana several months later, but his collection of pornography was missing, Fox 17 reported.

His parents admitted to destroying his collection, which consisted of over a dozen large boxes of movies.

 

[Briefly]

https://www.fox23.com/news/police-sapulpa-woman-said-she-needed-to-escape-zombies-tried-to-steal-truck/938526662

This was on the news this week.  I do feel sorry for her, she obviously has some issues.  But I also had to laugh at the reason she stole the truck:  zombies!

[47of74]

Utah Woman asked Florida Woman to hold her beer

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A 23-year-old Ogden woman who accused her boyfriend of cheating on her allegedly responded by taking off her clothes in the parking lot of a busy shopping area on Saturday.

The woman "was naked in public dancing, shouting and grabbing at a male (the boyfriend)," according to a Salt Lake County Jail report. "The incident also took place in a busy public area with constant vehicle and pedestrian traffic."

"According to the boyfriend (the woman) took her clothing off as she accused the boyfriend of cheating," the report states. "(The woman) made a statement saying she took her clothes off because her boyfriend doesn't want her anymore."

 

[47of74]

Hey did Florida Man move to Mexico?

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Officials in northern Mexico say a man accidentally trapped himself in a hole he'd dug so that he could spy surreptitiously on his former girlfriend, in violation of a restraining order.

The attorney general's office for the state of Sonora said Sunday that the 50-year-old spent days digging the hole in Puerto Penasco, on the Gulf of California, only to become trapped inside and require assistance to get out. The man had been ordered to stay away from his ex-girlfriend due to domestic violence charges. He is now in jail.

 

[clueliss]

Missouri Woman is at it (and Mexico here refers to Mexico, MO) - revoked driver's license - check.  Boyfriend in jail need bond -check.  Meth in pants -of course!

https://krcgtv.com/news/local/woman-with-revoked-license-drives-to-jail-to-post-boyfriends-bond-hides-meth-in-pants?fbclid=IwAR3T9cS-yBAjdINhfGvIMz4Pu7agAl2LLzSP8wMTmkgXeeVOjLZOtljpF0E

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Woman with revoked license drives to jail to post boyfriend's bond, hides meth in pants

by KRCG 13 Web Staff

Wednesday, May 8th 2019AA

Amanda Smith was booked on suspicion of driving while revoked and delivery of a controlled substance to a county jail. (Audrain County Sheriff's Office)

MEXICO — "I can't make this stuff up."

Those were the words of Audrain County Sheriff Matt Oller Wednesday morning in a Facebook post regarding an arrest from the day before.

Oller stated he noticed on a video monitor a deputy was arresting a lady in the sheriff's office. Amanda Smith had come to bond her boyfriend out of jail, but, as Oller stated, the 29-year-old woman had her license revoked in April.

When staff were dealing with other inmated and not looking at Smith, Oller saw the woman digging around in her clothes. He called over his chief deputy and had him watch the video monitor to review what had happened. The chief deputy then went to the booking desk and told Smith he would need the bag of meth she brought to the jail.

Oller said Smith looked confused, so the chief deputy pointed to the camera they had been monitoring and told Smith she was being watched the whole time. She then "looked at the camera, then cried, dug the meth out of her pants and gave it up," the Facebook post stated.

She was booked on suspicion of driving while revoked and delivery of a controlled substance to a county jail. Smith's bond was set at $2,500.

Oller concluded his post with the following message:

If you're going to commit a couple of felonies, do it somewhere other than the Sheriff's Office. We'll arrest you and put you in jail for committing felonies - especially when you literally come to us to commit them in our presence, on video......... I mean, c'mon....

 

[47of74]

On 5/8/2019 at 2:43 PM, clueliss said:

Missouri Woman is at it (and Mexico here refers to Mexico, MO) - revoked driver's license - check.  Boyfriend in jail need bond -check.  Meth in pants -of course!

https://krcgtv.com/news/local/woman-with-revoked-license-drives-to-jail-to-post-boyfriends-bond-hides-meth-in-pants?fbclid=IwAR3T9cS-yBAjdINhfGvIMz4Pu7agAl2LLzSP8wMTmkgXeeVOjLZOtljpF0E

 

Yeah, once one gets outside the big metros (St. Louis, Kansas City) Missouri is full of Missouri Men and Women who tell their Florida based counterparts to hold their beer while going off to do something stupid.

[clueliss]

I don’t have the link, but that gets better.  One of the locals here had a story about the girl’s mom saying everyone was bullying her due to the story.  I was like, she went to the jail to bail her boyfriend out with meth in her pants.  What do you expect?

[47of74]

Now it's Ohio Woman's turn to say hold my beer to Florida Woman

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An Ohio woman was taken to jail and charged with burglary after allegedly breaking into a residence and making herself feel at home.

Deputies from the Vinton County Sheriff’s Office responded to a home in Hamden, which is Southeast of Columbus, for reports of a break in on Monday morning.

Investigators learned from an individual on scene that a woman identified as Cheyenne Ewing allegedly entered the home through the back door uninvited, sat down on the couch, and then began to play with the family dog.

According to Vinton County Sheriff Shawn Justice, Ewing washed the dishes before leaving the home.

 

[Briefly]

18 hours ago, 47of74 said:

Now it's Ohio Woman's turn to say hold my beer to Florida Woman

 

Well, at least she cleaned up after herself!  And was nice to the dog.

[47of74]

Pennsylvania woman got a bit slashy over a birthday disappointment

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A Pennsylvania woman who turned 55 Wednesday assaulted a male acquaintance with a box cutter because she had not received a present, card, or cake to mark the occasion, according to court papers.

Cops say that Georgia Zowacki was celebrating her May 15 birthday when matters turned stabby at her Pittsburgh-area residence.

As reported in a probable cause affidavit, David Rae, who has lived with Zowacki for four months, told police that Zowacki “consumed a large amount of vodka throughout the day.” Rae, 59, added that Zowacki eventually “became extremely upset and violent because nobody bought her a birthday present, birthday card or birthday cake.”

Incensed, Zowacki allegedly “grabbed a box cutter knife” and held it near Rae’s throat “threatening to kill him.” Rae told police that he shoved Zowacki away, but that she came back at him “waving the box cutter.” Rae, the affidavit notes, suffered several cuts on his left arm during the altercation.

 

[clueliss]

Well - looks like we have Naked Missouri Man roaming Columbia, MO.  Bonus - someone's security cam caught a photo at the front door.   And they located him next to/under someone's bed.  

https://www.komu.com/news/columbia-woman-says-mom-woke-up-to-naked-man-beside-her-bed

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COLUMBIA - A Columbia woman said her mom woke up early Saturday morning to find a man lying naked beside her bed and staring straight at her. 

"I didn't really understand his intentions," she said. "I mean you're naked man, what are you doing?"

The woman asked to remain anonymous because officers are still trying to find the man. She said since the incident she's purchased a gun from a pawn shop. 

Columbia police said during a news conference Sunday afternoon that officers are searching for a man they say went into two unlocked homes in the block of 5800 Canaveral Drive and Neptune. Officers said he then laid under a bed naked in one case and beside a bed naked in another. 

The woman KOMU 8 News talked to said her mother was one of those cases. "She was in bed at like 3 a.m. and she heard rustling around. She thought it was the dog. She leans over the bed to tell the dog to stop because she is trying to sleep. And she looked over and the guy was just laying there. Completely naked."

She said her mom yelled and the man said he thought it was his house and then immediately left.

In security footage from multiple neighbors, you can see the suspect running around in only shorts. At one point, he runs into a metal tiki torch in a backyard and appears disoriented. 

"I think he urinated on my porch, but I'm not sure," Conner Ruhl said, another neighbor who saw the suspect in security footage on his property.

Officers said the suspect didn't steal anything, break or damage property, force entry into the houses or hurt anyone. 

If you have any information, call the Columbia Police Department or CrimeStoppers at 573-875-TIPS.

 

[clueliss]

Update - they found naked man.  Not surprisingly, controlled substances were involved.

 

https://www.komu.com/news/update-cpd-seeking-identifies-naked-man-entering-unlocked-homes

[47of74]

Oregon Man to Florida Man: Hold my beer while I get a rub down

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An Oregon man who staged a home invasion robbery confessed that he fabricated the story as a way of covering up his theft of $700 in Girl Scouts cookie proceeds, money he used to pay for an erotic massage.

Brian David Couture, 40, was sentenced yesterday to perform 80 hours of community service and placed on 18 months probation. He was also ordered to pay restitution in connection with his conviction for filing a false police report.

In a plea deal, two other misdemeanor charges--criminal mischief and improper use of the 911 system--were dismissed.

In early-March, Couture called police to his suburban Portland home and claimed that he was attacked by a male intruder who damaged a work laptop and took $700 that had been stored in a jar. The money was the proceeds from Girl Scouts cookies sold by Couture’s daughter.

 

[47of74]

San Francisco engineer Eliot Curtis got a little bit more than he bargained for when he went to restore an old synthesizer and found a crystalline substance inside.

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At one point, the device was likely augmented with additional modules, including a red-colored module on the top row. During his repair work, Curtis opened the module and saw something stuck under a knob.

“There was like a residue … a crust or a crystalline residue on it,” said Curtis.

He sprayed a cleaning solvent on it and started to push the dissolving crystal with his finger as he attempted to dislodge the residue and clean the area.

About 45 minutes later, Curtis began to feel a little strange. He described it as a weird, tingling sensation. He discovered this was the feeling of the beginnings of an LSD experience or trip.

Yeah, it was LSD. 

[47of74]

Meanwhile a woman in Louisiana really needed some toilet paper and vodka

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Louisiana police are hunting for a woman who this month allegedly stole nearly $800 worth of vodka and toilet paper from a Walmart outside Baton Rouge.

Cops say Jana Snowden, 30, loaded up a shopping cart with 21 bottles of Tito’s vodka and then covered the booze with four cases of Cottom Comfort and Scott toilet paper.

Snowden, a Baton Rouge resident, then wheeled her cart out of the store without paying for the merchandise. Two Walmart employees confronted Snowden as she sought to boost the vodka and toilet paper, but she ignored them and made her getaway in a vehicle parked outside the store.

Snowden is seen above in a surveillance image recorded around 9 AM on May 12. Police estimated the vodka and toilet paper haul’s value at $784.05.

 

[Flossie]

13 hours ago, 47of74 said:

Louisiana police are hunting for a woman who this month allegedly stole nearly $800 worth of vodka and toilet paper from a Walmart outside Baton Rouge.

Cops say Jana Snowden, 30, loaded up a shopping cart with 21 bottles of Tito’s vodka and then covered the booze with four cases of Cotton Comfort and Scott toilet paper.

Ballsy.  

Not nearly as exciting, but when my daughter worked at Taco Bell, one night a young man walked in, went straight to the condiments bar, lifted out a whole pan filled with about 250 individual packets of hot sauce and walked right out the door to a waiting car.  They figure it was some sort of college prank.

[47of74]

Men from my home state got into it following a pre-school graduation and asked Florida Man to hold their beverages

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Two men face charges for a fight that broke out at a preschool graduation ceremony in Iowa City last Friday.

Officers arrested Will Muhammad and Anthony Waller. They were both at the graduation ceremony and started arguing in the 1200 block of Baker Street, near South East Junior High School.