Stories Part 2

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CDC to America: Don't eat raw cookie dough

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The holidays are upon us and for many that means family time in the kitchen preparing delicious baked goods and maybe even licking the spoon before the cookies go into the oven. So the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) put out a warning this week to, “Say No To Raw Dough!”

Dr. Todd Ellerin -- who admits he doesn’t bake -- said it’s the raw flour and uncooked eggs that can make us sick.

The Director of Infectious Diseases at South Shore Hospital in Weymouth, Massachusetts and an instructor at Harvard Medical School says,

“People may not be aware that flour is not treated to destroy bacteria and there have been outbreaks of a certain type of E. coli linked to the ingestion of raw dough,” said Ellerin, director of infectious diseases at South Shore Hospital in Weymouth, Massachusetts and an instructor at Harvard Medical School.

Killjoys

[47of74]

Arrrr Matey!

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AN IRISH woman who married the ghost of a 300-year-old pirate claims the couple have split up.

Amanda Teague, 46, from Drogheda, Co. Louth, married the Haitian pirate named Jack earlier this year.

The wedding to her ‘soulmate’ took place on board a boat in international waters off the Irish coast.

However the Irish Mirror reports the couple have called it a day after less than a year.

 

[47of74]

IOWA: Idiots Out Walking Around

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An Iowa woman who left her three small children home alone late Thursday night was arrested on endangerment charges after one of the children called 911 to report that “her mom and dad left and she needed help watching YouTube,” according to court filings.

Investigators charge that Natalee Kahl, 23, left the children--ages five, three, and one--alone around 10 PM in the family’s apartment in Coralville, an Iowa City suburb.

Police were dispatched to the residence after one of the children called 911 to report that she needed help watching videos online. Cops estimated that Kahl left the children by themselves for about 40 minutes.

Seen above, Kahl returned to the home while officers were inside the residence with her children. Kahl reportedly “admitted to leaving the house to go get her boyfriend from a neighbor’s house” and that her offspring “would not be able to take care of themselves” in case of an emergency.

 

[47of74]

And several someones in Pennsylvania had a crappy Christmas.

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Firefighters and cops were dispatched Monday at 3 AM following a report that a “bag of dog poop was lit on fire on a porch” in Shippensburg, a borough about 40 miles southwest of Harrisburg.

A female tenant told police she was awoken when other residents spotted the fire and began “yelling to call 911 and to get out of the house.” The fire was quickly extinguished and there was no damage to the residence.

Asked who might have set the bag of feces on fire, the tenant fingered Dylan Printz, 18, “due to them having a falling out that night and she told him he could not stay or be there anymore.”

Police subsequently located Printz, who reportedly copped to starting the fire. Seen above, Printz said that he “grabbed a brown paper bag from a Chinese food order” and filled it with dog poop. He then “put the bag of feces on the porch and lit it on fire with a Bic lighter.”

 

[47of74]

Some stuff from the world of dating.

First a woman broke in to a police station in order to find an officer she wanted to date

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WYOMING, Pa. — Police say a woman smashed her way into a closed Pennsylvania police station looking for an officer she'd been sexually harassing ever since he arrested her.

Police say 27-year-old Ashley Keister, of Nanticoke, used a large cigarette butt receptacle to smash glass doors into the West Wyoming police building around 12:45 a.m. Monday. Once inside, she started rummaging through filing cabinets.

West Wyoming Police Chief Curtis Nocera says Keister had been under investigation for harassing an officer who arrested her last year. He says she sent sexually harassing messages on social media and would call 911 just to talk to him.

Next up, a woman bragged about poaching a deer on a dating app.  But the guy on the other end of the conversation was...yep, a game warden.

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According to the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation, McIntosh County game warden Cannon Harrison was using the dating app in December when was notified he matched a woman in his area.

After exchanging greetings, the woman, whom authorities declined to identify, revealed she had just shot a “bigo buck” and was “pretty happy about it,” according to copies of the messages.

The woman admitted to illegally harvesting a deer — at night and outside rifle season — and revealed where she shot it and shared a photo of herself posing with the dead animal.

“It definitely was a shock,” Harrison told Tulsa World. “First you think, ‘This isn’t real.’ You think, ‘Maybe she knows who I am and is teasing me,’ but we did some digging on who she was and where she lived.”

 

Then not to be outdone by Florida Man, here comes Oklahoma Man;

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When a 55-year-old man stepped out of his vehicle outside the Tulsa County Courthouse, he was “nude from the waist down,” according to a report from the Tulsa County Sheriff’s Office. The report was obtained by NewsOn6.

Then, as Brian Edward Johnson began walking toward the Oklahoma courthouse doors, he made “furtive glances,” the deputy’s report states, according to NewsOn6. That means he appeared to be stealthy — as though he wanted to “avoid being noticed,” according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary.

People noticed, though, and he was caught exposing his genitals on surveillance video. The security footage obtained and published by FOX23 shows the man walking from the parking lot, up the entry way and through a glass door while others were around. That was on Monday morning.

While Johnson was in jail, though, he talked to a reporter with FOX23. He told the reporter the whole incident was a dare — and that he regrets what he did, according to the station.

Gonna guess some substances were involved here.

[mango_fandango]

I swear to God. People can be so thick sometimes.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-46846981

 

[47of74]

Texas Woman riding up to the plate...

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Wichita Falls police received a rather unique call Friday morning involving a woman drinking wine in a Walmart parking lot.

Employees requested officers to ban a woman from the local Walmart store after she reportedly had been drinking wine from a Pringles can for several hours while riding on an electric cart.

The woman was reportedly riding on an electric shopping cart more commonly used for people with physical limitations. Officers were also told she was drinking wine from a Pringle's can.

Hughes said the reporting party said the suspect had been riding around in the store's parking lot since 6:30 a.m. while drinking the alcoholic beverage.

 

[clueliss]

Texas ( and I’m gonna have too pin this in. My clips for writing file)

https://myfox8.com/2019/01/13/woman-banned-from-walmart-after-allegedly-riding-electric-cart-while-drinking-wine-from-pringles-can/

[47of74]

Irish man had his own remedy for curing back pain.

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In a new case study, Irish doctors report the baffling case of a 33-year-old man who injected his own semen intravenously for a year and a half, a self-developed “cure” intended to treat his chronic back pain. It does not appear to have worked.

After reportedly injecting semen into his arm every month for 18 months, the man finally sought medical attention—but not for his arm. The patient instead complained of “severe, sudden onset lower pack pain,” having lifted a “heavy steel object” three days beforehand. During his checkup, the doctor found a patch of red swelling on his right forearm, after which the man admitted he’d been injecting himself with his own semen using a hypodermic needle he purchased online.

This time around, he had injected three “doses” of semen, entering both his blood vessels and his muscles.

The swollen region grew and hardened around the area on his arm where he’d injected his semen, and an x-ray revealed an area of trapped air beneath the man’s skin. The doctors immediately hospitalized the patient, treating him with an intravenous antimicrobial therapy. After the patient’s back pain improved, he discharged himself.

Here's the original Irish study

[47of74]

Meanwhile up in New Hampshire;

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While stopped at a red light Tuesday afternoon, a New Hampshire motorist was living his best life, smoking crack cocaine and being fellated by a woman in the passenger seat, police report.

Manchester Police Department detectives spotted Michael Douville, 51, behind the wheel of a Chrysler 300 stopped at an intersection. Douville, a Nashua resident, was engaged in...illegal acts” at the time, cops allege.

When two detectives approached the vehicle and identified themselves, Douville sped off. He was subsequently apprehended by a third cop. His passenger, however, “fled the area and was not located,” investigators say.

Seen above, Douville was arrested on several charges, including lewdness, narcotics possession, and disobeying a police officer.  

 

[47of74]

Snakes and Zombies!

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An agitated Pennsylvania man tried to kick in a stranger’s front door to escape from zombies that were chasing him and an array of snakes biting at his ankles, according to a criminal complaint.

Police allege that Mitchell Pisarcik sought to force his way into a residence in Sandy Township in late-January. Pisarcik, seen at right, told occupants of the home that he was seeking refuge that evening from pursuing zombies and snakes.

Pisarcik, cops say, pounded on the home’s entrance with his fists and kicked out the front door’s window. As Pisarcik, 28, began climbing through the broken window, individuals inside the home armed themselves with a claw hammer and a frying pan. But when Pisarcik heard a police siren, he went to the home’s rear door and began trying to kick it in.

The reason my friend in Pennsylvania calls that state Far North Florida in a nutshell.

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Fun size?  As in Spanky McToadstool size?

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An Arizona man arrested for sending explicit messages and photos to a 16-year-old girl was identified thanks to a distinctive “Fun Size” tattoo on his genitals, police report.

According to investigators, Joshua Hillyard, 28, sent nude photos to a teenager he was mentoring through a local outreach program.

Cops in Cottonwood, a central Arizona city, said that the victim initially told a safety officer at her high school that she had received unsolicited photos and messages from Hillyard. One image showed the words “Fun Size” tattooed on Hillyard’s penis, an apparent reference to “fun size” candies often distributed on Halloween.

When questioned by police, Hillyard admitted that he knew the girl’s age, but thought that Arizona’s age of consent was 16 (which he knew to be the law in Montana).

 

[47of74]

Note to FJ land, the ceiling has already been tried and did not work.

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An Indiana inmate's attempt to escape came to a painful stop when he fell through the jail's ceiling.Authorities say the inmate went into the medical exam room, locked the door and climbed into the ceiling.

He got across the fingerprint room, but then he got stuck and fell through the ceiling while tangled in wires.

The inmate went to the hospital with minor injuries, but he's now back in jail. He's charged with escape and criminal mischief.

 

Edited February 8, 2019 by 47of74

[47of74]

Meanwhile down in Virginia

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A Virginia man is behind bars after projecting a porno film on his garage door in full view of his neighbors, police allege.

Antonio Smallwood, 41, was arrested Wednesday evening in connection with the al fresco 7 PM screening on a tidy Newport News street. A patrolman responded to the block after a 911 call reported "pornographic material being displayed," cops say.

"Upon arrival, the officer observed a movie involving sexual activity being projected on the garage door of the residence," according to police. At that point, a cop sought to serve Smallwood with a summons. But when the film enthusiast refused to sign the summons, he was arrested.

Charged with obscene sexual display and obstruction of justice, Smallwood was booked into the local jail.

Smallwood?  Really?

[47of74]

Not to be outdone, Alabama Man steps to the plate

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An Alabama man with a unique name is locked up on a felony narcotics possession charge following his arrest earlier this month.

Blue Berry Hill, 19, was busted on February 3 following a traffic stop in Fayette, a city about 80 miles from Hill’s residence in Cullman.

According to an arrest warrant, Hill was in possession of methamphetamine and drug equipment when nabbed by a Fayette County Sheriff’s Office deputy.

The song “Blueberry Hill,” made famous by Fats Domino, has been recorded or performed by Led Zeppelin, Celine Dion, Vladimir Putin, and Bing Crosby and Louis Armstrong.

 

[church_of_dog]

6 minutes ago, 47of74 said:

Not to be outdone, Alabama Man steps to the plate

 

A bit O/T, but...  Vladimir Putin?  

[47of74]

Parrots to Indian farmers; Mind if we do some Big O?

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Farmers in India are fighting tooth and nail to keep a scourge of opium-addicted parrots at bay. The birds have been causing headaches for poppy cultivators in the state of Madhya Pradesh, NDTV reports, pillaging their crops and gorging themselves on the precious narcotic. And their daily raids are starting to have a significant impact on the locals’ livelihood, prompting many people to call on the authorities for assistance in staving off the drug-addled birds.

"One poppy flower gives around 20 to 25 grams of opium. But a large group of parrots feed on these plants around 30 to 40 times a day and some even fly away with poppy pods,” said Nandkishore, a poppy farmer from the Neemuch district of central India. “This affects the produce. These opium-addicted parrots are wreaking havoc."

Nandkishore claims that his cries for help have thus far fallen on deaf ears, forcing him and other opium cultivators to take matters into their own hands. Farmers have reportedly been guarding their poppy crops at all hours day and night, but nothing appears to be stopping the junkie parakeets.

"We have tried making loud sounds and even use firecrackers to scare the birds. But nothing has helped," Nandkishore said. "We are already suffering because of uneven rain, and now this. Nobody is listening to our problems. Who will compensate for our losses?"

 

[47of74]

Arizona woman in a nun disguise busted

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An Arizona woman dressed as a nun and carrying a Bible in her lap was arrested when a search of the car she was riding in with her husband turned up more than eight pounds of fentanyl, investigators report.

Esther Gomez De Aguilar, 53, and her spouse were pulled over Monday while traveling on Interstate 10 in Eloy, a city 50 miles northwest of Tucson. Cops say the couple’s vehicle was stopped due to “an equipment violation and moving violation.”

A total of 8.5 pounds of fentanyl was seized during the traffic stop.

Gomez De Aguilar’s outfit was all black and included a lace veil worn in her hair. With a Bible in her lap, cops contend, Gomez De Aguilar sought to disguise herself as a trustworthy member of a religious order.

Maybe if she had disguised herself like this she would've had better luck...

And had the ruler handy too.

[47of74]

Someone really wanted the pizza his way

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A drive-thru customer enraged by the paucity of meat on his Mexican pizza stormed a Taco Bell in South Carolina and “walked into the kitchen area and began making his own food,” police report.

According to cops, the suspect entered the Taco Bell in Spartanburg Wednesday afternoon complaining that “there was not enough meat on his Mexican pizza.” A store employee told cops that she “re-made the suspect’s food.”

The man, however, was equally displeased with his second pizza and demanded a refund. When told that was not possible since a manager was not on the premises, the suspect became “enraged,” declaring that he “would show the employees how to make his food the appropriate way,” according to a police report.

The man then “walked behind the counter into the kitchen area and began making his own food.” A Taco Bell worker noted that the suspect “did not follow proper health/safety guidelines” by not wearing “protective gloves while making his food.”

Yeah the Taco Bell in question should consider putting this sign up.

[47of74]

A California woman really wanted some Stella Art Toes

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Elysia Johnson, 21, was arrested after she drank a six-pack of beer in a Target dressing room in California on Saturday, police say.

According to Lathrop Police Services, Johnson entered Target around 3:30 p.m. and placed several items in a shopping cart and basket.

Johnson walked around the store, grabbed a six-pack of Stella Artois beer, and headed to the dressing room.

For over an hour, cops say, she made the dressing room her personal bar and drank the entire six-pack of beer.

 

[47of74]

A man named Sober was not so sober

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A Pennsylvania man named Sober was arrested for...well, you know where this is going.

Daniel Sober, 44, was busted Saturday evening for drunk driving following a police stop near his home in Lower Burrell, a Pittsburgh suburb.

 

[47of74]

Pennsylvania Man strikes again

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A Pennsylvania man who allegedly threatened to kill his wife told police that he had “been doing meth and masturbating all day, and it feels great,” according to a criminal complaint.

Eric Farnack, 46, was arrested Sunday night at the Lehigh Valley home he shares with his spouse. Cops arriving to the residence were met by Farnack’s panicked wife, who said that he was “out of control” and had threatened her life.

Farnack, seen at right, then exited the home “in a state of rage,” police reported. As he approached officers, the screaming Farnack was warned that he would be tased if he did not follow police directions.

Complying with orders, Farnack got on the ground and declared that he had “been doing meth and masturbating all day, and it feels great.” Cops noted that Farnack appeared “highly under the influence.”

 

[GreyhoundFan]

 

[47of74]

Iowa Man decided to get in on the Florida Man action

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A Tiffin man is accused of faking his own kidnapping after he allegedly sent his mother a photo of himself bound in a ditch and texted a friend that he had an hour to live. 

A Johnson County Sheriff's deputy arrested Frank Arnold Tanke, 26, on Saturday on a charge of faking reports to a public safety entity.  

He told investigators he was "abducted by two men dressed in black, wearing ski masks, and carrying handguns," reads the complaint. Then, he said he was "knocked out, gagged, tied up and thrown into a vehicle." 

Kunkel said the investigators found each of his claims to be false and he later admitted the report wasn't true.

 

[47of74]

No, South Carolina Man, Axe Body Spray will not help you beat a drunk driving rap

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A car driven by Efren Mencia-Ramirez, 49, was pulled over Saturday afternoon when a Spartanburg County Sheriff’s Office deputy spotted the vehicle speeding and swerving.

Upon approaching the auto, the deputy noticed that Mencia-Ramirez and his passenger were surrounded by empty Corona Extra beer cans. Mencia-Ramirez, the cop added, was also “spraying Axe body spray in his mouth...to cover the smell of alcohol on his breath.”

Mencia-Ramirez, who reeked of booze, was arrested after failing a series of field sobriety tests. His blood alcohol content was registered at nearly twice the legal limit.