Joy & Austin 21: Still Talking About Baby Gideon

[Jellybean]

Carry on from here:

Last post by @LilMissMetaphor

 

[HarleyQuinn]

Oh man, Gideon didn't run off already after figuring out what family he was born into?

[Calypso]

Sorry I missed the last thread but wanted to weigh in on the names conversation. I look forward to taking my husbands name when/ if I get married someday. I was born with my dads surname but had it changed to my moms maiden name at around 9 months old after their divorce. Unfortunately this makes getting official documents 20x harder becuase the IRS and other agencies never believe that my name is what I say it is. Ive had someone straight up tell me that Im lying about my name while I was talking to them. I have to bring in a copy of the divorce documents in order to get anywhere.

Also Im now the only person in my immediate family with the name. My mom changed hers after she remarried, my sister had my dads surname, and my brother has my stepmoms name. The name has no meaning anymore and Ill be happy to be rid of it.

[scoutsadie]

I hyphenated my last name with his when I married my husband. It is sometimes a pain re: databases and things like online ticketing (Southwest Airlines refuses to acknowledge my hyphen; good thing TSA doesn't seem to care that my IDs have the hyphen but my boarding pass doesn't). It is a bit annoying when some relatives call me "Firstname Hislastname" - it's been over a decade now, come on. And also when I give my hyphenated name to a clerk and they end up calling me "Mrs. Hislastname"... but it's worth it. I didn't want to give up the name I share with my parents and twin sis (who didn't change her name when married) but I like the tie to his family, too. We're childfree, so that's not an issue - though the cats have my hyphenated last name in the vet's database, ha ha.

[SapphireSlytherin]

@Calypso - I'd highly recommend getting your passport to "prove" your name. One and done. Then when you marry and change your name, get a new passport. Nobody can argue with a passport.

[Fascinated]

I find it a bit odd when a woman assumes her husband’s name, then they divorce, and she keeps that name ever after. Even if there are no kids involved. The only two examples I can of think right now are Suzanne Somers and Demi Moore. Of course, they are in the entertainment industry but I don’t think either had reached any degree of fame until long after their divorces.  I think I would choose a new name, or revert to my original name, in that situation.  

I took my husband's name even though I don’t like it (mostly because I didn’t care for his parents), just because I wanted to have the same name as my children. Still a fairly patriarchal practice. I admire families who choose a new surname.  

[SapphireSlytherin]

7 minutes ago, Fascinated said:

I find it a bit odd when a woman assumes her husband’s name, then they divorce, and she keeps that name ever after.

I kept the name, mainly because my daughter had that name. I did consider changing it back to my maiden name, but it would have been a hassle.

I changed it to my current husband's name when I married him (four years after my divorce).

[Ivycoveredtower]

I am not married but I know when I do marry I will take his last name. there are somethings I have a more traditional bend about and that's just one of them plus my kids will have that last name so I will want to share that with them. I was my moms eldest and had a different last name then my two brothers and her  from her marriage. yes she even kept it after the divorce so it was the same as theirs. always found that a bit unfair. 

[lumpentheologie]

This is such an interesting conversation -- it's never occurred to me before that people would like/feel attached to their name or not because of who else in their family had that name.  I feel like I'm attached to my name because it's my name, and I would feel wrong being called anything else, like I would feel wrong suddenly starting to call tulips roses. This means I also find it very confusing when my friends change their names, and I continue to think of them by their original names for a long time. 

[Gnomewizard]

I did not take my husband's name, I do not care enough to take the steps to get it done. He thought about taking mine, but it is just not a priority. This can also be called being lazy. 

[Fjrocks]

  My BF was a little hurt when his ex changed her last name back to her maiden name after 20 years of marriage, but she also left him for another man and so the rejection was just in all directions.  She made a big point she was "breaking free" from family ties.

  Years later, he is relieved and she regrets leaving. He and his three adult children share a last name, it's a somewhat unique name, beautiful and has a honorable history. His daughter in law changed her, so his grandchildren will share it as well. He gets a tiny bit cheeky, oh so innocently so the kids never notice but when he posts picture of them having family adventures, on holidays or sends out Christmas cards, etc captioning them, "The Jacksons  circa 2017." or "Merry Christmas from our family, The Jacksons - Sam, Jason, Lucy, Rex and Sara.."  And yep, it irks her.

   He jokes (just to me) he'll refer to her as Grandma Smith, to honor her choice. 

    As long as the kids don't pick up on it, (and so far they haven't) I think it's harmless levity to the heartache she gave him.

 *not actual names

[Jana814]

I know several people that even though they are divorced and have been for 30 plus years kept their married names because they wanted to match their children. 

[rainbowbabycakes]

I kept my married name when I got divorced. While I love my family, they are crazy toxic, and I didn't feel any sort of sentimental attachment to my maiden name. And also, I wanted it to be the same as my son's. If I ever marry again, (I've been divorced for like 8.5 years, and haven't dated at all, so at this point, I don't see it in my future), I'll take that name. It would be weird to be married to someone, and still have my ex's last name, lol, and at that point, my son would be old enough to understand.

[Chevreuil]

I kept my maiden name because Quebec legally does not allow changes of surname upon marriage. (The official reason for this is feminism, they even include it in my stepson's history book when discussing women's rights. The rumour going around though it was actually because there were so many divorces the Quebec government did it to save money)

I'm unsure of whether I would have changed it upon marriage if I had the choice, maybe. My kids have hubby's last name but it doesn't bother me to have a different last name. 

[Rachel333]

It is interesting how much these perceptions vary by culture. There are some cultures where it's not traditional for a woman to change her name, and a lot of those cultures are quite patriarchal so it doesn't really make sense when people talk about women changing their names as if it's just the natural order of things and to suggest otherwise is intrusive feminism. There are also cultures, like Iceland which still does patronymic naming, where children almost never have the same last name as their parents so women in those cultures wouldn't have the same concerns as women in areas where families sharing a name is the cultural norm.

[Karma]

10 hours ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

@Calypso - I'd highly recommend getting your passport to "prove" your name. One and done. Then when you marry and change your name, get a new passport. Nobody can argue with a passport.

Or so I I thought, but when my kids got their passports I had to show my passport as part of their identification. Problem is I formally deleted my middle name after they were born, so my name on their birth certificates is different to my name on my passport.  I didn’t think to take my change of name certificate with me, so had to go back another day.  It was a nuisance.  I would guess this is an uncommon problem though. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

4 hours ago, Karma said:

kids got their passports

I had to show MY passport with GryffindorDisappointment's every time, even when we had the same surname.

[KelseyAnn]

I CANNOT wait to drop my last name. I came from a small town, full of snobs, and the name (no matter how common) is always associated with trash. If I weren't so lazy, I might even change it before then. 

[NotQuiteMotY]

Someone on the last thread mentioned that "it's your father's name, not yours." I hate this argument. Why is it only quoted at women when men also "have their father's name"? If you want to be technical, the only person whose name it really is would be the first guy in the line who went by John (the) Smith, or Thomas, Robert's son, or Charles (of) York. In my family's case, it belongs to the ancestor who came over from Europe and had his name anglicized to the version he passed down. None of my brothers or male cousins has somehow, by right of gender, more of a right to that name than I do, but I'm expected in the US to give it up when they aren't? 

See also my dislike for why we're Husbandsname Family on Christmas cards, rather than Myname Family, even from my side and my friends and when I've done my best to be clear that I did not change my name at all. We're partners and equally parents of our son and owners of our house, but we go by his name? We have about equal stake in our family, but by dint of being male, he's in charge and has more of a right to the family and for that matter his own name, according to these people.

You may be able to tell that I have Opinions on the matter.

As far as the question of wanting a boy first, in my case, I did. Mostly because I grew up with older brothers and mostly enjoyed the experience. I never said the preference was logical...

[nastyhobbitses]

I'm definitely not changing my name if I marry. I really like the flow of my name, and I hate bureaucracy (I deal with enough of it at work), so all the crap you seem to have to go through to change all your stuff just seems like a real pain in the ass. Also, my mom never changed her name. Yeah, sometimes we got "oh are your parents divorced?" from teachers or my friends not knowing what to call my mom (Ms. Mymomsmaidenname, FTR, but her favorite was Mrs. Nastyhobbitses'smom), but it reinforced in me from an early age that my mom still had her own identity independent of my dad, and she didn't have to change her name to show that she loved him and they were a team. Also, her name just flows too well to change it. She's big on having names that flow. She was so mad when Amal Clooney changed her name because she thought Amal Alamuddin just rolled off the tongue better. 

I get why others do it, but I'm keeping my name the way it is.

[Four is Enough]

Married once, had a hyphenated last name. Never again. Too many letters, LOL! Divorced,  Advertised in the papers, etc., changed back to the maiden name. Married again. Did NOT change the name.

FF 32 years. Somehow my social security card did NOT get the name change, so for all these years it has sported the hyphenated name. I had to go back to my state of previous marriage, get copies of the license and divorce decree, and now I have to take the papers to the SS office and HOPE they'll accept this as proof of changing my name back. Otherwise, I"ll have to advertise in the paper again, LOL!.

[Ivycoveredtower]

so just watched a clip Of Joy and Austin living in the RV Joy is going to use Roasted Garlic seasoning on her potato's. and oh no the microwave is broken so they can't eat melted chocolate. Austin seems really miffed about that one. LOL 

[SamiKatz]

4 hours ago, KelseyAnn said:

I CANNOT wait to drop my last name. I came from a small town, full of snobs, and the name (no matter how common) is always associated with trash. If I weren't so lazy, I might even change it before then. 

This is so my life as well! I don't live in the town I grew up in anymore, but when I was a kid one of the shop owners in my town said to me "I know you're a H_______ (my last name), but I like you anyway"!  My family was considered very hillbilly.

[Bad Wolf]

26 minutes ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

 Joy is going to use Roasted Garlic seasoning on her potato's. 

Could this be any more boring?

[mydoggoskeeper]

8 minutes ago, Bad Wolf said:

Could this be any more boring?

If I had to eat any of the Dugger girls food, I think I would go with Jinger.  She looked like she was cooking up some reasonably healthy and fresh food.   Jessa doesn't give AF but at least Ben brings some interesting fruits and veggies home to try.  Jill cooks straight out of a can and Joy, thus far, is doing the bare minimum.

So much for their M.S. in homemaking.