Joy and Austin 19: 273 Days After the Wedding Gideon Arrived

[Coconut Flan]

Continued from here:

http://www.freejinger.org/topic/30599-joy-and-austin-248-days-since-the-wedding-and-still-counting/?page=24

[justoneoftwo]

"No kidding US leave policies are absolute shit, 6 weeks UNPAID leave is what most people can get, if you need a dr note to get back and you have a vaginal birth you have to go back after 6 weeks, in a lot of companies, you get 8 with a c/section.  at 6 weeks most babies aren't even sleeping through the night, how is mom supposed to work fulltime on 4 or 5 interrupted hours of sleep?  This country sucks ass, all they care about are profits, theirs not yours, they don't care if you die, as long as it isn't on company time."

Shouldn't you get 12 weeks based on FMLA?  Unless your company is too small or you haven't been there a year.  Its unpaid and not many people can do that, but I'm pretty sure you should get 12.

[Chippy]

I'm at home with my kids now until they're all in school, but at my last job when I was pregnant with my second, I got no paid maternity leave. On top of that, she would only allow 6 weeks tops, 8 if there were complications or else she would figure out a way to let you go. It was a miserable job and I ended up leaving a month before I was due. My husband and I decided this was best. 

Edited February 23, 2018 by Chippy
Typo

[Runningfromreality]

14 minutes ago, justoneoftwo said:

"No kidding US leave policies are absolute shit, 6 weeks UNPAID leave is what most people can get, if you need a dr note to get back and you have a vaginal birth you have to go back after 6 weeks, in a lot of companies, you get 8 with a c/section.  at 6 weeks most babies aren't even sleeping through the night, how is mom supposed to work fulltime on 4 or 5 interrupted hours of sleep?  This country sucks ass, all they care about are profits, theirs not yours, they don't care if you die, as long as it isn't on company time."

Shouldn't you get 12 weeks based on FMLA?  Unless your company is too small or you haven't been there a year.  Its unpaid and not many people can do that, but I'm pretty sure you should get 12.

My firm is too small for FMLA. They technically don't have to give us anything, so they think it's a big deal to give us up to 4 weeks paid. Which does make us relatively lucky, and my husband and I are lucky that we can afford to save enough to take unpaid leave and that my firm is okay with me taking unpaid leave. Except then they stop paying for my health insurance while I'm out, which adds another layer of strain. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

You can get a MAX of 12 weeks IF you've been with the company for over a year and worked X number of hours (can't remember the total), your company has to have so many employees to be REQUIRED to get it, but it is all unpaid. And no they do not HAVE to give you 12 weeks, there are ways around it.  My sister's company tried to fuck her over after almost 20 years with them, she had 20 weeks of vacation saved up and wanted to take 12 weeks vacation, but they said no, she needed a doctors note to return after 6/8 weeks off and her doctor wouldn't give her a note for more than 8 weeks after her c/section so she went back to work at 8 weeks for a week, her husband got 2 weeks paid paternity leave (but she got ZERO paid maternity leave think about that shit for a minute) different companies of course.  she then took 2 weeks vacation came back for a week and took 2 more weeks. That taught them to fuck with her with her 2nd kid they let her take 12 weeks all at once.

 

The company I work for will give you 12 weeks PAID maternity and 4 week paternity, but no men work here and only 3 of the 14 women who do work here are young enough to have kids. But the owner thinks it is important for women to get paid leave. We don't qualify for FMLA either there are only 14 employees.

Edited February 23, 2018 by allthegoodnamesrgone

[Kangaroo]

I had this whole post typed out on the previous thread about my companies amazing parental leave policy and couldn't figure out why it wasn't posting. So your getting the summary version now

16 weeks at full pay, or 32 at half pay. The remainder of time up to 12 months is unpaid. You can elect to take an additional 12 months on top of that unpaid also. When you return you are gauranteed a position equivalent to your old role, as well as the right to request part time work or flexible hours.

Time off for all medical appointments, and if you are hospitalised or put on bed rest you are on paid leave until you can return or start your maternity leave.

If you have a miscarriage after 12 weeks, stillbirth, or the infant dies shortly after birth, you can take up to 8 weeks at full pay and then indefinite unpaid leave thereafter.

Time off also applies to people adopting.

The other partner is entitled to 8 weeks paid leave after the birth.

If the other partner decides to be the primary caregiver, when they take over full time they are able to get these benefits instead (assuming they work for the company wether their partner works here or not). This all applies to same sex couples too (well before same sex marriage was legal).

I think the government pats 18 weeks at minimum wage ($700 AUD a week), if your company can't pay parental leave.

 

[VineHeart137]

5 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

You can get a MAX of 12 weeks IF you've been with the company for over a year and worked X number of hours (can't remember the total), your company has to have so many employees to be REQUIRED to get it, but it is all unpaid. And no they do not HAVE to give you 12 weeks, there are ways around it.  My sister's company tried to fuck her over after almost 20 years with them, she had 20 weeks of vacation saved up and wanted to take 12 weeks vacation, but they said no, she needed a doctors note to return after 6/8 weeks off and her doctor wouldn't give her a note for more than 8 weeks after her c/section so she went back to work at 8 weeks for a week, her husband got 2 weeks paid paternity leave (but she got ZERO paid maternity leave think about that shit for a minute) different companies of course.  she then took 2 weeks vacation came back for a week and took 2 more weeks. That taught them to fuck with her with her 2nd kid they let her take 12 weeks all at once.

I'm glad she figured out a way to stick it to 'em!

When I was pregnant and discussing it with my boss she offhandedly made a comment like "Yes, just let the company know if you want to take 6 or 8 weeks..." And I cheerfully informed her I would be taking the full 12 weeks. I don't think she meant anything by it though, she didn't give me a hard time or anything. A lot of my coworkers were single moms who could only afford to be out 6 or 8 weeks so I think she just assumed.

We once had 6 week old twins enroll in our daycare. On their first day their mom literally sobbed her way out the door. I felt awful for her.

[AtlanticTug]

VelociRapture - I feel the same re: NICU. My son was ok at 38+6 but my 36-weeker had to be admitted to NICU for blood glucose issues (I am diabetic), temperature regulation and feeding issues. Those early days of pumping every 3 hours, going over to NICU when I still had my catheter in from the c-section, it really was not the magical experience that a "regular" birth affords you. And yes, I would have traded being super uncomfortable at the end to seeing my baby hooked up to wires in an incubator all by herself. And like you I wouldn't ever say that to a woman who is overdue and miserable but I definitely have thought it...

[VelociRapture]

@lizzybee The NICU Nurses had to check my daughter over immediately following her birth, but I was lucky enough to at least hold her for a few minutes before they took her up to NICU. With my next pregnancy I would love to reach the point where I get to complain about how uncomfortable I am, but I’ll honestly just settle for baby being born far enough along to skip the NICU if possible. 

[JillyO]

@Karma Yeah, I have no idea why we do that. My grandma was Anna Marianne, but only went by Marianne (I didn't even know her full name until she passed). I had two different friends growing up who were Anna Katharina, but both went by Katharina (or a nickname derived from Katharina). I assume it's because the parents think that Anna Katharina sounds better than Katharina Anna, but I still find it stupid. It may not have been an issue in the past (I don't think my grandma ever had any problems with it her entire life), but these days, it's not that easy any more. My husband has to book all of his flights, for example, for a name that he absolutely does not identify with.

Regarding parental leave policies in the US: This honestly stresses me out so much. I start my first real job here next week and I don't actually know what my employer's policies are yet, but I know that they will be ridiculous compared to what I'm used to. In Germany, you're on mandatory paid maternity leave from six weeks before your due date until eight weeks after the birth. Afterwards, either partner can take paid leave (at about 65% or so - this depends on your actual income) for up to a year or for two years at half the money). When you get back, they have to offer you a comparable position (most often, they just hire someone to cover your leave and give you your old job back). So from this perspective, I would very much prefer to have kids in Germany. However, I'm 28 this year and will be 32 by the time my husband finishes his PhD.  Even IF we go back after that, I would be 33 by the time we'd have our first (IF I can get pregnant without major issues). And career-wise (for Mr. O), it would actually make much more sense to stay in the US. But having kids here terrifies me. Working right up until your water breaks? Going back to work six weeks after having a baby? Taking a six-week old to be taken care of by strangers all day, every day (not to even mention the exorbitant childcare costs)? That shit freaks me out just thinking about it. And I'm not even talking about sending preschoolers to a place where they have to do active shooter drills. Ugh. Sorry for the rant.

Edited February 23, 2018 by JillyO
Had to correct a little mistake.

[WhyNotJulie]

This all sounds terrible. My uterus and I will never be moving out of Canada.

[onekidanddone]

A friend of mine had some simple parenting advice for me. I'ld like to pass on to Joy and Austin.

I shall paraphrase:

Raising Daughters is horrible. With sons you have to worry about one penis. With daughters you have to worry about many penises.

Not thing I want to think about when my kid is going into high school in the fall.

Edited February 23, 2018 by onekidanddone

[justoneoftwo]

9 minutes ago, onekidanddone said:

A friend of mine had some simple parenting advice for me. I'ld like to pass on to Joy and Austin.

I shall paraphrase:

Raising Daughters is horrible. With sons you have to worry about one penis. With daughters you have to worry about many penises  

I hate this kind of logic.  With my boy I have to worry about all the vaginas?  Or are girls never a threat to boys?  Because they are.  Sex is as scary for both (or nearly) and I only have to worry a bout his penis because he is responsible for his actions and should be worried about the other penises or vaginas himself.  For both I would worry they would be hurt, but this obsession of protecting girls and not boys is so unhealthy.

Sorry for ranting.  I'll be quiet now.

[SapphireSlytherin]

I'm pretty sure she wasn't advocating for NOT protecting boys. 

[justoneoftwo]

Just now, SapphireSlytherin said:

I'm pretty sure she wasn't advocating for NOT protecting boys. 

Oh I know, just worrying more about girls.  Really I shouldn't go on rants.  Sorry

[VineHeart137]

18 minutes ago, onekidanddone said:

A friend of mine had some simple parenting advice for me. I'ld like to pass on to Joy and Austin.

I shall paraphrase:

Raising Daughters is horrible. With sons you have to worry about one penis. With daughters you have to worry about many penises.

Not thing I want to think about when my kid is going into high school in the fall.

I mean it sort of works the other way too- With a son you have to worry about many vaginas- or rather, uteruses, since that's usually the main concern.

[emscm]

Husband and I are ttc right now and my current obsessive fear is wondering how not being tenured at my teaching job will be effected.  I am extremely anxious about it as I love my school and I don't want anything to mess it up, but we have gotten to the point that we just don't want to wait any more.  But I do think it's ridiculous that women are forced to choose between their financial security and their family wants and needs constantly in the US.  It is literally counterproductive to a healthy society.  

I have (and have taken) the option at my job to purchase short-term disability insurance that covers a percentage of my salary lost during maternity leave.  I feel fortunate that that option is available to me, but I had to seek out the coverage on my own and pay for it (which I do happily for the security I hope it will bring me).  Whatever leave I take has to come out of my sick-time first though, and then FMLA kicks in.  

[Screamapillar]

Maternity leave in the US is such a crapshoot. I lucked into amazing benefits. I've worked for my firm for almost eight years, and when I took the job I was a single twenty something without any plans for a family on the horizon, so I didn't even look at the policy when I took the job.

I get up to 12 weeks FMLA at 100% pay. (With my daughter I had a standard vaginal birth and my doctor wrote me out for 6 weeks). On top of that I get 18 weeks New Baby Care Leave at 100% pay that I can take anytime I want within one calendar year of delivery. My husband is also an employee and gets 12 weeks New Baby Care at 100% pay.

I had a coworker who took a different job when she was about 6 months pregnant, and that job only offered unpaid FMLA. I thought she was crazy for leaving such a sweet maternity deal but then she told me that her new job includes daycare benefits. I felt really sad for her having to make that decision.

Edited February 23, 2018 by Screamapillar

[Bushes of Love]

Wow. US maternity leave sucks.

We have actual laws over here regarding our leave. You can have anything up to a year, but after 6 months it's unpaid. https://www.gov.uk/maternity-pay-leave/leave

 

I can't have them, but if I could have kids I'd definitely scrimp and save to do the whole year.

[Runningfromreality]

3 minutes ago, emscm said:

Husband and I are ttc right now and my current obsessive fear is wondering how not being tenured at my teaching job will be effected.  I am extremely anxious about it as I love my school and I don't want anything to mess it up, but we have gotten to the point that we just don't want to wait any more.  But I do think it's ridiculous that women are forced to choose between their financial security and their family wants and needs constantly in the US.  It is literally counterproductive to a healthy society.  

I have (and have taken) the option at my job to purchase short-term disability insurance that covers a percentage of my salary lost during maternity leave.  I feel fortunate that that option is available to me, but I had to seek out the coverage on my own and pay for it (which I do happily for the security I hope it will bring me).  Whatever leave I take has to come out of my sick-time first though, and then FMLA kicks in.  

The having to choose between financial security and family needs just hits so close to home. I'm our family's primary breadwinner, and we've waited until I was finished with law school and the bar and working for a year until we start ttc. Now I'm second guessing that decision and trying to figure out if we should wait longer so I can be eligible for another week of leave or if I should try to find a firm with better policies and be there for a year before we ttc. So much to think about. 

Small aside, my firm is run by three men. Only one has a small child. He said that because his son was born on a Thursday and he was back to work on Monday, a week seemed reasonable. He reasoned that if he left his wife at home with the newborn that soon, then someone who just gave birth should be physically well enough to go back to work. 

[onekidanddone]

21 minutes ago, justoneoftwo said:

I hate this kind of logic.  With my boy I have to worry about all the vaginas?  Or are girls never a threat to boys?  Because they are.  Sex is as scary for both (or nearly) and I only have to worry a bout his penis because he is responsible for his actions and should be worried about the other penises or vaginas himself.  For both I would worry they would be hurt, but this obsession of protecting girls and not boys is so unhealthy.

Sorry for ranting.  I'll be quiet now.

No reason to apologize or stay quiet. You make really good points and I agree with you.

[Sky with diamonds]

Was checking in to see if the baby was born yet. Why am I so nervous for her? 

[onekidanddone]

2 minutes ago, Sky with diamonds said:

Was checking in to see if the baby was born yet. Why am I so nervous for her? 

I worry because Jill had two traumatic devilries and Jess had one so Joy might be prone to complications. Jill acting as faux midwife is also pretty scary. Jill thinks she can give prenatal checkup just by using a home Doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat when she has no idea if the heartbeat is healthy or not. I worry because while many home births are run smoothly, the Duggars are foolhardy take enormous risks.

[Sky with diamonds]

3 minutes ago, onekidanddone said:

I worry because Jill had two traumatic devilries and Jess had one so Joy might be prone to complications. Jill acting as faux midwife is also pretty scary. Jill thinks she can give prenatal checkup just by using a home Doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat when she has no idea if the heartbeat is healthy or not. I worry because while many home births are run smoothly, the Duggars are foolhardy take enormous risks.

My fears exactly. 

[Georgiana]

51 minutes ago, onekidanddone said:

A friend of mine had some simple parenting advice for me. I'ld like to pass on to Joy and Austin.

I shall paraphrase:

Raising Daughters is horrible. With sons you have to worry about one penis. With daughters you have to worry about many penises.

Not thing I want to think about when my kid is going into high school in the fall.

When my dad said something similar to me in high school, I corrected him.  I may have to worry about many penises, but HE, as a parent, only needed to worry about my decision making skills.  I can decide which penises to allow in my life, thank you.

And on that note, you could flip this around and say daughters are easier than sons.  With a son, it is very likely you will always have to worry about at least one penis.  With a daughter, you may never have to worry about penises at all.