Jinjer 37: The Joys of Pregnancy

[Glasgowghirl]

I know someone whose girlfriend's mother overtook that much in labour that she blurted out the sex of the baby before letting them look and jumped in and cut the cord in place of the dad. She said she got excited about her grandchild. It was his first child and he felt robbed of those moments. I love my parents but no way would I want them seeing me give birth.

[JesSky03]

Our hospital only allows two people in the delivery room so that solved our problem of having family trying to butt in (we hired a doula so there was person #2). We are both so grateful to have had the doula there- she was a huge support for me and when there were several scary moments where I was touch and go, she was a huge support to my husband. I'm not sure how my husband would have done if it was just him alone while everything was happening. 

[Lovebug]

8 hours ago, RainbowSky said:

I've given birth 4x without an epidural etc and definitely  do not get to the point where I don't care who sees me. I've actually never understood that. I care very much! I quite like being in the quiet and dark so that I can focus within myself.

Just another perspective.

I have 2 kids, and felt every bit of both my labors!

I've told this story before, IIRC, but here it goes again...  For my second birth, we were featured on Discovery Health's Birthday program.  Well, my water broke at 11:00pm on a Monday - just hours before I was scheduled to be at the hospital for them to follow my labor and delivery for the show.  When I arrived at the hospital, which was buzzing with camera crews and TV people, the nurse insisted on checking me before admitting me, because she felt that perhaps I just peed myself.  Imagine her surprise when I was 4-ish? cm dilated.  "How are you not in pain?" she asked, as she got me settled in.  Because it didn't hurt at that time, so I went about my laboring business, and was introduced to the crew who would be filming/following me.  Who, you ask, was the person lucky enough to get the fun shots of my son emerging from my business?  My former neighbor from across the street, who we only knew from casual conversations in the 'hood.  Yes, the man I waved to and spoke with at the community mailbox was a cameraman.  My cameraman.

It wasn't long before I was cursing my husband, and telling anyone who would listen that I no longer wanted to do "this" anymore, while trying to convince them to get the kid out of me as fast as possible.  I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that I didn't give two shits about who was there or who was filming what - ha!  It was all a blur for me honestly, and I was just relieved that it was all over with once he was born. 

Now 12 years later, we have an awesome story that we re-hash from time to time, and we're lucky enough to have some awesome professional footage of his birth - and the episode, too.  All in all - a pretty cool experience! 

[NotQuiteMotY]

23 hours ago, kachuu said:

My inlaws plan to be waiting right out the door as soon as he pops out of me. I'm stressing the fuck out. Like, why cant we have 5 minutes of transition before you HAVE to shove yourselves into every damn moment. Is that selfish?

Do the nurses allow visitors back there as soon as you are in recovery or do they wait till you give the say-so? My MIL is overwhelming and pushy and so help me god if she just waltz through the door while i'm pushing. I'm super hormonal about the woman today, so you know, our future is really bright.

Not sure about all hospitals, but ours you could tell the nurses who you wanted or when and they'd keep anyone else out unless/until you okayed it. Easily done, since we're talking about a secured ward. We didn't have anybody on a no-visitors list, so when my parents arrived to visit they just got buzzed right in. (We'd told my parents and in-laws that they could visit briefly when we'd called to let them know about the baby. Both sets knew I was in the hospital but were waiting till we let them know they could to visit.)

3 hours ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

My then-husband didn't want to leave. I MADE HIM go to Sonic to get me a #2 Cheeseburger, onion rings, and a large Dr. Pepper. I was soooo hungry.

I planned ahead just because of stories like yours.  I was packing cookies, cheese crackers, and granola bars!

[kachuu]

4 hours ago, Melbelle said:

@kachuu and @mstee Have you taken your hospital tours yet?  I would highly recommend doing this because it gave me a much better idea of the environment I would be in and exactly what and where people would be if I had people there with me while I was laboring.  I'm due in April and I knew all along that I did not want anyone in the room with me during labor or delivery except my husband.  (I'm super easily embarrassed and delivery seems about as embarrassing as anything can be to me personally-my personal cringe factor not how I feel about the concept as a whole.)  However, I considered having people, just my in-laws, in the waiting room.  After learning about labor in my birthing classes and taking the hospital tour, I decided I was only comfortable with my husband being present and that we would contact everyone when we were ready, after the baby is born, and after we were settled into our hospital room.  (My hospital has a private labor and delivery suite that you deliver in and stay in for a few hours after the birth and then they move you to a private room for the remainder of your stay.)  At this hospital, if the birth has no complications, as soon as the baby is delivered and a quick once over is completed, they place the baby on mama's chest for an hour of skin-to-skin time, a nurse remains with you the whole time, but she stays in the background (unless she is needed) and lets you and your partner bond with the baby during this entire time (the nurse will help your husband do skin-to-skin during this time too).  After learning about this, my husband and I knew it would be pointless to have anyone else there because we wanted that time to ourselves no matter what.  

Our biggest issue has been deciding how to handle my parents during this time.  They live very far away (a 20-22 hour drive away) and initially our plan was to contact them once we were confirmed in labor and checked into the hospital.  They would then begin their drive out and stay for 4 or 5 days before heading back.  However, after learning more and more about childbirth and the weeks afterwards, I don't want my parents to come out until around the baby is about 2 months or so.  I hate to do that to my parents, but my parents are not helpers and sadly, they're not happy people-and while I'm hopeful, I don't count on the possibility that their first and only grandchild will change anything inside of them.  Anyone have advice on handling difficult parents or people that travel in from far away that you don't want or aren't capable of providing help?  

I haven't taken a tour yet but i am interested to hear the details. Also, i'm in the same boat you are: my parents are about 13-14 hours away but my husbands ENTIRE CLAN OF PEOPLE HE'S EVER BEEN RELATED TO HIS ENTIRE DAMN LIFE are 30 minutes down the road and all the way up each other's asses. THAT's what i worry about. But also, while i'm insisting my parents come for the first two weeks the baby is born, i full heatedly know my dad's just not going to help AT ALL. It's my mom i want here. And so the fact that my family is here to keep the rest of my inlaws at bay.

They are so overwhelming. It's just too much sometimes. They think that they are the only ones to matter & my family doesn't even exist most of the time. Especially around holidays when we spend them with my side, " BUT WHYYYYYYYYY?!?!?! WE'LL MISS YOU SO MUCH" Bitch, please. You live 30 minutes down the road and i just saw you yesterday. 

My husband is not like the rest of them. Thank God. But hearing that we can tell the staff that no visitors until WE say so, that makes me feel much better!

[Sky with diamonds]

I was supposed to see my little nephew be born, but he was born a few days earlier than his due date and by emergency c section. He and my sister ended up pretty ill after birth. It was touch and go for a while. I'm glad they came through it. 

I really wish I could witness a baby be born. I think it would be truly amazing. 

[VelociRapture]

Ha! I didn’t get to tour our hospital because my kid is a premature little troll. Luckily, my sister gave birth there less than a year prior and we knew our way around from that and from having an ultrasound done on that floor right around the start of the second trimester.

I do want to recommend that anyone who finds themselves facing a NICU stay does their best to read through any materials you’re given. We were given an entire folder of information before I was discharged that we promptly forgot about until the day before she was discharged. Would have been a great way to know when rounds are and what the code to the Family Room* was. Thank God she was only there a week because I was horrible at the while NICU thing.  

*Its a great little room with books, some toys, light refreshments, and movies for the exclusive use of NICU families. That way parents can have their older kids in the hospital with a friend or family member when they’re visiting their baby. We used it once with my in-laws - I stayed with each parent in that room while husband took them in to visit separately due to a two visitor at a time policy. It’s one of the things about our Hospital that makes me feel much better about eventually having a second baby.

ETA: As for photos/videos, be aware each Hospital has different policies about this. Our’s didn’t allow any video or photos to be taken during births and the NICU didn’t allow video to be taken either, both likely for liability reasons. So we don’t have video from our daughter’s first week of life, but we do have a TON of photos of her adorable little squish face - starting with the very first one when she was just born. The NICU Nurses let my husband take a photo of her before they cleaned her up and we have some more that one of my Nurses happily offered to take for us. I love looking at most of those now that she’s almost 15 months. 

[sta_sha]

I had a scheduled csection (mo-di twins, baby A was breech). It was scheduled for 1pm but we didn’t actually go in until 3pm. It was the most pleasant experience! The nurses were wonderful, I didn’t feel a thing, and it was super fast. I was so worried beforehand. If we were planning more kids, I’d totally do it again. The only person allowed in the delivery was my husband (the support person of my choice) because it was a higher risk birth...there were a lot of doctors and nurses!

We didn’t tell anyone what time anything was scheduled for, just that we’d let them know what was going on. And we did...several hours after the boys were born. I didn’t want anyone besides my husband with me pre surgery as I was quite anxious. It was also nice to spend our last few hours as a family of two just with each other. 

We asked that no one visit until the next day- at that point both boys were in special care so no one would have been allowed to see them anyway- and then we restricted it to immediate family and my bff. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

2 hours ago, sta_sha said:

mo-di twins

What does this mean?

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

Please Rufus let Jinger have a six lb baby in the hospital with Jeremy and maybe Jessa in attendence. Ben can stay home with their boys.   Pleeeease!

[Seahorse Wrangler]

On 2/28/2018 at 6:06 PM, SapphireSlytherin said:

I was out of my MIND with pain (remember:  unmedicated birth, and not by my choice). I asked everyone to check me (legs WIDE apart) to see how far I was dilated every time they walked in the door.

Including the janitor.

 

When I was birthing SF2, the English speaking nurse was on her break and the only person on the floor at that time who could speak English was the janitor.

He was trying to translate while my doctor was driving in to do the delivery.

[Kailash]

34 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

What does this mean?

Identical twins that share the same placenta. Short for monochorionic.

[LiterallyBananas]

7 hours ago, NotQuiteMotY said:

Not sure about all hospitals, but ours you could tell the nurses who you wanted or when and they'd keep anyone else out unless/until you okayed it. Easily done, since we're talking about a secured ward. We didn't have anybody on a no-visitors list, so when my parents arrived to visit they just got buzzed right in. (We'd told my parents and in-laws that they could visit briefly when we'd called to let them know about the baby. Both sets knew I was in the hospital but were waiting till we let them know they could to visit.)

I planned ahead just because of stories like yours.  I was packing cookies, cheese crackers, and granola bars!

I don't work L&D, but as a nurse I can confirm. Generally, nursing staff are more than willing to strictly enforce their hospital's visitor policy. Sometimes this includes gently, but firmly, informing family and friends they need to wait in the waiting room or come back at another time -- we will come up with a reason to give you privacy, if necessary. While I truly enjoy interacting with most patients and their loved ones, it can feel excessive for us, too. It's hard to do our jobs (i.e. making sure you are safe and receiving proper care) when there's a larger number of people in the room or you are feeling overwhelmed and need a break. And you're in the hospital for a reason, even if it's for something as natural as giving birth. Keeping stress to a minimum helps you heal faster and go home more quickly. We'll support that, even if it means kicking out Great Aunt Matilda who wants to know if you're crowning yet.

[LovelyLuna]

I have had a kid yet, but I’m hoping to in the next 2 years.  I am not modest at all and I am not close to my mom.  I want a dula, Bro Luna, my bff who is like my sister and I wouldn’t mind my MIL,  she works for an OB. Big surprise I’m not normal in any respect.  I am curious to see how Jinger does it.  

[Kittikatz]

In the unlikely event that I was ever to give birth, I'd do it alone before allowing my mother in the room with me. I'd probably do what I could to avoid telling her I was even in labour. I do love her, and we have a superficially pleasant relationship that is mostly about her, but just the thought of her bossing me around and hearing and endless stream of her birth stories and how much more awful everything was for her gives me a headache. Choose or hire who you want to be in the room with you. Your family doesn't get a vote.

[JemimaPuddle-Duck]

I’ve seen two babies born now. When my best friend had her first child she was single so her mom, her cousin who is like a sister to her, and I were in the room. Her mom and I each held a foot and counted while her cousin filmed the birth. It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. I burst into tears of joy when she popped out.  And I recently witnessed my close friend’s homebirth. A few tears after that too. AND I was the first to hold him after Mama and Daddy; proud “auntie” moment right there. 

All of my births have been c-sections with just Daddy and staff, except for the last. They allowed a second person in the OR, and our teenage daughter was able to experience her sibling’s birth along with my husband. She spent most of the day there with us without other visitors (younger siblings visited and then went home). I’m getting choked up just thinking about it. It was such an incredibly special time for all of us. I’m really grateful that she got to share in that. 

[Karma]

Things have changed a lot.  When I was pregnant with my first, now 21, I fought battles with my mil who was insisting for months that I was terrible for wanting her son - my husband - at the birth, and that she would never have wanted her husband there*.  She bought it up time after time, discussed it with her cronies, who apparently all agreed with her.  I was peeved that my husband didn’t tell her to keep out of it.  Actually he would have preferred not to be in the room as he’s a bit squeamish.  I told her it was our choice and that times had changed, but she still kept in about it.  

This, along with her arguing with me about me using disposable nappies, our choice of a private hospital, and her husband insisting that he should “vet” our name choice led to a fair bit of resentment.  She’s actually very lucky I still included her middle name as one of our daughter’s middle names.

*I kid you not, she went into labour with their youngest when FIL had gone to work.  She “didn’t want to disturb him” and so he knew nothing until the doctor phoned him to say he had a third son.  This was mid 1970s.  My own father, while not at our births as it really wasn’t the done thing, was definitely waiting at the hospital.

[freethemall]

I very much did not want my mom in the delivery room, where I had my husband and a doula, to the point that I noted it on my birth plan to not let her in unless I said so. She can be very hyper and annoying and I didn't want that energy in there.

Fast forward to me having my epidural after already 4-5 hours of pushing and those drugs gave me some kind of feels. She was in the waiting room and I surprised everyone when I was like "tell her to come on in!" because that epidural made me feel gooood. She did end up annoying me a few times (including telling me to stop swearing when I was yelling "get that baby the fuck out!) but in the end I was happy to share that moment with her.

[Carm_88]

My mother would be that mother-in-law from hell and would be trying to tell me how to do things. There would be matricide committed. As I don't want to go to jail, I would only want the guy who helped make the baby in the room.*

*Anyone who wants to say that I will change my mind are wrong and can kiss my arse. 

[thinandfit]

22 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

I would find a stranger touching my bump INCREDIBLY rude (not pregnant by the way, haven’t ever been). I also wouldn’t want complete strangers touching the baby whilst it was in the pram, that’s also rude. Why would you do it?? Talk to me, say it’s a cute baby or whatever, but there’s no need to touch. 

My mum told me that a good way to prevent anyone touching the baby in the pram is to use a fly net (most prams have one) and to keep it on when out and about if you don't want people (or insects) near the baby. In rainy weather always use the rain cover but you are far less likely to stop for a chat with someone haha

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

2 hours ago, thinandfit said:

My mum told me that a good way to prevent anyone touching the baby in the pram is to use a fly net (most prams have one) and to keep it on when out and about if you don't want people (or insects) near the baby. In rainy weather always use the rain cover but you are far less likely to stop for a chat with someone haha

There are also lots of signs that you can get to put on a carseat or stroller to ask people to keep their hands off. Some of them are for preemies and mention germs, but some others are just cute and general.

Spoiler

 

[SassyPants]

21 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

Ha! I didn’t get to tour our hospital because my kid is a premature little troll. Luckily, my sister gave birth there less than a year prior and we knew our way around from that and from having an ultrasound done on that floor right around the start of the second trimester.

I do want to recommend that anyone who finds themselves facing a NICU stay does their best to read through any materials you’re given. We were given an entire folder of information before I was discharged that we promptly forgot about until the day before she was discharged. Would have been a great way to know when rounds are and what the code to the Family Room* was. Thank God she was only there a week because I was horrible at the while NICU thing.  

*Its a great little room with books, some toys, light refreshments, and movies for the exclusive use of NICU families. That way parents can have their older kids in the hospital with a friend or family member when they’re visiting their baby. We used it once with my in-laws - I stayed with each parent in that room while husband took them in to visit separately due to a two visitor at a time policy. It’s one of the things about our Hospital that makes me feel much better about eventually having a second baby.

ETA: As for photos/videos, be aware each Hospital has different policies about this. Our’s didn’t allow any video or photos to be taken during births and the NICU didn’t allow video to be taken either, both likely for liability reasons. So we don’t have video from our daughter’s first week of life, but we do have a TON of photos of her adorable little squish face - starting with the very first one when she was just born. The NICU Nurses let my husband take a photo of her before they cleaned her up and we have some more that one of my Nurses happily offered to take for us. I love looking at most of those now that she’s almost 15 months. 

From the perspective of a retired Nicu nurse: every, single day parental teaching/education should be done in terms of discharge planning, particularly in those babies who very likely will have short term stays. No parent or nurse should be struggling on discharge day to get parents the information that they will need to make transition easier or more seamless. Education is such a huge part of working in the Nicu, especially in the less critically ill areas. For the first 20 years of my career, I worked in a unit where we had few grower/feeder type babies, most of the infants were critically ill, so the education focus was different. When we moved, I worked in a unit that had a small pool of critically ill infants and a very large population of less sick children. I learned to love the parent teaching aspect. I know hour one, of day in the Nicu, is obviously very overwhelming-

[VelociRapture]

5 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

From the perspective of a retired Nicu nurse: every, single day parental teaching/education should be done in terms of discharge planning, particularly in those babies who very likely will have short term stays. No parent or nurse should be struggling on discharge day to get parents the information that they will need to make transition easier or more seamless. Education is such a huge part of working in the Nicu, especially in the less critically ill areas. For the first 20 years of my career, I worked in a unit where we had few grower/feeder type babies, most of the infants were critically ill, so the education focus was different. When we moved, I worked in a unit that had a small pool of critically ill infants and a very large population of less sick children. I learned to love the parent teaching aspect. I know hour one, of day in the Nicu, is obviously very overwhelming-

Oh our NICU staff was wonderful! They taught us everything we needed to know over the course of that week and while we were obviously nervous to take her home we did feel pretty confident in our abilities too. One of the Nurses was a year behind me in High School and she was the one who taught my husband how to safely hold, feed, burp, and change her during his first visit up - the second time she had him do everything without telling him what to do to be sure he had been paying attention (he aced it - they were both very proud.)  I just felt kind of stupid because the folder had tons of helpful information and the Nurses wouldn’t have needed to tell us half the stuff they did if we had remembered to look through it in the first place. 

[mollysmom]

On 2/28/2018 at 4:24 PM, kachuu said:

My inlaws plan to be waiting right out the door as soon as he pops out of me. I'm stressing the fuck out. Like, why cant we have 5 minutes of transition before you HAVE to shove yourselves into every damn moment. Is that selfish?

Do the nurses allow visitors back there as soon as you are in recovery or do they wait till you give the say-so? My MIL is overwhelming and pushy and so help me god if she just waltz through the door while i'm pushing. I'm super hormonal about the woman today, so you know, our future is really bright.

Your mother in law sounds like Marie Barone on "Everybody loves Raymond!!!" While I find it hilarious in the show, that would drive me crazy in real life!!! If it were me, I would be FIRM beforehand and let the nurses and everyone else know how you feel about it!! That is YOUR moment!! Don't let anyone take that away from you!!!!

[Satan'sFortress]

1.  You're killing me, @Chickenbutt!  Such a sweet story.  As a mom of boys, I don't imagine my DILs would want me in the room--and I would totally understand.  But it is really lovely that you had that moment.

2.  I know this should probably be posted in "unpopular opinions" but in hindsight, I probably would have been OK if DH was not with me for my deliveries.  It isn't that he wasn't supportive---he was.  And I wouldn't ever have denied him being there to see the babies born . . . and yet, I found him somehow . . . distracting . . . when I really needed to focus.  The second time, especially, it was a fast labor and I was surrounded by nurses and midwives (it happened during a shift change, so they all stayed!)  I really liked the support of all women at that time and felt the "woman power."  And also, yes, I'm going to say it:  One of us may have pooped in the bed before the baby was born.    We both could have probably lived without that image.

3.  Thank you to all the FJ nurses.  I am not a huge fan of doctors, but nurses are the best.  I did indeed have a nurse help me get rid of unwanted guests post baby.  She was so wonderful, I will never forget her.