Seewalds 31: Jessa’s Maybe-Baby

[VineHeart137]

1 hour ago, AtlanticTug said:

I guess to me it doesn't matter if everybody gets it at the same time. I did a combination of telling people directly (parents/siblings, close friends), telling some people via a group e-mail, texting some others whom I don't e-mail regularly. My parents also spread the news among our more distant aunts/uncles and it wouldn't have dawned on me to call these people and tell them. Honestly people don't care that much that person X with whom they're not close is knocked up. I mean they all send their congratulations one way or another but it's not a big deal.

And there have been so many times where the announcement is so over the top. I know one couple who hired a professional videographer to put together a video announcement/reveal and they did multiple takes of them, for example, getting out of the car to go into the ultrasound place, a clip of their obstetrician, etc. To each their own, but I couldn't help thinking this was more a self-indulgence for them than it was about letting loved ones know about a baby...Obviously most announcements are a lot simpler than this.

Our announcement was pretty simple. My husband changed his profile pic to a one of our daughter reading a Big Sister book. I changed my cover photo to a picture of the ultrasound on top of a Little Sister onesie. We didnt even add any captions, we just let people figure it out lol. The people who paid attention are probably the people we really wanted to know anyway. That said, if someone wants to go crazy to announce their pregnancy, more power to them. Facebook is just an easy way to reach out to everybody. And not everyone keeps people they're not close with as friends on FB.

Also, Facebook has that "On This Day" feature and I think it's kinda cool to open FB and have it remind me of fun memories and photos I posted from however long ago. Last month it showed me a photo I posted on the day my now 2.5 year old daughter turned 6 months and I could have cried. But I'm nostalgic like that. And also hormonal.

[SapphireSlytherin]

We have friends (they are "old money" people) who have seven children. The first six are girls. Lucky number seven is finally a boy. They needed that boy to get the Harvey Gerald Comstock, VI,* title. Yes. They truly did just keep having kids to get a boy. They wouldn't even consider adoption, because the bloodline is what's important.

Yeah, I'm as disgusted as you are.

I guess it's a good thing they're "old money" so they can afford that 10-bedroom house, three full-time, live-in nannies, and super-exclusive private schools to keep that bloodline away from the scum that can't pay $25,000/year for kindergarten tuition.

 

*obviously, not his real name

[neurogirl]

@SapphireSlytherin woof. How are girls 4-6 treated/doing? Hopefully they are still cherished and loved though by the sound of that family they may be seen as "disappointments."

[SapphireSlytherin]

The girls are adored by their nannies, and trotted out for "appearances" on special occasions with their parents. It's truly a different world. We are only peripherally involved with anything these people do, but their social/economic peers all treat their children the same:  they're raised by nannies, and put on display when necessary.

[viii]

My old high school friend married into a family like that - they had six girls before having two boys. 

[Carm_88]

I like seeing pregnancy announcements, I like looking through wedding pictures, I enjoy seeing people who I am close with enjoying their lives. If it's over the top, I may roll my eyes a little bit and think "Well that's for the likes" but hey that's their prerogative. 

I love taking pictures, I'm sure that people get sick of seeing what I am doing! However, when the memory comes back a year later, I will smile and that's what matters!  You only get one life, enjoy it to the best of your ability! 

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

We have friends (they are "old money" people) who have seven children. The first six are girls. Lucky number seven is finally a boy. They needed that boy to get the Harvey Gerald Comstock, VI,* title. Yes. They truly did just keep having kids to get a boy. They wouldn't even consider adoption, because the bloodline is what's important.

Yeah, I'm as disgusted as you are.

I guess it's a good thing they're "old money" so they can afford that 10-bedroom house, three full-time, live-in nannies, and super-exclusive private schools to keep that bloodline away from the scum that can't pay $25,000/year for kindergarten tuition.

 

*obviously, not his real name

I know someone who recently adopted. They only wanted the following: male, Caucasian Infant.

I was shocked that they were chosen and have adopted a male, Caucasian baby. 

They had 3 bio kids and only wanted 2 girls and 2 boys.

Personally, I would never select that family if I was placing my child for adoption.

How about we just want a child to complete our family?

 

We just found out our niece is expecting. They requested that we refrain from saying anything on social media until they make their big announcement. 

[Four is Enough]

AFA announcing things on Facebook: My list of friends consists of relatives, high school, college, and work friends old and more recent, and some  very dear friends from a scrapbook bulletin board I've been a part of since the 90s.

If I announced something (offline) to my family, eventually, the word would get to virtually everyone on that list, excepting possibly some of the SB buddies. However, some very close friends and relatives are now part of that circle, so the word would get out there, too. 

my friends list numbers in the low 300s. So I'm guessing that my FB list is pretty much my "inner circle".

Is everyone's not that way?

[singsingsing]

2 minutes ago, Four is Enough said:

my friends list numbers in the low 300s. So I'm guessing that my FB list is pretty much my "inner circle".

Is everyone's not that way?

I feel like I must be reading this wrong... are you saying that you have over 300 people you’d consider to be in your inner circle? Then my answer would be no, I try to keep my friends list to about 150 and most of those people I would not consider to be part of my ‘inner circle’. Again, sorry if I’m misunderstanding, I have a cold and my brain isn’t operating at full capacity.

[SadieJane]

I announced my first, via Facebook, at like 8 weeks. Yeah early, I know, but i was excited and I didn't know what I was doing. I miscarried my second at 17 weeks, after another early announcement,  and was devastated. I hated telling everyone that I miscarried. My next baby I didnt announce at all. Poor little Pippi Longstocking was a shock to everyone cept my family. lmao.  I took a year off. No baby 2012 was exactly a thing, only, I found out I was pregnant in early December. I announced on January 1st.  Everyone  announces everything on their own time, but I never printed out announcements. It was always on Facebook. I think I have an addiction to Facebook.  

[Mlissmartin]

On 2/22/2018 at 12:13 AM, JoyfulDhampir said:

I think if she is pregnant she will wait till the end of this season of Counting On to announce, that way you have Joy's baby to start the season (providing that Joy give birth on or a few days after her due date) and another pregnancy to close out the season 

Joys pregnancy probably won't even be announced until the end of the season. 

[BlessaYourHeart]

3 hours ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

We have friends (they are "old money" people) who have seven children. The first six are girls. Lucky number seven is finally a boy. They needed that boy to get the Harvey Gerald Comstock, VI,* title. Yes. They truly did just keep having kids to get a boy. They wouldn't even consider adoption, because the bloodline is what's important.

Yeah, I'm as disgusted as you are.

I guess it's a good thing they're "old money" so they can afford that 10-bedroom house, three full-time, live-in nannies, and super-exclusive private schools to keep that bloodline away from the scum that can't pay $25,000/year for kindergarten tuition.

 

*obviously, not his real name

I have an uncle and his wife (I will not call her my aunt, she makes it very clear that she doesn’t like me), who are similar to this. Only they had 6 boys and then a girl. They tried and tried until they got a girl. They have a lot of money. 

All my other aunts and uncles (8 of them) had at least one girl each. Except one who had one boy and then was done. My uncles wife couldn’t stand this, she wanted her girl and didn’t think it was fair that she didn’t have one. She wanted the girl to show off and be her mini me, succeed at education, marry some rich man so my uncles wife could boast about her perfect family of boys to carry on the ‘pure’ bloodline and one girl to be the golden girl admired by all. 

Ive spoken about this on here before. 

When they got their girl, they assumed she would be the youngest grandchild doted on by everyone. They named her after my grandmother with the wrong spelling. But hey ho there goes my mum and gets pregnant and ends up with a curly blonde haired, blue eyed (a trade mark look of our family) little girl and names me after my grandmother, with the correct spelling. My grandmother was dead by the time I was born and my mum had always been a mummy’s girl so of course wanted to honour my grandmother. My uncles wife was furious, seething. It didn’t help that my eldest aunt stepped in and treated me like her own granddaughter so that I wouldn’t miss out on having a grandmother. 

My mum was so close to most of her siblings and done a lot for their kids as they grew up, so naturally they all returned the favour and I became the golden girl, my eldest cousin is 31 years older than me so I also became the baby to all my grown cousins (27ish of them) and they all looked out for me. 

My uncle and his wife’s daughter is loud, boastful, flaky, invades personal space and it draining to be around. I’m much more reserved and polite and just have a more naturally built relationship with the majority of my family. Of course uncles wife sees this, blames me for her daughter not being the youngest and the golden girl and does not try to hide it. I’m over here like ‘Jee sorry for being born ‘. 

I dislike people like her, who don’t realise that money, status and the image of the perfect family isn’t everything. Human relationships are built on much more than that. 

I think I needed that rant. I got engaged last year to a really amazing guy and I’m graduating this year and it’s sparked her fury again, she can’t stand to see me doing well at all! So it’s very fresh in my head. 

[VineHeart137]

@BlessaYourHeart That was such a satisfying read! Thanks for sharing. Congrats on your engagement and impending graduation!

[coexist]

6 hours ago, front hugs > duggs said:

I’m the third child and my parents had one girl and one boy before me. I’m unsure if they were given a hard time about already having one of each and why they wanted a third. However, I do get to brag that I was the only planned one 

My older siblings and I arrived in the exact same order. They're eight and six years older, so my sister used to love to joke I was the only *unplanned* one. I'm of the opinion that my parents didn't want to stop till they finally got one right.

[Plexus31Wife]

23 hours ago, SeekingAdventure said:

I think saying Jessa is trying to get attention out of this is a bit weird.  She can't win either way now, can she?

I can't speak for others with a similar view, but I can expand more on what I said in my post.

To be clear, the issue is not that whether she's pregnant or not she's trying to get attention. The issue is more that she looks like she was doing a few things that hinted at pregnancy and may or may not be pregnant. Incidentally, the same counts for Jill with her recent arched back photo with Sam. 

From my perspective, if she is pregnant, I can see why she would want to cover up a bump for the first few months, and I personally wouldn't see her as an attention whore or anything when she does announce. But if she isn't pregnant, I do think she's smart enough to know that it sure looked like she was pregnant in the Congrats Jinger video. And that to me comes off as attention seeking. 

That's me, anyway. I worked for a long time in project management, so I think a lot about ulterior motives and discrepancies between appearances and reality. Sometimes to a fault. 

And, for what it's worth, I certainly don't think Jessa is evil. I think she's a twentysomething who's had a lot of bad, unfair stuff happen to her while she was young, and who's now trying to figure out who she is while still in a very constricting environment that she can't get out of very easily - and perhaps doesn't want to. I think she's got great potential, but lacks the needed resources and guidance to get her there.

But not evil. Definitely not evil. 

[Kailash]

14 hours ago, Four is Enough said:

AFA announcing things on Facebook: My list of friends consists of relatives, high school, college, and work friends old and more recent, and some  very dear friends from a scrapbook bulletin board I've been a part of since the 90s.

If I announced something (offline) to my family, eventually, the word would get to virtually everyone on that list, excepting possibly some of the SB buddies. However, some very close friends and relatives are now part of that circle, so the word would get out there, too. 

my friends list numbers in the low 300s. So I'm guessing that my FB list is pretty much my "inner circle".

Is everyone's not that way?

I have (by choice) less than 50 friends on FB. And I often think that’s too many!  I must be more introverted than I think! 

[Irishy]

I have four children. The first three are boys. When boy 3 was born, there was so much obvious disappointment from some friends and family. They couldn’t help themselves. “Oh well...sigh... at least you’ve a healthy baby”.... Absolute assholes. Mostly the older generation I must say.

 

Fourth was a total accident but a girl. She brought great joy to the assholes. But she won’t wear dresses or pink girly things and I love how that bothers them.

[SadieJane]

Lmao. That's what the assholes get! My daughter is the same way. All the grandchildren are boys but her, and she is such a tomboy. I say hahahaha to the assholes. Pretty sure our girls are tomboyish gifts from whatever diety to make humour and spite!

[Four is Enough]

14 hours ago, singsingsing said:

I feel like I must be reading this wrong... are you saying that you have over 300 people you’d consider to be in your inner circle? Then my answer would be no, I try to keep my friends list to about 150 and most of those people I would not consider to be part of my ‘inner circle’. Again, sorry if I’m misunderstanding, I have a cold and my brain isn’t operating at full capacity.

These people are people with whom I've had or still have a close relationship. If news came out about me in the "regular" way, that is word of mouth, Most of them would find it out within a short time, by virtue of the inter-connected-ness of my group of friends. So yes, my inner circle.

My innermost circle is fairly small, my family and my besties.. about twelve people.

 

26 minutes ago, Irishy said:

Fourth was a total accident but a girl. She brought great joy to the assholes. But she won’t wear dresses or pink girly things and I love how that bothers them.

Even though I wanted a girl, I wanted the perspective a girl would bring to the family, I do relish that my Four is not a "girly girl" per se.. doesn't like ruffles and twirly skirts, but likes her makeup and fingernail polish. She has my sister to provide her with that sort of thing.... it does bother the family sometimes.

[singsingsing]

@Four is Enough thanks for clarifying! It seems we just have totally different personal definitions of what ‘inner circle’ means. What you described would probably be what I would call ‘general acquaintance’. 

Although I have to say, I didn’t think it was possible to have close relationships with over 300 people. I have a feeling our definition of ‘close relationship’ probably differs too, in that case.

[mollysmom]

1 hour ago, Kailash said:

I have (by choice) less than 50 friends on FB. And I often think that’s too many!  I must be more introverted than I think! 

I'm the same way!! I think I have 41 but that's on purpose.....I want to be able to be real on my fb page so if I don't want you knowing my business, then you aren't on my friends list. 

[Glasgowghirl]

Both my sister and I turned out to be tomboys, we did go to dancing and play with dolls but as we got older we started to prefer dressing in tracksuits and playing football. My parents didn't care I think my dad quite liked the fact I would watch Celtic and Scotland games with him and I still do. 

My annoying Auntie started moaning at both my sister in law and me when she was pregnant with my niece, because she tagged on Facebook a picture of Celtic ugg type boots and said they are cute. She went on about how football stuff were not lady like. I told her next time I saw that I wasn't going to buy her anything football related but it was none of her business what I bought my niece. My sister then informed me that her daughter had bought Rangers stuff for her daughter and lied to her mum and said someone else bought her it to stop her moaning. I wish my cousin would have stood up to her mum but she still let's her control her life even now she is married with a daughter of her own. 

 

[viii]

If I have more than 150 people on fb, I start to get twitchy. I generally wouldn’t keep anyone unless I’d go for lunch with them. 

(I will admit I’m shameless with one person and keep them solely because they’re dramatic AF and I find it entertaining. Whoops.)

[IrishCarrie]

I probably have about five hundred friends on Facebook - thirty of whom I actually like and interact with and 470 people who I keep on my list because they help me investigate/learn about...*ok, stalk*...men I'm considering dating 

[Queen]

My maternal uncle chose to baptize his fourth and last son in the House of Nobility under the family weapon. I'm not even kidding. He has also publicly bragged about having four people, his sons, to carry on the last name. My aunt and uncle have a daughter as well, but apparently she doesn't count when it comes to carrying on the name. Just because of my uncle's irritating attitude, I wish she'll be the only one of her siblings to do that. 

My uncle and my mother are both technically nobility, but me and my siblings are not since you can only inherit the status from your father. Patriarchal much? And we don't live  in castles or anything even close to that, just because some ruler long ago decided a random male ancestor of mine deserved nobility privileges, if anyone wonders  But yeah, we're upper middle class. And my uncle in particular is attracted to wealth, social status and privileges. The rest of us makes fun of him a bit for that.