32-year-old SAHD waiting on the Lord (Adrienne Leigh McKee)

[lawfulevil]

I'm Adrienne's age (a month apart) and we grew up in towns less than an hour's drive apart, so it's kind of surreal to read her blog.

Would it be nice to have a tight-knit family of origin? Sure. But I've been on my own now for fifteen years (and with my husband for ten). Some of them good years, some of them bad, but they were mine. I can't even imagine a me that would WANT to live with my mother indefinitely, in the town I grew up in, doing not much of anything. And she's been doing that now, waiting on some fated husband, for almost half our lives.

I don't just not want to live Adrienne's life with MY mother (yikes), I don't want to live it with ANYONE. I... don't think that qualifies as jealousy. Sorry, hon, but the "all those other girls are just jealous" excuse from Mom wears a little bit thin after about the seventh grade.

[socalrules]

I don’t think a lot of these families get that you can be super close to your mom or entire family and still live an independent life. I think there is a fear that being independent or even just have an interest separate from the collective is going to drag you away from the family. Or worse, it’s a slap in the face to the family because by being interest in something different, you are saying their way is life is wrong or stupid.

There are a lot of people who would love to be married, myself included, but if it doesn’t happen, I can still say I have done million things to make my life interesting. I am over 40 and cannot imagine how incredibly boring my life would have been I had lived the SAHD lifestyle while waiting for Prince Charming. I got an education, traveled, met interesting people (including men) and still have a long bucket list I intend to fulfill whether or not I get married. 

Life has to be repetitive for them and I don’t see how if you stick to the same location and same circle of people you find a spouse. Adrienne has likely already met every single, eligible bachelor in her circle but will never widen her net. My friend and I decided to get tickets for a baseball game this weekend because it’s Bobblehead night. We may not find a spouse but we may make new friends or learn from a fellow fan about the best new restaurant in town. The possibilities are endless because we are not at home just waiting. What we have a 100% chance of doing is eating a lot of crap, screaming for our team and enjoying the life we have now instead of waiting for life to start if Prince Charming actually arrives.

[PurpleCats]

Can we have a Jane Austen reading club for those that have never read it / want to reread it? I feel like it’d be more enjoyable if we could discuss after every couple of chapters. 

[nickelodeon]

On 4/16/2018 at 9:32 PM, Shoobydoo said:

Meh, I don't READ Austen, I listen to it. I live on free audiobooks. (Woo Librivox!) I would actually agree with you that it's kind of boring to read. I do, however, find it very easy to listen to. I particularly recommend the Librivox recording by Elisabeth Klett. 

LOL. Klett has read me all the Austen, plus Lady Audley's Secret, The Odd Women, Portrait of a Lady...and so on. Thank god for random internet strangers recording themselves reading random nineteenth century novels.

[Shoobydoo]

12 minutes ago, nickelodeon said:

LOL. Klett has read me all the Austen, plus Lady Audley's Secret, The Odd Women, Portrait of a Lady...and so on. Thank god for random internet strangers recording themselves reading random nineteenth century novels.

OMG. Lady Audley's Secret is the SLASHIEST thing I have ever read/listened to. I swear I half expected the main character and his "buddy" to rip eachothers clothes off at some point.  I seem to recall the author magically summoned a convenient sister who was "exactly like the (male) friend, but a lady" for the MC to marry at the very end of the book. I laughed my ass off....

[CTRLZero]

21 minutes ago, Shoobydoo said:

Lady Audley's Secret is the SLASHIEST thing I have ever read/listened to.

So, I just had to run out (well, to grab my Kindle) and buy it, lol!  Thanks for the recommendation!

 

[ViolaSebastian]

I'm new to Adrienne, but I started reading her blog and this jumped out at me:

Quote

I especially understand this quote, because I somehow grew up with the idea that one does not talk about their feelings about boys, and if they do, then they talk to their folks, NOT to friends.
(I see how it is a good rule of thumb for a teenager, but now that I'm in my 30's, I find I'm tired of the silence - the alone in this world, no one has ever felt like this except me - kind of silence...but then I am not sure I have a friend I can truly trust with my feelings and also there is the fact that I didn't really have anything real to talk about anyway!) 

That does not sound like words written by someone who is content with her lifestyle. My heart aches for her that she doesn't feel like she has someone she can share her real feelings with--and it worries me that she feels she doesn't have anything "real" to talk about. I'm not going to knock her for being close to her mom--I'm close with mine, too--but I also recognize that there are limits to that relationship just given its nature, and there are things that wouldn't be appropriate to share with her (and, conversely, for her to share with me). I tend to think it's unhealthy to depend on one person to be your "be all and end all," no matter if its a familial relation or otherwise, though. 

And speaking as a woman who has lived through a miserable marriage, finding a husband is no guarantee that you'll find someone with whom you can share your real feelings, or who will complete you. The only person that can complete you and make you happy is yourself, in whatever form that takes. I learned that the hard way, but she doesn't have to. 

[katilac]

3 hours ago, Shoobydoo said:

OMG. Lady Audley's Secret is the SLASHIEST thing I have ever read 

1

*downloads immediately*

[Shoobydoo]

Oh, dear. Now I hope my memory didn't exaggerate, or there will be hordes of angry slash-less FJers beating down my door.  I mean, I don't normally notice that kind of thing at all, so it must have been pretty blatant if even I picked up on it...

[Lurky]

11 hours ago, Shoobydoo said:

OMG. Lady Audley's Secret is the SLASHIEST thing I have ever read/listened to. I swear I half expected the main character and his "buddy" to rip eachothers clothes off at some point.  I seem to recall the author magically summoned a convenient sister who was "exactly like the (male) friend, but a lady" for the MC to marry at the very end of the book. I laughed my ass off....

My favourite inadvertent slash is Shirley by Charlotte Brontë.   I don't like the book as a whole (too of the time) but the parts where gorgeous, headstrong heiress Shirley (a man's name at the time) comes into the book, careening round the countryside, doing exactly what she likes, and she and the main character woman are basically falling in love, and about to run away together, when Brontë realises what she's writing, and they get married off to the men!

[formergothardite]

13 hours ago, PurpleCats said:

Can we have a Jane Austen reading club for those that have never read it / want to reread it? I feel like it’d be more enjoyable if we could discuss after every couple of chapters. 

Yes! We have a book club section for things like this. If people are really interested let me know and I'll start a thread. 

[CTRLZero]

6 hours ago, Shoobydoo said:

Now I hope my memory didn't exaggerate, or there will be hordes of angry slash-less FJers beating down my door.

No worries.  I take my chances on a wide variety of literature and just appreciate the recommendation to try something different.  If @formergothardite starts an Austen subthread in the book club forum, I'll likely be there.

[formergothardite]

34 minutes ago, CTRLZero said:

If @formergothardite starts an Austen subthread in the book club forum, I'll likely be there.

I started a thread. Anyone who wants to discuss and read Austen please come join!

 

[Palimpsest]

14 hours ago, nickelodeon said:

LOL. Klett has read me all the Austen, plus Lady Audley's Secret, The Odd Women, Portrait of a Lady...and so on. Thank god for random internet strangers recording themselves reading random nineteenth century novels.

How does Klett deal with my favorite sentence in that book:  "She dropped her eyes to the floor and passed out."  I'd faint dead away too if my eyeballs were on the floor.

3 hours ago, Lurky said:

My favourite inadvertent slash is Shirley by Charlotte Brontë.   I don't like the book as a whole (too of the time) but the parts where gorgeous, headstrong heiress Shirley (a man's name at the time) comes into the book, careening round the countryside, doing exactly what she likes, and she and the main character woman are basically falling in love, and about to run away together, when Brontë realises what she's writing, and they get married off to the men!

Ah, yes.  Caroline and Shirley were just meant to be.  And Robert is a twerp and Louis a twit.  So disappointing.

 

[nickelodeon]

15 hours ago, Shoobydoo said:

Oh, dear. Now I hope my memory didn't exaggerate, or there will be hordes of angry slash-less FJers beating down my door.  I mean, I don't normally notice that kind of thing at all, so it must have been pretty blatant if even I picked up on it...

No, it's definitely very blatant in the text - lots of scenes in the middle of the book of Robert mooning around thinking about how sexy Clara is... because she's identical to her brother. It's pretty incredible!!

[Soulhuntress]

On 4/18/2018 at 10:57 AM, nausicaa said:

I've seen a very similar dynamic in some other mother/daughter relationships (though not quite to a 33 year old SAHD extent) and in all of them the daughter always appears to be prematurely matronly and conveniently likes all of the things from her mother's generation that the mother happens to enjoy. I find it interesting that she and her mother wear their hair exactly the same way and both wear the same wire rimmed glasses and pearl necklaces.

This is unfortunate.  She is a lovely girl who is aging herself too fast.  No sweetie you are not looking modest but too old for your years.  And Mom you are not doing her a favor.  I will be blunt.  You are creating a spinster.  And that is tragic for a sweet girl who wants a home and family.   Think about it: loosen the chains mama.  If you want grandkids, do this NOW.   Because she is getting close to an age where fertility declines fast.