32-year-old SAHD waiting on the Lord (Adrienne Leigh McKee)

[Black Aliss]

1 hour ago, formergothardite said:

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I don't have the happy knack of making any kind of friends- I find it very hard to find subjects of common interest, and the right questions to draw people out.

I wonder Welcome to the club. If you can't find subjects to talk to people about then maybe it is time to consider that you life is extremely narrow and perhaps somewhat self-centered. Small talk is TORTURE to me, but guess what, I do it, because avoiding it just makes the anxiety about it worse. If you don't have the knack of making friends, then work on yourself. Get a therapist if necessary(and good therapists works wonders), but don't just passively accept that you can't talk to people. 

It is my prayer (Rufus bless) that she reads what you wrote with an open mind, or at least with the idea that if she could learn to carry on a conversation, her God might send her a nice young man to talk to and who knows where that might lead.

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I don't have the happy knack of making any kind of friends- I find it very hard to find subjects of common interest, and the right questions to draw people out.

Hmmm. I wonder if she's ever read the Maxwell's Making Great Conversationalists. Or, perhaps "Do you know where you are going when you die?" is not quite the question to ask if you want to draw people out.

On 3/2/2018 at 6:55 PM, librarianjojo said:

If she's willing to move, there's surely an Arndt close in age. Should we forward her blog to the famteam contact page?

Can we get a photo of her with duck lips and a nice mane and tail? That seems to be what they were looking for.

[hoipolloi]

No jealousy here. 

If Mom is reading here too, maybe she needs to consider why the Lord led Adrienne to find FJ. 

[SilverBeach]

Not sad, not hurting, certainly not jealous. Just gobsmacked once again at the damage done by fundamentalism, particularly to women. I couldn't live with myself if I contributed to handicapping my daughter this way. Why do fundies think we are any more sad/hurting/jealous than they are? It's an overused trope. Read the weens thread, Adrienne, you'll see just how not sad we are!

I thought Adrienne's pic was that of her mother! She is exactly the same age as DD, but boy what a difference. 

[wild little fox]

On 2/20/2018 at 10:56 AM, artdecades said:

All this talk makes me wonder why these families don't pursue arranged marriages. Not that I support arranged marriages in most cases, just that it may work well for people like this.

In a lot of cases I believe the parents have no intention of letting their children go, ever. 

[Palimpsest]

4 hours ago, PennySycamore said:

(ETA: I think they sell Collodial Silver soap in the Vermont Country Store's catalog.)

Yes, they do sell it!  https://www.vermontcountrystore.com/silver-savior-soap/product/62613

Is it just me, or is calling it silver "Savior" soap rather, IDK, blasphemous? 

As an aside, my late FIL indignantly boycotted his favorite store (he lived within driving distance of Weston VT and they have a nice restaurant) when they started selling vibrators personal massage devices.  The Vermont Country Store decided to move with the times and he was devastated.  So was I.  I could usually pick up some arcane object to give him for Christmas from their catalog - but when he began his boycott I had to fib about where I had bought it. 

[AllisonWndrland]

Adrienne's mother really couldn't respond in any other way. I mean, how else do you keep up appearances? How else do you maintain the status quo? Admitting anything is wrong, or that her daughter seems very lonely, isn't going to happen.

I agree with others that she appears to deal with some form of anxiety. As someone who avoids social events and would rather stay home or just go out to a local place and have dinner with my husband and kids, I get that. I actively plan my life around avoiding large crowds and have to take deliberate steps to ensure I maintain healthy, full relationships with the people I love (those loved ones who don't live with me, I mean!). But, I also understand that about myself and don't put it off as God's will for my life. 

Adrienne, no one is asking you to apologize for your life. No one. There is a lot of concern here, as many FJers have been in similar situations. I think I can say, after having been here a number of years, that most FJers just want people to be happy and able to live a life of their own choosing. You have put your life forward in a very public fashion; now it's time to learn how to live with that decision. 

Off-topic, I fricken love the Vermont Country Store. So much weird and awesome in one catalog. 

[pook]

38 minutes ago, AllisonWndrland said:

Snip>

Off-topic, I fricken love the Vermont Country Store. So much weird and awesome in one catalog. 

Erma Gerd!  Me too and went there again thanks to this thread drift.  Lately I have been sharing my love of vintage linens and such in the Rod thread.  I even have a collection of vintage irons (7 - bows head in shame) but look what I found!

[acheronbeach]

6 hours ago, nausicaa said:

I really don't understand that idea that being a "career woman" cannot be compatible with nurturing and serving others. Not every woman who works becomes a district attorney or Wall Street trader. You can take care of others via careers in nursing, teaching, day care, and counseling. 

And, speaking as one of those "district attorneys" (in these parts, we're called Crown Prosecutors or Assistant Crown Attorneys or Crown Counsel), the only people I know who think that lady lawyers are these two-dimensional angryfeminist stereotypes are sheltered people who don't actually know any female lawyers.  

I can't tell you how many victims I've fed, made tea for, listened to and gave tissues while they cry, brought them blankets, let them sleep in an interview room, or arranged for a counselor or a doctor to talk to them.  Hell, I've brought accused persons to the food bank and to the shelter before.    

[formergothardite]

I see she loves that disturbing Christian movie Old Fashioned. It is basically about a creepy controlling man and the woman he gets to control. Adrienne, you do NOT want to be like Clay. Clay reminds me of a serial killer. 

Quote

it is exciting and encouraging to me that in even just one movie the Hero and Heroine have a good, respectful, loving friendship/relationship...do things right, learn and grow (as individuals & couple) AND live happily ever after

That movie does not show a healthy, loving, respectful relationship. It shows a controlling man and a vulnerable woman he finds to prey on. Nothing is healthy about that relationship. He forces her to stand in a cold rain because he can't be in the same room with her. If I remember correctly he threatens to evict her if she doesn't obey his sexist rules and then makes it clear he won't accept her as she is, she has to totally change her life to become his the woman he wants. 

That movie shows a relationship doomed to fail.

[Briefly]

1 hour ago, acheronbeach said:

And, speaking as one of those "district attorneys" (in these parts, we're called Crown Prosecutors or Assistant Crown Attorneys or Crown Counsel), the only people I know who think that lady lawyers are these two-dimensional angryfeminist stereotypes are sheltered people who don't actually know any female lawyers.  

I can't tell you how many victims I've fed, made tea for, listened to and gave tissues while they cry, brought them blankets, let them sleep in an interview room, or arranged for a counselor or a doctor to talk to them.  Hell, I've brought accused persons to the food bank and to the shelter before.    

You do all that because you are a kind, loving, caring person.

[Shoobydoo]

4 hours ago, formergothardite said:

I don't have the happy knack of making any kind of friends- I find it very hard to find subjects of common interest, and the right questions to draw people out.

It's nice of her to ape Mr. Darcy while ignoring Elizabeth's rebuttal. Are you bad at making friends, or do you refuse to put for the effort to make and keep them? She keeps showing her complete lack of reading comprehension, here. Again, you are applying traits to yourself that the  characters are explicitly criticised for like it's some kind of excuse.  If you want to be Jane or Darcy, strive for their good points, Don't settle for their flaws.

 

I don't have Pride and Prejudice memorized. What are you talking about? 

[Seahorse Wrangler]

I struggle to read Austen. There's this tiny part of me that goes, "Oh Classic English Literature, you must read that." Then about two chapters in I'm bored and I'm out of there.

I do try to read them. I've seen several adaptations which I've enjoyed, please don't ask me about the version or the actors..I can't remember that level of detail...I'm a bad viewer at times.

I have read P&P. Mainly because I wanted to read P,P&Z and realised I need the framework of the original novel to make it work. I'm currently half way through Sense and Sensibility. I just keep putting it down and walking away ..

 

[Shoobydoo]

12 minutes ago, Seahorse Wrangler said:

I struggle to read Austen. There's this tiny part of me that goes, "Oh Classic English Literature, you must read that." Then about two chapters in I'm bored and I'm out of there.

I do try to read them. I've seen several adaptations which I've enjoyed, please don't ask me about the version or the actors..I can't remember that level of detail...I'm a bad viewer at times.

I have read P&P. Mainly because I wanted to read P,P&Z and realised I need the framework of the original novel to make it work. I'm currently half way through Sense and Sensibility. I just keep putting it down and walking away ..

 

Meh, I don't READ Austen, I listen to it. I live on free audiobooks. (Woo Librivox!) I would actually agree with you that it's kind of boring to read. I do, however, find it very easy to listen to. I particularly recommend the Librivox recording by Elisabeth Klett. 

[pook]

3 hours ago, formergothardite said:

I see she loves that disturbing Christian movie Old Fashioned. It is basically about a creepy controlling man and the woman he gets to control. Adrienne, you do NOT want to be like Clay. Clay reminds me of a serial killer. 

That movie does not show a healthy, loving, respectful relationship. It shows a controlling man and a vulnerable woman he finds to prey on. Nothing is healthy about that relationship. He forces her to stand in a cold rain because he can't be in the same room with her. If I remember correctly he threatens to evict her if she doesn't obey his sexist rules and then makes it clear he won't accept her as she is, she has to totally change her life to become his the woman he wants. 

That movie shows a relationship doomed to fail.

The worst movie ever!  Wasn't KK, sorry Kirk Cameron, involved in this nonsense?

[Black Aliss]

5 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

Yes, they do sell it!  https://www.vermontcountrystore.com/silver-savior-soap/product/62613

Is it just me, or is calling it silver "Savior" soap rather, IDK, blasphemous? 

As an aside, my late FIL indignantly boycotted his favorite store (he lived within driving distance of Weston VT and they have a nice restaurant) when they started selling vibrators personal massage devices.  

To be fair they also work great on aching upper back muscles and for working out leg cramps.

1 hour ago, Seahorse Wrangler said:

I struggle to read Austen. There's this tiny part of me that goes, "Oh Classic English Literature, you must read that." Then about two chapters in I'm bored and I'm out of there.

Oh, my dear Sister Seahorse! One does not read Jane Austen because she wrote classics of English Lit. One reads Jane Austen because she's the snarkiest bitch to ever slip into the literary canon. You know that if she were alive today she'd be the most active poster on FJ; we'd have to keep coming up with new thread count titles for her.

[Shoobydoo]

Now that I'm not sneaking posts on my phone at work, here's a link to that free audio version of P&P if anyone wants to give it a listen.   The same reader has done all of Austen's published work. I have no idea if she did Love and Freindship or the Juvenalia, I have never actually tried to find them.

 

LINK HERE WOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[L1o2u3]

So far, I have only read Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen and it was a lot of fun! I have watched many movies though  

@pook no, Kirk Cameron did Fireproof. Old Fashioned is Rik Swartzwelder  

 

 

[formergothardite]

10 hours ago, pook said:

The worst movie ever! 

It is truly a terrible movie! Here is the best review of it.

Spoiler

 

 

11 hours ago, Seahorse Wrangler said:

I struggle to read Austen. There's this tiny part of me that goes, "Oh Classic English Literature, you must read that." Then about two chapters in I'm bored and I'm out of there

~clutches pearls in horror~

Spoiler

[acheronbeach]

On 2018-04-16 at 4:20 PM, Briefly said:

You do all that because you are a kind, loving, caring person.

I think it's general human compassion - and I'm not super compassionate by nature.  It's a cold person, though, who isn't moved by a weeping, vomiting victim of rape, or child abuse.   

Anyhow, as an aside, I have a colleague who is way more compassionate than me.  She is very Christian, but the kind of Christian that exemplifies Christ's teachings.  She's patient.  She's kind.  She's always willing to stay with a victim and talk to them and make them tea or coffee and a snack, even if she has to get her husband (also a busy lawyer) to get the kids from daycare or make dinner.  She's my reminder of what many Christians are when I'm feeling cynical - usually after reading Duggar or Lori Alexander's disgusting "Christian" conduct.  

[nausicaa]

On 4/16/2018 at 4:35 PM, wild little fox said:

In a lot of cases I believe the parents have no intention of letting their children go, ever. 

I just looked through some of the photos on her blog and definitely get this vibe. It looks like she and her mother are best friends. I wonder if the mom shares her social anxiety and so doesn't want to lose her "only friend." It would explain why she never pushed her daughter to be less shy or befriend kids her own age when she was younger. I think there were a lot of comments about typical teenage interests being silly or beneath her.

I've seen a very similar dynamic in some other mother/daughter relationships (though not quite to a 33 year old SAHD extent) and in all of them the daughter always appears to be prematurely matronly and conveniently likes all of the things from her mother's generation that the mother happens to enjoy. I find it interesting that she and her mother wear their hair exactly the same way and both wear the same wire rimmed glasses and pearl necklaces.

[L1o2u3]

I must admit I'm close to my mom too and I wear lots of hand-me-downs from her   It's just that we like the same type of skirts/dresses. But on the other hand, I am going to university and moved out 4 years ago  And she hates baking, while I really enjoy it. And she's always encouraging me to get a good education. So I guess it's not that bad.

[EowynW]

My mom still cries and says my sister and I are her best friends and she still misses us. We've been married two years. I love my mom. But yea I think the SAHD thing wasn't healthy. And she needs to find more friends now. 

[Briefly]

8 hours ago, EowynW said:

My mom still cries and says my sister and I are her best friends and she still misses us. We've been married two years. I love my mom. But yea I think the SAHD thing wasn't healthy. And she needs to find more friends now. 

I think it could be crippling, never to get out on your own and learn all the life lessons you need.  I really think that the SAHD idea is sad and doing such a disservice to the girls.

[Sobeknofret]

She's cute though, and seems super sweet and warm. It's a great pity that she hasn't done anything to find a relationship; she should have been married long ago.

[December]

On 4/16/2018 at 9:10 AM, nausicaa said:

I'm really confused as to what her mother thinks we are envious of about this life.

I don't understand either. Most single people I know work full-time jobs and still have adequate free time to enjoy their lives. Sure, for some people that means exotic world travels with no relationship to tie them down, but for others that just means delivery pizza and Netflix marathons at home with friends. Single or married, I think most adults just try to embrace what they find personally fulfilling in life. 

1 hour ago, Briefly said:

I think it could be crippling, never to get out on your own and learn all the life lessons you need.  I really think that the SAHD idea is sad and doing such a disservice to the girls.

Agreed. It can be really scary and intimidating to put yourself out there in any unfamiliar social situation, whether it's a new workplace or a first date... especially if you're introverted, have anxiety, etc. It's just something you learn by practice, plus a bit of trial and error. But isn't it nice when something good comes out of it, like a friendship with a coworker or a new relationship?