32-year-old SAHD waiting on the Lord (Adrienne Leigh McKee)

[L1o2u3]

From what I've read so far, Adrienne likes to talk about the similarities between herself and movie characters (so far, I've read the posts on Sense and Sensibility, Old Fashioned, The Holiday with Kate Winslet and another one). But her blog archives go back to 2006, so maybe there's some more interesting stuff there  

https://adrienneand.blogspot.de/

[acheronbeach]

I feel sad for her.  She's so very young for 32.  She seems like a sweet woman, but very focused on being unmarried - which probably isn't helping in finding a husband. 

[L1o2u3]

She seems very close (and probably dependent) on her mom.

Their family dog also had a blog some time ago http://angusmckee.blogspot.de/ (he's very cute). Looks like Adrienne wrote that one for him as well. 

When I clicked on the McKee Family blogger account, I found some more blogs, probably from her mom/dad/brothers... 

this one has some weird thoughts on military service on it http://dlmckee.blogspot.de/search/label/1984 

http://netxconnect.blogspot.de/ this one has a conservative voter's guide on it 

http://dunbarcreekmercantile.blogspot.de/ they sell (sold?) colloidal silver also. 

Adrienne also has a blog where she posts recipes http://pearls-in-the-kitchen.blogspot.de/ 

Woah. So many blogs...  

Oh and I found the Hebrews 10:24 society (seems to be a group of her and her friends) http://hebrews1024society.blogspot.de/ 

[EowynW]

1- their soap isn't labeled correctly per regulations. (Hobby soaper here who learns from the pro groups.) 

2 - I've never seen colloidal silver soap. I've seen colloidal oatmeal soap and it's very nice. But I'm slightly dubious about an actual CS soap. I wonder if the heat kills the helpful properties of CS. Like it does many EO. 

[usedbicycle]

Interesting find! It looks like she's connected to the Hales, the family Deborah Smith of 11 Smiths married into.

She seems very sweet, and like many conservative SAHD's, stuck in a Jane Austen fantasy version of her life. But unlike a lot of those women (*cough* Sarah Maxwell), I find her quite eloquent and open to addressing her situation objectively. It's not all about God's will and bible verses, there are some practical thoughts and questioning involved. 

"I wasn't raised in public schools- I was taught that a lady does not go around attracting attention (you know, out to get it), she does not tease (much at all), tempt or flirt. I guess that these are good things to teach your girls, but from what I see one almost never gets a husband without these skills or arts."

"I somehow grew up with the idea that one does not talk about their feelings about boys, and if they do, then they talk to their folks, NOT to friends. (I see how it is a good rule of thumb for a teenager, but now that I'm in my 30's, I find I'm tired of the silence)..."

I guess I also like that she wears pants and doesn't seem sanctimonious. I'd rather see a SAHD pity herself a little than lecture everyone else. I truly hope that she'll overcome her shyness and find another quirky old-fashioned boy to pair up with. 

 

[singsingsing]

I think a big problem with a lot of these girls/women who were raised as SAHDs in the courtship model is that they view normal human interaction when it takes place between a boy and girl/man and woman as flirtation, and they view innocent flirtation as 'artful', 'forward', 'unseemly' and wrong. It's not so much that a woman can't land a husband without 'teasing, tempting, and flirting', it's that they think striking up a conversation with a man is 'flirting', smiling at him, complimenting him, or laughing at his jokes is 'teasing', and hugging him, going on an unchaperoned date with him, or telling him you really like him is 'tempting'.

Yes, you are going to have a hard time finding a husband if you are so proper and demure that you'll barely even look at a man, and when you think the congregation will view you as a hussy if you wave at him when you see him at church. Most men won't view that as charming, chaste and godly, they will assume you're simply not interested.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

2 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

they will assume you're simply not interested

Or weird.

[Howl]

58 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Or weird.

Bingo! 

[singsingsing]

1 hour ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Or weird.

 

41 minutes ago, Howl said:

Bingo! 

Yeah, I'm actually going to disagree here. I think that men in secular society might assume that they were 'weird', but the men they're hoping to attract are the fundamentalist evangelicals who attend their churches, share all of their beliefs, and participate in the same social structure. It's not 'weird' for them to see women acting submissive, quiet, and meek. They would understand it and be used to it. But even fundie men tend to need some encouragement, some indication that this pretty girl they've spotted in the next pew might be interested. Even fundie men are far more likely to notice the girl who seems confident and friendly vs. the girl sitting in the corner and staring down at the floor.

[Georgiana]

Given the amount of secular men who respond to signals of "Go away, I am not interested" as "I am meek and shy, please help", I can't imagine there's THAT much of an issue with them demurring.  

But they do have to have SOMETHING to notice.  You can't just do nothing all the time and expect people to be like "Wow.  I love her.  Look at how she sits there.  Wow.".  You have to be involved.  That might be via a very visible avenue like the arts (Erin), via your role in the family (Joy), via your service of others (Michael), or your ability to run a concession stand (Anna).  You have to do SOMETHING to show your skills and make you seem like an attractive life partner.

Sitting and staring at the floor doesn't translate into "wifey material", but organizing food for events, helping arrange decor for the Church, providing music and services, teaching Sunday school/watching littles etc. are all fundie-approved female activities that can show your skills off to potential partners.  

[lilwriter85]

I wonder if she has a copy of Sarah Malley's book Before You Meet Prince Charming.

[Four is Enough]

Mr. Four and I were roped into going to one of these large venue prayer meeting/how to be our type of Christian type shows once. I was struck by the standoffishness of well, everyone in the place.

Being the person I am, I will talk to anybody and everybody. Address a remark to an evangelical man who is not your husband, and get a very disapproving stare from both him and his spouse, but no response.

So I'm thinking that fundy men in church like the downcast eyes, and the "I"m not looking at you" approach... because it's GODLy.

[singsingsing]

I'm just going from personal experience, talking to other women who were involved in the courtship scene, and reading tons of stories/comments/complaints on the subject over the years. Some women were 'lucky' in that they were spotted and 'pursued' by a 'godly man' even though they were extremely demure and meek and showed no outward signs of interest. I'm going to be completely frank and say that the majority of these women were probably very good looking. I've heard far more complaints from women that they followed all the advice, they made sure to never be too 'forward' with a man, to always be quiet and be very careful not to flirt etc. and now they're 28/34/42 and still single, and their more outgoing/laid-back friends are all married with kids.

[artdecades]

All this talk makes me wonder why these families don't pursue arranged marriages. Not that I support arranged marriages in most cases, just that it may work well for people like this.

[AuntKrazy]

2 hours ago, singsingsing said:

I'm just going from personal experience, talking to other women who were involved in the courtship scene, and reading tons of stories/comments/complaints on the subject over the years. Some women were 'lucky' in that they were spotted and 'pursued' by a 'godly man' even though they were extremely demure and meek and showed no outward signs of interest. I'm going to be completely frank and say that the majority of these women were probably very good looking. I've heard far more complaints from women that they followed all the advice, they made sure to never be too 'forward' with a man, to always be quiet and be very careful not to flirt etc. and now they're 28/34/42 and still single, and their more outgoing/laid-back friends are all married with kids.

Something that I have noticed is the lack of discussion of the gender gap within evangelicalism/fundamentalism.

A good article about church attendance and gender gap is here: (but it does not differentiate data from evangelicals and mainline)  https://factsandtrends.net/2017/09/25/church-attendance-gender-gap-shrinks-but-its-not-all-good-news/

This one is more focused on evangelical church gender gap (and I believe more accurate for the circles we are discussing):  http://churchformen.com/men-and-church/where-are-the-men/

The stat I find compelling is that the typical Christian college enrolls 2 women for every 1 man.

I believe:  There just aren't enough available "right type of" men to pair up with all the stay-at-home daughters. . . .

[acheronbeach]

3 hours ago, singsingsing said:

I'm just going from personal experience, talking to other women who were involved in the courtship scene, and reading tons of stories/comments/complaints on the subject over the years. Some women were 'lucky' in that they were spotted and 'pursued' by a 'godly man' even though they were extremely demure and meek and showed no outward signs of interest. I'm going to be completely frank and say that the majority of these women were probably very good looking. I've heard far more complaints from women that they followed all the advice, they made sure to never be too 'forward' with a man, to always be quiet and be very careful not to flirt etc. and now they're 28/34/42 and still single, and their more outgoing/laid-back friends are all married with kids.

Honestly, if you're drop-dead gorgeous and silent/meek/personality-less, you'll probably get some attention from the men of the congregation.  

But ladies who aren't conventionally gorgeous - just normal girls - aren't going to get that attention.  In a crowd of average-looking, silent, meek girls, what would possibly make one girl stand out over others?  Even amongst fundiegelicals, you can see that the girls who are outgoing and skilled get husbands.  Off the top of my head - Audri Vernier, Erin Bates, Brigid Boyer, Jasmine Baucham, Meredith Alexander, even Chelsy Bontrager - they all have some interests that seem to have attracted their now-husbands.  

The other thing is it's acceptable for fundie boys to snag wives from the non-fundie community.  I'm thinking particularly of Whitney Bates (who now - GASP - has a JOB in real estate).  

[JesusCampSongs]

 

8 hours ago, singsingsing said:

I'm just going from personal experience, talking to other women who were involved in the courtship scene, and reading tons of stories/comments/complaints on the subject over the years. Some women were 'lucky' in that they were spotted and 'pursued' by a 'godly man' even though they were extremely demure and meek and showed no outward signs of interest. I'm going to be completely frank and say that the majority of these women were probably very good looking. 

 

5 hours ago, AuntKrazy said:

This one is more focused on evangelical church gender gap (and I believe more accurate for the circles we are discussing):  http://churchformen.com/men-and-church/where-are-the-men/

The stat I find compelling is that the typical Christian college enrolls 2 women for every 1 man.

I believe:  There just aren't enough available "right type of" men to pair up with all the stay-at-home daughters. . . .

I think it's both of these factors. Evangelical Christians are notoriously sexist; they all want a woman who is pretty on the outside, too invested in the cult to ever divorce or cheat on them, and just smart enough to keep up with them but not so smart that they can't feel superior. Combine all the male entitlement inherent to that mentality with a two-to-one sex gap in their favor, and it's no wonder that there are lots of single SAHDs, fundies, fundie lights, and conservative Christians waiting for Prince Charming to show up. 

 All of the youth groups I attended back in the day (late nineties-early aughts) were female majority. My sister went to a Christian college that was moderately conservative with a 2:1 female-to-male ratio, and there was some next-level relationship drama because of the competition for dates. Hard to do the whole ring-by-Spring thing if all the guys have been taken since freshman year. 

Meanwhile, on lots of atheist forums, you'll see straight guys complaining that they can't find a girlfriend. 

[EowynW]

I was the fat fundie girl/young woman in our circle. Fat girls rarely got attention. Fat girls with rebel streak who were smart & interested in unfeminine things + just weren't gifted in the fashion and makeup department like me, got ZERO attention. I got way more attention from "the heathen men" than I did Christian men. My younger sister was thinner, cared about babies and girly things, didn't care about mulling over politics, or how to change the world, always had hair and makeup on point be was always meek & mild got tons of fundie suitors. I always found fundie men creepy. 

[Hane]

@JesusCampSongs, you definitely have a point. The only church I’ve ever attended in which the women don’t far outnumber the men is Unitarian Universalism. Several of the guys in my church have wives who attend more traditional Christian churches.  And the most outspoken atheists and agnostics among us tend to be male.

[Granwych]

On ‎2‎/‎19‎/‎2018 at 9:44 AM, EowynW said:

1- their soap isn't labeled correctly per regulations. (Hobby soaper here who learns from the pro groups.) 

2 - I've never seen colloidal silver soap. I've seen colloidal oatmeal soap and it's very nice. But I'm slightly dubious about an actual CS soap. I wonder if the heat kills the helpful properties of CS. Like it does many EO. 

Eowyn, did you learn soapmaking in a class or online?  I know some people with goats and thought I might like to try soapmaking--

[EowynW]

11 hours ago, Granwych said:

Eowyn, did you learn soapmaking in a class or online?  I know some people with goats and thought I might like to try soapmaking--

Online. There are some amazing Facebook groups out there and YouTube has a lot of great resources too. You should give it a try! Soapmaking 101on Facebook is a good place to start. 

[legalbeagle]

I find this blog both fascinating and heartbreaking.

She writes so beautifully and eloquently about being heartbroken by a man who did not love her back. She also seems to understand that the method of courtship does not work (i.e., a man isn't simply going to show up on your doorstep because you're a fundy woman who's good in the kitchen; you also need to be able to TALK to him). It's like she's juuuust on the brink of being able to say, "Yeah, I need to learn how to socialize with people of the opposite sex if I want to find a partner."

And then she swerves back and says, "But look at Jane Bennet -- she was also shy, just like me, but she still got her Mr. Bingley! There's hope for me yet!"

I kind of want to give her a hug. She is clearly so lonely.

[Granwych]

56 minutes ago, EowynW said:

Online. There are some amazing Facebook groups out there and YouTube has a lot of great resources too. You should give it a try! Soapmaking 101on Facebook is a good place to start. 

Thanks, Eowyn!  I can't ever have too many interests!  (And this shows real soapmaking, not just melt & pour like the stuff at Hobby Lobby!)

[nokidsmom]

On 2/20/2018 at 7:34 PM, JesusCampSongs said:

Evangelical Christians are notoriously sexist; they all want a woman who is pretty on the outside, too invested in the cult to ever divorce or cheat on them, and just smart enough to keep up with them but not so smart that they can't feel superior. Combine all the male entitlement inherent to that mentality with a two-to-one sex gap in their favor, and it's no wonder that there are lots of single SAHDs, fundies, fundie lights, and conservative Christians waiting for Prince Charming to show up. 

I went to a moderately conservative Christian college attended largely by students of a certain conservative evangelical Christian denomination.  As one of the students who was not a member of same denomination, the above was exactly my impression of this group.  Oh, they were generally a nice lot  but the guys mostly wanted a smart-but-not-too-smart pretty girl.  The women generally were interested in snaring a husband (aka pursuing the MRS degree) so therefore they were focused more on being pretty and godly enough to attract the right guy and if they got someone who was going to be a pastor, that was considered hitting the husband jackpot.   They could not, absolutely could not, understand why a girl (like me) was actually focused on, you know, actually getting an education.  

That didn't mean that everyone there was paired up however.  Interestingly enough,  during my senior year, there was a writeup in the college newspaper about the sorry state of dating at the college, which I found surprising (I had sworn off dating any of the guys at that school after my breakup with my ex-fiance, who was also a student, in my second year *).  I thought most folks were paired off.  Reason (per the article) was the women who were hell bent on getting husbands which was scaring the guys off.  Ratio at the time was near 50/50 split so it was not that there were significantly more women than guys at that time. 

* That an evangelical guy from that denomination and a mainstream Protestant girl got together in that environment was very rare event indeed.  I will say that one of the reasons it probably happened was that I was pretty outgoing and he was one of the few guys there who liked it.   However, I was just too damn outgoing for that bunch and the prospect of spending the rest of my life around them (he wanted to be a pastor)....just no.  My next boyfriend (over a year later) was a lapsed Catholic in the Navy.  

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

I think someone should remind Adrienne that Jane Bennet and Mr Bingley are fictional characters -- i.e. not real life.

I really wish someone in her life would ask her, in all seriousness, how many over 30, SAHD, who don't/don't know how to interact with men have gotten married. How many have had Mr. Right just show up at the door?

I can't think of any, but I can list many who are still waiting for Mr. Right who has yet to appear.