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Autumn Was "Grounded" from Reading As a Kid


longskirts

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Speaking as an avid reader since age three, and the daughter of two teachers (I got out of many a naptime by bringing a stack of books to my mom with my best "cute preschooler" look), I'm also of the opinion that this isn't a huge deal.

Like it or not, a child not reading for a day or two does not have the same effect as a child not eating for a day or two. If a child was being deprived of doing school-related reading, or deprived of books (and other types of knowledge) for extended periods of time without having done anything apparently wrong, or ostensibly for "their own good," well, that's probably indicative of bigger issues going on. But a day or two without reading for pleasure...not so much. I can honestly say I would have hated that, moreso than the "no TV" punishment usually doled out.

(FWIW, I was never punished with "no reading" as a kid. It might have been hard to enforce, though, seeing as I always had at least two full bookshelves in my room at any given time!)

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Guest Anonymous

One thing I felt my parents got right was that they made a specific point of never limiting what I was allowed to read or watch. If I wanted to read something, I could read it even if the content was sexual or violent or disturbing. I read plenty of wholesome and educational books -- but I also read bits of Judy Blume's "Wifey" when I was 10, "Lace" by Shirley Conran when I was 12, and all sorts of other inappropriate books, especially horror novels that kept me up all night feeling scared! I will admit that I was grossed out by the descriptions of some guy's penis "dancing" in "Wifey" but I really appreciate that my parents didn't put on restrictions on me. I don't intend to restrict my own kid's viewing or reading either.

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I just wanted to add that, while reading was taken away as a consequence on occasion, it was never really restricted long term. I read everything on my parents' bookshelves openly and without consequence. The stuff that was inappropriate went right over my sheltered little head.

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I was "grounded" from reading psychology books, as my mom didn't like me explaining to her better ways to parent. Other than that, I never had reading taken away as a punishment. They probably should have prevented me from reading 24/7, as I was a pretty dreamy kid who didn't always communicate effectively. Still have problems with verbal communication, actually.

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I can see grounding a child from reading-you have to take away something that matters-and, when I was a kid I would read to the exclusion of all else. My kids would use reading as an excuse to get out of helping around the house until I caught on to that. When the kids are reading instead of doing homework or the dishes, you take the book!

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Guest Anonymous

Emmiedahl, I had the same experience. A lot of the grown-up things I read went right over my head! I did read some sex scenes that were graphic and disturbing enough to make think that sex must be really awful and unpleasant. But it didn't scar me for life or anything.

My parents were so pro-reading that there was a period when I wasn't required to do any chores if I was reading. Which was great, because I loved to read! There were times when I literally could not tear myself away from what I was reading. In retrospect, I think my parents should have had me drop the books from time to time to do chores and other things.

I don't think that grounding a kid who loves to read by taking away his or her books for a day or two is worse than any other sort of grounding.

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I read everything on my parents' bookshelves openly and without consequence. The stuff that was inappropriate went right over my sheltered little head.

Same here. My parents didn't believe in censorship when it came to books, we could read whatever we wanted. I read Gone With the Wind in 4th grade. My mother though, who was a high school teacher at that time, didn't like comic books, which my brothers did. So they did have some discussions about them but I never read comics.

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This was a punishment I had, too. I couldn't have cared less if my parents had taken away toys/TV/video games, and when mum sent me to my room it was never effective because I'd just read. So, my mum would take away whatever I was reading for a few hours. It still wasn't effective, though: once she took away a stack of my novels, so I just read the dictionary. I genuinely enjoyed it, too!

It's not like she took away my school books or anything, it was just whatever I was reading for fun because books meant far more to me than TV or toys or whatever. It certainly didn't hurt my love of reading.

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I was, actually. And my parents are by no means anti-education or anti-book.

They were fine that I was a bookworm. They were not OK when it became obsessive and caused me to dissassociate from the family and neglect other important stuff (like, school, for instance). So I was given several warnings, and when I chose not to take them seriously, I was grounded from any reading outside of school requirements for a week.

Yes it was a very unpleasant punishment for me. Also very effective for me (and because we lived in a closed community at the time, all they had to do was tell my teachers and the school admin, and I was unable to sneak reading during recess at school, or after hours when the school library was still open.

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I would be grounded from going to the library, not from reading. And since we had plenty of books around the house (and I'm a big re-reader anyways, I'll literally read one book fifteen or twenty times, starting at different points in the book, its a comfort thing)it wasn't that big of a deal.

When my Nana found out that's how I would be punished she flipped out and from then on, I'd be grounded from fun at the library for a week, like the extra literacy programs or hanging out reading there, and would just have to go get my books and come home and read. That was sufficient punishment, especially since it wasn't usually deserved.

A friend of mine, who is now a professional musician, would be grounded from playing the piano. She sat down and explained to her parents how since this was her career and she was applying to conservatories and needed to be practicing that it wasn't an acceptable form of punishment. They refused to listen and she moved out at fifteen because of their insistence on hurting her future to make a point about room cleaning or chores. Her sister was a competitive gymnast and they would keep her from practices and meets if she had disobeyed, ignoring the coaches who explained how it was dangerous physically to not let her practice for a week and still have her compete at a high level and bad for her rankings and college possibilities. The sister ended up moving in with relatives and graduating high school early to continue doing gymnastics at her level.

I see her parents around and I can barely contain myself from kicking them.

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I was grounded from reading all the time. I did not really like tv or video games; I read a book every day, at least. It was definitely a way of getting my attention, as in, "No reading anything except schoolbooks until you are caught up on math assignments" etc.

I got that one a LOT. I always had my nose in a book, to the point where I neglected things like homework. I even got caught reading in class several times. When that happened, no more pleasure reading for a while. Man, I was ready to climb the walls with frustration at times.

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I agree completely. Especially in the case of a homeschooling family. They are taking on the responsibility of providing her with her entire education, so they should not be withholding the means to education. Yes, taking away reading may be a "good" punishment in that the kid is unhappy but it also means that the kid is not developing reading skills during that time. It's not like she could get the reading practice in during school time--they *were* the school.

Maybe grounding for a little while doesn't seem like a big deal, but apparently it happened often enough that she would mention it in a post on reading. When she thinks back on reading during her childhood, having books withheld is one of the main things she remembers. I just think that's really sad.

Seriously! It isn't the same as video games or television because you don't need to be able to master level 244 of a video game to get by in your life, nor do you need to follow the plot of every sitcom to be successful. Reading is necessary to being successful in life and developing the verbal and written communication skills needed to be an effective person in school, work, and personal life. It isn't an extra like television or reading. And if television is taken away, I still believe that educational programming should be permitted- my homeschooling cousin watches some PBS broadcasts during the week and a history channel program once a week, and is allowed an hour of "fun" tv during the week. If she's grounded from the television, she gets that hour taken away, they don't sabotage her learning to teach her lesson.

I like what my parents ended up doing- none of the reading related activities (like library programs and volunteering at the library) for a week.

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A week of being grounded from reading for fun is not going to devastate a persons verbal and written communication skills, particularly not those of an avowed bookworm. Even if it happens more than once.

I am not seeing anything that would indicate that we're talking about "No Books, Ever!!!" or months upon months of total reading bans including educational reading.

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A week of being grounded from reading for fun is not going to devastate a persons verbal and written communication skills, particularly not those of an avowed bookworm. Even if it happens more than once.

I am not seeing anything that would indicate that we're talking about "No Books, Ever!!!" or months upon months of total reading bans including educational reading.

This is my favorite type of response! A " the effects aren't that bad" followed by a strawman of "i'm not saying that!" You don't have to completely ban reading or ban it for "months upon months" for me to think its a completely fucked up practice. Reading, both for pleasure and for school and for where they overlap, should ALWAYS be encouraged and is ALWAYS a positive thing. You should always be encouraging your children to grow, learn, and explore, even when they've misbehaved, and reading is one of the best and most easily accessible methods of growth and learning. I can maybe understand "you ignored the dishes to read, give me the book until you go wash the dishes." and then returning the book fifteen minutes later. Maybe.

If you are homeschooling children right now, maybeizfundie, and take pleasure reading away as means of punishment, I beg you to reconsider and think of the harm you're doing.

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We can't keep our daughter in books. Right now, it is Captian Underpants...She will devour one of those books in two days, max. We agree to buy her one a week IF she takes care of the books she has. They have to be kept orderly on the book shelf-otherwise no new books.

I guess we are bad because we are trying to teach her responsibility, nevermind the fact that she is well beyond her years in vocabulary, expressing herself, reading comprehension, etc. She sometimes misses getting a new book, or reading the ones she has, because she does not take good care of them. Poor kid is going to be so damaged and unsuccessful in life! :roll:

Oh and? After having to pay for the fourth lost school library book, I have told her that she needs to keep them at school or in her book bag to be read on the bus.

Funny thing is, you can't keep a reader from reading. I have found my daughter reading labels in the pantry.

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My parents used to "ground" me from reading too. And then send me outside to rake the yard, weed the garden, muck the stalls, or whatever needed to be done. Since being kept in my room with a book wasn't punishment to me (and yeah, I totally deserved the punishment for whatever I was doing), being forced to do manual labor was a good punishment. It would be for a couple of hours, or a few days with a couple of hours of enforced labor. And it was effective.

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Yeah, I was a read-under-the-blankets-till-all-hours-of-the-morning, read while grounded, read while in my room "doing my chores," read to the exclusion of all social interaction type kid. So being grounded from reading was a not-so-frequently-used but very effective punishment for me, for sure. I see no problem with it.

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If you are homeschooling children right now, maybeizfundie, and take pleasure reading away as means of punishment, I beg you to reconsider and think of the harm you're doing.

THat's quite an assumption. :roll:

But to alleviate your fears, it is not a discipline I've needed to consider with my children. They are avid readers, but not obsessive like I was.

You're welcome to your opinion, but clearly not everybody agrees, even people who aren't remotely fundy.

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We didn't have TV. ;)

Nell

No Nell, no telly, no video (games), nothing, we got the look and that was enough, when we really crossed the line they did the 'I count till 3 method.'

No one has ever forbidden me to read, reading and education was equivalent to breathing.

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I really do not get the problem here. You have to find the kid's 'currency' and use that. My kid has computer and reading. Today, she will not get either till her tornado-struck room gets picked up a little. I doubt it will bring her harm.

True, reading is GREAT and teaches kids so much...but a kid who grows up without being able to do other things like prioritize, matain order, follow directions, have good social skills, perform well in other subjects such as math, and so on will NOT be a successful person! It takes more than mad reading (and related) skills to grow into a well-rounded adult.

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I don't think that asking a kid to do something else before they read is grounding. If kids need to do math, you can tell them no reading until they get the math done. That is not using reading as a punishment, just letting them know what has to be completed first. As I see it, grounding would be withholding books as a punishment even after the required tasks have been completed and that is what I have a problem with.

There have been studies comparing kids and teens who are successful readers and those who are behind. They find huge differences in the amount of time the kids have spent reading. Grounding from reading for a day here and a day there can add up and put a child at a disadvantage. Even if a third-grader seems like a good reader, there is no guarantee she'll still be a good reader in fourth grade if she doesn't get the practice continuously.

I imagine this would be even more of a problem in a Christian fundamentalist family that already places lots of restrictions on what the children can read and be exposed to.

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Sometimes, kids need to be nudged- or shoved- in other directions. I have taken away books before and I would do it again. Why? because I want her to learn other skills, too.

When she is an adult, no one will care that she can read and understand well if she can't perform the necessary duties of her job and/ or be organized. No one will care about her vocabulary and writing skills if she can't work well with other people. There is more to life than reading and the associated skills.

My kid has great reading skills, well above her grade level. Her teachers gush about her reading, vocab, writing, imagination, etc....I doubt she will suddenly lose those skills because she is grounded from her books from time to time. There are other vital skills she HAS to work on as well. She needs social skills, she struggles in math, she SERIOUSLY needs to learn how to organize and prioritize. When reading her books has a drastic impact on these things, then the books need to be withheld a bit to teach her balance.

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One of my friends, who is now a pastor, said that his parents would punish him by making him read, so he grew up hating reading. He said that as an adult it was very hard for him to read anything at first. I remember once when he was preaching he said, "parents, don't EVER punish your children by making them read."

I'm actually surprised my parents never grounded me from reading. My teachers would force me to do homework during reading time at school, but my parents never caught on, even though I read a lot at home too.

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Sometimes, kids need to be nudged- or shoved- in other directions. I have taken away books before and I would do it again. Why? because I want her to learn other skills, too.

What, really? My mind it is boggled. I grew up fundy to fundy-lite, and I never had a book taken away. Never. OK, some library books I kinda hid from mom, because of the content. I had to do my chores and I was encouraged to do other things but I never had a book taken away, and I would never take away a book from a child. Why would you do that? You can teach them time management and prioritization w/o taking books away.

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I was never "grounded" from reading as a child, and I doubt any of my siblings were either. In fact, I think I was only grounded perhaps once or twice in my entire childhood. My parents didn't use time out methods either. Seems like if we misbehaved, it was dealt with promptly then it was over and we moved on.

I wouldn't use it as a punishment, because I never want to discourage my child from reading (whereas, I'm not so crazy about video games or tv). But then again, I also don't use grounding as a punishment in my home either. My son is basically an easy kid, except now that he's hitting the teens, he does say some things I find objectionable. So I object, we discuss, he may even argue over it, then it's done til next time.

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