Bro Gary Hawkins 4: HAY-MAYUN!

[Texas Heifer]

1 hour ago, persuas1ve said:

From my inderstanding, this whole 1st generation/2nd generation etc Christian thing is a theory that tries to peg your enthusiasm for Jesus on how you came to religion. For example, first gen were not raised in Christian homes, they had to make a choice to follow Jesus and therefore they are more “on fire” for Jesus than second gen and so on who’ve presumably never had some burning epiphany but rather just placidly accept Christianity since it’s all they’ve ever known. Being born again and the type of fervor associated with it is emblematic of a 1st Gen Christian.  So per this theory, we should all strive to behave as if we are 1st Gen Christians.

Omg thank you. I couldn't figure out what that was about at all.

[Granwych]

7 hours ago, Gobsmacked said:

Are the marks on his shirt super ween spills or just the light? He sounds tipsy to my ears. Does ween gravy ferment if left in the pot for a day or two?!!

So many questions. 

It's probably already fermented, if not worse.

57 minutes ago, keepercjr said:

Oh man that video Was awesome!  Everyone who hasn’t seen it just watch the first 3 minutes but be prepared for that first HAYMAN as it just came out of nowhere.  He has absolutely zero understanding of anything plexus (or anything else for that matter).  I can’t wait for the next installment.

how hard do you think it was for him to read that “book” to his kids? 

Nah, he just showed 'em de pitchures--

[Texas Heifer]

8 hours ago, MayMay1123 said:

bro gary is really, really not a good advertisement for plexsssusss...

sis may- who lost weight the old fashioned way, no snake oil involved

Neither is David Rodrigues, my ex fiance, or my ex fiance's FIL. They are all out-and-proud on Plexus, and all still...large. 

I would say that I don't understand how people can fall for this nonsense, but the "ambassadors" are so persuasive! If you know and like one of them, and they say it works, I can see how you'd at least try it. The only reasons I haven't been pulled in are because 1) I cannot bring myself to get this Jazz Hands about any herbal concoction, much less enough to try to sell it to a bunch of people I want to like me, and 2) I do not have the funds/am not willing to give up said funds on something that probably won't work as advertised/am nervous that spending any money on such things will cause me to be harassed by Plexus fans until my demise.

There are other ways to get the good parts about stuff in the Plexus products that don't include involving oneself in a scam.

[Carol]

Tab-ol-ism

The belief that Tab is the best diet soda ever produced by Coca Cola, far surpassing the quality of Diet Coke, Diet Pepsi, Diet Dr. Pepper, Fresca or Plexus Accelerator.

Recommended and Practiced by Hawkins's Family Ministries.  Praise Jesus!

 

 

 

[smittykins]

[small voice]I drank Tab once upon a time...[/sv]

[Texas Heifer]

33 minutes ago, smittykins said:

[small voice]I drank Tab once upon a time...[/sv]

So did I. 

[DaisyD]

In Ireland Tab has a tiny bit of beer in it...

[Texas Heifer]

Ok Folks,

I wanted to apologize for the slew of posts last night; I was live-posting as I watched the video. I tried to go fast enough that it would merge everything, but in the end, it took me 35 minutes. 

9 hours ago, Candydandy said:

Tarnation it cant be posseble. What did bad boy hawkins do to make his wife so angry? 

This reminded me that I possess this meme, which is trés appropriate for All Things Gary:

Yours in Tarnation,

Sis Heifer

[smittykins]

OK, it took me way longer than it should have to get that. 

[pamplemousse]

2 hours ago, Carol said:

Tab-ol-ism

The belief that Tab is the best diet soda ever produced by Coca Cola, far surpassing the quality of Diet Coke, Diet Pepsi, Diet Dr. Pepper, Fresca or Plexus Accelerator.

Recommended and Practiced by Hawkins's Family Ministries.  Praise Jesus!

But...but...I like Tab.  Does this mean I have to stop drinking it now? *sobs*

[Gimme a Free RV]

13 hours ago, Yogi said:

I CANnot imagine a less flattering angle for this video. We have to look at his heaving gut takinf up half the screen and then his tiny head. 

This angle reminds me of too many selfies I’ve seen on dating sites.  Why would a man think that angle is flattering?

(Unless he’s thinking, “If we hit it off, better get used to this view.”)

And now, you’ll be needing this: 

 

 

[Bad Wolf]

So, apart from the Plexus plug, the whole thing was about him recommending this book. I did get that right, yes? He did recommend it. I wouldn't normally snark on someone's lack of education, but Bro Gary makes it hard not to.

Sis Bad Wolf

[Texas Heifer]

1 hour ago, Bad Wolf said:

So, apart from the Plexus plug, the whole thing was about him recommending this book. I did get that right, yes? He did recommend it. I wouldn't normally snark on someone's lack of education, but Bro Gary makes it hard not to.

Sis Bad Wolf

Yup, it was Plexus and then the pamphlet.

[ChickenettiLuvr]

I'm blaming you, @Texas Heifer, for the death glare my doggo is giving me. She was sound asleep next to me when the second volley of HAY-MAHUN came across. I nearly launched both of us clean off the bed!

Oh - I'm gonna need Mr. Heifer's phone number so he can bless me personally with his weenie-witticisms. (Sadly my DH will not participate in our snark humor.)

Not to be ugly here, but Bro. Gary couldn't possibly carry off the title of last place in the Village Idiot contest. Oy.

... I only made it to the 4:00 minute mark. Was beyond terrified that the heaving gut shot might accidentally become a crotch shot ...

[Texas Heifer]

2 minutes ago, ChickenettiLuvr said:

I'm blaming you, @Texas Heifer, for the death glare my doggo is giving me. She was sound asleep next to me when the second volley of HAY-MAHUN came across. I nearly launched both of us clean off the bed!

Oh - I'm gonna need Mr. Heifer's phone number so he can bless me personally with his weenie-witticisms. (Sadly my DH will not participate in our snark humor.)

Not to be ugly here, but Bro. Gary couldn't possibly carry off the title of last place in the Village Idiot contest. Oy.

... I only made it to the 4:00 minute mark. Was beyond terrified that the heaving gut shot might accidentally become a crotch shot ...

Omg, I am dying!  

Bro Heifer is indeed a witty one. He had zero interest in fundies until Gary fell onto my radar. Now he's joining me in watching the videos and JillRod is appearing in his dreams. The former, I enjoy; the latter makes me feel a little guilty. Perhaps your DH is just trying to save himself?

I agree that Bro Gary is dumb. I bet he could educate himself some if he tried, though.

[ChickenettiLuvr]

We'll just have to disagree regarding your last sentence, though. 

I have a box of hair with twice the IQ of Bro. Gary. 

Your new Sister Wife, Chickenetti 

[Texas Heifer]

@ChickenettiLuvr.

I want to believe in him! But of course you're right. I know you're right. 

Welcome to the Family,

Sis Heifer

[Beermeet]

That angle tho. 

I do declare Bro. Ween is guilty of the gluttony.  And, the sloth.  

Why whould Becky deactivate her FB because she was mad at her weenmeet?  Was he being a dick about her page?  

Sis. Beermeet ( blessedly not a weenmeet)

[mango_fandango]

Ok folks,

Just catching up.

HOLY TAPDANCING CHRIST ON A CRACKER that video sounds BATS. 

And I sure am persuaded to swig some Plexus to kickstart my tabolism! HAY-MAYUN and HALLELOOYER.

Yours in good weens, cornbread milks and fast tabolisms,

Sis mango_fandango

[Texas Heifer]

7 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

That angle tho. 

I do declare Bro. Ween is guilty of the gluttony.  And, the sloth.  

Why whould Becky deactivate her FB because she was mad at her weenmeet?  Was he being a dick about her page?  

Sis. Beermeet ( blessedly not a weenmeet)

OMG I JUST "GOT" YOUR USERNAME. I swear I am smart! 

"Weenmeet" nearly made me hose my laptop down with lemonade, so kudos for that; it's genius. And...being a dick about her page? 1) probably, and 2) that was punny, friend.

ALSO. I have been calling myself "Sis Heifer" because I thought "Sis Texas" sounded stupid, and just a few minutes ago I realized I could've been Sis Tex this whole time. Again! I swear I'm smart! 

Renaming myself now, TYVM,

Sis Tex

[Dandruff]

2 hours ago, Beermeet said:

That angle tho. 

Stray foot with sock, check.

Massive paunch o'ween, check.

And straight up his cavernous nostrils into the vacuum of space.

[Texas Heifer]

@Dandruff "Stray foot with sock" needs to be something. A username, a post count title, a punk band. Something. I feel it.

Like actually, now that I think about it, that entire post was poetry.

[Gimme a Free RV]

7 hours ago, Beermeet said:

That angle tho. 

I do declare Bro. Ween is guilty of the gluttony.  And, the sloth.  

What has been seen cannot be unseen. 

Isn't is ironic that these fundies who are uber legalistic about the sins that MOST offend God (per their view) and who are so bent out of shape about women looking like women and men looking like men seem to look the other way when it comes to gluttony and sloth?  I don't have enough fingers and toes to count the number of fundy men I've seen with huge bellies.  What happened to the body being God's temple?

[General Jinjur]

Bro looks like Baron Harkonnen floating there on his sofa.

Spoiler

Bless his little gravy-clogged heart.

[keepercjr]

I just rewatched the first 30 seconds or so of that video.  First.. I wonder if he just walks around (or more likely sits on the couch all day) muttering haleluyer and glory to god all the time.  

Second he says (regarding Becky’s fb page) “she got mad at me and got rid of HAYMAN”.  That is so so random and makes literally no sense.  Are the HAYMANs a tick or what!?