Dillards 50: The big 5-0!

[Crazy Enough to Join]

27 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I'm a GenXer and my mom worked because she wanted to, her mom worked as a nurse because she wanted to at 1st and because she had to when my grandfather became ill and was unable to. My dad's mom did not work, because she didn't have to as my grandfather made more than enough money to support the 3 of them. I did not work when my kids were young, because I HATED being in daycare myself.  I couldn't bear the thought of someone else getting all the time with my kids, I wanted it, I didn't want to pay someone to enjoy that time.  I stayed home for 8 years and my kids remember almost nothing of it, but I remember all of it and it was worth every cent we lost by me not working.  

Let me add that this was MY choice, I'm a feminist and an important the key to feminism is being able to CHOOSE your life, for example choose to work, or to stay home, then not looking down on women making a different choice than you did. 

Do you think the fact that Derrick is talking about how women SHOULD stay home is a sign they're not going to be quiverfull? B/c with quiverfull it's not a matter of being guilt-tripped into staying home. You literally cannot work a job when you are giving birth every year.
   That said I'm imagining Jill sending her two boys to Christian private school and working as a teacher's aide or something. It's not anything that "edgy", but I think it would be so, so very healthy for Jill mentally, emotionally, and physically.

[Sky with diamonds]

8 hours ago, CorruptionInc. said:

Maybe they think the children make them more likeable / appealing?

Erm, no. Not after the pic of Izzy crying his heart out while bundled up in a sheet. Sorry, I forget the correct term for it, but every time I think about that situation, and then posting it on the internet...one reason why I don't think Derick and Jill are very likeable. 

10 hours ago, brusselsgriffon said:

I find it hard to believe they don’t blanket train, but even if that’s true, I’m sure they are partaking in other ways of making their sons less “willful”—like, swaddling them well past the age that a baby should be swaddled. Or hitting them with giant wooden spoons, which they seem to be so proud of. He really manipulates language to make himself seem innocent at every turn, whether he even realizes this or not. 

As for “not knowing” what the Pearls book says about child abuse—that’s because the Pearls obviously don’t refer to their “training” as child abuse. Surely he knows what they have to say about “training.” His siblings-in-law and possibly his own wife were raised that way. The Pearls are speakers at his sister-in-law’s family’s camp, for godsakes. Even if he’s never read the book, he damn well knows who the Pearls are and what they advocate. 

Thanks, swaddling is the term I was looking for. I agree with what you are saying here. I feel so sorry for all the kids in the cult. 

[Four is Enough]

Boomer here.. One grandmother stayed home. One worked full time. My mother worked part time at a local firm after the youngest of us was in school. I always knew women who worked.. it certainly wasn't 100% home or 100% working mothers in our neighborhood, but a mix of the two.

[HereticHick]

Just glancing at my twitter feed on the train this morning--did Derick get into some sort of theological twitter spat?

[HarleyQuinn]

47 minutes ago, HereticHick said:

Just glancing at my twitter feed on the train this morning--did Derick get into some sort of theological twitter spat?

When isn't he losing his shit on Twitter?  

[nst]

22 minutes ago, HarleyQuinn said:

When isn't he losing his shit on Twitter?  

here is a question if they aren't on the show anymore - who are they glandhandling for with the endless pictures still? certainly not the humpers? or maybe the humpers who don't know they aren't on anymore. 

[front hugs > duggs]

Random tangent - I had a Dwreck dream nightmare last night. I ended up on a coed soccer field with him, on opposing teams of course. Pretty much I kept stealing the ball off him, and then he told me to "f*** off". I responded by giving him double middle fingers (something I likely wouldn't have the balls to do in a real life situation to an average asshole).

Then, after the game ended, everyone lined up to shake hands. He raised his hand all the way up so I wouldn't be able to reach it to shake hands. Dream FrontHugs suddenly had super jumping powers and reached his hand to shake, which I solely did just to piss him off. It worked and he pouted. 

I need a life.

[onekidanddone]

1 hour ago, Four is Enough said:

Boomer here.. One grandmother stayed home. One worked full time. My mother worked part time at a local firm after the youngest of us was in school. I always knew women who worked.. it certainly wasn't 100% home or 100% working mothers in our neighborhood, but a mix of the two.

I was born in '63 and my mother worked. My mom was born in '24 and her mother worked. My grandmother was born in 1896 and and her mother worked. I wish these fundies would put some thought into t heir blanket statements and cited their sources. But I suppose the SOTDRT doesn't teach that.

1 hour ago, HereticHick said:

Just glancing at my twitter feed on the train this morning--did Derick get into some sort of theological twitter spat?

Yea I've been reading that. He can't hold his own and is unable to answer straight forward questions. 

[LovelyLuna]

 I want to add that all of those women I just listed yesterday, they are all either fundie light or very devout Christian.  

[IntrinsicallyDisordered]

Have caught up with these two and I am furious at myself that I ever had a bit of optimism that Derick wouldn't be a total nightmare.  I was even dumb enough to hope maybe the Catholics in SCA would rub off on him.  He's the absolute worst.

I'm almost 40 and both my great grandmothers worked (seamstress and running a large farm), but my paternal grandmother (farmer's daughter) did not once she married.  She stayed home with the kids and was a perfect housewife and all the kids are varying levels of garbage-people.  My maternal grandmother worked at the telephone company once the kids were in school.  My mother worked off and on, more off as she was beaten down by my garbage-person father.  The more abused she was, the more depressed and the more she clung to religion and developed this belief that "women never worked" and "women should be home, it's God's will and going against that is the cause of evil".  She thought if she did was she was "supposed" to, so would he.  Prayed and prayed and prayed but did nothing to protect herself or build her own life apart from him and his wishes.  And he finally ran off and left her with nothing at 60+.  I hope Jill fares better.

[onekidanddone]

2 hours ago, IntrinsicallyDisordered said:

Have caught up with these two and I am furious at myself that I ever had a bit of optimism that Derick wouldn't be a total nightmare.  I was even dumb enough to hope maybe the Catholics in SCA would rub off on him.  He's the absolute worst.

I'm almost 40 and both my great grandmothers worked (seamstress and running a large farm), but my paternal grandmother (farmer's daughter) did not once she married.  She stayed home with the kids and was a perfect housewife and all the kids are varying levels of garbage-people.  My maternal grandmother worked at the telephone company once the kids were in school.  My mother worked off and on, more off as she was beaten down by my garbage-person father.  The more abused she was, the more depressed and the more she clung to religion and developed this belief that "women never worked" and "women should be home, it's God's will and going against that is the cause of evil".  She thought if she did was she was "supposed" to, so would he.  Prayed and prayed and prayed but did nothing to protect herself or build her own life apart from him and his wishes.  And he finally ran off and left her with nothing at 60+.  I hope Jill fares better.

My grandmothers worked in sweat shops because they had to. Lori Alexander can spin it anyway she wants about giving up 'luxuries' so the mother can stay home, but in their cases it was food on the table and a roof over their heads. The Duggars and Alexandars of the fundie world have no grasp of reality. 

[patsymae]

13 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Is that event legit? Because I get the vibe that it might be essentially a disabled kids freakshow to help sorority girls feel good about themselves/fill their community service hours with minimal effort, with a side of indoctrinating cognitively disabled kids into fundamentalist Christianity. 

In another group I'm in a woman posted a pic of herself at that event--it was a "prom" for disabled ADULTS and she was thrilled to have gone. I don't think they harassed anyone about Christianity--I mean, I don't think anyone except probably Jill and Dwreck harassed anyone about their religion. And I do wonder why Izzy and Sam were there are this was supposed to be an event for grown-ups. Also as a "prom" it obviously involved music and dancing.

[MsSaylor]

This event was featured on an episode of Born This Way and it seemed like a lot of fun for the adult  participants and nothing Christian about it. That being said I dont know what the Dullards would bring to this event but if they were just meeting fans and/or helping with the event then i think its fine. If they were being preachy then hell no.  

[luv2laugh]

15 hours ago, HarleyQuinn said:

This is GOLD.

[NotQuiteMotY]

I believe I'm technically a millennial. My mom worked with young kids, but then so did one of my grandmothers. Does that mean her son, my dad, is a millennial too?! Gosh, these generation things are weird! (/tongue in cheek)

I just don't get the insistence that one size fits all for women working. Frankly, one of my great-grandmothers, from what my mom says, would have been much happier having the option to work!

[onekidanddone]

Yo Dreck!  I can post random non sequitur quotes. Difference?  Mine are better.

From "Come On Up To The House".  Tom Waitts

Well the moon is broken
And the sky is cracked
Come on up to the house
The only things that you can see
Is all that you lack
Come on up to the house

All your cryin don't do no good
Come on up to the house
Come down off the cross
We can use the wood
Come on up to the house

[Born Skeptic]

21 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Is that event legit? Because I get the vibe that it might be essentially a disabled kids freakshow to help sorority girls feel good about themselves/fill their community service hours with minimal effort, with a side of indoctrinating cognitively disabled kids into fundamentalist Christianity. 

In another group I'm in a woman posted a pic of herself at that event--it was a "prom" for disabled ADULTS and she was thrilled to have gone. I don't think they harassed anyone about Christianity--I mean, I don't think anyone except probably Jill and Dwreck harassed anyone about their religion. And I do wonder why Izzy and Sam were there are this was supposed to be an event for grown-ups. Also as a "prom" it obviously involved music and dancing.

Night to Shine is a legitimate and much anticipated event by many special needs teens and young adults.  It is most certainly not a "freakshow".  It takes an enormous amount of time, effort, money and LOVE to put on these magical events.  The Tim Tebow Foundation consistently brings joy into the lives of disabled, special needs, and medically fragile children, teens, and young adults.  

From the Night to Shine website: "Night to Shine is an unforgettable prom night experience, centered on God’s love, for people with special needs ages 14 and older. On one night, February 9, 2018, more than 540 churches from around the world will come together to host Night to Shine for approximately 90,000 honored guests through the support of 175,000 volunteers!"

Night to Shine is an amazing event designed for special needs people age 14 and older - so no, it is not just for adults.  The majority of the participants I saw at the event at my church were mid teens to early 20's - but EVERYONE was welcome.  These events were held at churches around the world.  There is some (mild) religious tone to the events but the point is fun and celebrating God's love, not preaching.  It is common for volunteers to bring their children.  I saw quite a few singing, dancing, and contributing to the festive atmosphere.

I see nothing here to snark on the Dillards about.

 

[nastyhobbitses]

1 hour ago, Born Skeptic said:

Night to Shine is a legitimate and much anticipated event by many special needs teens and young adults.  It is most certainly not a "freakshow".  It takes an enormous amount of time, effort, money and LOVE to put on these magical events.  The Tim Tebow Foundation consistently brings joy into the lives of disabled, special needs, and medically fragile children, teens, and young adults.  

From the Night to Shine website: "Night to Shine is an unforgettable prom night experience, centered on God’s love, for people with special needs ages 14 and older. On one night, February 9, 2018, more than 540 churches from around the world will come together to host Night to Shine for approximately 90,000 honored guests through the support of 175,000 volunteers!"

Night to Shine is an amazing event designed for special needs people age 14 and older - so no, it is not just for adults.  The majority of the participants I saw at the event at my church were mid teens to early 20's - but EVERYONE was welcome.  These events were held at churches around the world.  There is some (mild) religious tone to the events but the point is fun and celebrating God's love, not preaching.  It is common for volunteers to bring their children.  I saw quite a few singing, dancing, and contributing to the festive atmosphere.

I see nothing here to snark on the Dillards about.

 

OK, let me respond because I definitely screwed up here.

When I googled the charity, the first things I saw were that it was religiously affiliated, fairly fundamentalist churches were hosting it, and it looked like most of the social media for it was sorority girls taking selfies with preteens who had Down Syndrome. So every charity red flag I have went right up: charity that's designed to be a photo op/college resume material because volunteering for it centers around showing basic human decency to a vulnerable person. Charity associated with a known fundamentalist/fundie lite church. Charity that talks about helping its target demo know God and all that right out of the gate. Immediate reaction was that this is on the level of SOS and other such sham/scam charities that indoctrinate and exploit vulnerable people. 

So a lot of assumptions were made here, as Cathy would say. 

I still side-eye charities for disabled people that center around "yay fun thing where we parade you around as 'inspirational' but do little if anything to advocate for your human rights and autonomy". I still side-eye any charity associated with any church that Derick Dillard would align himself with. But I'm sorry for making the assumptions that I made. And my use of the word "freakshow" was misguided - I wanted to convey the image of an event where people with visible disabilities are trotted out and paraded around, and people they barely know can take selfies with them to show how selfless and good and kind they are for associating with someone/thing so pitiable. And it's clear that I didn't convey that. And came off really, really ableist-sounding (ironic given the point I was hoping to convey). And I'm sorry for that. 

[KelseyAnn]

On 2/12/2018 at 11:42 PM, nastyhobbitses said:

Is that event legit? Because I get the vibe that it might be essentially a disabled kids freakshow to help sorority girls feel good about themselves/fill their community service hours with minimal effort, with a side of indoctrinating cognitively disabled kids into fundamentalist Christianity. 

I work with the cognitively disabled and its really not fair (or appropriate) to assume that all of those people can't make decisions on what to believe themselves, let alone make decisions on what activities they would like to attend. And in MN, at least, individuals with disabilities have plenty of rights. 

11 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

 

I still side-eye charities for disabled people that center around "yay fun thing where we parade you around as 'inspirational' but do little if anything to advocate for your human rights and autonomy". 

 

A LOT of those individuals LOVE those 'parades.' And idk what charities you have around your parts, but here where I am nobody uses these events as a photo-op. If photos are being taken, its at the request of clients/consumers who want them as momentos. Also, HIPPA laws apply. People aren't allowed to just take pictures and post them willy-nilly. 

[JillyO]

Fundamentalist Christians in general, and the Dillards in particular, have a history of trying to indoctrinate people - especially vulnerable populations - with their religious bullshit while pretending to help them/do something nice for them. Playing with brown kids in Central American orphanages for a day for the photo ops, handing out Thanksgiving food to poor families only after they've suffered through a service at their church, etc. So I think it's definitely fair to question whether this Night to Shine thing is legitimate or not, and I'll freely admit that I had the same thoughts as @nastyhobbitses when I first saw the post. I don't see where she was saying that people with intellectual disabilities can't make decisions for themselves. Just that the Dillards are known to try to indoctrinate people with their fundamentalist Christianity any chance they get, and they especially seem to like doing this to people they consider vulnerable (such us poor families in the US, homeless people, orphans, generally brown people in Latin America).

If people who know the Night to Shine charity say that it's legitimate and not exploitative of people with intellectual disabilities, then that's great. I am genuinely happy to hear that! However, I still think it's important to question basically every organization people like the Dillards support, because they have shown time and time again that they support the most horrible of causes and are extremely exploitative in what they do. If this isn't one of those times, then that's great!

[Four is Enough]

This is what I know about "Night to Shine". A friend of mine has a daughter, aged 19, who recently graduated from high school. She has been working with a girl with Down Syndrome, and my friend's daughter was the  escort for the girl with DS. They entered the event with a similar kind of "papparazzi" red carpet. They were both dressed up in prom gowns, and those were in part provided by one of those services which collects up prom wear and makes it available for lower income people. (my friend's daughter wore the same sress she'd worn to her senior prom last spring.) They got their pictures taken, they danced, had punch, and enjoyed themselves. There was no mention of Jesus, AFAIK.

[Born Skeptic]

I am not trying to beat a dead horse here.  You have acknowledged that you jumped to conclusions, and I appreciate that.  Just a few points though.  

The Night To Shine event invites special needs guests with all different needs, disabilities, or medical challenges.  People with Down's Syndrome are easily identifiable, as are people on crutches, oxygen, and wheel chairs.  Many Night to Shine guests have invisible illnesses.  Unless someone is wearing a sorority t-shirt, or more likely a Night To Shine volunteer t-shirt,  it would be difficult to know if they were a volunteer or a guest.  Seeing selfies out of context could be very misleading.  I should also mention that volunteers were asked NOT to post selfies to their social media.  If you took pictures, you were welcome to share them with the guest in the photo, the host church, or the foundation.  With appropriate releases, they could then post them on their websites or release them to the media.  I looked online and saw very few pictures that were shared on individual social media accounts.  

People with exceptionalities often miss out on "normal" events growing up.  Those with hidden disabilities often suffer from this as much or more then kids with easily identifiable issues.  Just try to send your apparently normal kid off to sleep away camp with 14 medications and a rescue injection.  (No, it is not an Epi-pen.) Organizations like the Tim Tebow Foundation, Serious Fun Children's Network (formerly Paul Newman's Hole in the Wall Gang Camps), Make A Wish, and others provide fun and normalcy to kids who desperately crave it.  Everything in a disabled person's life can not and should not be about raising awareness, fighting for their rights, or finding a cure.  

I think that people who have never been involved in an event like this tend to misunderstand the love and joy that is generated.  I have been involved in the Night To Shine for the past 2 years and Serious Fun for over a decade.  The atmosphere of both can only be described as magical.  Normalcy is experienced - sometimes for the first time.  Lasting friendships are built.  Love and respect abounds.  Tears of happiness are shed.  It is rare to come across a volunteer who is only there for volunteer hours or to look good on social media.  Volunteer coordinators screen those people out pretty quickly and if they slip through the cracks they are certainly not asked to come back.

I became involved with these organizations through my now university age children.  My kid who attended years of Serious Fun Camp built a network of friends who have supported him through many medical up and downs - just as he has done for them.  Camp counselors, who are often former campers, became role models who helped him learn to deal with his hidden disability.  He now volunteers at that same camp and he shares a student apartment with a fellow former camper.  My kid who qualified for but refused to attend Serious Fun Camp fell in love with the place during a family weekend.  She began volunteering extensively and is annoyed with me that I did not push her harder to become a camper.  She often receives notes and updates from campers families and considers her time there to be absolutely invaluable.  My husband and I were involved first as parents and now as volunteers.  I can tell you that my family appreciates that these organizations recognize the importance of letting a kid be a kid.  Providing the opportunity for fun and frivolity without the burden of having to focus on the disability is exactly what these kids need.  There are plenty of other opportunities to raise awareness, fight for rights, or find a cure.

Regarding the host churches; it is true that many of them are fundamentalist or semi-fundamentalist Christian churches.  Since Tim Tebow is a Fundamentalist Christian that really should not be a surprise.   Increasingly, there are numerous other denominations hosting and co-hosting these events. I believe that churches from 33 different denominations participated this year.  In many areas groups of churches of different faiths combined forces and co-hosted events.  (My church co-hosted with two others - none would be considered fundy and one is not Christian.)  Charity and good works (like food banks and others) have traditionally been done through churches.  Disagreeing with one person's or one family's religious opinions is not a logical reason to belittle or distrust all of a church's good works.

 

[Georgiana]

Hoooooo boy, it's Valentine's Day and I just CANNOT wait to see what Twitter gestures of love Best Husband EVAR Derick Dillard  does for Jill! 

[KelseyAnn]

I didn't mean to sound so crabby, but it just really chaps my ass when people infantilize those with developmental disabilities. I see this all the time when I take my clients out, and it's really disrespectful. The women I work with are all complicated, well-rounded individuals with their own traits and personalities who have a variety of likes and dislikes. For people to just assume that all developmentally disabled people are the same, constantly happy, naive people, is insulting. Not that anyone here is doing that, but still. People tend to have a 'savior complex' about protecting these 'helpless' people and it grates my nerves like nothing else. 

[Carm_88]

7 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

Hoooooo boy, it's Valentine's Day and I just CANNOT wait to see what Twitter gestures of love Best Husband EVAR Derick Dillard  does for Jill! 

Chocolate milk AND a foot rub?