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Boyer Sisters Part 6: Two Left Limping Along


Coconut Flan

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2 hours ago, Lisafer said:

This information is easy to Google, but I think a lot of oil-shillers would rather bury their heads in the sand about the true origins of the company.

God forbid that anything diminishes their ability to peddle this shite to the sheeple.

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Oh boy. The new post on the blog is a doozy. Jessica talks about her eating disorder. As a fellow sufferer, I am so glad that she feels better. BUT the whole “I have been cured by god” thing discredits the hard work you yourself did. I also object to this wording, 

“ He showed me that the beautiful body He gave me was a gift, and it was the only one like it. What better thing could I do than keep it well with a thankful, joyful heart?”

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23 minutes ago, adrianne98 said:

Oh boy. The new post on the blog is a doozy. Jessica talks about her eating disorder. As a fellow sufferer, I am so glad that she feels better. BUT the whole “I have been cured by god” thing discredits the hard work you yourself did. I also object to this wording, 

“ He showed me that the beautiful body He gave me was a gift, and it was the only one like it. What better thing could I do than keep it well with a thankful, joyful heart?”

I can't tell if she got counseling. I'm really, really concerned that she did not. 

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26 minutes ago, ViolaSebastian said:

I can't tell if she got counseling. I'm really, really concerned that she did not. 

I am so sad for her. Eating disorders are deadly, and require specialised treatment. (there is no reason why specialized treatment can't be augmented by God if you are reading here, Jessica)

But it makes so much sense: these ladies grew up in a high-demand religion that demanded control and obedience. That they were told that the only goal was to marry and bear children, could have certainly influenced a (unhealthy) coping skill to modify her body.

By the way, a quick Google search finds a lot of research linking religiosity and disordered eating. Here is a little (unvetted by me) meta-study. Haven't looked too carefully at it, but it looks to pull together much research on religiosity and disordered eating.

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16 minutes ago, FilleMondaine said:

I am so sad for her. Eating disorders are deadly, and require specialised treatment. (there is no reason why specialized treatment can't be augmented by God if you are reading here, Jessica)

But it makes so much sense: these ladies grew up in a high-demand religion that demanded control and obedience. That they were told that the only goal was to marry and bear children, could have certainly influenced a (unhealthy) coping skill to modify her body.

By the way, a quick Google search finds a lot of research linking religiosity and disordered eating. Here is a little (unvetted by me) meta-study. Haven't looked too carefully at it, but it looks to pull together much research on religiosity and disordered eating.

They also have a high relapse rate. I would hate to think that she's not being monitored. 

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Here is the link for convenience:  http://boyersisters.com/2018/05/a-captivating-lie-i-believed-about-myself/

Heartbreaking, and she is certainly not admitting to any professional counselling.

Quote

Broken and humbled, I dropped hints here and there to my parents and sisters about what was going on. They already knew a little bit. I had become so small it was evident something was wrong. Despite the fact that even my own intuition recognized the damage I had done, my heart was not with my head. Everything inside me still wanted to hang on to the body I had. It was safe, after all. There was no fat to be mocked or criticized. How could I ask myself to go back to the fat girl? Still, I knew I had to give in somewhere or suffer worse consequences.

God hears the most imperceptible of thoughts. Not long after this half-hearted resolution, He began to show me the truth in all its beauty

Clancy Boyer has a lot to answer for.  He is Jessica's only adviser as far as I can see.  Oh, Clancy and God. 

Certainly eating disorders can strike young women - and people in general - for any number of reasons.  Societal pressure, attempts at perfectionism, starving yourself (or eating yourself) into being unattractive because of sexual abuse.  Yes, that last is a reality.

But eating disorders ALWAYS NEED to be taken seriously.  She was down to 95lbs. FFS.

And they never accessed professional help, per Jess.   SMH.

The fact that she is preaching that God can "cure" eating disorders strikes fear into my heart.  As I may have mentioned before, the Boyers and their "Godly cures" are very dangerous!

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She suffered from an eating disorder for 5 years without her parents taking any action?! WTF. And her road to health is just, "Jesus"? 

 Her parents completely failed her and should be ashamed of themselves. Not that parents are necessarily responsible for eating disorders, but when they turn blind eyes to potentially fatal problems for FIVE YEARS...that is truly fucked up. She wrote about "family movie night" being transformed into her exercise time, too, so it's not like it wasn't noticeable. And she weighed 95 freaking pounds! She's got to be over 5 feet tall, right? That is incredibly tiny. How did everyone in her family turn a blind eye?

Father Boyer is a disgrace as a patriarch. First they openly, publicly trash their mother (with his blessing), and then they acknowledge that serious health issues were left ignored for FIVE YEARS. If he was holding the umbrella of protection, he was choosing to let a lot of trauma rain down upon them. 

I suppose with role models like that, it makes it easier to see why the girls are happy to uphold themselves online as paragons of godly, womanly virtue.

 

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What the absolute fuck?! Dear Rufus! That poor girl. 95 pounds and no one even noticed that she was suffering? And the only help that she got as talk to Jesus? No! Go talk to a therapist, get help, learn to love yourself for who you are. Jessica, there is more to you than being a Christian! I would love to have half of the artistic talent that she has! I wish that she could access and really learn about that part of her. :( 

 

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This video sprung to mind, which was made in 2014, so very early on in her recovery process. I admit that I don't have specific training in treating eating disorders, but I do have training in other areas of mental health. It seems as though making a video which is, imho, obsessing over clean eating, off-limit foods, and certain ways of eating, would be counter-indicated in treatment.

 

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5 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

starving yourself (or eating yourself) into being unattractive because of sexual abuse.  Yes, that last is a reality.

Sure is. And it takes therapy to make the connection.

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The way she puts the word disorder in quotes makes me so sad and uncomfortable. It doesn't sound like she had professional help since she writes as if EDs aren't real.

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12 hours ago, ViolaSebastian said:

This video sprung to mind, which was made in 2014, so very early on in her recovery process. I admit that I don't have specific training in treating eating disorders, but I do have training in other areas of mental health. It seems as though making a video which is, imho, obsessing over clean eating, off-limit foods, and certain ways of eating, would be counter-indicated in treatment.

 

You’re spot on, the whole obsession with “clean” eating and the picking up of ultra-specific diets (i.e. raw veganism, paleo, etc.) is often used in people with eating disorders as a more socially acceptable way to restrict.

Orthorexia is a very real thing. 

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She commented #notsettling #singlestatus #singlegirlproblems...and a bunch of others like this. I'm laughing. 

Spoiler

 

It's gong to be a smashing weekend according to Charlotte. 

Spoiler

 

But also don't forget that she has allergies, but it's all about that instagram worthy picture! :P Mind you. I would probably do the same! 

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13 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

What the absolute fuck?! Dear Rufus! That poor girl. 95 pounds and no one even noticed that she was suffering? And the only help that she got as talk to Jesus? No! Go talk to a therapist, get help, learn to love yourself for who you are. Jessica, there is more to you than being a Christian! I would love to have half of the artistic talent that she has! I wish that she could access and really learn about that part of her. :( 

 

My thoughts exactly. I totally understand a change so slow that it takes awhile for parents to notice...but at 95 pounds, it is hard to think that her parents could not have been shocked and maybe even motivated to do something productive. Disordered eating, like we keep saying, is a very very dangerous mental illness, and it is so sad that there has not been counseling disclosed. Is it the pride of the father that prevents him taking steps to save his daughter's life? (no hyperbole, ED is deadly)

I wish that Jessica knew that she can be Christian AND... (Christian and attending counseling, Christian and an artist, Christian and someone who struggles with disordered eating, Christian and seeker of evidence-based mental health)

The sad part is that it looks like she has been inculcated into a culture of Christian OR...

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45 minutes ago, FundiesInParis said:

Orthorexia is a very real thing. 

And they should be looking out for symptoms in Charlotte too, IMO.  

There is nothing wrong with trying to eat a healthy diet.  It is when it gets extreme that it is dangerous.

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On 5/22/2018 at 11:35 AM, Kariina said:

BEC, but I always have to roll my eyes over Charlotte's fawning about "Indy." I'm a native Hoosier and Indianapolis is not the place I go for city lights. There's a reason Indianapolis is sometimes called Naptown.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BUIDk9lD9gG/?taken-by=moddyapple

I love my boring mid-sized Midwestern cities (I've lived in multiple and actually moved cross-country to plant myself intentionally in a boring mid-sized Midwestern city) but there's something about getting drooly over "Indy" that is pretty revealing about the Boyers' boring life.

I guess there's a difference between recognizing the comfort and practical affordability of Midwestern cities (outside of Chicago) and acting like Thoroughly Modern Millie over arguably the most average town in the U.S.

Sorry, all this was super BEC, and I apologize if anyone with a deep and abiding love for Indianapolis gets offended. I grew up an hour away and I know it's a nice town but the Boyers need to try Chicago or something for once in their lives.

Hey Indy native here! I know you weren’t really over-the-top bashing Indy but if you haven’t been in awhile, a lot has changed there in the last ten years or so. I always get a little sad when people just write off Indianapolis like there’s nothing to do and that it still is “Naptown”. While it isn’t as big or busy as Chicago, I’d say it’s pretty equal to Columbus. (My mom’s family is from Columbus and I go there every so often, most recently in March and it was great.) Basically, give Indy a chance! 

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Seriously, WTF is wrong with this family? 
They are trying to sell the fundie lifestyle so badly, yet they could be used as poster family about dangers of fundamentalism. 

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“This might be hard for some to read, and you might feel uncomfortable, but I hope its only because the Holy Spirit is getting ahold of your own heart to free you of the burden you’ve carried all this time.”

She clearly has not had counseling, because she doesn’t understand why people would avoid posts about eating disorders. One of the things that I was told was to avoid for at least a year was articles mentioning specific weights or numbers, even if it was a recovery story. Reading or hearing someone else’s weight can trigger a relapse. That’s pretty standard eating disorder counseling protocol, and so to me it’s pretty obvious that she has just been dealing with this herself. The fact that she was dropping hints to her parents that she had a problem before they ever intervened is really heartbreaking. 

 

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On 5/26/2018 at 4:04 PM, FilleMondaine said:

My thoughts exactly. I totally understand a change so slow that it takes awhile for parents to notice...but at 95 pounds, it is hard to think that her parents could not have been shocked and maybe even motivated to do something productive. Disordered eating, like we keep saying, is a very very dangerous mental illness, and it is so sad that there has not been counseling disclosed. Is it the pride of the father that prevents him taking steps to save his daughter's life? (no hyperbole, ED is deadly)

I wish that Jessica knew that she can be Christian AND... (Christian and attending counseling, Christian and an artist, Christian and someone who struggles with disordered eating, Christian and seeker of evidence-based mental health)

The sad part is that it looks like she has been inculcated into a culture of Christian OR...

The summer between 11th and 12th grade I dropped from 160lbs (hello to making myself unattractive because of sexual abuse) to under 100lbs. I am 5'6".  I would get violently sick whenever I ate anything - nothing would stay in, plus uncontrollable shaking for sometimes an hour afterwards - and eventually I became so afraid to eat I would take only enough to keep me from passing out.  I went from a size 12/14 to having 2s hang off me, in 3 months.  Not one single person among family, friends, teachers, neighbors, expressed concern, only told me I looked so, so great even as I was desperately sick and begging for help.  It was a mindfuck.  Maybe Jessica's parents didn't notice or they did and just thought she looked great.  Being a parent should mean you're good at things like making sure your kids are healthy but it doesn't always, whatever other issues are in play.

I feel really badly for Jessica.  I hope she can get some real help and get the hell out of that house.

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On 5/26/2018 at 7:04 AM, FilleMondaine said:

Is it the pride of the father that prevents him taking steps to save his daughter's life? (no hyperbole, ED is deadly)

If he hasn't changed in the last decade (and he may have, for all I know, but I kind of doubt it), then he likely believes that mental health is a secular excuse for bad behavior, and disordered eating is related to selfishness, self-centeredness, and sin. I've heard other fundie dads talk in these terms. "If they would just stop navel-gazing and focus on Christ, they'd be fine. But they're stubborn and rebellious." And worse.

Is it allowed to wonder about ED in relatives of people who have come out and admitted to ED? One reason a mother might not notice it in a daughter is because she's struggled with distorted body image herself, and so is not a good candidate to recognize it. We had a case of that in our extended family, where a mom who had been anorexic in her teens and 20s didn't see her daughter's anorexia--someone else had to point it out to the family for the girl to get help. So I'm not trying to speculate about the girls' mother, more thinking about a reason she might not have noticed. Or maybe I'm splitting hairs and I really am speculating, even though I don't want to.

I think I need another cup of tea.

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    Ugh, I have a daughter struggling with this. It’s not fun, and it’s scary. 

    It’s not a fucking DIY project.

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1 hour ago, refugee said:

Is it allowed to wonder about ED in relatives of people who have come out and admitted to ED? One reason a mother might not notice it in a daughter is because she's struggled with distorted body image herself, and so is not a good candidate to recognize it. We had a case of that in our extended family, where a mom who had been anorexic in her teens and 20s didn't see her daughter's anorexia--someone else had to point it out to the family for the girl to get help. So I'm not trying to speculate about the girls' mother, more thinking about a reason she might not have noticed. Or maybe I'm splitting hairs and I really am speculating, even though I don't want to.

I think I need another cup of tea.

I know in my case my mother's own disordered eating and body dysmorphia kept her from seeing what was happening to me as dangerous.  Because of this, when things calmed down and I started regaining weight (I didn't get proper medical care at the time so there is no knowing what happened, but my doctors now think it may have been one result of a tick bourne infection) I started trying to keep my weight down, and doing things like exercising off every calorie I took in, binging and then starving...I remember getting back up to 110lbs and being able to do things like walk from the car to the store without shaking and having to sit down and my mother chiding me not to gain back too much.  That it was "dangerous".  THAT was dangerous!?!  For her this side effect of my illness was a blessing, and while the groundwork had been laid by her all my life, these words triggered 20 years of my own disordered eating and body dysmorphia.

I'm now 40 years old, around 200lbs due to medications + using food to cope with stress and trauma + years of yo-yo dieting and screwing up my metabolism.  My mother regularly reminds me that she loves all of me, no matter what, and there's so much of me to love now, but do I remember how beautiful I used to be? and I am just now feeling like I'm seeing and thinking clearly about all of this for the first time in my life.  There've been many times where I thought I had it all under control and everything was clear, but I was lying to myself and chasing an impossible dream that wasn't even my dream.  And it's taken that long because I also didn't have proper therapy.  And who knows - maybe I only think I'm seeing clearly now.

Jessica is still so young.  I worry she's going down the same road without a support system or even proper recognition of the problem and its causes and she'll spend the rest of her life thinking about this and fighting this without anyone ever throwing her a real life preserver.

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Brigid is working on two new patterns for this summer and introducing herself to all her new followers. 

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Thanks @Carm_88Woah--Brigid doesn't wax on about religion AT ALL in that post. It's a heck of a (welcome--for me) change! Anyone else notice that? I peeked over to her website to see all God-stuff scrubbed. Only a demur "blessings" remain. Woah. Don't know if there are any other differences, since I don't stalk them too much.

Also, an acquaintance of mine has a lot of experience providing ED clinical counseling. She recommends this book for anyone wanting to know more: What's Eating You?: A Workbook for Teens with Anorexia, Bulimia, and other Eating Disorders by Tammy Nelson. An adjutant to real counseling, of course. And many hugs to @IntrinsicallyDisordered and @Grimalkin for your bravery in sharing, and encouragement to keep on fighting the good fight!

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I had a serious breakdown when I was 15, likely due to chronic anxiety and depression, exacerbated by turning to Jesus for everything and warped fundy upbringing. My parents took me to a preacher who laid hands on me and casted demons out. When that didn’t work, they took me to another, and another. . . .maybe 4 or 5 times. Eventually I attempted suicide and went to the hospital and talked to a doctor, a Christian doctor, as that was the only way I could trust a doctor. I got some ideas, besides Jesus, to deal with my stuff. 

I’m 60 now, and still dealing with myself, and depression and anxiety and the repercussions of my untreated childhood issues. This kind of dysfunction and treatable conditions left to Jesus really makes my blood boil. It also makes me very sad for those people who don’t know better. 

Dog help them! (I believe in Dog. My Dog gives me unconditional love)

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